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Shawn Warstein · (07-03-2020)

“Hurry up….”

“We don’t want to miss it….”

Noah comes up behind me on his crutches, trying to keep up, and failing. For every three steps I take, he takes one. He begins to fumble with his bag, as I turn around to him. He almost trips over his own feet as I stop him by placing my hand on his chest.

“Jesus Christ man, just give me the fucking bag.” I grab the bag from him and sling it over my shoulder. “Let’s go. I thought you’d be better on those crutches by now.”

“Real funny cunt.” Noah begins to keep up with me as we continue down the sidewalk, as cars zoom past us in the street. “Why are we walking? Couldn’t we take a cab or an Uber? And why is it so god damn hot here? You guys know it’s winter right?”

“You’re kidding me right?” A puzzled expression comes across my face. “It’s winter in Australia, here in glorious Texas, it’s summer.”

“Whatever, still doesn’t explain why we are walking.”

“Noah, look around. Does this city strike you as one that has a flourishing economy? One that needs taxis and Ubers?” I reach a hand out to show the landscape. “This is considered one of their major metropolitan hubs, and look….”

“Fair Dinkum. Still doesn’t explain why you didn’t get a rental? I mean you drag me all the way out to Texas for a match in a different company, all so we can jump on a flight right afterwards.” Noah stated as we began walking into the front doors of what seems to be an airport.

As we walk into what should be a bustling airport, there’s nothing. Sure there are a few people, and of course TSA. As we walk deeper into the airport, we are both approached and directed towards the TSA line. Being that this is basically nowhere the line wasn’t long, and there were maybe five people in line in front of us. We walk up and take our place in line, as Noah leans up against the stantion and lets out a quick sigh.

“So why are you even going to Warfare? Aren’t you always on Savage?” He’s right, I am usually on Savage and I couldn’t think of a lie good enough.

“I don’t know, I guess I wanted to see Paris.” It’s true the history in that city is second to none, and I’m actually looking forward to finally being able to go someplace and actually enjoy it. ”It’s not like I was forced to compete on the lesser of the three brands.” Fourth wall break staring right into the camera.

“What are you looking at?” Noah leans over and breaks the line of sight. “You okay cunt? Are you having a stroke?”

“Plus there are a few things I have to get rid of once we get there.”Like I said amends and the first step is nothing but the truth. “Atara and I were planning on going when things calmed down, so when she went out for her first MMA fight in GGC I flew to Paris and set up a bunch of surprises.”

“Ahh how cute cunt....” The line begins to move as Noah grabs his crutches and limps forward a mere few feet. “So you’re just not going to address it while the both of you are there? I know you’ve been avoiding her at all costs, but seems like a perfect time to at least talk.”

“What are you talking about? She’s not going to be there, why would she? Like me she’s on Savage only and there’s no reason for her to be there.” Noah pulls out his phone and hands it over to me.

“Look right there cunt… ‘See you in Paris, -Step-Mumsie’. So whether you like it or not Dad, she’s going to be there.” It just doesn’t make any sense, why would she even bother? I can’t let it get to me. Sure I may not have all the time in the world now but I’ve got other business to attend to when we get there.

“You know what Noah.. You two have a great time catching up.” A quick eye roll, as the line begins to move again and we move forward. This could be a good thing. Noah can distract her while I galavant around the city taking care of everything. This just might work out.

“It’s about the mech suit right?”

“Ya think…”

“I’m sorry, but that's the only way I can move right now, Plus she needed my help.” She did, but she would never admit to that, and we all know that.

“Noah, I’m pretty sure she didn’t, and even if she did…” The line begins to move forward as we approach the front. “It’s not your concern.”

“Stop being a callous cunt. She’s a friend. She was in trouble, and I helped. I like Atty, and at one point you would’ve been right there by her side in that.” This fucking kid. How many times am I going to allow him to be right? I’m removed from my train of thought when the TSA agent waves us up. Noah hobbles right though the line, and awaits his bag on the other end.

I place mine on the conveyor belt and walk right through to the other side. I stand there for a few moments, and wait. That’s when a different TSA agent comes over and grabs me by the shoulder.

“Can you come with me sir?” Shocked I spin towards Noah and wave him on.

“Just go to the Gate Noah, I’ll be there shortly.” Noah gives me a puzzled expression, and shrugs as he disappears into the airport as I turn around to the Agent. “So what’s all this about? I’ve got a flight that I can’t miss otherwise someone will think I’m skirting responsibilties.”

Damn I’m getting good at some fourth wall breaking as once again I stare deadpan into the camera.

‘Sir… It’s all of these.” The agent grabs my bag, and dumps it out all over the table next to the line. As half a dozen pill bottles pour out all spread out with some rolling off onto the ground.

“Well if you must know Sir, I have many ailments, and I need each of those to function properly. If you need to call all of the Doctors about them you are more than welcome. They will all tell you that I need them, and the scripts are all legit.” I reach into my pocket and pull out my phone. I hand it over to the agent.“All their numbers are in there, they are listed as DOC. I’m just going to sit down and wait until this is all over.”

“Sorry sir, but that’s not how this is going to work. What we need to do is call the pharmacies where they were filled and get the hard copies. This may take a while.” A quick smirk comes across my face, as the agent’s attention is diverted. “What’s the grin for?”

“Oh nothing. That number is listed in my phone as well. If you give me five minutes and a fax number you can have it in no time flat.” The agent radios out and waits for confirmation. Then hands me my phone back.

“Well hurry up, your plane is pulling up to the gate and will be boarding soon.” I snatch the phone from him and dial out. After a few moments someone picks up on the other end.

“Hey there, Mr. Warstein here, yeah I’m going to need you to send the hard copies of my scripts to the TSA Agents here at the greater Dallas airport. Here’s the fax number.” As I rattled off the number, I begin to pack everything back into my bag. “Yeah I’m going to need that like yesterday.” I hang up the phone and continue to jam things back into my bag. “It should be coming through right about……..Now.”

Like I was the Fonz, as soon as I pointed to the archaic fax machine fires up and begins to spit out my paperwork. I sling my bag over my shoulder as I begin to walk away.

“That should do it. I’m just going to head to my gate now, and if there’s any issues feel free to contact my lawyer from here on out.” I throw up a quick peace sign.

“Now Boarding From Gate 18, Dallas to Paris flight number….”

That Agent wasn’t lying. I look up and see that I’m only at gate 2.

“Fuck….”

I begin to full sprint through the Airport. It was like something out of a movie. I was weaving inbetween people left and right. I knocked a man over and tried to say I’m sorry but it just came out as a gutteral growl. Approaching the Gate I see Noah throwing a stink witht the man at the counter.

“No Cunt! He will be here! Just hold the plane….”

“I’m Here… Noah… I’m here.”

Noah spins around and holds a hand out to emphasize his point.

“Told you stupid cunts he would be here… Hey dad.” As his demeanor quickly changes from pure anger to contentment when I approach.

“Let’s just get on the plane ok…” I take a deep breath and wipe the sweat that began to pour on my forehead.

The two of us begin to walk onto the plane. The beauty about these flights is the fact that I can afford to be late and still sit where I want. There’s nothing better than a first class seat on an international flight. The stewardess shows the two of us to our seats as we both plop down.

“So what happened there Dad?”

“I’ll tell you all about it when we land.”

“Right on cunt…” Noah grabs the inflight mask and covers his eyes. Shortly thereafter the flight was in the air, and I soon followed Noah’s lead and fell asleep.

A few hours later I was awoken by a buzz in my pocket. I pull out my phone and see that there’s a new message awaiting my response. I slide my finger across the screen and am met with pure shock.

“Seriously?” I said aloud as I checked the message on my phone. I shake Noah as he grumbles something under his breath as I jam the phone in front of his face. “This has to be some sort of joke right?”

“Of all the people to put me in a match with….” Pulling the phone back from the sleeping Noah. I quickly pan around the flight and most everyone is asleep. I turn on the camera on my phone facing me. A look of pure disappointment covers my face.

“You choose Mastermind? The same guy who hasn’t had a quality win in…. like a decade? Okay if this is how you’re going to invite me back to Warfare after I’ve given you one of the biggest ratings boost of all time…”

“And you wonder why I don’t come on this show.”

“It just so happens that I actually have some personal things to attend to while I’m in Paris, so I’ll just kill two birds with one stone.”

“So as I sit here actually befuddled that it’s Mastermind. And still confused why you choose a glass cage match…. Again. It’s as if this company can’t come up with new ideas, and they are just rerunning things in hopes that people don’t notice….” I pull the camera close to my face and whisperer. “They notice.”

“And while I sit here and wait for Leap of Faith, I have to face the blandest member of the XWF roster. I know that I’m scraping the bottom when I say that. It’s the low hanging fruit of insults when it comes to you. Just like you are. The low hanging fruit of the XWF. Not a single person here takes you seriously. When a match of yours comes on the TV, everyone gets up, goes to the bathroom, makes a snack, and comes back knowing what the outcome was already.”

“Another valiant effort by Mastermind, but as always he comes up just a bit short. You know it deep down that this one match is just way beyond you. You weren’t even the first choice for this match. You were thrown in here for scraps and to make sure I make it to Leap Of Faith. Congrats, you’re basically a filler spot now. You’ve become the new Big D, and yet somehow he’s become you. It’s a real chicken and the egg conundrum. Either way you’re now the jobber to the stars. Sure you won’t win. And of course the match isn’t going to be pretty, but hey you showed up and that’s half the battle these days isn’t it?”

“But why would so many people be adverse to challenging for the Universal Title? It’s an excellent opportunity. One that comes with its own perks. Well allow me to try and explain it. It’s much like The Fermi Paradox.”

“Don’t know what that is? That’s okay, I’ll explain it for you. It says with the number of potentially habitable Earth-like planets in our galaxy alone, it’s very strange that we haven’t detected alien signals of any kind so far. There’s tons of different theories as to why that 's like that but my favorite is called the great silence Dark Forest. Basically everyone else out there is being quiet and not transmitting because they know of some danger that we are unaware of, and they don’t want it to find them.”

“Right? I hit it spot on the nose didn’t I?”

“We might as well rename it the “Warstein Paradox”, with so many different contenders out there, everyone would rather I not turn my full attention on them. Instead they would rather….” I pause for a moment. “I’ve already been over the bitchassness of the rest of the roster. I don’t need to throw it out there again. Just know that the cowards way in, only leads to a cowards way out.”

“Since I’ve become the champ, I haven’t turned away any challenger. From Hanari, to Calvary, to even offering it up to Chris Page himself. I want everyone to challenge me. That way when they stand face to face with me, they will know….”

“That how I became champion wasn’t a fluke, or luck, or a major devious plot. No, it was what was going to happen all along. From the second I walked in the doors. This was everyone’s future. I am now the present.”

“So Mastermind, with the weight of everything crumbling down on your shoulders. With the world watching. Are you going to crumble like you did the last time we met? Or will you try and rewrite your own history?”

“Because I’m starting to think that you can’t get out of your own way. I mean sure you’ve got the Misfits with you…” I chuckle to myself and smile towards the camera. “But if I’m being brutally honest with you…”

“You guys are basically the AGK, with Heyman and all. The only question I really have is… were you guys thinking about this before or after Noah and I clubbed those baby seals back to irrelevance? It’s a spitting image of them, right down to the ability to put everyone to sleep. Antony is kinda like Heyman if he decided to get a lobotomy and begin to drool on himself. Then you’ve got the Hammer Von Moron taking the role of Kennedy, you know the one with the slow brain and can only speak in broken English almost as if they were giving out two for ones down at the inpatient. Mel pulls in the ranks as Glorious, mostly because the both of them think higher of themselves than they should. That leaves you as the Miz, I guess. The most decorated of the bunch. The one who calls the shots. The one who is in way over their head, and thinks they are keeping everyone’s attention when in reality no one really cares.”

“I mean look at me Mastermind…. I spent more time talking about people who aren’t even in the match than I did about you right there. That should tell you everything you need to know about what I truly think about you.”

“I’m one of those people that just loves the sound of their own voice. To most people they can’t wait to shut me up. Most people fail. You Mastermind are the definition of MOST people.” I pause for a moment and point at the camera. “When I look at you I don’t see a threat. I see a man grasping onto the youth of this industry. Claiming that he will show them the promised land. That he will take them to heights they have never seen. Mastermind, you are a false prophet. You can’t lead them to the top…”

“You’ve never been there….” I smack myself in the forehead with my palm.

“Damn I’m already pulling out my stuff for Centurion…”

“Eh Tomato, TahMaTo.”

I close my phone's camera and send the video off to the XWF’s promo department. Slowly I place the eye mask on and roll over back to sleep. It felt like I was sleeping for a second, before the plane’s wheels hitting the ground shook the whole cabin.

“Oi Cunt!” It clearly caught Noah off guard as he sits up looking around without taking his mask off. “Some of us are trying to sleep off a few VB’s over here”

“Relax… we landed.” Noah pulls off his mask and jams it into his bag.

“I slept the whole flight?” I nod Yes as Noah gets a look of disappointment. “Man. I was finally gonna watch Brooklyn 99. You talk about that show enough, I figured I’d have plenty of time.”

“Don’t worry Noah, that show isn’t going away anytime soon.” As soon as the plane comes to a stop I stand up, and Noah grabs me to pull me back down.

“Dad…. don’t be one of those guys.” I quickly swipe his hand away and point to everyone else in first class.

“I know you’re used to being in the back with the other creatures on the plane, but up here…” I grab him by the arm and drag him upwards. “Up here there’s plenty of room and we are the first ones off anyways. Get your shit and let’s get out of here.”

“Seriously cunt?”

“Yeah. When you pay for perks, you get perks. Now get your stuff and let’s go. I’ve got a lot of places to hit before she does.” My phone buzzes once again as I pull it out and check it. “Well that’s interesting. Looks like I’ll have a bit more time than I anticipated.”

Noah smiles from ear to ear as he flips off everyone not in first class and tosses me his bag to carry.

“Dad, we are going to Fuck Paris up!” I smile at Noah as we begin to exit the plane.

“Hell yeah we are Noah.”

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