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X-treme Wrestling Federation BOARDS »   » Archives » Relentless Day 3 RP Board 2020
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Relentless Media, Part VI: Now, entering the studio are today's contestants
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Lacklan Offline
Low Effort

XWF FanBase:
The 'cool' kliq fans

(booed by casual fans; opportunistic; often plays dirty while setting the trends)

Post: #1
09-17-2020 12:54 PM

Ya know wha really toasts my nuts? When people do tha same thin’, over and over, but never seem to actually change. Wait a sec….I don’ think Fangs has introduced me to ya guys yet, so let me slow down. Ya’d figure that chick would mention me at some point in 70+ promos of nonsense, but nothin’.

My name's Dex, though Charlie Nickles might know me as “Tragik tha Magnificent.” Or, dependin’ on tha timeline he’s tryin’ ta rip off next, it might be “Swagnificent.” I'm a bit of a wrestlin’ journalist. I've been coverin’ tha business since ‘97 or so. Back in tha day, I used to write articles for this little “Scoops” site, ya might heard of it. I was tha man who wrote tha articles that made tha world sing, or some such. A’ some point, I got in tha ring, got to love and lose, even gone married once. A lot can happen in 20 years, ya know. Wouldn’t know tha’ by looking at Charlie, though. As far as I can tell, tha only thing he’s done for 20 years is steal from people and lay down for three!

But this here, it’s not abou’ him. This is about the XWF audience. I’m here to save ya. And naw, I don't mean tha dumb “save wrestling” bullshit that tha House of Lacklan” spew. Trust me, I've been up-and-down that road. There's not a whole lotta salvation going on, not when comes to ol’ JPL and his daughter. But I'm here ta save you guys some time.

Over tha last week, tha shorty has been doin’ a whole buncha media soul, a real fuckin’ blitz in her adopted home of Hollywood. Now, I don’t know why Vinnie would pay to have her go on Ellen, but it’s not my money. She also went on some old game show, and while she didn’t start hot, she still walked away with a buncha money, because that’s what she does. And I know has more planned, and will probably win more money than God. And ya know what she did tonight? Jeopardy. And guess what? It’s exactly what ya would expect. She showed up in one of her stupid dresses that she sews by hand, because she's a nerd, wore diamonds n’ rubies in her hair, and no, I don’t kow why she calls them firedrops instead of rubies, and guess what? She didn't just win. She won everything. Whether she buzzed in first, or bullied the person who did, she answered every single question. This might be a shocker, too, but she got ‘em all right. She even doubled down all three times she got tha Daily Double! That’s what we older folks call a true daily double. She blew away the record for most money, conned them into extending the tie for Double Jeopardy, and had ol’ Trebek eating out of her palm.

I'm here ta do you guys a favor. I'm gonna save you tha time it takes to go through her stupid little adventure. I'm also fully aware that some of you are gluttons for punishment, that some of you are so obsessed with every single word that she either says, types, or even thinks, and need ta watch every moment of her life, so don't worry, I'll hook you freaks up, too. Down here, ya got two options: Click tha button that says TL;DR, and I'll take ya straight to Final Jeopardy. Click tha other one and ya get to go through every single stupid question she answered. On fact, if ya really want to hurt yourself, you can play along and see how much money you bring home. You'll still eventually get ta Final Jeopardy eventually.

If I were you, I'd just click on tha stupid button ta get ta Final Jeopardy and be done with it, but hey, it's up ta you too make it a great day or not. The choice is yours.

See ya around

TL;DR. Just get to the shoot, mang!


Show me the categories, Alex!
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[-] The following 3 users Like Lacklan's post:
Ash Quinn (09-17-2020), Johnny Legend (09-17-2020), Peter Fn Gilmour (09-17-2020)
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