This has been taped in front of a webcam... brought to you in part by French Pedicures
“Well it looks like we are less than 48 hours or so to Warfare, and man the turn out for this event is just dreadful, i know i’d be tired to even think about booking a plane to France at a moments notice, RIGHT AFTER Leap Of Faith… well, personally for me i chose to sign myself up for a easier said then done triple threat match, with two of the guys who are in the battle royal. At this point, they are a lost cause anyways, so now i’m going to attempt to talk wickedly towards everyone who’s in the glorified stats division on Warfare… lets se—
AH too many to name off so here what i’m gonna do…
i’m gonna give them some nicknames that i can say on this tape, so if anyone gets mad or offended… turn off this promo, and go on with your day. I know this is going to be totally off the radar, obscure thing to ever grace this company’s archives for Warfare Promos.
Onto this royal, my first one is Mr. Wraith…
The man burned victim, the one who returned to a huge mega pop. The man who flopped right back to nowhere-ville. He’s gonna be like one of the guys who will be eliminated right off the bat, so he doesn’t stand a chance in this thing.
Mr. Thaddy…
The most over superstar this company has ever scene, and shares the same kinda second generation with another one guy in this battle royal. I know he’s is destined for greatness, but i know for a fact he isn’t going to great in this rumble. I know he much rather be hunting for the Hart championship, then be responsible to keep himself on track of being an MVP.
Miss Minxs’ Tinkxs…
I don’t know shit about her… so… eh, i hope she can out last in this thing. If not then, it means that tiger king ended up mauling her out of the match.
Mr. Hanari The Aristocratic…
One third of the Chaos Inc, one part rich, one part pendejo who managed to be relieved as a X-Treme champion. I know he’s going to put up some fight, but he’s probably gonna give up that MVP status in an instant. He’s such a quitter, that each time he spits his words, it’s all just wasted air that expels in the air. God, i can’t wait to toss him out of the ring (or whatever the stip is in this match).
Miss Rider Die Chick…
I had brief moments with Mandii Rider at one point, most of them all failed. She’s a huge tease and i can’t wait to put my hands on her, and finally have a chance to toss her out of that ring. I don’t know if she’s gonna survive in her finisher match, but i know that arm is going to be her achilles heel; and since i can’t get at her feet her arm will do, as i rip it off her shoulder as she dangles over the ropes.
The Hammer Of Misfits…
I have nothing to say on Kris, just know that he’s gonna be flying back to his homeland by me or someone else as his manager cries in shame.
Liam The Enhancement Prince…
Oh Liam Roberts, the multi time Heavymetal Weight Champion… the man who makes Damien Demento look like Ricky Steamboat in his hey day… the man who knows he can’t win matches to save his own ass. Even in a battle Royal, he might as well have the ghost of Beniot toss him out of the ring, because there is no chance in hell he’ll be the last man standing in this match.
The Parm King Of X-Treme…
Eh, Gilly is nothing but a junkie for being racist, and thinking he’s goat… knowing full well he’s way out of his prime. I had some history with this man, and i know right away he’ll be tossed out like a sack of potatoes. Maybe, he’ll finally snap and shoot quit himself out of XWF after this…(i know he isn’t gonna do that).
The Alien Az…
There’s prime real estate in planet Mars for Azrael, since he’s going to suffer the same fate as Kris. I don’t have much of any issues with the spaceman, but does anyone think he can be the MVP of Warfare?…. i didn’t think so.
The Bourbon Of St Elsewhere…
Robbie gonna take a whole village of wrestler in that ring to toss out, since in the words of Big Papa Pump… “HE’S FAT”… and i know right away he’s going to be all over the ring like a drunken bastard, taking everyone out like a light switch. Not me though, i’ll be in the cut waiting to dump him out like a boston tea party overthrowing the government.
Fuck just going over these names are a chore so here’s a speed round of names i came up with for the rest of these cats…
New Blood Dallas…
Tiger King Of Extinction Lynx…
Junkyard Goof Griffin..
Thicc Mama Strom…
The Boring Fighter Dylan…
Crippled Bilbo…
Bootleg Superman Calvary..
The Entangled Jokesta Gannon…
So did you watch this tape so far? Well awesome you’re great… and to anyone who i managed to jokingly refer to in this battle royal, no harm intended…
NAH fuck your feelings, you all are just going to have to realize that you all are not even close to being an MVP within Warfare or anywhere in this company, just a bunch of people who are going to be flopping around like a Ric Flair bump once i manage to eliminate you all in this battle royal. Even if somehow manage to come up short in this thing… one thing is for certain….
You wanna know what it is?
Do you really want to know?
Is it something you’d like to know about me?
…..
…
IT’S CERTAIN THAT IM A MVP WITH OR WITHOUT SOMEONE GIVING ME THAT CROWN ON MY HEAD… I DON'T NEED TO BE VALIDATED FROM AN OUTSIDER!
In conclusion my friends, we’ll see who’s gonna be the last MVP standing in France… i know it may or may not be me.”
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Bilbo…
