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Tula Kealiʻi · (04-03-2020)

---September 28th, 2019---

Announcer: Your winner - Tula Keali'i!

In my head, I envisioned a crowd standing and screaming with approval at my most recent victory inside the cage - a crowd appreciative of the sacrifices I put in. I just wanted to know that all the blood I left on the canvass was actually worth it, and the roar of the crowd would be all the validation I needed.

But instead of a roar, I get a few claps. No one here knows me, and no one cares.

I have been touring the country, going to small town after small town, fighting in front of crowds of 50 people, all in an effort to make some sort of life for myself. Sure, I could always get a stable 9 to 5. I could have gone into the restaurant business like my father. But those were his dreams, not mine. That's why I joined the Army - to see the world, one sand dune and dirt field at a time.

I left the Army to take care of my ailing father back in Hawaii. Once he passed away, I wanted to be nowhere near the islands. So I guess you could say I'm using MMA for more than a paycheck - I'm using it to escape life itself.

What does Johnstown, Pennsylvania have in common with Waikiki, Hawaii? Absolutely nothing. What do I know about this dying industrial town? Absolutely nothing. But this was the sight of my meal ticket, so that's why I'm here. And, as usual, I was put in the cage against some local newcommer that they tried to prop up in order to get people to pay to watch the fight. Unsurprisingly, it didn't happen - it never does. Outside of the young lady's family and closest friends, there isn't anyone around here who went to shell out the money to watch a grocer-by-day get tapped out.

My opponent walks up to me in the locker room and thanks me for the match. I'm polite - I always am - and say the same. Truth is, I never took the time to even learn her name. This is just a side job for her. I'm sure she was the baddest bitch in her high school, and after dropping out of college after her first semester, she thought she could take that toughness and make some money off of it. Sorry sweetie, but that's not going to happen if you don't want to leave the tiny town you grew up in.

As I take off my gloves and wrist tape, the promoter of the event comes waltzing into the locker room. That's the thing about these local shows - the promoters are usually perverted scumbags who try to take whatever opportunity they have to catch a glimpse of the female talent. No one says anything because he's paying them. No one reports him because, without him, the events stop. So they just shrug it off. In case you thought the #MeToo movement ended careers of all the disgusting men.

The promoter slaps down money in front of me - $300, cash. That includes the winner's purse. It doesn't look impressive, but it will last me a couple of weeks - long enough to get to my next show. Wherever that may be.

Promoter: You're a hell of a fighter! I didn't know they taught ladies to fight in Hawaii.

Tula: I was an Army ranger.

Promoter: Oh...thank you for your service.

The promoter shuts right up as he does to my opponent for the evening and starts to chat her up. He's creepy, white, and conservative, but I probably didn't need to say those lost two. It should be obvious to everyone. He likely would have kept trying to sleep with me, but learning of my military background makes fucks like this think twice.

Truth is, I don't advertise my military background much at these shows. The last thing I need is to be introduced as "an American hero" with everyone giving me that fake, condescending "thank you for your service" bullshit. People don't say it to make you feel good - they say it to make themselves feel better. They think it's what they HAVE to say. It doesn't really mean anything, except "you did something I didn't do, so if I thank you, it's like I'm a hero, too." It's that false, bullshit patriotism that people like to wave to make themselves seem like "a good American". It's white bread families in rural America who call me a "dirty Arab", despite being Hawaiian, and thumb their nose at me, only to turn face and kiss my ass the moment they found out how many trips to the desert I took.

I grab the money and check my phone. The first thing I do is check text messages - which I have none. Then I check my DMs - again, I have none. And no missed calls, either. I was hoping to have some more bookings by the end of this weekend, but no dice. The next thing I do is open up the Fighters Circle - an app for MMA fighters, boxers, and wrestlers to keep up to date on the news, as well as to look for bookings and upcoming big shows. I would say about 70% of the fights I take come from just putting myself out there on this app. Smaller shows in the middle of nowhere like booking me because I'm "exotic" or some shit. This has become a nightly ritual.

I scroll down through some of the news stories in order to get to the Promotions section, but one news story catches my eye. I scroll back up, and I read the headline, though I can barely grasp it.

"XWF Veterans Centurion, Fuzz Among New Champions Crowned"

Centurion? Like, Andy Cortinovis? The dude who used to work with my dad? I honestly thought he was dead. I haven't seen him or spoken to him since my first tour in Iraq, which was...has to be about 15 years now. Last I heard, he lost his business and moved to Kansas or something like that. Dad used to say Andy was a genius trapped in the mind of a broken man. The few times I met him, he was always very nice, and he made my father a ton of money. I was closer friends with his daughter, Nellie, who was smarter than all of us. She's the one with her head on straight. I should probably give her a call...

I'm happy for the guy, honestly, but it also gives me a thought - maybe it's time for a slight career shift. This "one fight at a time" nonsense can put a strain on a person. But in the big leagues of professional wrestling, you get a guaranteed contract. That means you don't have to worry about putting food on your table if no one calls you that week. Consistent bookings? An actual schedule? Yes, this might be the career for me.

...problem is, I don't know the first thing about pro wrestling. And I doubt XWF will just accept resumes through the front door. I'm going to need to reach out to Andy. And in order to do that, I'm going to need my old phone...

...which is in Hawaii.

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Talk about a warm welcome!

Walk in the door, get ready for my first ever wrestling match, and I get to face a champion. A double champion, at that!

Oh, I guess I should introduce myself. I'm Tula Keali'i. Yes, that's "eye-eee", like Hawai'i. And that's Tula with one "T", despite what it might say on the wrestling program. But hey, maybe I have to win a couple of matches before I get my name spelled right. That's a privilege only for the experienced...and the white. I doubt they'd spell "John Smith" incorrectly.

Ah, but I don't want to make this about race - not in my very first match, and not in my introduction to the XWF. I may have a lot to teach you all, but that will have to come in time. For right now, I have to focus strictly on the ring, and my upcoming opponent, which happens to be Geri Miller.

I know a bit about Geri. We share a common friend - Centurion, the man who brought be in here. We share a love of nature, though I tend to exercise in it and she tends to smoke it. We also share a gender, which explains why we're facing each other.

That's probably all we share, honestly.

Now, I know I'm supposed to look across the ring from me and be overwhelmed by the level of competition I am up against. After all, I am being thrown to the sharks in my first match out. In the ring against a double champion? A lesser woman would be shaking in her boots right now.

Good think I'm not a "lesser woman".

Truth is, this is an insane opportunity for me. I could have beaten anybody in my first match. Pull a name out of a hat and see what happens, really. But to be paired against someone who has two belts means I'm immediately in title contention. If I beat Geri Miller - and I will beat Geri Miller - I expect a shot at either the Anarchy or Internet Championship the next time Anarchy comes around. Get on that, Vinnie Lane!

To say I'm excited would be an understatement. This is the culmination of years of hard work and sacrifice. I may be new to this business, but I am not new to working hard, spilling blood, and feeling pain. The venues may change, but the goals remain the same. I hope, over time, I can build the trust and respect of the fans and my peers in the locker room.

And that starts with Geri Miller. Hi Geri! Nice to meet you. Sorry for what I'm about to do to you. I have nothing personal against you. You seem like a nice young lady with a bright future ahead of you, and I would never want to take that away from you.

That being said, this is a competition, and I don't like to lose. I don't care if I'm fighting in the main event, or if I'm fighting first at some local show with five people. I want to win. I don't strive to be average. I don't dream to be like everyone else. I dream of greatness. I dream of thousands of fans screaming at the top of their lungs while I fight. And I dream of gold around my waist.

What do you dream about, Geri? Your next hit? Going out with your friends? Making enough money to party? Those are decent goals, no doubt. Someone young and fresh faced as you, I completely understand. But if your dream isn't greatness, then you're just a stepping stone for me.

And don't go in thinking you can just read my biography on some web site somewhere and expect to know me. You won't. Very few people actually know who the real Tula Keali'i is, and I like to keep it that way. You know the basics about me - from Hawaii, used to be in the Army, fought in MMA rings - and that's pretty much is. Come to think of it, it's part of the reason why I have a massive advantage in this match. I know quite a bit about you, and you know nothing about me.

That, and I'm stronger and faster than you are.

If I was tossed into the ring against someone seriously skilled in pro wrestling, this may be a difficult match for me. After all, I am just now getting used to the rules of this sport and how to properly compete in matches. If I was in the ring against, say, Atara Themis? This might be a different kind of match. Sorry to say, Geri...I don't have that same feeling about you.

Hey, prove me wrong. I've been wrong before. Just ask my teachers in high school.

You're in the middle of your story, Geri. I'm at the very beginning of mine. How does this story start? Does it start with Tula Keali'i biting off more than she can chew - promising a victory over a current champion in her debut and under delivering, causing everyone to look at her like she's some kind of cocky weirdo who can't live up to her own expectations? Or does this start with me, tapping you out, and beginning my ascent in the XWF?

You get to find out next Saturday. Me? Well, I already know how this plays out.

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