**Hold tight**

A cameraman has caught up with Jimmy who’s still looking to rescue Thunder Knuckles from the cult that is The Ministry of FUN. Jimmy looks frantic; he hasn’t slept well since discovering Thunder Knuckles was kidnapped. He also hasn’t been eating properly skipping several day's worths of meals.


Cameraman, good! You're here! That means Thunder Knuckles is still alive. After more research on the Ministry of FUN and that shady fake Christian, Bartholomew.


Jimmy looks even more pissed when he says the name, Bartholomew.


Bartholomew… Has been linked to murders that can't be proven! Anyway, I tracked down a phone number and it turns out it's constantly changing. Yeah! I know right, shocking. I’m about to call it and find out where Thunder Knuckles is.


Jimmy pulls out his cell phone but not before seeing an XWF notification regarding Thunder Knuckles's placement in War Games.


Seventh not bad… It could have been higher if I was there… Damn phone, always feeding you information. While you're trying to make a phone call.


Jimmy dials the number he found and it begins to ring. Once it begins ringing Jimmy flips it to speakerphone so the Cameraman can hear too.


Ministry of FUN.

Hello. Where can I find you?

Who is this?


The voice said on the other end of the phone in a monotone but inquisitive manner.


I don’t know who you are, but I know about Bartholomew. I don’t know what you want. If it’s money or xbux I don't have any but what I do have is a special set of skills that I have acquired through my good friend Thunder Knuckles. Skills that make me a fever dream for people like you. If you let Thunder Knuckles go now. Nothing will happen. I won’t bring down on you the full might of XWF fans around the world, If you don’t I will. I will find you and I will kill everyone I see.





Then begins a long dramatic pause. Before the voice ominously says in the same monotone voice.


Good Luck.


The person on the other end of the phone hangs up. Jimmy looks like a man with nothing to lose.


He should have hung up before he said anything because I found his location! Smartphones, baby! Come on, Cameraman! Let's go to my car and head for them!


Jimmy and the Cameraman rush to the car. They get in and drive to the undisclosed location. They don’t have much time to waste as Thunder Knuckles is three hours away in Washington D.C.


Are my dish gloves in there? Just on top? Don’t touch anything in there.


The cameraman checks the glove box. The cameraman shakes his head “yes” to Jimmy.


Good, I might have to use them.


Jimmy speeds off as evidence on the cameraman catches Jimmy's speedometer that reads one hundred and five miles an hour while Jimmy gets onto the interstate.

**Communion**

Bartholomew is holding service in the cathedral room mid-afternoon. The air conditioning is broken so the windows are open, flooding the room with the smell of lavender, which grows in abundance on the property. Thunder Knuckles is sitting with a congregation of at least two hundred people. They all have one white pajamas on, including Thunder Knuckles himself. A camera is placed to give everyone in attendance a good view of Bartholomew. Another camera is placed to get the reaction of Thunder Knuckles because Vinnie Lane cuts no expense when it comes to how promos are shot.


1 Corinthians chapter 11, is where I’d like us to focus... At the beginning of verse 23. Where the Bible reads, For I received of that Lord that which also I delivered unto you, the Lord Jesus in the same night which he was betrayed took bread and when he had given thanks, he broke it and said, Take, eat, this is my body, which is broken for you. Do this in remembrance of me. After the same manner, also he took the cup when he had supped saying, this cup is the new testament in my blood.

Brutal…

This do ye,

Is that even a thing? Ye?

as oft as ye eat this bread, and drink this cup, ye do show the Lord's death until he comes.


Thunder Knuckles sits in silence.


Today I want to preach on the subject of communion. Let's go back to Matthew Chapter 26. We’re going to kind of follow this subject through the new testament as it shows up. Don’t worry I won't keep you too long. I know everyone’s excited about the big bake sale tomorrow. I know Pastor Bartholomew, get to the point.


Bartholomew tries to cut a joke that falls flat.


Harsh crowd.


Bartholomew who shakes off the flat joke, as fast as he said it, says...


Starting in the book of Matthew. The apostle Paul, in Corinthians 11, is referring back to this event. He says I received the same thing that you received. Which is the tradition of Jesus doing this at the last supper with his disciples, and telling them that they do as often as they did in remembrance of him.


Thunder Knuckles looks bored and is starting to wonder. When Bartholomew is going to give Thunder Knuckles what he promised? “Riches beyond his wildest dreams.”


Let’s go back to that event and follow this subject through the new testament. In Matthew chapter 26 verse 26, it says, As they were eating, Jesus took bread and blessed it, and broke it, and gave it to his disciples and said, Take, Eat. This is my body. He took the cup and gave thanks and gave it to them to drink. Drink all of it, for this is my blood of the new testament, which is shed for many for the remission of sins. But I say unto you, I will not drink henceforth of the fruit of the vine until that day when I drink anew with you in my Father’s Kingdom.


Thunder Knuckles is growing impatient for the good, vengeful God, stuff.


Now go to Mark chapter 14 we see something very similar beginning in verse 22. The Bible reads, And as they eat, Jesus took bread and blessed it and break it, and gave it unto them, and said, Take, eat. This is my body. He took the cup and when he had given thanks, he gave it to them, and they all drank it, and he said unto them, This is the blood of the new testament which is shed for many. Verily I say unto you, I will drink no more of the fruit of the vine until that day drink it new in the Kingdom of God.


Thunder Knuckles pokes the man on the left with his elbow to get the man's attention.


Why didn't Jesus say all that in Matthew and got it over with?


The man looks upset and looks back at Pastor Bartholomew. Obviously irritated that Thunder Knuckles distracted him from getting closer to Jesus.


This is not a subject the Bible talks a lot about. You have 1 Corinthians chapter 11, and then we have this passage that is found in the first three of the four gospels. We have some scriptures in Acts that could apply. Maybe we take a look at them, maybe we don’t. We also have the teaching of Passover, which the communion is just a new testament version of the Passover, in a sense. There's not a whole lot of scriptures, it's not super specific, or super detailed. For example, There’s no frequency given, where he says, do it every week. Do it every month. Do it every month. Do it only on Easter. Do it every five years on the second Sunday of the month of June. No. There are no stipulations.


Thunder Knuckles smiles.


But there are stipulations for our match Michael Graves. We’re having a good ‘Ol fashion finger poke of doom match. Yep, first one to land the devastating finger poke to the chest. Wins.


Thunder Knuckles nodes.


It just says as often as you do it, do it in remembrance of me. I’m going to teach you directly from the Bible what I believe the scripture teaches. If you walk away and disagree with my interpretation here, then, by all means, walk away disagreeing.


Bartholomew looks at his flock with a shit-eating grin.


Honestly, I believe that I'm right. I've prayed on this and studied on this and I believe that what I’m preaching is right! I don’t condemn people who have a different interpretation of my teachings, God will.

A FUCKING MEN! God’s one spiteful son of a bitch, Brother Bartholomew.


It’s Pastor Bartholomew.


Bartholomew raises his hand slightly to acknowledge Thunder Knuckles's existence, for a meer moment, with a fake smile to hide disdain.


Thank you Brother Thunder Knuckles. Now look down at your Bible there in Luke chapter 22 verse 15. It reads, And he said unto them, with desire, I have desired to eat this Passover with you before I suffer.

Wow. That’s a bold ass statement, isn't it?

Now that’s significant, right?


The entire crowd murmuring “yes”. Except for Thunder Knuckles, who was looking around the Cathedral at everyone like he was supposed to know to say “yes”.


Connecting the last supper with Passover. He said I’ve desired to eat this Passover with you!


The crowd in the cathedral all lightly applauded. Thunder Knuckles was on top of it this time and applauded just a little louder than everyone else.


He says in verse 16 of the same book. For I say unto you, I will not anymore eat thereof until it be fulfilled-

Like ‘Ol Thunder Knuckles fulfills all his obligations to XWF.

-in the Kingdom of God. He took the cup and gave thanks and said, Take this and divide it amongst yourselves, for I say unto you, I will not drink of the fruit of the vine until the Kingdom of God shall come. He took the bread, and gave thanks, and break it, and gave unto them saying, this is my body which is given for you. This do in remembrance of me. Likewise also the cup after supper saying, This cup is the new testament in my blood, which is shed for you. What can we learn from these three passages?

That Jesus says the same thing over and over a lot?


The people who heard him all look at him with disgust, most shaking their heads in disapproval.


Something I said? Shit.


Thunder Knuckles shrugs his shoulders.


We see that there are two elements to this. There's the eating of the unleavened bread that is broken to symbolize the fact that Jesus’s body was broken for us. When he died on the cross, he sacrificed his body. His body was physically broken for us-


Like Michael Graves will be sacrificing his body in our finger poke of doom match! The most brutal unforgiving match. That you’ve never actually seen competitively in your fucking life! Follow that shit on twitter #FPOD.


-That he shed his blood for us in that the remission of sins, salvation is through the blood of Jesus Christ.


The crowd all says AMEN, of course, Thunder Knuckles said A Fucking MEN. That’s become expected.


Now I don’t believe in alcohol. So, we have Cherry Kool-Aid. Which will symbolize the sinless blood of Jesus Christ. That unleavened bread, which we have real bread. Made right here on-site, which symbolizes the sinless body of Jesus Christ that will be broken for the sins of mankind.


Bartholomew raises his hands from his side as if to tell his flock to rise. In-kind they oblige.





Now, each one of you, my children, come up to me one by one. I will break this bread and EAT! I will give you this Kool-Aid and DRINK! In remembrance of JESUS! Follow the person in front of you into the next room and out the back door, I have something to show you all!


One by one the congregation walked up to Bartholomew who was breaking bread. Repeating the same thing over, and over, and over again. Once Thunder Knuckles made it up to Bartholomew. Bartholomew smiled and said.


Thunder Knuckles have you learned to accept that I, Bartholomew, am the one true path to greatness in XWF?

I was more wondering when I was going to get my riches beyond my wildest dream. Because I have some pretty wild fucking dreams. Like this one, where I cut a promo with my hand up Michael Graves ass trying to dig out the golden potato. But you don’t know that until the end. After I'm done talking shit. I’d finally grab it from inside of his ass, but little to my knowledge Michael Graves hadn't shat, in like a week. So when I do get that little bastard golden potato and pull it out. I get sprayed with diarrhea.

How does that help you?

It doesn’t. It would just be entertaining. Centurion, take notes. Gross… But entertaining. Then I could say things like; I had a Michael Graves puppet on a whole promo once. If Noah Jackson was around he’d say that was sick. I just know it.


Bartholomew shakes his head


Soon, my child, very soon.


Bartholomew breaks the bread for Thunder Knuckles.


This is my body which is given for you. Do this in remembrance of Jesus Christ.


Thunder Knuckles opens his mouth and Bartholomew places the break on Thunder Knuckles tongue. Bartholomew begins to pour Cherry Kool-Aid into a small dixie cup and hands it to Thunder Knuckles.


This cup is the new testament in my blood, which Jesus Christ shed for you.


Thunder Knuckles drinks the Kool-Aid. Then follows behind the people walking into the other room. As he exits the room slowly, because the line isn't moving very fast, he begins to preach on Michael Graves.

**PREACH**

Michael Graves seems to be on a tear since coming back to the ring. I would say XWF but that isn’t the case. He’s currently being employed by Ms. Direction. We all know it’s you, Vita, give it up! Remember that time you had me take a dive for you? Well, those days are over! I got the power fucking Christ now. So Michael Graves can’t even buy a win from ‘Ol Thunder Knuckles. God knows he tried at the War Games Pay Per View. Imagine a world where I did take Michael Graves's money. Michael Graves probably would have lasted longer. Goddamn!... Sorry, Jesus. He might have won the whole damn thing! So the both of you, founders of BOB, can shove it up your supervillain asses. Yeah. Didn't let your little evil empire expand at War Games. I'm not even a fucking superhero and thwarted Michael Graves's hopes of carrying Team Taco Carne Asada to victory. Your welcome for the night off, Ruby. Just being a good American.


Thunder Knuckles begins to rub his left eye like somethings in it.


What was it Michael Graves said? Is it hot in here?


Thunder Knuckles points down to the bottom of the screen for Todd to do his job. With his other hand, he wipes the sweat from his forehead.

(06-01-2020, 01:00 PM)iGRAVESuFAGGOT Said: So, after I win this 4th teir belt, I'm officially nominating YOU as my first "challenger", and I use that term looser than your asshole after Pink Perfection Pegging.

Talking to Chris Chaos, or the world of Chris Chaos, I'm not sure which one I'm looking at when I see him. Does he really think he deserves a title shot? Fuck me. Always You were talking about a title you don't even hold yet. Fuck! Have NEVER held. You thought to yourself. If I can’t talk my way into a Universal Championship match or even an Xtreme title match. Which by the way, good job capturing that elusive gold at War games! How long were you Champion? Like an hour and a half maybe. HA! I once tried to sell a championship belt I didn't capture first. It didn't work out too well. You'll figure that out when you fight Chris Choas for no fucking reason. Other than the fact you shot your mouth off.


Thunder Knuckles's eyes become more blurry and now he's starting to sweat heavily in the armpit area.


The fuck is wrong with my eyes, man. Anyway, This sack of shit thinks he can just run in on matches spraying pink mist in people's faces. Heavy lies the fucking crown, I guess. I was hoping the first "real" legend would be, like a Centurion, lesser tier legend. But no I get stuck on an even lower rung, above Peter Gilmour. Wait. That's right. Peter Gilmour has won the Universal Championship. Something I can't personally say but Graves you've never won it either. All these years and you haven't even won MY BELT, the Television Title. I'm sorry Gilly, Michael Graves is one rung below you when it comes to accomplishments. Your little tear end here, pal.


As Thunder Knuckles closes in on the outside door, he feels funny. Inside he panics because it feels like his insides are on fire. As he stumbles out the door, he sees everyone who was before him, coughing up blood, if not them than the ones dead on the ground. That’s when he collapses.


Fade to Black.