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X-treme Wrestling Federation BOARDS » Warfare Boards » "Wednesday Warfare" RP Board
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Superheroes & Debts
Author Message
The Hired Gun Offline
THE CCWF Hired Gun
TITLE - Hart

XWF FanBase:
Women and gay men

(physically attractive male on every level; can seduce you; that disarming smile; those bedroom eyes)

Post: #1
06-30-2020 12:03 PM

So, let’s get something out of the way right now. If you came here expecting a normal Hired Gun promo then you’re going to be disappointed because that’s not what this is, however don’t be alarmed. I dropped a few promos under my other alias that are more on par with my normal Hired Gunnery. So, if that’s what you came for then go check out my Collector promos. I mean you didn’t think that I mentioned Cage Cannon in the middle of my Hart Title promos for no reason did you? It’s almost as if I knew he was going to be my next opponent as The Collector and I was getting a few early shots in. Nah, I’d never do that… Or would I?

You see that, that’s exactly what we’re here to talk about today. Make no mistake about what happened last Warfare, Centurion is better than I am. I have no problem admitting it, he’s better than me across the board except when it comes to entertainment, deception, and unpredictability. Entertainment really has no bearing on a goddamn thing other than the fact that you sick fucks would rather tune in and watch my sick fuckery than tune in and watch Centurion’s cookie cutter antics. Cookie cutter antics that quickly turn into cringe antics whenever he tries to step out of his cookie cutter antics safe zone. I mean did you see him trying to make dick jokes?

Centurion Said:That's why, when Hired Gun says he's going to molest me, I kind of want to bring a can of pepper spray. I get it - he wants to touch my dick. Who doesn't? My dick is 100% Made In America Grade A Beef. It's the filet mignon of dicks. There's a reason I don't talk about it much - I know there are people out there in happy marriages right now, and I'd hate to ruin that if the word got about about my thick cock.

Oh sweet Jesus that was terrible, I’m pretty sure having “the talk” with my mother would be less awkward and cringeworthy than that shit was. Now would you like to have your fucking minds blown? Remember Centurion getting all huffy because I used his words against him from a few weeks ago? Remember he called me Mastermind because of it? Now, do you remember what the words were that I used against him?

Centurion Said:Centurion: There's another reason why I refuse to do an all #SpookyShit promo - because it would be disingenuous. You would see right through it. You would be able to tell right away that I was being something that I'm not.

I MASTERED YOUR MOTHERFUCKING MIND BRUH! There’s an old saying that goes never wrestle with a pig because you get dirty and the pig likes it. I will do you one better, I’m like a snakehead fish in every way imaginable. I’m invasive, I give zero fucks, and for the most part no matter what body of water you drop me into you can bet your sweet ass that I’m about to fuck up the food chain. More so than that, swamps and muddy waters mean nothing to me, I thrive in those conditions. Shit, I might even hop out of the water altogether for a while just because I can. That is not what Centurion is. Centurion is a tough old bastard, much like a Goliath Grouper, at least when he’s in his comfort zone but if you drag him out of that it’s game over. You can’t pull a Goliath Grouper onto dry land, they collapse under their own body weight. They’re not switching bodies of water either. They’re just like Centurion, masters of their comfort zone but reduced to nothing when they’re dragged out of it. However, heading into my match with Cent it didn’t even take much dragging on my part.

All I did was nudge him and watch him tumble over like the confederate monuments and the confederacy they represented. Think about that for a second, I toyed with Centurion. Like he was a horse and I had a carrot attached to my dick dangling just out of his reach. I treated him with kid gloves, and yet here I sit as your Hart Champion. For 263 days Centurion slapped around every contender that came his way much like he slaps around drugged out hookers in his free time. Yet I had him out here looking greener than a jade Mastermind action figure. Oh and by the way Cent.

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I suppose I could stop kicking a beaten dog while he’s down, I could stop poking fun at the fact that I stopped him from reaching Robert NPC’s illustrious record. I could, but then I wouldn’t be the fucking Hired Gun. Remember I didn’t fucking send for Centurion, I didn’t give a shit about Centurion, I still don’t give a shit about Centurion. Centurion sent for me and I sent Centurion to the fucking shadow realm to reevaluate his life choices. The best part will be when he comes back and starts slapping this oh so “talented” XWF roster around even worse than he did before. You know, fully fulfilling his role as an instrument of destruction for Shane Carver all the while cursing his creator much like Frankenstein’s monster. Can we just start referring to Centurion as Dr. Shanenstein’s Monster?

Anyway, I believe Centurion has now been broken enough so let’s get down to some actual business shall we? I want all of you to be honest. Other than the Universal Title can you really tell me who the fuck had the longest title reign without looking it up? Cent said it himself, I’m an old school guy and I don’t particularly give a fuck about titles. Actually in my opinion they cause more of a headache than anything. Like how I now have to defend one of them. Aside from me having to vacate my leisurely part time XWF life in order to defend The Hart Title,there’s a reason titles in general don’t mean that much to me. What they’re supposed to do is give the roster something to strive for while simultaneously showing who the “best” in the federation is at that point in time. The problem? Well, who thinks Fuzzstein is the best wrestler in the XWF today? Anyone? ANYONE? HELLO? MCFLY? BUELLER? Part of being an old school guy means I’ve seen it all and I’ve done it all. Part of seeing it all entails witnessing undeserving champions and that was BEFORE all of this cash in business started. Now it’s even easier for undeserving jerk offs to climb to the top of the mountain, once again look at Fuzzstein. That’s the TOP title in the XWF that I’m talking about so my feelings about the Hart Title should be pretty fucking obvious.

With that we finally arrive at the Nazi Elephant in the room, Elephant Nazi? Or is it Nathaniel Elephant now? You know for a roster full of salty fucks who get all bent out of shape about masked wrestlers, you motherfuckers sure do change identities a lot. But I digress. Nazi, as if you couldn’t tell by the amount of attention that I’ve given you this week, you’ve registered a 0 on my giveafuckometer. It also appears that I’ve registered a 0 on yours and honestly I can’t fucking blame you. You had a date with Centurion not me, yet here we are. Why? CHAMPIONSHIP BOOKING BULLSHIT! Exhibit 900 as to why titles can promptly and aggressively eat my ass. The fact remains that here we are, two guys who don’t give a shit about each other thrown together in a match for a title that neither one of us gives a shit about. You know, I’m half tempted to see if my buddy Gilmour wants the Hart Title. Nah, he’d probably be insulted if I offered him a piece of shit like this. Gilly deserves so much fucking better. Perhaps I’ll leave it in a truck stop toilet somewhere or maybe I’ll bury it in the shallow grave where Centurion is currently keeping his pride… Along with a few hookers he “went too far” with. I don’t fucking know bruh but what I can tell you is I’m bored now and we all know what happens when I get bored. I transform into my spirit animal….

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Wait? Did I just outlast everybody on my team at War Games then turn around and beat a champion that reigned for 263 days and made everybody his bitch. Only to then immediately turn around and half ass my first title defense while shitting all over the title I just acquired? YEP! And if you’re all butthurt about it let me hit you with a quick dose of reality. I did it because I can. They say everyone is gifted but some never open their package. That’s true, I don’t open my package. However that doesn’t mean I can’t whip my package out and drag it across your fucking foreheads whenever I feel like it. Or to put it in layfaggots terms, consider me Randy Moss. I take plays off when I fucking feel like it but that doesn’t mean I won’t come back the very next play and MOSS THAT ASS. So in conclusion, to all the butthurt bottom boys using their tears as lube while they jerk off to the thought of winning the Hart Title and curse my name because I’ve got talent to waste while they’re wastes of talent….

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Nathaniel Idenhaus (06-30-2020), Peter Fn Gilmour (06-30-2020), The Collector (06-30-2020)
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