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X-treme Wrestling Federation » Warfare Boards » Warfare RP Board
PlaceMarker Rebuttal
Author Message
Lacklan Offline
World's best at making murderhobos cry



XWF FanBase:
The 'cool' kliq fans

(booed by casual fans; opportunistic; often plays dirty while setting the trends)


#1
08-18-2020, 10:59 PM




HIIIII-iiiiiiii!

This is your reason for being, the champion of the entire universe, the ultimate champion, the world champion, the galactic champion, the whatever you want it to be champion, Sarah Lacklain here, and I'm sitting in my hotel room and enjoying my repast, and lo and behold, the Gilmeister actually had something to say! I mean, it took him like, ya know, for freakin ever to get around to sitting there and repeating himself over and over and over and over and over again, but he actually has some stuff to say at the eleventh hour! And because of that, I wanted to treat you all with something SUPER special: The standard, if you will, THE THING which everyone around these parts not worth a damn base their greatness on, the thing which everyone who desperately need someone else to give them the opinion they are supposed to have jerks off over, the thing that gets their dicks hard and their tittes all KINDS of erect:

A bonafide old school response promo!

Because Gilly had some dumb shit to say and I would like to well respond, if I may. Now, I’m not going to do that super dumb thing where I put up a still of Gilly’s promotional video with the subtitles on and go “NUH UH!” and all that, but this SHOULD make a certain walking personification of the poop emoji jerk his micropenis for all two seconds it takes to blow and think that this is the BEST promo EVER by your Universal will champion. So! Let’s get right to it!

First of all, it's “Sarah” with an “H!” That’s the proper way with five letters, buddy. Sara(h), the name of the daughter of Christ, not Sara(no H)...that’s someone else! And it's Kenzi with an “I” only... no E! That is someone else, too! Now, I fully understand that you are, in every way, shape, form, concept, and version possible...to the FULLEST degree of this description...a blithering fucking moron, and I understand that spelling is difficult, not just for you, but a BUNCH of members of the staff of this company (...don't EVEN get me started on that period of fucked up spelling of my name on various marquees last year…), but I would just like to take this moment to let you know that, yes, you're an idiot.

Secondly, the oft-repeated concept of me and my slutty girlfriend is so laughable as to become caricature! I don't know about you, but in a couple of weeks, I'm going to be celebrating my third wedding anniversary with my Beloved, which means that she hasn't been my “slutty girlfriend” in a few years! Now, I also understand that, again, because you are the aforementioned blithering fucking moron, that our stage names confuse people. I go by Sarah Lacklan while I work, and my Beloved goes by Kenzi Grey while she works, but collectively on our wedding certificates it says Grey-Lacklan. We are, indeed, married and have been for a long time, and we're not those kinds of people that are all “Hey! Even though we're married, lets it hook up with some THOT!” That's not us, has NEVER been us, and every time you and people of your ilk throw out the “yer a bunch of sluts’ stuff, it's not only missing the point, it's so far off as to be comical caricature. And...AND! Is just ONE example of your complete inability not only to not research your opponents, but also to not underSTAND said research of your opponents. Honestly, if you can’t figure out the Mrs instead of Miss, how the flying fuck are you going to figure out how to escape the Pigeonwing or reverse the Abyss?! But, again, blithering fucking idiot.

Thirdly, you mentioned Jenny Myst a few times. Now, I just want to say that it's not very nice of you to keep calling her a slut the way you did. Jenny is a nice girl...not very bright...and certainly not very original...but a nice girl, and it's not her fault that she got dumped by Chaos for Mandii. Not cool to throw her under the bus like that, mang! Additionally, when it comes to Jenny, you tossing in that “der...you lost to Jenny or Mandii” like and that just made me giggle. When it comes to the XWF, I only lose to superstars! I only lose to fellow members of the elite of this business. And while Jenny is at least somewhat talented when it comes to only fighting in the Bombshell division, she's certainly no me. And! In fact! There has been a match between Jenny Myst and myself, and you know who won that? Gee...let me think... oh, that's right, me! So while you like to throw around the names of Jennyi or Mandii, please understand that I find this whole “Queen of the XWF” thing laughable on its face, because and Atara, and even Madison...who should know better... argue about who the top “woman” or “Queen” is within the company, the Universal Champion is literally a woman, thank you so much.

Now, you made mention of me having a couple of world championships and the potential that one was from a bingo hall, and I am going to give you a point on this. It is indeed very possible that one of those championships was won in a bingo hall! I take all kinds of matches, whether or not I should, which is one of my downfalls. I was born and bred and trained and raised to wrestle the main events, to be in the biggest stadiums and at the top of the biggest cards. And I slum it when I have to as a service to everyone, to all of wrestling. I am indeed taking this bingo hall world championship and elevating an entire company. That particular championship is not worthy of me...that company is not worthy of me. But I'm doing them, and all of wrestling, that service by taking those championships, taking those titles, and raising them up to the level of what God wants in this world. Which is exactly what I'm doing here now. That’s something that you would never ever ever ever ever be able to understand or embody on your own right, because all you do is send things down into the dumps. I'll get back to this in a minute, about what “mainstream” is and what you do, but as a precursor to that, understand this: If we all wrestled at the level of the legendary Peter Gilmour, the world of wrestling would be nothing but bingo halls and armories. Thankfully, the world has people like me and Kenzi, and people like Ruby, and Roxy, and my sister Angelica, and my brother Shinji, and guys like Centurion and Main. People who can raise not just this company, not just any company, but the entire business up to a higher level. Thankfully, the business is not populated by an army of Peter Gilmours.

Something I find interesting is your assertion that you're the best. In the ring, in promos, on commentary and all that. I don't know about you, but I have done commentary before! I’ve done color, ring announcing, valet work, stuff on the sideline, producer of television shows, and more! And because of that wealth of wide-spread knowledge, I can tell you how wrong you are about what the word “mainstream” means. Mainstream means a product which is accessible by a wide range of audience. No swearing, no nudity, no breaking of taboos, no greasy loser telling you to suck their dick seventeen times in eight and a half minutes. That's what mainstream means! It means being able to go beyond local television and into national broadcast! It’s about getting a killer time slot on a busy night. About garnering the most viewers, creating the biggest audience, and having more than just some small niche group of 18-25 year old virgins stroking it to whatever Suicide model becomes our newest talent acquisition. We're talking moms and dads and grandpas and kids and cousins and couples and young people and old people and babies. Yes, the XWF is popular, absolutely, and the company and various owners and investors have made a ton of money. There's been a lot of success, right? There's been shows at some big buildings, but mainstream?

XWF, and Gilly, as mainstream?

The very idea of you being mainstream is silly because so much of our content has been… well, in your own words, extreme. Ladder matches, table matches, people being murdered on air (Lord, people being MURDERED on air!!!!), all things these things I’ve said before, are...wait for it…garbage. That is NOT what I was born to do. It’s NOT what I was raised and trained to do. What my job is in life, my very duty, as given and ordained by God Himself, is to make wrestling perfect. It’s about wrestling in a ring with rules and establishment. It is about wrestling in a ring with structured processes. It's about giving the crowd what they should want in life, and not what they are in life. Some believe that wrestling should be a reflection of the world, and to that I say no, because we don't need blood-and-guts, and shit being thrown at one another. We need a man or woman engaging in battle, observing the rules and honor that is professional wrestling. The honor that is God's favorite sport. And that little niche group who watches you and the other filth that bod down the XWF, that group of 18 to 25 year olds virgins who think that telling a girl to suck his dick is going to get them anywhere, who think that digressions and sadistic grins will make people like me cower in, are going to get that scrubbing and sweeping away.

Oh! Hey! And mentioning accolades from 7 or 8 years ago that no one cares about is the best you can do, right? You freely admit that you suck, freely admit that your record is lame, freely admit that you're not a great champion, freely admit that everyone around you, everyone from your friends to your peers to your enemies to our allies and even to that stupid demon chck at your side, think of you as the village idiot, the blithering moron who can't even process how bad he is, and you think that is going to beat me? You think that you, that village idiot, that blithering moron, is going to be able to stand up to the Pillar of Light herself? You want to talk about accolades? I mentioned before that I've done more, I’ve won more matches, in the last two months than you have in the last two years of your XWF career, but if you go back even further, wanna hues how many months of my career it takes to equal all of the successes of your entire career? How many months do you think it would take to compare what I've done and the successes I've had equals those years of yours? Think about it! The people I've beat, the locations I've sold out, the championships I've won and defended, to be greater than everything you've done from 2013 to now? My guess is maybe twelve months. I would indeed be willing to bet that one year of my life is better than closing in on a decade of yours.

So by all means, mention that one time you beat Vinnie. Go ahead and mention that one time you beat Scully. And go ahead and compare me to the yankees! Firstly, baseball a stupid. And secondly, you're right...I am the Yankees! They are the BEST baseball team there's ever been! Oh, other teams have come and gone and had their flashes of brilliance. Other teams have been good, and other teams have beaten the Yankees. But when you compare their dominance to everything that's come before and after, when you compare their execution of their sport, in their Art, they are unTOUCHable! Just like me. And I know you're banking on the idea that a loss would be devastating for me...and you're right! It would be so devastating because, apparently, I would have woken up in a dead world! I would have, apparently, woken up in the world I said would exist if Game Girl was able to beat me. Now, I fully don't expect you to understand that reference at all... that'sa deep cut, a deep dive, if you will, into my work experience...but fighting you is basically like fighting Game Girl, because a world in which you are considered anything more than a lower tier preliminary guy is a world which does not exist. Any world in which you are anything but the laughingstock, that village idiot your peers so correctly frame you, is a world in which I simply would be not be around. Because I am that proverbial stick of measurement for greatness, and if there was a world where you, in any way, shape, form, context, were actual competition and were able to defeat me, the world would be dead and apparently we've been inside the matrix the entire time! The world where you can beat me in any competition at ALL….like, legit, even the idea of you beating me at tic-tac-toe is so small that I would put the entire family fortune on the other horse… is a world where tomorrow ends in darkness because it was too implausible to exist for more than a few moments.

But, hey, I asked for your best, right? I begged for it. I pleaded for it. I said “Give it to me, Peter! Give me it all!” I bared my chest in hopes that your best would suckle at my teat, and by your own words you have given me your best. Your most focused. Your most prepared. And all THAT has done is shown the world how truly low on the totem pole you are! I said in the beginning of all this that my best was winning multiple matches in one night for career-defining accolades, and that your best was finding yourself losing another match. And here we are again with your best, your absolute, 100% unadulterated, unmitigated, unexpurgated BEST ends with you tripping over your tongue. And that is with me taking most of last week off!

Seriously I took a couple days off. I took a little mental break. After I said what I wanted to say after shoving my arm up your crotch and putting out my little choose your own adventure novel, I bailed! I went home to the Egg Kenzi. We played some basketball. I played some first person shooters with my sister. I Skyped my brother. I had a virtual latte/pedicure visit with Roxy. And when I came back, I came back to your personal brand of blah, right? Where you've been at your 100%, you know, with engines blaring and blasting, I've been at...what... 75%? Maybe 80%
And that's the crushing reality that you and your little circle jerk are going to have to deal with: Peter Gilmore at 100% is less than Sarah Lacklan at 80%. Seriously, if you took you with your “A” work, your BEST work, your most eXTReMe, focused, and prepared work, AND you did extra credit assignments to get that grade up over 100%, AND we've got some tutors! Like, let's say we took you and your best, right? And we add, like, your stupid demon chick, right? And then go into an alternate universe and bring Fat Gilly, right? Yeah! We’ve got Skinny Gilly at 110% after extra credit,, Fat Gilly, the stupid Demon chick so far. Hey, let’s at Chaotic, Inc! We’ll grab dumb dumb Chaos, Master of On-The-Nose Bullship Hanari (whatever happened to his accent, anyway?), and Mandii. Hell, let’s con Jenny into this, too. Speaking of Hell, let’s convince Engy to let Unknown Soldier take a day off and help out too, yeah? And how about some shit? Let’s go snap your buddy Shane and have him load up his piss and scat. Lets take this ALL together, okay? Skinny You, Fat You, Demon Chick, Chaotic Inc, Rejected Jenny, Unknown Soldier on Loan from Engy, Shane and his tears, ALL of it. Ball it all up into a giant ball of sadistic Gilly smut. And guess what happens?

You still lose to me

So here we are, Pete. At the very end of this. And you have found yourself in the same position just about everybody else in the XWF has who has faced me: Outclassed, outmaneuvered, outgunned. People like you have to constantly call themselves gods and icons, have to constantly work towards gaining the respect of their peers, and always coming up short. But me? I was born better than you, Pete. I am genetically superior to you in every way. And when you look up at me, as I hold my championship and wrap it back around my waist, you're not gonna have any excuses. You're not gonna have anything to cry about. Your little circle jerk isn’t going to be able to jump to your defense on the various social media outlets available to us, or contact the wrestling news news centers to gossip about how you got cheated or ran afoul of a conspiracy. It will simply be clear that you got beat by someone vastly better than you, and with that loss, things will begin to change.

See you in a few hours, Pete


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[-] The following 3 users Like Lacklan's post:
"Loverboy" Vinnie Lane (09-07-2020), Atara Raven (08-20-2020), Robert "The Omega" Main (08-18-2020)
[-] Oh shit! Hater alert! The following 1 user Hates Lacklan's post!
Peter Fn Gilmour (08-19-2020)




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