10-12-2020, 08:45 PM
A few years back, I was at a wedding in Pittsburgh. My homegirl Lexi was marryin' some good for nothin' white boy named Bob. The fuck kinda name is Bob anyway? They dumbasses already divorced. Anyway, I'm on my flight back home here to Virginia and wouldn't you know ole Lucretia got herself into some trouble wit some white Karen ass bitch in Coach class. 'Course, they bumped me up to first class but GOT DAMN I was mad. I get up to the first class cabin and there's this lil ole white boy starin' at me while I'm fumin' mad. I was fixin' to take out my weave and my hoop earrings and fight him, but you know, he was kinda cute and just kept smilin' at me.
MOTHER FUCKER!
I'm all the way pissed off and this boy smilin'. We got to talkin' and I find out I done boarded the wrong GOT damn plane! He invited me to sit next to him and we talked the whole flight. He was a kind young man and if I was 15 years younger, maybe I'd have taught him a thing or two, but I'm not so we ain't do nothin'.
Y'all know dat boy.
His name's Thaddeus Duke.
He got me in the XWF a few years ago, but I ain't be ready back then. So, I went over to Japan to better learn the craft and low and behold, Thaddy's back in the game and he pulled some strings or somethin' because Vinnie Lane kept ringin' my phone off the hook like I be his baby daddy or somethin' and I owed him child support. Of course, I was excited. My hard work in learnin' the craft was finally payin' off.
"PICK UP MOTHER FUCKER!" I be yellin' at the phone at no one in particular.
Voicemail.
"Bitch, I know you ain't send me to voicemail!" I say as I redial Thad's number.
"Hello?" he finally answers.
"Boy! Don't you ever send me to voicemail!"
"Lucretia?"
"Bitch you know any other big beautiful black women?"
"Good point," he laughs. "New number?"
Oh my gods. I plum forgot to give him my new number two months ago.
"Well shit my bad."
"What up homegirl? How's Japan?"
"Fuck Japan homie! I'm comin' home!"
"I guess I should prepare you for what's changed since you've been gone," he says, confusing me a little. "Donald Trump is now King of the United Soviet States of America. Trey Gowdy completed his transition to a woman, not that there's anything wrong with that. Fascism is all the rage. Lindsay Graham refuses to come out the damn closet... and Theo Pryce is fucking up everything."
"Oh you got jokes for days honey," I say to him.
"What's new? Why you comin' home from Japan?"
"Lane been ringin' my phone of the hook. Offered me a contract for Anarchy," I answer him nervously.
"That's a good thing right?"
"If it wasn't, would I be on my way back to the States?"
"Are you sure this time? I mean, I remember how we met. Wrong plane and all."
"Bitch you never gon' let me live that down are ya?"
"Mmmmmmm what day is it?"
"Early Tuesday mornin'."
"Oh.
"Then no.
"Had it been Wednesday, I mighta let you off the hook."
He makes me laugh.
"Child you always get me laughin'."
"It's just one service I offer."
"Hmm, boy you got me thinkin' now."
"About what?"
"What other services might you be offerin'? Is there a loyalty program I can get in on? Frequent Fuck Miles or somethin'?"
"You know I love it when you hit on me."
"You ever been with a black woman before?"
"I have not, no."
"Black man then? I know you like danglers, too."
He laughs. "Liz hears you hittin' on me, y'all might have problems."
"What she gon' do? Scold me to death?"
He laughs again. "It'll be me suffering, LuLu, not you."
"You mean cut you off?"
"Mmmhmm."
"She does that, you just come on down my way. Say you be visitin' your daddy or somethin'."
"Tempting offer."
"She knows we just be playin' right? Ain't nothin' goin' down 'tween us."
"Yeah, she's cool.
"So... Anarchy huh?"
We end our lil chat shortly after. I can think of nothin' right now more than the bodies I'mma break, the dreams I'mma shatter, the facades I'mma crush. Nemesis is comin' to Anarchy.
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