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Zane Norrison · (05-16-2020)

"Whoa-ho! Vita Valenteen, coming at you live and in stereo, shooting my promo against Zane Norrison - XWF's very own resident zombie. Or so he claims. Like if he's really a zombie, don't corpses rot and stink up a storm? What does he line the inside of his clothes with air fresheners, whenever and wherever, he travels? Oh wait, I know, Axe body spray, all the way! What stops the decay though? What is keeping this man together? Brain consumption?"

"Must be some supernatural explanation that can't actually be explained but somehow, magically works. And really clever, Zane doesn't even know the reason, himself. He explains it or rather excuses his ignorance, by saying he wasn't given a guide book on being a zombie. There's no instruction manual."

"Dude, you have been a zombie for three years now and you have a team of super pals, equipped with a robot and no one can help you research this stuff? Seriously? Like where's Azrael, when you need the spaceman, he doesn't have powers anymore but he's got a full on mad scientist's laboratory and he can't afford the time to help you? The spaceman, who never turns down the word - help, doesn't have time for his zombie buddy. He just plucks you off the street, gets you a job and an apartment, with a snap of his fingers but he can't spare two minutes, to aid you in a quest of self discovery."

"It doesn't make any sense. What is the man doing? He doesn't have powers anymore, so he isn't teleporting all over the universe, saving worlds and kicking ass. It sounds like you must have done something wrong. He's pissed at you and now, you've been unfriended. Sucks to be you, man. What sort of hilarious thing did you do? Could it be threaten his son, Donovan?"

"Even funnier than your actual mistake, your girlfriend cheated on you... the only girl who slept with a zombie and survived the virus, she up and slept with Donovan. Even better still, you never made good on that threat. You did nothing. Instead, you turned the other cheek and forgave him and now, Donovan is married to the woman. Yet, you are supposed to be this undead abomination."

"Oooooo.... all fear the terrifying zombie. He'll rip you apart and bite you in a fight but when push comes to shove, he's too much of a pushover, loser to stand his ground and step up when his friend wrongs him. What is Donovan going to do to you, oh mighty animated cadaver? That pretty boy is all talk and no show and I have proof by his past failures, which happen to out number his victories."

"Sure, he started out strong, I'll give him that credit but over-time the sizzle of the spotlight that he claims to crave, so bad was too much for him to take and this is the man, you couldn't step up to and smack down off his unwarranted high horse.Why did you let him punk you out like that and disrespect you? Cause in the end, you aren't shit and you know it, so you squashed your beef, all in the name of friendship."

"What a load of bullshit! Then you help him cook Christmas dinner, not only did he piss all over you, by sleeping with your girlfriend but he made you his bitch. Should have bent you over and fucked you too. He basically did that anyway and you took it. But I am supposed to be frightened of you. Man, I'm a small female and I'll beat your ass, come this Saturday."

"When I go places, I bring a collapsible step stool, just in case I need to reach something on a high shelf. When I ride on the bus or train, my feet don't even touch the floor. That's right, they dangle there, almost touching the floor but not quite. I buy my clothes in the children's section of my local retail store. Once Michael Graves, put me in the overhead compartment on a plane. Because he wanted two seats and I fit! People call me 'fun size'."

"These are tiny girl problems and they are very real but guess what, I don't broadcast that stuff, I stand tall, in spite of being short and I dominate. I'm a superhero with no powers and people recognize it. You have to be Zombie Zane, resident outcast and weirdo. I am known for my courage and strength, meanwhile you're a zero that's called out constantly for being a fake and you know what, maybe they're false in their accusations and it is the truth. Perhaps you are a zombie but if I were in your shoes, I'd start obtaining some knowledge about my own kind."

"Instead of leaving all these holes in your story, for people to call out. I would want to know, why I'm different and not a stumbling, groaning, snarling monster. Like what the actual fuck?!?! Are you stupid or just look that way from all the drugs that you used to consume? Wise up, get some common sense and educate yourself, so you don't sound ignorant and you can shut down the doubters. Shut them up for real and for good."

"First thing's first, I'm going to beat the shit out of you and you'll claim a loss to a chick, that once wore lifts in her shoes and has to stand on things in photo shoots to appear taller. I needed to use a step stool in order to step up on the last thing! Cause it was too tall for my tiny legs to step up onto it.Yep, I'm short and what, I'll still kick your ass and move on to the next giant, behemoth that I have to wrestle. Fully confident that I'll totally kick ass."

"I'm the female David and you're about to be toppled. Hah! It's cool though, right? You're kind of used to being knocked down and beaten. Boom! You just got owned! Now all I have to do is make it legit tomorrow night. Like that's even a question, regarding whether or not it'll happen. Fuck this... I'm done with you, I'm going to go eat some munchkins and get myself a juicebox."

"I just like those things..."

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