Words from the Stoned One:

” I didn’t quiet realize just how fucking unchallenging this was going to end up being… But then some of my competition decided to speak.”


Chris is shown relaxing in a hot tub on the patio of his penthouse suite in Tokyo, Japan where in just under one-week history is going to be made live on Pay-Per-View. When Cataclysm runs the Leap of Faith gauntlet leaving as the victors one more time. A Tag Title defense, the death of Chaos Inc., The X-Title and a brief case doing it all… Unscathed.






”When you’re stuck dealing with someone of my caliber you’ve got to be on top of your game, thus far it’s safe to say you’re all stuck with your heads up your asses!”


Chris removes his shades placing them next to a bottle of bubbly chilling on ice as he stares into the camera.


”I don’t even know where to start when it comes to dealing with all you Leap of Faith posers that seriously think that you’re leaving with that open contract; how about we start with Greggo!”


Page chuckles as sarcasm raises his lips in each corner revealing a sinister smirk. Soon “Chronic” Chris Page will become one of the many Leap of Faith winners.


”Dude had soooo much to say leading into Leap of Faith and yet when it’s time to put your money where your mouth is the only sounds anyone hears from you…”


Page yawns.







” So why the fuck are you even here? Why did upper management allow you to occupy a spot in a match that’s allegedly carries significant stakes if you didn’t intend on giving it one hundred percent? Hell sunshine, I’m booked twice on this card and have you seen me phone anything in? More importantly have you seen me not bother to open my fucking mouth on the first week leading to this imminent victory of mine?”


Chris simply shakes his head.


”It’s pieces of shit like you that make this federation and this profession a fucking joke, and sure you’ll open your mouth this week but the lack of respect someone else would have had for that spot has already been on firm display and is enough to make me want to slap the piss out of you more than I want to slap the piss out of Peter FUCKING Gilmour!”


Chris reaches over taking his champagne glass which is filled ¾ the way.


”That puts you in exclusive company that holds only one other, the Dark Shadow.”


Chris waves at the camera before taking a sip from his glass. He places it back on the stones behind him cracking his neck from side to side.


”I guess I’m going to have to go out of my way and show you what happens to those that disregard me by not having the decorum to address me; I’m sure you’re trembling, probably not, but rest assure you will be when I’m done ripping your head off and skull fucking you senseless.”


Chris let’s out a sigh. Followed by another yawn.


” As if not bothering to speak wasn’t bad enough at least you didn’t pull a Geri… Or is it Gerri?... seems like management still doesn’t know either based off your billing on the card but that’s neither here nor there. Because it’s too late in the game. This brainless cunt is booked against Ruby for the Anarchy Title, she speaks on it and then… More fucking crickets!”


Chris throws both hands up in the air sending water in the cameras direction.


”I just don’t get why people like how you over extend yourself knowing that you’re not going to be able to deliver, just don’t do it.”


Chris lowers his hands back down as the jets kick in.


”How the fuck in your eyes is the Anarchy Title, a title that isn’t even recognized on the XWF website. How is that flimsy piece if tin more important that putting up some sort of effort for an opportunity at calling your shot with the Universal Title? You’re not going to convince me that is the case. What you have proven is that you don’t belong taking a seat at the grown folks table, let alone belong challenging for any Championship. You’re a disgrace; you’re a foolish little girl playing a game she’s not ready to play.”


There’s a brief pause from Chris as he takes another sip.


”You and Greggo are made for each other; you appropriate others of opportunities and give no fucks about it. So, me giving any fucks about you as just decreased to zero.”


Chris flips off the camera placing his Champaign glass to his cherry lips before taking the last gulp. Chris rolls his eyes tossing the glass stage left grabbing the Champaign bottle taking a much bigger gulp.


”At least three of you bothered to make this Leap of Faith match mean something, and for that I salute you.”


Chris raises the emerald green bottle before taking another a sip of bubbly.


”I’m going to start with the frailest and move my way to the predominant as I see it, so the worst of the worst that has shown their face is you… Gage.”


Chris places the bottle on the stones behind him reaching for a square tin. He pops the tin open retrieving a pre-rolled joint. Page twirls it around for a few seconds before placing it to his lips before sparking up.


”I wish I could say that I was mesmerized with the stereotypical two guys at a bar talking shit about a “coon” winning a rafters match when we all know they can’t afford cable and was brought into make you look good, but dude if you think for one second I’m buying what you’re selling you’re sadly mistaken.”


Chris takes a long pull off the joint as he inhales deeply before blowing out a thick cloud of opaque smoke without a single cough.


”It baffles my mind that you could have went so many different directions yet you go the most predictable route of racism, hence why you got met with racism you ignorant fuck. I mean I know I crushed you with it when we started this party but I didn’t expect you to bore me to death with it.”


Chris takes another toke off his joint.


”You’ve exposed yourself as someone not ready to be in this kind of spotlight, kid.”


Chris exhales the smoke.


”It seems you like to brag about being the curtain jerkers by punching people in the face? Is that about, right? Well cupcake punch me in the face, I dare you… As a matter of fact… I’m begging you too because you’re in for a robust dose of reality when you come face to face with me come Leap of Faith; and that prescription of actuality rests with a crushing annihilation by my hands.”


” While I appreciate your feeble attempts as building yourself up as some sort of major player it’s never been more evident that you’re just not seasoned enough to have a seat at my grown folks table. I hate to be the bearer of bad news; but if you have to waste time trying to convince everyone you belong chances are you don’t. Guys like me don’t have to build ourselves up and try the MAKE people believe they stand a chance… guys like me simply show up and put guys like you in their rightful place.”


Chris takes another cavernous drag from his joint.


”But hey you keep spitting that lame ass shit and I’m sure somewhere someone is going to believe you; however, is this particular situation you literally don’t stand a fucking chance.”


Chris blows smoke rings before he continues.


”What sucks for you isn’t the fact you’re going to lose, it’s your parents, you know… those people that gave you the DESIRE TO BELIEVE YOU’RE THE BEST… well kid, desire doesn’t take you to the pay window, talent does and while you’re parents gave you the desire, you’re about to meet the straw that really stirs the fucking drink.”


There’s a momentary pause from Chris before he continues.


”It just leaves me with one question for you… You say that failure isn’t an option, which losing this match isn’t in the equation… what happens when you do leave empty handed? What happens when you are not successful, and it has absolutely nothing to do with wrestling and everything to do with being outsmarted. That’s the position you find yourself in right now; and while I’ll be the first to admit that with a little polish and more experience you have potential to be a superstar in this business… that time isn’t right now. Gage, a white man is going to win this briefcase but it isn’t going to have shit to do with my race being superior and everything to do with me being superior.”


There’s a quick pause from Chris before he continues.


”You think my best days have passed by? Are you that deluded enough to think that I’m still around because I have to be? In regards to the first question allow me to applaud your originality because it’s not like every other upstart doesn’t use the same lame banter when dealing with someone of my stature that has been around the block and has been a Main Event player for the last fifteen years. What you fuckers don’t seem to realize is while yes I’ve been on top for so long it’s not because I want to be on top it’s because none of you are talented enough to take me off the top, yourself included. It actually says more about the younger generation’s lack of ability to knock me off the mountain and take my spot followed by actually keeping it.”


Chris pauses for a brief second before spouting out.


[green]”But I tell you what grasshopper, leaving with the briefcase isn’t going to be enough to bottom line this between you and I; so I welcome you to find a partner and sign the dotted line because if you’re every bit as bad as you think you are I’ve got my tag titles that says otherwise. Put up or shut up.”



Chris takes another pull this time his eyes become weary as he begins to fade in-between awake and asleep.


” Jesus why in the hell am I getting so tired? Anyway… There’s just something so loveable about Ruby that almost makes me not want to crush her face under my boot… almost.”


Chris blows out the smoke he’s inhaled.


”Ruby I don’t want you to further get the wrong impression, I haven’t looked past you I just know the stakes are incredibly too high for you to rise to that occasion. While you have already done more than your counterpart for the Anarchy Title I can show some respect for putting up some effort, and while I have no doubts you’ll make an impression within the confines of this Leap of Faith Match you’re going to HAVE to go through me to get to that briefcase.”


Chris gazes into the camera, a reddish tint to his eyes.


”At least you acknowledge who you’re dealing with when it comes to me, see Gage, when you’re legitimately great you don’t have to point it out, others will.”



Chris winks at the camera.


”However Ruby flattery will get you fucking nowhere because you’re just like everyone else in this match… and obstacle… and while I’ve been known to slap the shit out of just about anyone that crosses my path I take extra special pleasure in slapping the shit out of someone that WANTS to cross my path. It’s an incredibly stupid move and one that you’re going to live to regret because there’s absolutely no honor for being careless while trying to box with God.” Chris takes the last toke off his joint before thumping the roach off camera. He inhales and exhales the smoke before he continues. ”I wish you the best of luck in your Anarchy Title defense, and I hope you retain for at least one of your efforts won’t fall flatter than Lacklan’s chest.”


Chris takes another sip from the bottle and passes out… In his dreams he heard the sound of children's feet smattering around and the sounds of laughter. Even though Page was asleep his soul was wide awake, reliving those exquisite moments of his childhood. There were days he'd recall every single adventure he went on others nighttime being tucked into bed so comfortably. In the morning he would have lavish breakfast of pancakes, bacon and eggs. Suddenly as Page drifts further and joy stops as the nightmare takes over. His heart blasted against his chest like a drum, as the shallow breaths followed.



” Where am I?”



The wind was fridge as the rain beat against Page’s skin. He looked around but only saw darkness as a shadow stepped forward nearly scaring the shit out of him as he jumps back with his fist balled up ready to uncoil.



"It’s not where you are Chris Page. No, no. What are you looking for?”



”Who are you? Where are we? And what the fuck are you talking about?”



A witch stepped out of the gloom scowling, she slowly pulled her hat from the rats nest of whitening hair on her head. It made her appear more deranged. Beneath her obscene head of hair her face was even more appalling. Over the past century her skin became brittle, falling off like flakes of snow falling from the skies in the winter. Her mouth had contracted from lack of joy and dwindled down to the size of a sunflower seed. She was, however, exceedingly muted something she frequently used to her advantage.


Page becomes very timid and more confused by the appearance that stands in front of him as he once again asks.


”Last chance grandma! Who the fuck are you?!?! Where the fuck am I?!?! This is NOT okay.”


” A am your subconscious… Where are we? In your fractured mind… Now I ask again, what are you looking for Chris Page?”


She stood all of three and a half foot tall with a hunched back. Chris watched as the witch narrowed her pitch-black eyes reminding him of coal, she then raised her long-fingered warty hands to her hips and began tapping her scuffed black pointed boots. Chris took a step back feeling his guts twist into a knot. She lurched forward.


”Stay back!”


Chris exclaims as nothing but fear overcomes his entire body. He can feel his legs starting to tremble as goosebumps spring up all over his body causing the hair on his arms to stand up.


”I mean it!”


She takes another step towards Page.


”What are you looking for?”


Page takes another step back this time falling. They were all so cold. So cold. The life that had inhabited them has gone. No trauma can come to them now. Each of their hearts used to beat with passion are now still. Minds that experienced so many emotions are now blank. Their limbs soft, the time of rigor mortis has passed by. They were each ling on their backs, feet together, arms folded over their chests and eyes closed. They lie like mannequins. These bodies, once the reservoirs of people as alive as Chris Page was right now, are now abandoned shells.


”What the hell?”


The witch nods.


“Ah, very interesting.”



”Listen here, you’re coo-coo for fucking Coco Puffs! There’s nothing interesting about this! GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF HERE!”


She points.


”Take a close look Chris. These are each of the bodies you and your partner have conquered, an awesome feat. But where are the bodies that you Chris Page have vanquished alone?”


Page squints his eyes searching the darkness.


”What you are seeking is validity. You believe that Robert saved your career and you are half correct. Chris you saved each other. Collectively you are a force to be reckoned with. Calculated, sharp-witted, always playing three-dimensional chess. The two of you have an unbreakable bond and together you can accomplish the goals you threaten. It is you though who questions yourself. You see yourself as a man walking on thin ice. You know what you must do…”


Chris shrugs his shoulders throwing his hands into the air.


”Here I was toking on a fire ass joint drinking some bubbly minding my own business, I apparently pass out and now my own mind his giving me shit in my sleep? This is the last thing in need right now… I was in the middle of a bomb ass promo about to verbally assault the shit out of Sarah Lacklan… The nerve of this bitch, am I right? She cuts tail when The Engineer came after here now all of a sudden, she is back now that he is gone? This chick as some beach ball sized man nuts on her. Coming back swinging her dick around.”


Page suddenly comes too looking around startled. He wipes his eyes looking into the camera.


”High Sarah!”


Page waves at the camera with a sly smirk on his face.


”I wish I could say I was impressed with what you had to say about me but I’d be lying, he’s good but he’s not great? Really? That was the best the darling known as Lacklan could muster up for me? Sweet cheeks I don’t need your validation to determine the all-star, legendary career I’ve had for the better part of thirty years. I was headlining the Tokyo Dome while you were still sucking on your mama’s tit. I am the most experienced athlete involved in this party and I guess since you’ve officially undersold my abilities ensuring that I leave with that briefcase shall change your tune.”


Chris pauses for a moment gathering his thought before he continues.


”What I’ll never understand is why you all can’t seem to break away from the Main/Page saga and how I turned him, we appreciate you keeping our story relevant but it’s truly not needed from a second rate never was like you. You’re attempts at trying to make light is absolutely hysterical as you mention us taking away the tag titles from the Sick Cunts; and yet, wasn’t it… Me who scored that victory? Oh yeah, it totally was, further caters to my good not great scenario, right? Listen, do yourself a fucking favor and when you try to rip someone don’t make it so fucking simple to retort, and to think I thought you were my stiffest competition within this dance but yet you’ve been the one that’s been the easiest to dissect.”


Chris simply rolls his eyes before he continues.


”According you I’m a walking cliché’… Damn I wish I haven’t heard that a million times before from a million other competitors that have fallen at my feet. You seem to think I live in the past; not true, about as fake as any presidential speech by Donald Trump, I live in the present and presently I’m dominating a division that failed under your watch, I’ve got the spotlight shinning down upon me and have all the attention involved in this Leap of Faith Match and I’m the guy that’s going to parlay all this hype and all this attention into that victory that matters. Now, I could totally rape you further on the lame, typical banter you attempted; oh he hasn’t won any titles, blah, blah, blah... if that’s the basis of your attacks on me might I suggest you go back to Anarchy and be that big fish in a small fucking pond while my sketchy abilities to relive glory days of yester year once again re-emerge as I stake claim to that briefcase and hold it over your head showing you where your rightful place in this contest and in this company really is… under me.”


Chris smirks as he continues.


”You’re picking a fight with the wrong dude, the only thing you’re going to overwhelm is yourself.”



Chris clears his throat before he continues.


” Overall week one of this two-week stretch has left me horrifically unsatisfied by anything any of you have brought to the table; hell you all make Peter Gilmour look like a credible Professional Wrestler… and we all know how fucking stupid that cunt is. Everyone involved in this dance have the visions of leaving with the briefcase in tow, but the truth is only one of us is going to attain it. I openly acknowledge that if this was actually a wrestling match based of in ring ability, you’d all be in my rear-view mirror as we speak; but considering this match is more about luck it’s truly anyone’s game. We can all continue to have a pissing contest or we can come to the realization that timing is everything when involved in this Rafters match.”


Chris intently gazes into the camera.


”If Greggo was fondling Sarah’s cooter lips and the briefcase popped out, he won; it Gage lurked around the rafters, you know, cause it’s going to be dark and we might not see him… he could take advantage of someone else and leave with the briefcase… and while I will always be a cocky prick I’ll also be the first to admit that most of you might have gotten lucky in the past but you’re luck has officially run out.”


“And for those that continue to doubt me and doubt what I bring to the table I want you to sit back and continue to take a good long look at what Cataclysm does at Leap of Faith. We’re going to run the table and we’re going to take everything we want regardless of the casualties. Our Tag Titles defense was in the bag before the opening bell rang, Robert will take out the trash that is Hanari Carnes and Wrestler82 to become the new Xtreme Champion… and I will overcome all five of you, I will out smart all five of you and I will outwit all five of you to leave with that briefcase in tow; and when it happens you can consider Leap of Faith the second straight Pay-Per-View we’ve dominated without breaking a sweat. It’s not too late for you all to walk away; you’d be doing yourself a favor and saving yourself the embarrassment that will befall upon each and every one of you. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.”


Once again Chris’s eyes start to grow heavy as he struggles to hold them open.


”What the fuck…”


He’s out like a light when suddenly emerging within the corpses of victims past.


”Not this shit again.”


”What do you want?”


Chris jumps as a voice rings out from behind him and as he turns around it’s revealed to be SHANE !


”Shane? Is that you?”


”What do you want?”


”Validity.”


Chris replies.


Shane stands in front of Chris in blue coveralls with a white mask over his face familiar to how he was with War Games.


”Incorrect.”


”How so?”


”Validity has never left you. You’re the same guy that has been a mainstay in this profession for the last twenty years, you’ve climb the highest of mountains beaten the best of the best; validity isn’t what’s holding you back. You are what’s holding you back.”


Chris scratches his head.


”Nobody cares that you sacrificed yourself at War Games for the greater good of your team and nobody cares that you went over sixty seven minutes with Warstein and they sure as shit don’t care that you made a star out of Thunder Knuckles. You’re so caught up with stealing the show and your performance in the ring that you’ve lost sight that wins and loses actually matter.”


Chris listens to his inner subconscious in the form of Shane before they suddenly are standing in a wrestling ring surrounded by darkness with just the ring lit.


”Until you can silence your critics by showing the world you can still rise to that individual Championship level on your own without Robert in the equation you will always have an asterisk beside your name.”


Chris breaks his silence.


”Maybe you’re right…”


It’s like two hundred pounds have been lifted off the shoulders of Chris Page upon his admission.


”Maybe I have looked past this being about more than the overall performance because you’re right, my initial thoughts aren’t about winning or losing and are about what can I do to make sure I send everyone home happy.”


”Oh it wasn’t a question.”


Shane states as he cuts Chris off.


”You’ve blamed management for your failures when you and Robert had that epic feud of the year this time last year and ever since then that’s your fallback when you come up short. Everyone knows the political nature in the XWF including yourself…”


”Hold up mother fucker! I blame management for fucking up the hottest angle they’ve had on their programming for over a year! I’m a real dude and I understand that I’m beatable just like everyone fucking else. I lost to Robert at Leap of Faith last year and it wasn’t because of Theo or Vinnie it was because he was the better man, that’s never been the question. Shawn Warstein beat me a month ago and did I blame it on management? No, he was the better man yet I take solace that it took him sixty seven minutes to do it as opposed to ten to fifteen minutes he gets with his other potential challengers.”


Chris starts to feel himself starting to fire up as Shane’s words have ignited the pit of his stomach.


”Thunder Knuckles better thank his lucky stars that I felt wrestling was more important than mud show when I took the Canadian Title down first before taking down that TV Title. If the cocksmokers and jizzstains think that I’m not capable of doing shit on my own… then perhaps it’s time to open their eyes.”


Shane snaps his fingers and suddenly he and Chris are now in the rafters of SAITAMA SUPER ARENA where across the rafters on the other side of the rafters rests a silver briefcase.


”That’s what I want to see.”


Shane leans in towards Chris as he softly states.


”Let the monster out to play.”


There’s a sly smirk on Chris’s face as he blinks and he’s back in the hot tub. Page shakes the cobwebs loose before moving his feet where he stands up in the hot tub and as he does the XWF Television Title surfaces from the bottom. Page reaches down picking up the soaking wet title before turning his back to the camera and tosses it up on the ledge of the hot tub. There’s a suddenly clasp of thunder followed by a bolt of lightning that shoots down into the hot tub.








”It’s time to introduce you all to your worst nightmare.”


… to be continued.

- HALL OF LEGENDS 2019
- 2019 Heel of the Year
- 2019 Locker Room Leader of the Year
- 2019 Feud of the Year w. Robert Main (you’re welcome)
- Former


With Robert "The Omega" Main

XWF World Heavyweight Champion