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X-treme Wrestling Federation BOARDS » XWF PPV Boards » Relentless Day 3 RP Board 2020
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Relentless Media, Part III: An Interlude
Author Message
Lacklan Offline
Low Effort
TITLE - Universal Champion



XWF FanBase:
The 'cool' kliq fans

(booed by casual fans; opportunistic; often plays dirty while setting the trends)


Post: #1
09-14-2020 05:36 PM


HIIIIIIIII-IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!

This is your reason for being, the great tipper who was born with a diamond-encrusted platinum spoon in her mouth, Sarah Lacklan here with a VERY SPECIAL edition of my podcast! I know, I know, I don’t do these enough anymore, but I’ve been thinking about bringing them back. Why is that? Because stupid people say stupid things and it is EVER so much fun to spread a little truth around! I know that the whole “hey, lets respond to something” bit isn’t exactly my favorite, but sometimes it’s appropriate, ya know?

Hey, Chuckles!

Now, your little dip into some of my more “adult” videos out there not withstanding (ask Kenzi to send you a copy of our Razzie-winning All That Glitters!), your research is, as I have made clear over the last couple of days, TERRIBLE! But that is something which I’ve come to expect from people in this business. Much like how the majesty of chain wrestling is lost among the sea of fat slobs like you desperately trying to avoid killing yourself while jumping off a building for no good reason, the sweetness that is losing yourself in depths of time-consuming records is skipped over in favor of the far easier and faster skimming of an online bio page or two. After all, why go for understanding when you can just make shit up, right? You being too addle-minded is PERFECT for swimming in the brackish water that is the lowercard of the XWF.

Oh, wait, real quick, before I get to the point of this. I have called you a LOT of names over the last few days, and I have MANY more coming, but one name in particular REALLY rattled a certain pissbaby! It’s weird, because I’ve called you a lower-tier dude not worthy of being in this match...since, like, you literally DIDN’T earn the right to be in this match and just sorta fell into it because lolhardcore...but THIS ONE made someone put down their Mountain Dew, press pause right in the middle of their favorite gokkun echni scene, and go NUTS. So, just because tweaking this dude and seeing his obsessive-compulsive behavior kick into gear in such a way that he continues to devalue his worth to even his staunchest of supporters, let me say it again.

You’re a jobber.

J-O-B-B-E-R

J

O

B

B

E

R

A loser. A jabroni. Playing AA instead of being in the pros. A replacement for the practice squad. A member of the Euro basketball league. A third string member of a MLS soccer team.

I could go on, of course, but the point is clear. You do NOT deserve to be in this match, you do NOT deserve to face THE BEST example of what modern wrestling is, you do NOT deserve to be main eventing a Pay-Per-View with a shot at the Universal Championship. And by the time we get to the 27th, it is going to be SO blatant that you are SO overwhelmed and SO outclassed that even Geri Vayden will look at her chances of winning Leap of Faith as being more favorable than yours in this match!

So, again, jobber.

Though, I do wish to apologize to you, in advance, for what is sure to be ANOTHER dozen or so comments/suggestions/posts/updates/jerkoffsessions that you’ll have to deal with because of that word.

But, moving on!

One of my BIGGEST pet peeves when it comes to the older crowd having to deal with the younger generation is that the tactic of “made up random shit” is STILL accepted! In 2020! When truth is right around the corner! When a simple Google search gives you answers to literally EVERY question you’ve ever had about someone! I get that back when you first started, the Internet was brand knew and people were still having a difficult time giving up tape-trading in lieu of the new-fangled computer videos thing, but I figured you would have given over to the new way of thinking by now. But! You proved me wrong by saying something really stupid in hopes of showing how well “reseached” you are. Dropping Daddy’s name? Well, the stuttered, idiotic way you said it, anyway. It’s not two words, dum dum. It’s not “Jean Paul.” It’s “Jean-Paul.” If you’re going to say the name of a multi-time world champion who held a couple of Hall of Fame rings, you might as well do it in one smooth breath, the way you’re supposed to.

N-E-Ways!

Dropping Daddy’s name in hopes of making people go “oh wow, he looked her up!” but then completely fucking up a major detail is the path of fools, man. I couldn’t get booked? No one wanted to see me wrestle? No one wanted to see the little girl get hurt?

Hey, real quick aside: Yes yes, I know that pissbabies get mad when a champ dismisses their challenger because, hey, when they beat them, it’s like they beat a nobody, right. I totally get that. And whenever I DO face someone at my level or above (See: Fuzz, Ruby), I give them their props and due. But! Oh, holy hell BUT! When I am facing someone vastly below my skills (See: You!), I’ll be honest and call it the way the world should see it. So, I totally get the premise of their anger, though I feel it is displaced. But! In that same vein! Referring to me as a helpless little girl? What’s that going to make YOU look and feel like when you get BEAT by that helpless little girl? Doesn’t you making fun of someone for being smaller and weaker than you (while ignoring my superior speed, quickness, and acumen, obviously) set you up for the embarrassing failure? OR take away any of the honor you would earn should you win? After all, you just beat a little girl! She had no chance, right?! Man, I can’t WAIT for certain pissbabies to be 100% consistent with their position!

/gilmorebranddigression

I hate it when people go on and on and on about themselves and their accomplishments (arrogant people are the WORST, amIright?!), but I feel this needs to occur tonight. Because, hey, if you’re just going to make shit up because you don’t actually know anything, then we should go ahead and talk about it, right? So! Let’s talk about it!

While I did various physical activities growing up (dance, gymnastics, swim), the REAL fun began on my fourteenth birthday. That was the day that Daddy allowed me to train with him in the gym for the first time. Daddy had been a powerlifter since he was young (he was JACKED my whole life!), and while he would rather I stick to the more artistic and fluidic activities, he understood my desire to do the stuff he did. He instructed me in form with 5x5 workouts...okay, from your own body, I know that you wouldn’t recognize the inside of a gym any faster than the inside of a shower, so I’ll just get you the quick tip for free that I’m talking about squats, deadlifts, bench and overhead presses, and rows…and helped me build my legs and overall strength. I was always small (especially compared to him!) and did KILLER as a flying in cheer (GOOOoooooooOOOOO VIKINGS!), but I had legs the size of trees by the end of high school. He loathed the idea of me being a wrestler, but I conned him into letting me be his valet when I turned 16, and I performed THAT duty until I was 18. And THEN, as the cancer REALLY started to take him down, I conned him into training me to be a wrestler. Help from him, and from Nikita Dolore to help teach me how to deal with fat, hairy dum dums like you, and I was ready to go.

Daddy’s last match was in Texas in December of 2016.

After Christmas, at the New Year, when I turned 19, I announced myself as a pro.

My first match?

January 8th, in Calgary.

I don't know about you, but that doesn’t exactly should like someone who can’t get booked!

Now, you MIGHT be thinking “Yeah, well when was your NEXT match?!”

Two weeks later, the company’s next card.

And then the one after that.

And the one after that.

AND AFTER THAT.

While YOU may have been limping along across the indies, beggin, pleading, and sucking off bookers in dirty broom closets (just guessing!) to get a sniff of the opening match, I was constantly a featured attraction, earning opportunities for gold, both in tag and singles. While YOU were ripping your hair out, trying to figure out how you were going to make your next child support payment on the empty candy wrappers you were being paid with, I was cementing my OWN legacy and OWN path to help build the House of Lacklan. While YOU were setting yourself on fire for a handful of masterbators interested only in seeing which untrained JOBBER was the next person to go to the hospital, I was spreading my wings and learning as much as I could in a variety of places.

Couldn’t get booked?

People were afraid to see me work?

Bitch, please. In my first YEAR alone...and this includes spending the last two months of it on the shelf...I wrestled SEVENTY-FIVE TIMES across TWELVE different companies, amassing FORTY-FOUR wins and THREE championships!

How many matches did YOU have in 2017?

How many wins did YOU get in that time?

I’m not afraid of my past, Chuckles. I’m not afraid of my history or percentages. A LOT of people put as LITTLE as possible so as to hide their failings and present themselves as being better than they truly are. Not me. The Path of the Light is about the TRUTH. I’m not going to hide behind a falsified record (don’t EVEN get me started on Mastermind’s “technicals!”) in order to save face.

Can’t get booked?

Chuck, our match at Relentless on the 27th? It will be my 200th match.

200th!

In the prior 199, I have won 65% of the time (it’s better if you toss out battle royals, but only a pussy would do that!), including having my hand raised in 26 title matches. Think about that! I have won more TITLE MATCHES in the last four years that many XWF peeps have even HAD in that time! More than ANY kind of matches for those guys!

My credentials are indisputable, Chuck.

My record is undeniable.

What about you?

Are you willing to put everything about you for everyone to see?

Are you willing to lay yourself bare?

I’m setting up the football for you to kick, Charlie.

And then I’ll pull it away and send you flying.

You’re a good man, Charlie Brown.

But a shitty wrestler.

N-E-Ways, I’m SUPER tired from all of this media! First Ellen and then the Price is Right? It’s been NUTS! And there is a LOT more to go.

Try to keep up.
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