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B.O.B. D · (03-29-2020)

I hadn't been inside of a classroom since I spoke to Mrs. White's 4th graders last year before Leap of Faith; and considering how well THAT went, it was probably for the best. Luckily for everyone involved, this was a university full of mature adults who knew how to behave themselves......... myself excluded, of course! Despite this, there would be NO shenanigans today, not in MY classroom. at least..................

There was a lesson that desperately needed to be learned, and I was the only one capable of teaching it. Inside Room 420, there was a plethora of young minds who craved a higher learning; their brains primed and ready to soak up my information like a sponge absorbs water. On the other side of the door awaited unlimited potential; future doctors, lawyers, maybe even President of the United States, preparing for the first step of the rest of their lives. Knowing that I had the chance to mold these scholars into the type of leaders the world needed right now was an electric feeling. I couldn't wait any longer, the time to educate had come and I wasn't gonna let this opportunity go to waste. As long as at least one person walks away from today's seminar with a bit more knowledge than they had before, I'll consider it a success.

"Good morning, cl---ass............."

As I entered the room and greeted everyone, I was met with a disappointing sight: there was only two people behind desks, sitting approximately six feet apart in the front row. I felt like Squidward when he went to teach art at the rec center, although at least I managed to reel in more than one fish. While it WAS discouraging to have such a low turnout, the eagerness on my students' faces kept my spirits up.

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I smiled at them, before turning towards the chalkboard and writing on it. "My name is Professor D and this is 'History of Madison Dyson & Mastermind........'" After scribbling my words on the board, I turned and saw Thunder Knuckles with his hand raised. "Yes, TK?"

"Are you telling me this isn't 'Beating Noah Jackson 101'?" he asked, an eyebrow raised with skepticism.

I frowned. "No........... that class is being taught a few rooms down the hall by Sarah Lacklan."

Thunder Knuckles' mouth gaped open, as he jolted up and grabbed his books. "I fuckin' knew it......." he boasted, making his way for the door. "I fucking KNEW you've never beaten Noah before!"

He kicked the door open and disappeared into the hallway, leaving me alone with Steve Sayors. Now I REALLY felt like Squidward, stuck with only one pupil, one of the most annoying people on the planet.

"Looks like it's just you and me, Steve," I sighed, pulling a white screen down from the ceiling and walking over to a projector. "Unless you're looking for 'Introduction to Interviews'?"

Sayors shook his head, not phased by my insult. "I'm very interested in this subject," he replied, his face beaming. "I know Big D has quite a history with both of them."

"Ah, someone who actually studies," I said, genuinely impressed before remembering Steve has no life. "Why am I surprised?"

Once again, he brushed what I said off and reached into a bag sitting at his feet. "By the way, I got you something........"

Steve pulled his arm out and, resting in the palm of his hand, was a shiny, dark red apple. He handed it to me with a smile, pleased by his deed. I hesitantly grabbed it and placed it on my desk, frowning. "Oh, great," I said with sarcasm. "Unwrapped food.......... it's not like there's a medical crisis going on or anything."

I picked up a transparency sheet off my desk and set it on the projector, before turning it on. An picture of a familiar XWF 'wrestler'(if you can even call her that) illuminated out of the lense onto the screen.

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"Madison Dyson," I began, examining the disturbing image. "Since she's the sorriest excuse of a competitor I've ever laid eyes upon, we'll begin with her. Now, class, what word would you say best describes Madison?"

Steve raised his hand but, rather than wait to be called on, blurted out an answer. "Hot?"

I closed my eyes in shame and shake my head. "The correct answer is coward."

"Coward?" Steve whispered before jotting down some notes.

"Madison Dyson is not only incapable of winning a single match on her own, she's afraid to try!" I informed, strolling back and forth with my hands behind my back. "Look at her, and I use this term loosely, 'match' with Thunder Knuckles a while back. I could understand someone as shitty as Kid Kool, with all of his X-Bux giveaways, needing to pay off TK for a victory, but seriously? Someone aiming to become Queen of XWF should carry themselves a LITTLE bit better than that! Lacklan may have been an annoying bitch, but as least she could back up her shit talk! Without Shane

and a crooked ref, Madison Dyson would be nothing more than one of those women who steps on guy's balls for a living. And while I'm sure theres good money to be made in that line of work, it's not the sort of things that'll make your momma proud. Then again, neither is cheating to win matches, but something tells me Dyson doesn't give a shit about any of that."

"For extra credit.......... what's another word to describe Madison Dyson?" I asked, hoping that Steve was capable of seeing the obvious answer.

"Nazi?"

"Well, you're not wrong," I admitted, realizing that was alot more obvious than what I was thinking. "She does hate herself some Jews; but I was thinking of something else. Your answer is close, though."

Steve thought long and hard, not wanting to look dumber than he already did(a difficult feat to accomplish). After a few moments, he threw his arms up in defeat.

"A hypocrite."

"A hypocrite?"

"A hypocrite." I repeated as casually as I did the first time. "You said it yourself, Dyson's a hardcore white supremacist. Her and Nazi go together as well as Martin Luther King and having a dream. The only problem is, Madison doesn't seem to hold her convictions true, hanging out with Richard Wang and all! It's no wonder she got the 'Rona, she probably bought him from the market it all started in! That's what she gets for being a hypocritical little bitch! What I don't understand is, why Wang? Why would Dyson be willing to shit all over everything she stands for? Did she feel like she had power over him, like he was her slave? Maybe his tiny penis reminds her of Engy and Shane, or his inability to get laid of Gilly. All I DO know is I'D never throw MY moral convictions away, like a piece of trash, as easily as Madison Dyson does! But what do you expect of someone who slaps a man when he's already down?"

"I haven't forgotten about that episode of Savage, the one where you and your boytoys revealed to the world that you were threatened by me!" I boomed, my lecture echoing through the mostly empty classroom. "History will forever recognize it as 'The Slap Heard 'Round the World'; and it'll always be remembered as the night where Big D ascended to a level never before seen in his ENTIRE career! If Madison Dyson is unfortunate enough to face me in the Finals, she's gonna learn that there are repercussions for her actions! When she smacked me across my face, she started a fire that's been raging out of control ever since; one that's eventually gonna burn her and everyone around her to the ground."

"If Madison Dyson manages to cheat her way to another victory, she's gonna regret ever crossing paths with me! It's not too often a match gets personal for me, but if I meet Madison Dyson in the ring Sunday night, I'm gonna try to kill her. Not just for myself, but EVERYONE she's ever been a disrespectful cunt to! Minorities who were called racial slurs merely for being born different, the Jews who died in the gas chambers at the orders of Hitler................notice, it wasn't actually by HIS hands? That's because Hitler was as much of a coward as Madison Dyson, it's probably why she looks up to him so much! Maybe she should follow in that pussy's footsteps and blow her fucking brains out, she'd be doing is all a favor! Not to mention, a bullet in the brain would make for alot less suffering than what I intend to put her through. It'd also save me the trouble of bashing her skull in and making a mess all over the arena for those poor janitors to clean up. If Madison knows what's good for her, she'll do her best Thunder Knuckles impression and lay down. Maybe I'll take it easy on her and only break ONE of her arms.......... who knows? Part of me feels like we'll never get to find out........."

"Are you saying you think Mastermind's gonna win?" Steve blurted out with curiosity.

"I didn't say that," I pointed out. "I said PART of me feels that way. If it comes down to a fair, one on one with no interference or questionable officiating, Mastermind would have it EASILY. Dyson doesn't have any wrestling ability, whatsoever, and it shows in the fact that all she's done is held the Federweight Championship! Sure, she's got a mouth on her, but all that's worth is a meaningless Title and some skinheads' nasty dicks! The fact she's made it this far is as shocking as Hanari Carnes' Cinderella Story, the dice just so happened to favor them for a few rolls. Now it's time for ME to roll a Hard 20 and slay the beasts that lay before me, whether it be Madison Dyson, or................"

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"Mastermind..............lookin' pretty rough there," I spit out, changing the picture projecting onto the wall. "February's Star of the Month."

"That's pretty impressive," Steve interjected, ignoring the intentionally bad image I'd selected for my potential opponent.

"Not really," I responded, staring at Mastermind's floppy titties. They were like a train wreck that you couldn't look away from. "He literally only won it because he revealed himself as the Leader of a group nobody gives a shit about. Big whoop. Just because something's a surprise, doesn't necessarily mean it's good! If your dog shits in your shoe, you're gonna be surprised, but not very happy about it. That's what Mastermind is, dog shit. He knows his career is hanging on by a thread, and he had to pull of this Misfits charade to get five more minutes in the spotlight. Well, I hope he enjoyed what he could of it, because I'm about to shut them off!

"I still owe Mastermind for costing me my opportunity to become a Double Champion," I explained, remembering the anger I felt being tossed off that ladder, watching my chance to make history slip out of my grasp. "If ever there was a time for vengeance, it'd be right now! I hold a grudge against him that's bigger than anything I have against Dyson, or the Engineer. Not only did he cost me my picture perfect moment sitting atop the ladder with both belts raised high above my head; I've also had to watch you get opportunity after opportunity while I'm shoved aside like a pariah!"

"For someone who's such a loser, you manage to sneak your way into Title shot after Title shot!" I exclaimed, sickened by how often management rewards him for doing absolutely nothing. "I remember when you were going around attacking people because you wanted a Title shot, they offered to give you one as long as you stopped the assaults. And what ended up happening? Not only did the uncalled for beatings continue, BUT you were actually REWARDED for it! Universal Title shot, Anarchy Championship match, countless other mid-card belts in between; you must have compromising photos of Vinnie Lane and Theo Pryce, because I don't know how else someone with such a piss poor win/loss record can receive SOOOOOOO many Championship matches! And don't say you earned them, because the stats don't lie. Did you walk away with any of those belts you fought for? Hell no. Did you lose an Xtreme Title match that I ended up winning? Hell yeah!"

"Mastermind, the only reason I tapped out to you at War Games was because I knew staying in that match wasn't necessary for my survival, and I was right! My team STILL walked away with the victory, AND my body wasn't in nearly as rough shape as it would've been had I tried to fight my way out of the hold. This time things are different, tapping out is NOT an option! You can bend me, but I will not break! If anyone's giving up Sunday night, it's gonna be you! I have to play the role of executioner before I become King, and afterwards, I'm gonna make you a t-shirt, or moreso, a D-shirt. It'll show your head between a big 'D,' about to get chopped off, with the words 'The King Decrees: Death By D-llotine.' And then YOU will know the humiliation of having a shirt with a horribly written catchphrase draped over your broken body!"

"People STILL give me shit for sitting in the back while Sarah Lacklan won me a Title shot, but a victory at March Madness will be the perfect chance to step out of her shadow. By winning the very tournament she did a year back, I'll establish myself as an instant Main Eventer! I don't care if Mastermind shows up with Anthony the Asshole, Van Hammer, or any of his other gay ass buddies; I'll fight off ANYONE who stands in my way of becoming King, INCLUDING Madison Dyson and any other member of The

Express! Even if the whole world's against me, I will rise above them ALL and rule over the land with an iron fist. It doesn't matter WHO I'm standing across the ring from, whether it be Hanari Carnes, Madison Dyson, OR Mastermind......... the end result remains the same: Big D walks away with the crown! The rule of King D begins at March Madness and, once I take my place among the hierarchy of XWF, I'll lead us into a NEW era................the era of D. And that ain't no story, it's the Cold Big D Truth!"

I glanced at Steve Sayors, who seemed astounded at the lesson he just learned. He looked as though he wanted to give me a standing ovation, but didn't want to look stupid doing so. His enthusiasm made me smile. Even though it was only Steve, the fact that SOMEONE was gonna be able to walk away from today's seminar with a wider array of knowledge was a rewarding feeling. One goal down, one more to go.

When I played football back in high school, our coaches always told us to give it your all and make sure you leave everything on the field. As long as you try your best and work hard, the end result doesn't matter. If you gave it your all, you have nothing to regret. I DON'T feel that way about March Madness, if I give it my all and STILL wind up on the losing end, it'll break me! Leaving it all in the ring means absolutely nothing if I don't end up with the result I desire.

I didn't get here by being a chump, the fact that I've made it to this far shows I'm fully capable of making the final leap forward. If I can just execute, like I have in every other match up to this point, I'll be ruling over the XWF Kingdom in no time.

"Class dismissed."

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