ooc: 2943 words according to the board's counter
Setting the mood:
Maybe more appropriate than you think lol and a damn good song! /ooc

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If there's one thing you need to understand about Shane , it's that he just doesn't care.

No no, I don't mean to say he doesn't care about anything... but if you're here today and hearing my voice, I mean to tell you he most certainly does not care about you. Sadly, I must be the first to admit, he also doesn't care about me.

Just who am I, though? Well, I'm Shane ... so I'd know what he cares about.

Except I'm not the Shane you want. Sorry. You'll understand more later unless you're a completely oblivious, self absorbed, worthless piece of trash that only pays attention to yourself and your own developments. Wait, what? In XWF? Naaaaaah, there's NOBODY like that here! So yes, you'll definitely eventually understand just who I am and who I'm not.

Moving on, let's have a friendly chat, shall we?

Hi Centurion.

Let's start with you.

Ah, and there's the gulp. That lump; I already heard it from here. Maybe sip some water, dear boy? It won't be THAT bad, yet.

Do you know exactly why Shane doesn't care about you? Because he MADE you correctly the first time, so he doesn't need to follow up all that much. Not only did you get your first big break in the business as a direct result of Shane signing a rookie contract with you in his CCWF ( Championship Wrestling Federation) but he's also gone on to shit on you and slap you in the face in more ways than one could ever count. He has in a sense weathered you like a father with storm inducing loins — doing everything wrong to make the end result oh, so, right.

Why should Shane, today, care about one of his own, perfectly obsolete inventions that still runs on his original lifeblood? Sure, he kicked around his worthless donkey a.k.a. you enough times that the donkey finally developed a bit of a leather skin, but hey, it also has been getting OLDER the entire time. Part of the reason for that leather skin is just being ever closer to that constantly beckoning release, release, RELEASE..... ahhhhhhh.

I care about you though, Centurion. I sure do. I care in such a way that I know it would be in Shane's best interest to NOT single you out in this captain's elimination match because if the XWF staff witnesses Shane single handedly ragdoll you from pillar to post, spank your bare ass until you scream uncle, and inject you with his seed... guess what? Staff is going to have the bright idea of eventually booking Shane against you for that Hart Championship you've done such an impressive job of defending while maintaining the undeniable narrative that a "CCWF original" is STILL in this day and age better than any XWF original, XWF current, or XWF n00b– a very distinguished set that Mr. Warstein is, somehow, all three of, but I digress.

Cent, I'd hate for Shane of all people to have to be the one to break you down and, in doing so, sabotage Shane's own message to this current crop of ... heh heh... uh.... "talent" and I use that term as loosely as your name would have attached to any top tier, in any outside field of true THREATS.

While your dominance over XWF names is impressive, Centurion... the thing Shane and I both agree on is that the very best aspect of your superiority here is that you're one of Shane's jobbers. It's perfect on every level. This would be like if John Black or The Crimson Dong went on to dominate some other shitty federation for months on end. Sure, it would speak volumes to the level of XWF creations versus the home growns in that other shitty fed... but John Black and Crimson Dong are still ham and eggers in the grand scheme of things.

John Black, Centurion, Crimson Dong. My god, what a trio you'd make.

Now, Cent, may I also make a suggestion that's in your best interest? It's the exact same as I just stated, oddly enough. Don't make the mistake of allowing yourself to be alone with Shane and let staff see him absolutely humbling you, breaking your back, and making you scream for mercy. Again, they don't know how to book. They'll just be like, "oh hey Shane vs Cent for the title sure sounds goodums!" and the other staff member will be like, "Hur hurdy by gosh you'z right! BOOK EEET!" ...and out of what would seem like the otherwise clear blue to people paying attention to the title scene, all of a sudden we'll just see a random television show with Cent vs Shane for the Hart title. UGH! Trust me, Cent. YOU. DO. NOT. NEED. THAT. IN. YOUR. LIFE. ANY. TIME. SOON.

P.E.R.I.O.D.

Wait, did I just basically take care of our reigning Universal Champion in that same swoop of brilliance and unbiased concern for those beneath me? Why, I think I DID!

Hi Shawn!

Shane here!

But not the Shane that's been running circles around you for months now anytime you're stupid enough to be seen outside of one of your promos. It seems like, for someone who many consider to be one of the top trash talkers of the current crop of competitors, you sure don't have a CLUE of how to defend yourself against ANYTHING Shane flings your way.

Ever.

That is, unless you're a genius and have purposely been avoiding getting yourself into any public altercation of the verbal level with Shane because you've been storing these "quotes" for months now and just waiting for a time to fully unlock on us all WHEN. IT. COUNTS. aka in a promo!

That's it!

You're FINALLY going to yank your balls out of your own pussy and quote all the things Shane has absolutely eviscerated you with on a verbal level and NOW we will finally hear your scathing, burning, death-dealing, damn near bullet proof TRASH retort!

I can't wait!

Do it!

Show the world just how good you are with that mouth, Shawn. I could easily start making jokes about Atara or about certain other men you've used that mouth on in the past, but let's all just hope and pray you're finally waiting for that big moment to show us all just how damn much better you are at this trash talk game than Shane — a man you should be able to humble in any physical or verbal clash, right? Right? Nudge, wink. Right!

Those months of looking like a pussy, running scared from Shane, making people ask behind the scenes "Why doesn't Fuzz ever know how to defend himself against that weird little Shane creep?" and making them ask "How is Shawn Warstein any different from Fuzz if neither one of them have a clue how to even begin defending themselves against Shane who barely pays attention to anything and is usually busy fucking potatoes? How does that weirdo keep making Shawn look so stupid?"

I already know YOU know those are valid questions, Mr. Fuzzy Focus. Mr. uncertainty. Mr. self doubt.

Crush those questions, Shawn. Crush them! Show us just how damn good you are with those lips, that tongue, and that BRAIN. That WIT! HAHA THAT WIT!!!! HAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

But remember, unless you finish the job in that ring when it comes time to get physical, you still won't be seen as being above a guy like Shane. If Shane is able to walk out of that Captain's match on his own two feet, and is still able to participate in a draft after the fact...... my god, Shawn, you might as well hang it up right then and there. Seriously, you fucking loser. Even Red X should pose more of a threat than some guy like Shane who has a record of something along the lines of....

5W - 66L

Yup, something like five CAREER victories in matches, Shawn. CAREER; not just XWF. Sure, one of those victories is a result of Centurion being inferior to Shane on every level last year STILL.... but that shouldn't matter in the least. There is no excuse for Shane to walk out of this match alive if you're in the match, Shawn. You're better than Centurion, right?

Right?

RIGHT???

So you SHOULD be the one to finally put Shane down.

I mean, we all know Robert Main sure as FUCK couldn't get the job done... but you're better than him too, right Shawn? Oh wait. Oops.

Anyway, moving on...

Robert Main!

How's it feel, Robert, to be beneath Shawn Warstein? Haha, just kidding.

Seriously though, let's all talk about Robert for a minute. That inferior slab of defiled gore meat spent how much time and effort trying to assist Chris Page in his fantasy of destroying Shane several months back? Because, well, we all know Chris Page never stood a chance in hell against Shane even with Chris being an established wrestler and former multi time champion. He STILL needed Robert Main, his apparent idol and savior, just to FAIL AGAINST SHANE!

Good job, Robert! But hey! Always remember, you're 1 in that 66L record of Shane's big boy! Yes, you definitely made a difference by padding his loss record by but a single digit in a tag team match where Shane STILL WASN'T THE ONE THAT TOOK THE FALL AND GOT BEAT! HA!

The more I think about it, it's quite possible Robert Main will be the worst performance in this match and no I have not forgotten Red X is in the damn match.

The only thing I see as being in Robert's possible favor this time around, and possibly allowing him to be the one to finally END Shane's miserable existence... is Robert's new demeanor which greatly surpasses anything he's been prior.

You're a new man, Robert!

Or, is it a monster?

What are you now?

That's the beauty of it, Main: that question finally has an answer...

You're finally....

You're finally...

You're finally...

...

...

...


ANYTHING.

Anything other than some boring, brick in the wall, ugly, normal dude who gets drunk and tries to forget his problems while doing absolutely nothing to set himself apart from the pack.

You're finally somebody! Or... something, eh old friend?

Let's see if this new beast has what it takes to make Shane shit his pants during a moment in time where Shane would NOT have wanted to shit his own pants.

Let's see if this new directive you've fallen under can make you better than the guys who would normally walk all over you and then just leave afterwards because of how boring and easy it was? Wink wink, Soldier!

Tell me, Robert.

Would the YOU of today be able to be cashed in on successfully by Unknown Soldier, and made into THEEEE absolute biggest bitch and sucker in history, losing the title just days before you would have broken the Engineer's original record?

More importantly, would the you of today completely FAIL in the 1-on-1 follow up match that was set up exclusively for you to have the chance to take the title back from Unknown Soldier without any outside variables?

I have an idea what that answer is, Robert, but I'm going to keep that to myself.

Do me a favor and answer the fucking question next week, though. Tell me all about how the you of today should matter if and when the real big names come back. Tell me why the you of today should be seen as something above and beyond the old, self loathing, drunkard of the past?

ENLIGHTEN ME. US. AND YOU.

Next, we have Hanari Carnes. Am I even saying that right? Usually I think Shane calls him Canary Crimes, which definitely sparks more appeal and gives a little more allure to that damned wetback.

Hi Canary Beaner! Shane here! Just, not the Shane you know. Then again you don't know Shane, so I have no idea where I was going with that.

Am I about matching a Canary Crimes promo at this point? Just randomly saying stupid shit, then back tracking, then not being sure how to sway the momentum I thought was just oh-so-hard hitting in my own mind?

Let's see if I can bury you, Canary.

I don't mean with my words — that would be like me asking a 5 year old boy if I could get a bigger erection than him. OBVIOUSLY I could, and obviously Micheal Graves would be the official judge on the matter despite him sometimes playing it off like he's not into boys.

My god, do I even digress at this point? How do I bring this back to making sen- oh wait. It's still about Hanna so it doesn't NEED to be brought back! HA!

So, as I was saying, Canary Fucker. Do you think I can bury you? Because if I can, we both know Shane can... and if Shane can... all three of us know a certain somebody else could.

Do you know what my favorite thing about your promos are, Canary girl? It's when you save us all the trouble of knowing what you're even saying and you just start shitting things out that literally aren't even English. Ya know... kinda like THIS: Querida hermosa canaria, ¿puedo contarte un secreto? Sé que fuiste tú quien robó mi taco cuando fui al baño a masterbate, y te puedo garantizar que extraeré el pago de la manera más adecuada. Voy a golpear con el puño tu enorme gilipollas, mover mis dedos por un rato y arrancar todo lo que pueda agarrar. Lo que sea que tome de ti, perra, se convertirá en una parte de mí.

Voy a follarte la garganta después de eso también, furioso homosexual.

Oh, ¿pensaste que había terminado? Después de que te folle la garganta, voy a inyectarte en la cara un líquido que causará un shock paralizante en todo tu cuerpo y te volverás tan rígido como una tabla por primera vez en tu vida inadecuada. ¡Entonces te llevaré en tu estado rígido y te golpearé con esos dos maricones Centurión y los imbéciles de Shawn Warstein! De ida y vuelta, uno tras otro, y ninguno de ellos se atreverá a intentar detenerme porque saben que los asesinaría si arruinaran mi clímax. Entonces, voy a golpear tu mierda y tu cuerpo cubierto de sangre sobre el lienzo y dejar que Red X te sujete por el UNO ... DOS ... ¡TRES!

Jódete Jódete Jódete.

To be honest, I hardly even know what I just said. I definitely don't speak your language but I have a feeling you'll get the root of the message just clear, sooner or later, even if your ears aren't what willingly accept it.

Next, we have the heavy hitter of the bunch. The man that's the most likely to be so drugged up that he won't even remember to drop any promos, and may not even find his way TO the match... Red X!

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...

...

...

...

And that about concludes my need for trash talk. Thanks for coming, Red.

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...sparks flying, smoke, panic, disassembly...

When you open yourself up to be taken over by a being that doesn't exist, what's left of you? What could be left? Nothing. You empty your very essence into this universe in hopes the new driver takes the wheel before your body crashes, literally.

But Shane's beliefs seem to have been his ultimate undoing as he was insistent on opening himself up specifically to a set of beings we had no way of verifying the existence of. Nobody was there. No one was waiting to take the wheel.

So what becomes of him now?

If we don't find an entity to replace the parts of himself he ejected, he will be dead within the hour. And I'm talking fucking dead. Not even we would be able to revive him.

What are our options as far as these entities go?

I'm cutting right to the chase and looking up names from the XWF's past. Names that haven't been heard from in quite some time. Perhaps one of them is... already dead.

And that would help us?

Yes, because if we locate an entity that is familiar to Shane, and that entity is in its spirit form, we may be able to match them up. Shane would become one with the former XWF star and start a brand new life!

…Imagine going to sleep with the intention of becoming a God, and waking up having been merged with some old wrestler people forgot about. This might be a fate worse than death.

Shane will find a way to make the most of it. I'm downloading a few dozen names into our database now, and from there our program will gather the necessary information about those names to narrow down our search. There MUST be some that are either dead or believed to be missing, which usually means dead.

May I make a few suggestions?

Shoot.

Shane would probably be a great match with Dexter Bright, the original Engineer. I know he's deceased.

You're right! He IS!

And if that doesn't work out, what about Unknown Soldier? Do we really know what happened to him? He could be one of those missing parties that's already dead.

We will have the program investigate him as well. Any others come to mind that I should manually add to the test database?

Neonero.

Ah yes I remember him. Why him, though?

I don't have time to explain it. Put him at the top of the list, though. Just trust me.

Done. Any others? It makes no difference if they were aligned with Shane in the past or not.

Maximus.

Maxi.. who? I'm not familiar.

Again, trust me. While you're at it, throw in Arsenic.

Yet another name I don't happen to be familiar with, but I'll have the system run him through.

Great, and the only name I can think to add to the list now would be CYREN.

Adding him now. Yup, it's already saying he's dead and a 99% match. Cyren is already our front runner, that quickly.

Eeeeeeggcellent. Whenever this fully kicks in, these guys aren't going to know what hit them.