LIVE!!! FROM YELLOWSTONE NATIONAL PARK, WYOMING! Liam Roberts - vs - The Ultra Trooper Boris - vs - Scarlet "The Hunteress" 5-Count Pinfall Rules! The match can only end after a pinfall resulting in a count of FIVE rather than three! Kenzi Grey - vs - Money Oswald Shark Tank Match! Winner will be determined when they toss their opponent into one of the large tanks containing sharks at ringside! We tried to use bears, but bears can't swim really well. Also, Mark Cuban will be there! Ruby & Tula Keali'i - vs - Miss Fury & Micheal Graves Old Faithful Match! Ropes will be set up around the famous Old Faithful geyser, and the competitors will have to perform around the potential eruptions!

PYRO blasts off into the Wyoming air as Anarchy comes at you LIVE and IN LIVING COLOR!

As things settle down, the camera finds "Loverboy" Vinnie Lane at his announce booth, surrounded by bottles of Powerade.


Vinnie Lane: "Guys we've got a DOOZY of a show for you here tonight! A geyser match!? Shark Tanks!? FIVE COUNTS!?!?!? This one is gonna be off the HEEZY, as I was told kids today like to say. But first... we've got a thing to do."


Powerade banners drops over the ring area as techs set up a small table in the middle of the squared circle.


Vinnie Lane: "As you can see by all the blatant Powerade advertising, it's time for the Arm Wrestling Showdown between MeFisto and Big D. Most of us would call it a match, but MeFisto claims they didn't pay him for a 'match', so we're calling it a showdown! Now let's send it down to Steve Sayors, who will be judging the competition."


We see XWF's resident broadcast journalist with a mic in the middle of the ring, next to the arm wrestling table. The Powerade logo covers the entire thing, including the Fruit Punch colored handles. In each corner is a boxing styled padding with the Powerade name on it, as well as a special ring skirt advertising them, too.

SAYORS: "Welcome, everyone, to this special presentation of Arm Wrestling................. featuring Big D and MeFisto!"

The fans cheer for the contest(because, remember, it is NOT a match), shaking the building in anticipation of both men.

SAYORS: "That's one hell of a reaction! I won't keep you waiting any longer, please welcome MEFISTOOOOOOOOO!!!!!

"Here I Go Again" by Whitesnake begins to play as the fans go crazy. Everyone patiently waits for it to get to the hard part, but even when it does, there's no sign of MeFisto, sending worry throughout the arena.


Vinnie Lane: "This can't be, I KNOW Powerade paid him to be here!"


As the fans' cheers slowly switch to boos, Steve Sayors holds his fingers to his ear, listening in on instructions from the back before addressing the crowd.

SAYORS: "Folks, I'm being told that MeFisto is refusing to come out first, demanding Big D does so, instead! He insists it's in the contract."

As the fans look on in confusion, "X-Men Theme" by Powerglove hits over the PA system, receiving a positive reaction. Big D walks through the curtain and onto the ramp, Internet Championship around his waist and an orange Gatorade in hand.


Vinnie Lane: "I don't think our sponsor is gonna appreciate that!"


Big D takes a drink of the Gatorade before making his way down the aisle, keeping focused on the ring as he does so. Once at ringside, D slides in and takes his place on one side of the table. He then gets his drink down, making sure to place the label so it's facing the camera. Steve Sayors scratches his head, inspecting the Gatorade for a moment.

SAYORS: "Uhhhhhhhh, Big D, you do know this event is sponsored by POWERade, right?"

Big D looks blankly at Steve before opening his drink back up, taking a sip, and plopping it right back down in place.

D: "Yes.............. but I prefer GATORade!"

Everyone in the arena looks shocked by Big D's audacity, including Steve Sayors. Nevertheless, he tries his best to move on, ignoring the wrestler's blatant display of disrespect.

SAYORS: "Errrm, well, anyway, moving on.............. without further adieu, allow me to introduce Big D's adversary for this contest, because I can't technically say opponent..................... meFISTooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!"

Once more, "Here I Go Again" by Whitesnake fills the arena as everyone anxiously looks towards the ramp. MEFISTO EMERGES IN A FLASH OF FIRE AND SMOKE, MUSCLES RIPPLING THROUGHOUT HIS BODY. HE TAKES 2 STEPS AND SPINS AROUND, ALLOWING HIS TASSELS TO FLAIL AND SPELL OUT POWERADE! The crowd screams with excitement and anticipation as MEFISTO turns towards the ring and summons a mic out of the thin air.

MEFISTO: "OOOOOOOO YEEEEAAAA, MEFISTO IS HERE!!!!!"


Vinnie Lane: "I don't believe it, MeFisto IS here! Maybe if we started calling ALL of our matches 'showdowns', he might actually show up to one!"


The crowd screams with excitement as MeFisto walks up to the arm wrestling podium and, seemingly from nowhere, places a green Powerade on the stand. Big D looks at it and scoffs, only for MeFisto to talk shit about his drink of choice.

MEFISTO: ""I SEE YOU'RE DRINKIN' PISS WATER, BIG D, SUCH A SHAME WHEN YOU'RE SURROUNDED BY THE BEST THIRST QUENCHER THERE IS!!!"

The fans, many of whom had been handed out Powerades beforehand, cheer for MeFisto as Big D casually leans forward and replies.

D: "I'd rather drink All Sport........."

MEFISTO: "ALL SPORT, BROTHER!? MORE LIKE ALL YOUR HOPES AND DREAMS BEING EJECTED FROM YOU LIKE THE PISS WATER YOU'RE DRINKING, OHHH YEEEAAAA!!!!!"

Big D flips MeFisto off, riling him up, forcing Steve Sayors to intervene.

SAYORS: "Gentlemen, please, this is NOT the time to do this!........"

D: "Yeah, well, with him it's NEVER the time to fight!"

MeFisto looks absolutely appalled that Big D would say that.

MEFISTO: "YOU LISTEN HERE, BROTHER, MEFISTO'S ALWAYS READY TO GO, IT'S JUST THAT NOBODY'S EVER READY TO PAY HIM!"

MeFisto turns to the camera and gives a big ole grin to the people at home.

MEFISTO: "EXCEPT FOR THE FINE PEOPLE AT POWERADE!"

Big D shakes his head and sighs.

D: "Let's just get this over with..........."

The Internet Champion leans forward and rests his right elbow on the table, grasping the grip off to the side with his left hand. MeFisto does the same............ but only for a moment. As soon as his hand touches D's, he backs away and paces side to side.


Vinnie Lane: "Maybe Powerade DIDN'T pay him enough!"


SAYORS: "Is everything alright, MeFisto?"

MeFisto does a few more paces before coming back over to the table. He doesn't get into position, however, rather choosing to open up his Powerade and take a drink.


Vinnie Lane: "Maybe the Powerade's gonna give him an extra boost of strength."


As MeFisto elongates his drinking, Big D impatiently taps his foot on the mat and looks at an invisible watch on his wrist. Finally, after chugging over half the Powerade, MeFisto repositions himself across from D. Steve Sayors looks at him, making sure he's actually good to go this time.

SAYORS: Are you ready?"

Without a word, MeFisto turns to Steve and gives him a thumbs up, as he nods his head and takes hold of Big D's hand. Sayors takes a step forward and places his hands over theirs, ready to start the contest.

SAYORS: "Alright, this is it! 3, 2, 1, ARM WRESTLE!!!!"


Vinnie Lane: "And for the first time EVER, MeFisto is FINALLY competing, in some fashion, inside of an XWF ring!!!!!"


Big D immediately gets the upperhand, so to speak, forcing MeFisto's down a bit. However, MeFisto manages to fight back, bringing D's hand back up to where the began, if not a little further.


Vinnie Lane: "It looks like an even contest, folks! MeFisto's power is on par with the Internet Champion's!"


Big D's hand falls back some more, but he makes it blatantly obvious he's doing intentional to fuck with MeFisto. After a moment of toying, D muscles his opponent's arm down lower than it was before, almost halfway to the table. During the entire, MeFisto's been constantly making absurd faces and puffing his cheeks out so far, you'd think he was a squirrel storing nuts!


Vinnie Lane: "MeFisto looks like he's trying to summon the strength of a higher power! Some sort of power-AID, perhaps?!"


An arrogant Big D grins, as MeFisto's hand gets dangerously close to touching the table. Steve Sayors bends down to get a closer look, but doesn't call it just yet. All of a sudden, MeFisto spits out a big ole mist of Powerade right into D's eyes! This distracts the Internet Champion long enough for MeFisto to slam his wrist against the table and raise his arms in the air.

SAYORS: "MeFisto wins!!!"

Steve raises MeFisto's arm as an irate Big D wipes the liquid from his eyes. Once he can see again, D flips over the table and charges at his enemy. Before he can get his hands on MeFisto, though, a bunch of security guards run in and get between them. As MeFisto taunts the Internet Champion from behind the safety of Security, Big D tries to fight his way through, but to no avail.


Vinnie Lane: "Well, Big D can be mad all he wants, but we've all seen him do similar things to win matches in the past, so it's kind of hard to feel bad for him!"


Big D decides to take off his Internet Championship and taunt MeFisto by holding it up. MeFisto shakes his head and points at the Champion, shouting [yellow]"THAT'S MY CHAMPIONSHIP, BROTHER!!!!"[/yellows] as he motions for D's demise.


Vinnie Lane: "Things have gotten really heated between these two lately, hopefully Big D will be able to raise the money in time for Relentless, so we can FINALLY see them go at it for real!"

Liam Roberts - vs - The Ultra Trooper

The crowd seems excited to hear the thumping and bumping of classic mid-90’s copyright-dodging knock-off music… and then The ULLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLtra Trooper emerges from the backstage tunnel area set up near the dressing tents, along with some serious dry ice effects (at least four canisters).

TUT huffs and puffs his way towards the ring, but before he can even get there someone hops over the railing and clobbers him with a metal LOUISVILLE SLUGGER!


Vinnie Lane: “Holy crap! Someone just attacked The Ultra Trooper! Someone REALLY SHORT!”


The small assailant whips off his black mask and reveals his RED mask underneath… it’s Mini Morbid! Mini goes to town just pounding TUT into the dirt, slamming the aluminum baseball bat into him again and again while the sparse crowd murmurs in disapproval at either the scene unfolding or perhaps the lines to the port-a-potties. Can’t be sure.

While TUT is still being beat down mercilessly by Mini Morbid, Liam Roberts walks toward the ring while grimacing at the carnage. He looks a little grossed out.


Vinnie Lane: “Well, Liam’s here. That’s pretty much all there is to say about him.”


Mini drops his now bloody baseball bat and runs into the ring, scaring Liam off. Mini demands a mic and a ring tech tosses him one, and Mini Morbid addresses the people of Wyoming.

MORBIDCITO: “LISTEN CLOSELY TO ME HERE THIS DAY, PLEBEIANS AND SERFS!!! IT IS I, THE MORBIDGOD, WITH AN ANNOUNCEMENT! I HAVE COME TO HOLD THE KNOWLEDGE THAT THERE IS A PRETENDER!!! A FALSE GOD!!! AN IDOLATROUS CLAIM AT MY MINI THRONE!!! AS YOU ALL KNOW I AM THE ONE AND ONLY HOLDER OF THE XWF MINI TITLE, HAVING NEVER BEEN DEFEATED IN A SINGLE DEFENSE! I HAVE HELD THIS HONOR FOR FIVE YEARS!!!! I AM THE SINGLE GREATEST CHAMPION IN THE HISTORY OF THIS COMPANY!!! AND NOW… NOW… NOW SOMEONE WANTS TO CLAIM THAT THEY ARE THE TRUE MINI??????????”

Cameras turn to the battered body of The Ultra Trooper, who definitely does look to be a lot shorter than the six feet he listed on his application.

MORBIDCITO: “NOT THAT WORTHLESS PILE OF FLESH! THIS ALLEGED ULTRA TROOPER WAS NOTHING MORE THAN A SAD ALCOHOLIC PRETENDING TO BE A WARRIOR!!! NO… I SPEAK OF A MUCH GREATER EVIL!!!! I MUCH LARGER THREAT!!!!”

Mini Morbid pulls out a poster from the back waistband of his tights and unrolls it, showing a cartoony picture of a raccoon on an island.

MORBIDCITO: “THAT IS RIGHT! YOU CAN NO LONGER HIDE ON YOUR ANIMAL CROSSINGS ISLANDS, THOMAS NOOK!!! I AM ONTO YOUR SCHEMES AND PLOTS TO OVERTHROW ME!!!! I SPENT MONTHS ON MY PRIVATE ISLAND OF MINI MINI MORBIDONIA COLLECTING WEEDS AND STONES AND FOR WHAT????? MERELY A FEW THOUSAND BELLS!?!?!? NAUGHT EVEN ENOUGH FOR A PROPER THRONE ROOM! NO QUARTERS FOR MY MANSERVANTS OR MY HAREM! ALL WHILE AN ANTHROPOMORPHIC DUCK WITH A TOMATO FOR A HEAD LAUGHED AT ME! ME!!!!! YOU WILL PAY FOR THIS INDIGNITY THOMAS NOOK!!! YOUR KINGDOM WILL TREMBLE AT THE FEET OF MY EMPIRE!!!!!”

Mini Morbid jumps from the ring and starts kicking at Ultra Trooper again. He holds his mic in one hand while swatting at the back of TUT’s head with the other.

MORBIDCITO: “GET UP AND FIGHT ME YOU COWARD!!! I WILL FIGHT ANYONE!!! DONALD TRUMP JUNIOR OR JEFFREE STAR OR NATALIE IMBRUGLIA!!! FACE ME!!! I WILL DECIMATE ANYONE ON MY PATH TO ENDING THOMAS NOOK AND THE ANIMAL CROSSINGS SCHEMES!!! OH, AND ISABELLE??? YOU ARE A WHORE!!!!”

Mini does a double stomp onto TUT’s dome and then walks off, leaving all the fans shocked or bored or something.


Vinnie Lane: “Looks like referee John Bihl is just gonna go ahead and start counting out The Ultra Trooper…”



1!


2!


3!


4!


5!


6!


7!


8!


9!


10!!!

Winner by Forfeit/Countout - Liam Roberts

Vinnie Lane: “Cool. That was all really weird!”

Big D's shown roaming around backstage, when he comes across the "Billion Dollar Man" Money Oswald, counting a stack of bills, surrounded by his shady servants. The Savage co-GM, desperately needing donations for his GoFundMe, decides to approach the billionaire.

D: "Hey, Oswald, how's it goin'?"

Oswald, getting ready for his match, looks at his money while a servant holds up a cell phone and begins scrolling through web pages, checking on how well the market is working for him, selling if he needs to, buying if he wants to. Hearing Big D's voice, he immediately grumbles as a servant puts his title on around his waist.

""What do you want, D? Time is money, after all."

D: "Heh, it's funny you should mention it, because that's exactly why I'm here........."

Oswald halts his counting and looks up from his phone, glaring at Big D, who hesitantly continues.

D: "You see, I've been trying to wrestle this MeFisto guy for months, but he refuses to fight me unless someone can fork out a million dollars; and I was wondering if, maybe, you'd want to donate to the cause?"

D gives Oswald a very wide grin, hoping he's sold him on it. All of his servants began to slowly back away from him, understanding the storm brewing within their Master. He makes step after step, making sure each step is heard loud. He looks at D, growling at him.

"Did you actually ask me for money? I don't mind spending frivolously, but for myself and my family. You?"

He makes a motion as if he's about to throw the heaviest punch he could, as if about to knock D onto his ass, but pulls his fist back, smirking, turning away and continuing to get ready for his match, turning his head to look over his massive left shoulder,

"Fuck no."

He snaps his fingers as his servants rush at D, as if trying to make the point that he wasn't welcome and they'd remove him by force if they had to, as Oswald begins to fix his shirt's cuffs. Big D takes the hint, throwing his arms up and scurrying off, mumbling to himself as he does so.

D: "Boy, Graves must be proud......."

Boris - vs - Scarlet "The Hunteress" 5-Count Pinfall Rules! The match can only end after a pinfall resulting in a count of FIVE rather than three!

Vinnie Lane: "Well, folks, this match will only end when one wrestler pins their opponent for, not three, but FIVE seconds.

"Slav King" by DJ Blyatman begin to play as Boris makes his way onto the ramp and down the aisle.


Vinnie Lane: "I'm not really sure if Boris can even count to five but, luckily for him, that's what the ref's for!"


Boris climbs into the ring and makes his way over to a corner, where he waits for his opponent.

"Eye of the Tiger" plays and from the back steps Scarlet The Hunteress Donaldson. She kneels down at the top of the stage, and acts like she is looking for footprints of her opponents. Then the Misfits Manager, Antony The Jerk, joins her, and they both head to the ring.


Vinnie Lane: "It's never good when Antony the Jerk is at ringside, Boris better watch his back!"


Antony takes his place at ringside, as his client heads over to her corner and readies herself. The referee checks on both competitors, before giving the time keeper the OK to ring the bell.

DING! DING! DING!

Boris and The Huntress meet in the center of the ring, but rather than fighting, Boris holds up a finger and reaches into his jacket. Scarlet waits, on alert, as Boris pulls out a bottle of vodka and offers it to his opponent.


Vinnie Lane: "Well, now, isn't that sweet of Boris?"


Scarlet slaps the alcohol out of her opponent's hand and delivers a Superkick to the Gut, following it up with one to the head as Boris bends over.


Vinnie Lane: "I guess not!"


Somehow, Boris manages to stay on his feet, barely, as The Huntress retreats to the ropes and back at her opponent. Boris meets Scarlet with a Shoulder Block that knocks her to the mat, before running to the ropes............... only to get tripped by Antony the Jerk!!!!


Vinnie Lane: "Hey, that's not fair! Antony the Jerk living up to his name!"


The referee, who saw the inference, points at Antony before motioning for him to head to the back as the fans roar with approval.



Vinnie Lane: "Antony's been ejected! NOW we've got ourselves a fair fight!"


The Jerk climbs onto the apron and argues with the ref, as Boris waves 'bye bye' to the potential Western Spy. As this goes on, Scarlet gets up and charges at
Boris.................... only for him to sidestep her, causing The Huntress to accidentally knock Antony off of the apron. As she puts his hands on her head in disbelief, Boris sneaks up behind her and attempts a Schoolboy pin.

1!










2!!









3!!!












KICKOUT!!!!!!



Vinnie Lane: "If this was a normal match, Boris would've just won!"


Scarlet wastes no time getting up after the kickout, delivering a hard kick to Boris's face as Antony the Jerk gets escorted to the back by security. She then brings Boris to his feet and leans him against the ropes, delivering multiple knees to the gut, followed up by a couple of slaps and punches. After getting hounded by the ref, Scarlet whips her opponent to the ropes and attempts a Clothesline on the rebound, but Boris manages to duck under it and slip behind her. He then grabs her around the waist and goes for a German Suplex that's SO sloppy, the Huntress manages to land on her feet without even trying.



Vinnie Lane: "Did Boris mean to do that? Did she?!"


The Huntress grabs Boris from behind and tries a German Suplex of her own, but his weight prevents her from doing so. Boris Elbows Scarlet in the face, before turning around and nailing her with a right. She turns away from him, giving Boris the opportunity to go for his patented Cheeki Breeki Crossface Chickenwing. Before he can lock it in, however, Scarlet slips down to the mat and, once again, kicks him in the face. Boris drops to the mat, allowing the Huntress the chance to cover him.

1!











2!!











KICKOUT!!!!!!



Vinnie Lane: "Oppa!!! Boris is still alive and kickin'.............out of pins!"


The Huntress drags Boris up by his mask and Irish Whips him into the corner. She then charges at him and connects with a Flying Elbow, before making her way to the top rope. A dazed Boris stumbles around for a moment, before turning into a Flying Crossbody. Somehow, the Slav manages to catch Scarlet in mid-air, doing a complete 360 tumble backwards, popping back up to his feet with her in his arms.


Vinnie Lane: "I don't know how Boris manages that with all the vodka he likely chugged before this match!"


Boris begins to spin around, rapidly, over and over again. The Huntress desperately pounds on his back as they go 'round in circles, but Boris never let's up. Finally, after a good 10 or 11 rotations, Boris completely collapses to the mat, landing on Scarlet for a Powerslam/pin attempt.

1!











2!!








3!!!












4!!!!













KICKOUT!!!!!!!


Vinnie Lane: "I'm not sure Boris realizes Scarlet kicked out, or that he was even pinning her in the first place!"


Boris tries to get up, but he's still dizzy from all the spinning. This causes him to stumble and fall onto the top rope but, luckily, it catapults him back to his feet. With the crowd backing him, Boris squats on his toes to play into their love.


Vinnie Lane: "Is that a little showmanship from Boris?"


Boris heads over to Scarlet and drops an Elbow on her, getting back up after and dropping another one. He then lifts the Huntress up and Scoop Slams her, laying across for a cover.

1!













2!!









KICKOUT!!!!!!!!


Vinnie Lane: "Despite the 5 count stipulation, Scarlet's not letting it get past 2 again. Some people might take advantage of it and stay down longer, but she's got more pride than that!"


Boris goes to pick Scarlet up, but she manages to slip out behind him. Boris then turns around, only to get kicked in the stomach and planted into the mat with an Inverted DDT.


Vinnie Lane: "You Are Being Trapped! The move's alot more effective than the name, she might finish him right here with this cover!"


1!

















2!!












3!!!

















4!!!

















KICKOUT!!!!!!!!



Vinnie Lane: "And Boris says 'blyat' to that!"


The Huntress brings a limp Boris to his feet and drags him over to the corner. She climbs to the second turnbuckle and tries to bring Boris up into Piledriver position, but gravity works in his favor and doesn't allow it. As soon as Boris's feet hit the mat, he uses his head to flip Scarlet off the turnbuckle and down to the canvas. The Huntress quickly gets back up and swings at her opponent, but he slips under and locks in the Crossface Chickenwing!


Vinnie Lane: "Cheeki Breeki! He won't be able to win by submission, but he CAN use the hold to wear her down enough for a 5 count!"


Boris applies pressure as Scarlet desperately tries to escape. She flails her arms around, claws at her opponent, and reaches out for the ropes, but with their positioning, all she's doing is reaching for the sky. Eventually, the Huntress's arm begins to fall as she slowly starts to fade.


Vinnie Lane: "Scarlet's lights are about to go out!"


After much struggle, Scarlet's arm goes limp and crashes against the mat. Boris continues to keep the hold locked in, despite his opponent blatantly being out.


Vinnie Lane: "Boris wants to be absolutely sure she stays down for 5 seconds!"


After what seems like an eternity, Boris finally lets go and rolls his opponent onto her back, lay across her for a cover.

1!















2!!
















3!!!











4!!!!














5!!!!!

Winner by Pinfall - Boris

Vinnie Lane: "I bet Antony the Jerk is losing his mind right now!"


The referee lifts Boris's arm up, but he quickly walks away and climbs out of the ring. He searches around ringside for a bit, eventually finding the bottle of vodka Scarlet slapped out of his hand earlier. Boris takes the cap off and takes a big gulp of it through his mask, giving a thumbs up to the camera and walking up the aisle.


Vinnie Lane: "Boris, ladies and gentlemen!"


Boris slams down some more vodka at the top of the stage, as Scarlet finally comes to. The Slav lifts his bottle up in her direction, giving a toast of sorts. Once the Huntress realizes what's happened, she begins pounding the mat in frustration, not believing who she just lost to.

As Kenzi’s theme music hit, she walked out and immediately held up her hands to stop the music.

Kenzi Grey: “Sorry everyone…very sorry! I know everyone loves my theme song and you guys want to get up out of your seats and dance to it, but you’ll have to download it from XWF The Music, volume 13, Kenzi’s Greatest Hits…have those X-Bux ready!”

The fans booed, but she didn’t seem to hear it, or care.

Kenzi Grey: “NOW, before we get this match underway, we need to conduct a little bit of business! Thanks to my lovely 30 Second Promo win last Anarchy…”

Kenzi rubbed the face of the large gaudy title belt. Vinnie jumped up from behind the announce table, incensed by her parading around with his belt.

Vinnie Lane: “DUDE! I reviewed the tape, my promo was 30 seconds EXACTLY! That’s my belt!!”

Unfortunately, Kenzi ignored him, continuing on, even as she continued to rub the championship title to further annoy and infuriate him.

Kenzi Grey: “…I get to amend my XWF contract, and after seeing the shit-show that Vinnie is running, there is only one thing to do!”

Vinnie Lane: “Shit show?”

Kenzi reached into her jacket pocket and pulled out her new contract. She made a big production out of unraveling the multi-page document and reading it to the masses after clearing her throat.

Kenzi Grey: “The provisions of the attached Rider shall be an integral part of the X-Treme Wrestling Federation contract of Mackenzie Michaela Grey-Lacklan, hitherto referred to as THE FACE OF ANARCHY. Effective immediately, no competitor, staff member, or agent/associate of the aforementioned is allowed to strike or otherwise touch the facial region of THE FACE OF ANARCHY. Any violation of this agreement during a lawful contest will result in an immediate disqualification of the offender or the offender on behalf of their agent/associate, regardless of the match stipulations.”

Vinnie Lane: “Huh? What’s a hitherto?”

The boos rained down like a waterfall, but Kenzi held up her hand to silence them.

Kenzi Grey: “I understand…the fans want their action Vinnie, and my attorney, Dani Chow has prepared for this eventuality! Please follow along!”

Vinnie settled back in his seat, shaking his head. Again she cleared her throat and continued to read the Rider.

Kenzi Grey: “In the event that an opponent insists that they are unable or unwilling to comply, they may announce their intentions ahead of time and THE FACE OF ANARCHY will be allowed to substitute a proxy of her choosing to compete in her stead…”

Kenzi paused as she flipped through dozens of pages.

Kenzi Grey: “There are a few other minor additions to my contract here covering food service, shower temperature, product placement…yadda, yadda, yadda…but I think I’ve covered the most important parts already! Now, on to other matters…namely me becoming the #1 Contender to the Billion Dollar Championship!”

Vinnie threw up his hands, unable to believe her audacity. Kenzi pulled out her phone and logged into her XWF account, pulling up her X-Bux balance, which had increased immensely since trading sex for money.

Kenzi Grey: “Tonight, I am transferring the sum of 5,000 X-Bux to Oswalt Sephtis in order to be declared the #1 Contender for his Billion Dollar Championship Title!”

Kenzi pulled up Money Oswalt and transferred the funds to him, making it official as she showed her phone screen to the cameras.

Kenzi Grey: “I had a lot of awesome sex to make that money, and now I’m going to turn it into championship gold!”

Kenzi did a seductive dance as she chopped her crotch and headed down to the massive shark tank.

Oswald's theme hits not long after, and he walks out to the stage, microphone in hand, even the mic he uses has his branding on it, instead of the typical XWF themed one. As he raises the microphone to his mouth, his song cuts, and a shadowy servant of his seemingly appears by his side, holding a cell phone as it checks his account exclusively for X-BUX.

Money Oswald: "First off, while I wait for my servant to load up the account, I have to say, very good business acumen. Very good. You know exactly the kind of destruction I can perform, so you've decided to put a limit on what I can do in this match. Secondly, as I look, it seems the money is in there. This is non-refundable, just so you know ahead of time. So without further ado, Kenzi, as the owner of the prestigious and very beautiful Billion Dollar Championship, I hereby grant you #1 contender status, and this bout will be for my Billion Dollar Championship! It will suck if you win and get to hold the belt, but I know you'll carry it proudly."

He hands his microphone to the servant that promptly disappears as his music hits once more and he walks to the ring.

Vinnie Lane: “Well, I guess that means that this is now a Billion Dollar Championship match...and the number one contender is not allowed to be hit in the face. Dude, maybe this IS a poop show! I’m here for it either way, let’s get it started!”

Kenzi Grey - vs - Money Oswald Shark Tank Match! Winner will be determined when they toss their opponent into one of the large tanks containing sharks at ringside! We tried to use bears, but bears can't swim really well. Also, Mark Cuban will be there!

The bell sounds and referee Mika Hunt backs off. She’s basically just window dressing anyway as there’s no such thing as a disqualification in a shark tank match. Speaking of which, special guest timekeeper Mark Cuban smiles and waves at the fans, holding up his little tiny metal hammer after ringing the bell.

Grey looks to use her speed on the much bigger Oswald, but knows she has to keep her eyes on the big man - after all, he could bust out a 720 corkscrew con leche or whatever at any given time! He’s a freak of nature!

Kenzi looks to grabs a single leg on Oswald, but Money pops her right in the nose with a hammerfist! Kenzi squeals and immediately starts making a “time out” gesture, backing into her corner and demanding to be evaluated by ringside doctors.


Vinnie Lane: “Kenzi is REALLY mad about catching one to the face right at the start here… no disqualifications in this kind of a match, though! Besides, Kenz wouldn’t want to win a title that way… no one wants a championship off of a technicality, RIGHT KENZI??”


Vinnie yells it loud enough to be heard in the ring, and Kenzi frowns, then gives him the finger. The crowd grows restless and starts booing as Kenzi milks the eval from the docs, making sure they check her nose, lips, teeth, orbital bones, and give her multitudinous thumbs up before she slowly moves back to the middle of the ring.

The crowd cheers more out of relief that something is actually happening now, and when Oswald throws a haymaker right at Kenzi’s schnozz again, they pop loudly for maybe the first time in his entire career! Kenzi matrix-dodges though, and rolls under Oswald, bringing him down in a pin… the crowd counts along to two, when Money kicks out powerfully but also athletically and acrobatically - but they didn’t really have to, since the official was just standing back watching.


Vinnie Lane: “Old habits are hard to break for Grey. No pinfalls here, Kenz!”


Kenzi looks angry, but she still manages to counter another wild punch from Oswald by leaping onto his shoulder and wrapping his beefy arm in a hanging armbar. Oswald grimaces, but he powers through and ends up dropping Grey hard onto the mat with a one-armed powerbomb!


Vinnie Lane: “Kenzi getting dropped there! Oswald could just toss her into one of these tanks right now and end this thing if he wanted to!”


Oswald reaches down with both hands, looking to grab Kenzi by the neck - but Kenzi pulls her knees to her chest and drives an upward mule-style kick into Money’s chest, knocking him backward. Kenzi then hits the ropes and flies off, grabbing Oswald by the back of the head and pulling him down onto the crown of her own head as she drops down. Oswald’s jaw clacks shut hard, probably cracking a few teeth as he flies backward and lands on his back.

With Oswald stunned, Kenzi climbs the ropes and flies off, looking to drop a leg across the back of his neck. Instead, Oswald explodes upward with a rising lariat that nearly turns Kenzi inside out!

DING! DING! DING!!!

Vinnie Lane: “What the heck?”


Everyone looks around, confused, as Mark Cuban keeps ringing the bell. He stands up and enters the ring, holding up a mic no one knew he had.


Mark Cuban, Owner of the Dallas Mavericks: “Listen, I love the ingenuity here. I think it shows some creativity. The margins aren’t great, and I don’t see a long term deal happening here. There’s just nothing to invest in… and for that reason, I’m out.”


Mark Cuban then drops the mic and heads for the corner… but Money Oswald shoves him from behind! MARK CUBAN JUST FELL INTO ONE OF THE SHARK TANKS!!!


Vinnie Lane: “Oh this is gonna be expensive...”
Cuban surfaces once, but before he can try to swim free a tiger shark gets him around one of his wrists and pulls him under. There’s some thrashing, and then the tank turns a dark red. Cameras cut away.


Vinnie Lane: “So uh… HEY! Check it out! Money Oswald is on the top rope! He’s like a gigantic luchadore!”


Kenz is still struggling on the canvas as Money gives the signal for his impossible Red Arrow move, “You Are Now Obsolete!” He holds his arms up and begins the jump, and the camera then shifts back to Vinnie staring over at the tank where what’s left of Mark Cuban is bobbing around, conveniently missing the actual move itself which would totally settle any debates over whether a man Oswald’s size actually COULD do this move.

We hear the impact on the mat and then the camera shifts back, revealing Oswald “missed!” Kenzi must have rolled away just in time, because Oswald is on the mat in a world of hurt. He gets to his hands and knees, but then Kenzi is right there with the WALK OF FAME!


Vinnie Lane: “Kenzi hit that stomp in the blink of an eye! I think Oswald is out!”


Indeed, Money is flat on his face in the ring, and Kenzi puts her shoulder into him and starts shoving him toward the apron like she’s moving a heavy sofa up a flight of steps. Kenzi gets him near the edge of the ring and looks totally winded, but luckily for her a hammerhead pops its… hammerhead… out of the tank closest to the ring and bites Oswald by the seat of his pants! The shark drags Oswald into the water, and Kenzi wins with a shark assist!

Winner by Shark Tankeration - “The Face of Anarchy” Kenzi Grey

Vinnie Lane: “Well that was a heck of a win for Kenzi as she keeps her winning ways… looks like she’s taking that Billion Dollar title in Oswald’s corner too! I guess she’s a double champ now? With a HUGE asterisk next to the 30 Seconds Title, of course!”


BLOOP!


The hammerhead shark somersaults out of the tank after receiving a big uppercut from Oswald. It flops on the ground close to where the unconscious body of The Ultra Trooper is still laying.


Vinnie Lane: “Did Money just punch a shark out of the water? And why is TUT still dead on the ground? Do I have to call for refuse pickup?”


Oswald is seen in the tank, punching and wrestling the sharks in the tank, getting grazed often by their teeth. That's when he takes one of the sharks by the fins, sinking his nails into the creature, and begins to use it as a baseball bat against its fellow creatures, just clubbing the sharks until they're either unconscious or dead, he didn't care before releasing it and leaving the tank.

As he is clear of the tank, and out on dry land, he grabs for one of the ring announcers microphone and he can be heard huffing and puffing, and as he does this, his shadowy servants manifest and begin to surround the ring. As this happens, Oswald begins to count.

"One!...
Two!...
Three!...
Four!...
Five!...
Six!...
Seven!...
Eight!...
Nine!...

Ten!"

Once he says ten, the servants get closer as one yanks the Billion Dollar Championship is yanked from Kenzi's arms and is brought to Oswald who grins wide, chuckling softly before speaking

"I told you, did I not? I said you would HOLD it, Not KEEP it! Hope you felt proud holding that title, too. Because it's the last time you're holding it until you give me more Xbux!"

Oswald drops the microphone, and he can be heard laughing heartily as he cradles his belt in his arms while leaving, heading up the ramp to go to the locker room.

Ruby & Tula Keali'i - vs - Miss Fury & Micheal Graves Old Faithful Match! Ropes will be set up around the famous Old Faithful geyser, and the competitors will have to perform around the potential eruptions!

Vinnie Lane: “Here we are, folks, main event time! We’ve got a wild one for you… the Baddies are going to face off against the top two GOODIES of Anarchy, Ruby and Tula Keali’i! Oh, and I figured why not have them do it on top of a geyser?”


As if on cue, Old Faithful spews into the air as crewmen finish tightening the ropes around the area.


Vinnie Lane: “So rad.”

Miss Fury walks down to the ring with Micheal Graves following close behind. For the heck of it, she kicks some dirt on the prone body of The Ultra Trooper as she passes by, which sends Graves into a giggle fit until Fury levels a stern gaze at him. Then he puts his evil face back on and they strut to the roped area together, followed closely behind by RoBOBert Main, the newest android addition to the B.O.B.


Vinnie Lane: “All business from Miss Fury here… or should we just call her JESSICA? This chick has been a huge problem for law and order here in XWF lately! So has Graves, but, let’s be honest, how scary is someone who walks around with a tater in their butt?”

The music hits and the crowd goes nuts cheering and waving plastic XWF-branded leis in the air. Tula Keali’i walks out of the curtained area and holds her hands high as she greets the crowd, standing at the side of the entrance and waiting for her partner.


Vinnie Lane: “WOW look at that reaction for this Hawaiian Hottie! Tula is really popular, even here in Wyoming! Which, based on a cursory Bing search, is NOT close to Hawaii AT ALL!”

The crowd’s heated reaction for Tula intensifies as the familiar tune of the Anarchy Champion blasts through the air. Little kids shake boxes of Ruby-Ohs and grown obese men wearing tight green facemasks hold up some deepfake posters that have to be blurred from the broadcast. This is worse than Benoit in the Thunderdome!


Vinnie Lane: “HAHAHAHA That did NOT happen on live TV people! We are already NADS DEEP in FCC violations here tonight, not to mention the EPA fines… boy, this was just a bad idea all around, huh?”


Ruby walks out holding her Anarchy Championship and stands next to Tula. They two women smile and nod at one another before breaking into a matching sprint and leaping over the ropes to land in the geyser zone, causing Graves and Fury to back off.


Vinnie Lane: “Ruby is amazing! Sure, she’s here tonight as a FORMER UGWC Cross-Hemisphere Champion, having lost her title on her first defense to Konrad Raab… someone I’ve never lost to, neither has Roxy, or Sarah, or Kenzi for that matter… but whatever! She got RAAB’d! Wait, I meant ROBBED!”


With all four competitors in the ring, referee Virginia Hymen calls for the bell and the match is off…

Right from the start, Tula seems to pair off with Graves while Ruby focuses on Miss Fury. Fury gives the champion all she can handle with a striking assault that lives up to her moniker. Meanwhile, Graves looks like he’s struggling with the quickness and technical prowess of Tula Keali’i.

At one point, Graves seems to have a momentary advantage after catching a rolling kick attempt from Tula and reversing it into a biel throw, but Keali’i is immediately back to her feet and chopping away at the legs of Micheal Graves with low leg kicks before sending him crashing down hard with a sweep.

Going for broke, Tula scales the ropes and looks for a moonsault - but she’s caught when Graves is up faster than she anticipated and he shifts her over one shoulder before running towards the opening of Old Faithful and sending her tumbling inside of it with a running powerslam!


Vinnie Lane: “Tula better get out of there! If she’s in that hole when Ol’ F goes off, that might be the end of her!”


Meanwhile, Ruby turns the tides in her own favor when she gets whipped to the ropes but avoids a big kick from Miss Fury with a picture perfect Imanari Roll. Ruby has a heel hook locked insight after snatching Fury to the ground, and things look bleak as Fury wails in pain from the lock. Before Fury can even consider tapping though, Graves is there to break things up with a heavy stomp to the back of Ruby’s head.

Graves helps Fury up and the tenacious leader of B.O.B. shakes the feeling back into her foot as Graves keeps putting boots to Ruby. Fury then grabs Ruby in a full Nelson hold, allowing Graves to pepper the Anarchy Champion with some boxing.


Vinnie Lane: “Jesus, Graves, you don’t have to slap your thigh after every punch!”


But he does. Every. Single. Time. And then when Ruby slumps forward he grabs her in a front face lock and drops her in a DDT. Luckily for Ruby, the double team is broken up at this point because Tula has emerged from the Earth’s mantle or wherever she went in that hole, and she clobbers Fury with a running forearm shot to the temple before once again engaging with the Dark Warrior.

Tula uses her head of steam to press Graves back into the ropes before cracking off a crisp overhead knife edge chop to his smooth, hairless pectoral region. His skin lights up red and he folds in on himself from the pain, but when Tula goes for a repeat he shoots a swift front kick right into her knee, hobbling her and sending her to one knee on the ground. Graves uses the position to his advantage, scooping Tula in his arm and pulling her up and into a leaping uranage.


Vinnie Lane: “WHOA! Graves just about put Tula into the ground with that move!”


Across the “ring,” Ruby executes a scoop slam on Fury, propping her against a turnbuckle rather than dropping her to the ground. She then grips the perpendicular ropes of the corner and hops up, coming down with force with both feet on Fury’s chin, and backflipping off, sticking the landing!

Ruby sees Tula getting to her hands and knees and sets off, eyeing Graves the entire way. She hits full speed and flip, popping off of Tula like a pommel horse, and collides with Graves at high velocity with a running corkscrew crossbody!


Vinnie Lane: “Tubular! Or maybe it’s Rubular? Ruby just channelled Simone Biles with that wicked maneuver, and Micheal Graves doesn’t know what hit him!”


Ruby eschews going for a pin, instead helping her partner to her feet. This leads to Miss Fury finding an opening for a running sleeper drop that practically beheads Ruby! Tula sets her sights on a superkick, but the move misses its mark and Fury ducks under the leg, trapping it in her arm, and hits a spinning spinebuster on the cold Wyoming dirt.

Graves gets his wits about him, and as Fury drags Tula off to the other side of the ring, Graves sends Ruby into a corner with an Irish whip with so much force he leaves his feet to execute it. The metal of the buckles rattles as Ruby’s spine collides with the pads, and then Graves backs into the opposite corner and starts pumping his arms and legs as if running in place, getting faster and faster as he goes.


Vinnie Lane: “Uh oh! The Gravy Train is about to leave the station! CHOO CHOO!”


Graves takes off running and slams into Ruby in the corner. She collapses face first just as a low rumbling starts to be heard.


Vinnie Lane: “Sounds like Old Faithful is acting up!”


Right on cue, the geyser bursts with steaming water high into the sky. Graves grins and drags Ruby towards the tower of hot water, looking to push her face into the raging gallons of high pressure H2O. Ruby strains and fights back, using all of her might to keep from having her face pressed into the dangerous geyser!

Across the ring, Miss Fury has Tula Keali’i in her trademark Fury’s Gate submission, bending her body through the ropes. Looking to up the intensity, she releases the hold and pulls Keali’i back into the roped area - she hits the ropes and comes off looking to attach herself to Tula with the Black Widow! Tula rolls her through though and manages to hit a desperation pumphandle neckbreaker that lays Fury out.


Vinnie Lane: “Hey what’s going on outside the ring? Is that MeFisto again? Is HE going to clean up the crap out there on the floor?”


MeFisto struts down the entryway huffing and puffing like a lunatic, already completely blown up. He gets to the hammerhead shark, which is now dead, and snags it by the tail before spinning around and tossing it away into the crowd. A hammerheadthrow?

MeFisto then gets to The Ultra Trooper, who still hasn’t moved. He seems genuinely concerned for the smaller fatter version of himself.He slaps TUT’s face and gets him to come to! MeFisto revived Ultra Trooper!


Vinnie Lane: “Can MeFisto raise the dead? OOOH! LOOKOUT!”


The world may never know about MeFisto’s lazarus magic, because BIG D just hit him from behind with a BIG CLOTHESLINE. It looks like D wants to stick MeFisto into the geyser, because he drags him into the roped area and chucks him towards the plume of water!

Just as the geyser dies out. MeFisto instead flies through open air and collides with Micheal Graves, allowing Ruby to get away from him. Graves is livid, and he tosses MeFisto aside and gets right in Big D’s face!


Vinnie Lane: “A shoving match between D and Graves here, looks like Dark Warrior’s focus is no longer on the match he’s in!”


Behind them, as MeFisto scurries off back down the ramp, stopping only long enough to snatch TUT from the floor and carry him away like a papoose, Tula Keali’i hits a HUGE back drop on Miss Fury, but Fury rights the ship and lands on her feet… momentarily! Ruby hits a shotgun dropkick right to her face that sends Fury staggering back, right into the ALOHA from Tula! Fury is caught, Tula has the hold in DEEP.

Referee Virginia Hymen is distracted trying to break Graves and Big D apart, however, and when Ruby tries to draw her attention back to the match she ends up catching a stray back elbow from Big D! D looks mortified, but he has no time to apologize as Graves rushes him again… BIG GUT SHOT FROM BIG D!!! There was audible flatulence there, and now Graves’ B.O.B. tights are noticeably sagging down at the backside. Whatever’s in there is definitely potato-shaped.

The official gets Big D out of the ring finally, and it looks like Graves is going to waddle over with that lump in his drawers and break up the Aloha! He grabs Tula’s long hair and pulls her backward, driving the back of her head into the ground with an inverted facebuster, then assists Miss Fury… she looks worse for wear after being in the submission for that long, and lucky for her the referee never saw her tapping out just moments prior.

The Earth starts to shake again… and Graves seems to have an idea. He straddles the crater.


Vinnie Lane: “What have I done to this once-proud company?”


Old Faithful blasts upward again, and the water slams the lump in Graves’ pants back up into wherever it came from. Graves is launched into the air and ends up slamming into Tula on the floor when he lands… he’ll probably pretend he planned it that way but we know that’s BS. He looks as surprised as anyone.

Ruby is back on the attack and she has Miss Fury right where she wants her. The leader of the Baddies has no answer for Ruby’s onslaught, and she ends up staggering in a semicircle in a daze while Ruby puts her hands in the shape of a ruby (an octagon I think? Maybe a dodecahedron?) and lets the crowd know exactly what’s coming next.

Graves looks to cut Ruby off, but before he can take a step Tula snares him by the ankle and wraps her legs through his in a tight leg lace! Graves is howling in agony!

Just as Old Faithful dies down again, Ruby leaps in for the cutter… and catches an eye full of hot mud! Graves scooped mud out of the geyser’s crater!


Vinnie Lane: “Hey! Miss Fury just slipped on a pair of brass knucks!”


As Ruby tries to clear her vision, she’s cold cocked in the jaw by Miss Fury’s enhanced fist! Ruby’s out cold!

Miss Fury leaps onto Ruby and Hymen starts a count, having to count REALLY loudly to be heard over Graves still screaming in the leglock.



1!

























2!!




















Graves starts tapping rapidly with both hands as Tula really arches her back into the leg lace. The referee has no idea!















3!!!





Vinnie Lane: “Oh my god! Miss Fury just pinned the Anarchy Champion!”

Winners by Pinfall - B.O.B.

Vinnie Lane: “This isn’t right! Both Fury AND Graves tapped out before that three count, not to mention the interference from Big D, the mud slinging from Graves, and the brass knuckles from Fury! The Baddies STOLE this match!”


Stolen or not, the referee raises the hands of Miss Fury and Micheal Graves. Tula Keali’i, having heard the bell and now realizing that the three count she heard was NOT in the favor of her partner, released Graves immediately and rushed to Ruby… and then she gets caught with a lip splitting brass knuckles punch from Miss Fury as well!


Vinnie Lane: “Tula’s mouth just erupted in blood like Mauna Loa! We’ve got chaos on our hands here, and oh man, the locker room is spilling out!”


As B.O.B. continue to assault Tula and Ruby, Money Oswald and RoBOBert Main join in. This compels Boris, Big D, and Kenzi Grey to rush to the ring and help fight them off, prompting others such as Liam Roberts, MeFisto, Scarlet the Hunteress, Bobbi London, Maxine, and a handful of “local” talent to head to the ring area as well.


Vinnie Lane: “We got what we asked for ladies and gentlemen… this is truly ANARCHY!”


All hell breaks loose, and as the show fades to a close, we get a close-up of Ruby’s dilated eyes staring down at her Anarchy Title as droplets of blood fall from her busted nose onto the reflective gold plating.

SPECIAL THANKS: Big D MeFisto Kenzi Grey Money Oswald

OOC: Awesome show guys. Every match was exciting, all of the angles were beautifully put together and lots of stories. Lots of stories advanced and intertwined. Just a great show guys, thanks to everyone involved!

Oswald is seen in the locker room after the fight spilled out, still having some wounds from the sharks having been reopened. The doctors coming in to clean him up as he holds his Billion Dollar Championship, He grinned wide, 5k Xbux richer and still the champion. He laughed loudly, which eventually turned into small chuckles.

He was then approached by Steve and a crew to record him after it all. His servants appearing around them only for him to wave them off, causing them to dissipate as Sayors spoke to him

"Oswald-"

"MISTER Sephtis to you, Sayors."

"Mr. Sephtis, for your match, we saw you agree to give up the title if you lost. You lost. Why is she not the Billion Dollar Champion right now?"

"Well Steve, it's because she doesn't understand how business works yet. She can make all the contracts she wants, but she forgot what the match type was. It was a no DQ based match."

"That isn't answeri-"

"Don't want me to tell you the story of how large my brain is and how easily she fucked up, then fine. Short version is this: It's because I told her that she would hold it. It's that simple. I didn't say she'd be the champion. She got to hold it. She looked happy. That's when I tore it from her."

He looked into the camera

"Kenzi, you're only just beginning in wheeling and dealing. I was born into that world. Thanks for the Xbux!"