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Boris Is No Biskit!
Author Message
Boris Offline

XWF FanBase:
Some of everyone

(cheered; very rarely plays dirty but isn't lame either; many likable qualities)

Post: #1
06-10-2020 12:52 PM

"Thank you, Boris! You are so wonderful! We will make statue in your honor!"

Thank you blin, but is no big deal. Boris just did what I said I would do - make Red-X evacuate the XWF like it is petrol station in Chernobyl. Is no big deal - after all, Red-X was not Slav. He was furthest thing FROM Slav. He was...French. At least he fight like Frenchman.

Not only did I take down that debil Red-X, but Boris also helped his team make it to main event of show. Sure, Boris was eliminated in match and could not compete in main event, but I still count this as victory. Had Boris not shown up, Henry Cars and his team would not have made it to main event of Game of War, and this you can not prove otherwise. So two wins in one night, including tossing Red-X out the window? Oy blin, Boris should be in contention for Star Of May! I sell most merch, I get rid of bad potato, and I lead army to big victory. They is no one else who can say same blin!

Aye, but Boris can not take time to celebrate, for I have match on Anchor. Is big match too, comrades. Good friend Alexei and I will team up for first time. We will be worst nightmare for Western spies! We are return of Eastern Bloc! Just couple of strong Eastern Europeans bringing down the Iron Certain on all the debils! This is greatest team in Anchor history, cyka blyat!

But this is not just normal match. That would be too boring for Van Lake. No, he must put Boris in weird matches. He must always try to humiliate Boris. Why do you not like Boris, Van? Is it because you are Western spy, too? This would be sad blin. You do not look like Western spy, but Boris has been tricked before. Borsha, there was one time Boris flirt with lady in Estonian bar. She seem interested in seeing Boris' "cheeki breeki". Turns out, she was wearing wire! Cyka blyat! Now, she say "no, is not wire, is just necklace", but Boris can see right through the lies of Western spies. I say to woman "you tell Lyndon Johnson he will not kill Boris!" Then I drink vodka, grab Kalashnikov, and run back to Slovakia. Boris can take no chances!

So what must Boris and Good Friend Alexei do to win match? Do we just pin opponents or make them quit? Nu blin, of course not. We must cover them in flour and turn them into food. Why waste perfectly good flour? You Americans waste too much. If Babushlka ever saw Boris rolling around in flour, she would hit me with spoon. "Boris, do not waste! Every cup of flour you waste is 10 Rubles out of my poclet!" She would make me pay for it, too, blin. Babushka is scary woman.

But if this is way to win match, then this is what Boris and Alexei will do. We will not waste single milligram, either. You want to cover them in gravy, Boris will do that, too. I may even add some mayonez just to put a little Slav in it.

Though it will be terrible American mayonez. Boris would never waste good mayonez, blin.

We fight two opponents. One is Jamaican Jimmy. Boris is going to be honest, comrades. I do not feel comfortable covering this man in gravy and flour. Not while world is as it is. I may be Slav, but even Boris knows Black Lives Matter. This seem little inappropriate given the world. Beside, he is forced to team with Mini Morbid, which is punishment enough blin. Take it from Boris - being on same side of ring as Mini is a problem. Boris has to wash tracksuit for two week because of the cyka stink.

So Boris will not dishonor Jimmy. If anyone gets covered in flour, it will be Mini. This will be a positive for Mini. Flour and gravy? Is best Mini ever look blin! And he may be forced to take shower after. If nothing else, we can feed him to tigers. Boris hears adding a little fish oil will allow tiger to eat human body. Boris also hears Baskin Robbins murdered husband.

Mini, Boris does not like you. You are not funny. You are not good in ring. And you have head twice the size of body. How is this possible blin? You also never take off boxing gloves, which must make typing very difficult and likely completely unexplainable, as if it were some running joke that only young Gopniks in their 30's would even understand blin.

Biggest reason Boris does not like you, Mini, is because of your attitude. You are comedy character. You do not take wrestling seriously. Unlike Boris, who is most serious man on roster. Boris can not stand the cyka disrespect you show to sport. You need taught a lesson. You need to feel power of the cheeki breeki. Maybe then you will become serious like Boris.

Boris admit, this will be difficult when you are covered in flour and gravy.

I apologize, Babushka, for what you are about to see tomorrow night. If there is any flour left, Boris will bring it home. Maybe you can make Cousin Antoli and I some piroskhi with it for when we return. Oy blin, it will be good! Maybe Good Friend Alexei will join us for wonderful victory feast. Oppa!

[Image: KGR16Cy.png]
Oppa! - 9 1/2
Blyat! - 8 1/2
Neither! - 0

Former Weight Of Metal Champion
WINNER - Race Across The Everglades in the Slav Cruiser 9000!
2020 XWF Games Tug Of War Gold Medalist
Both Won And Lost The Quarantine Battle Royal
Successfully Contracted Coronavirus
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