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B.O.B. D · (03-27-2020)

"Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome BIIIIIIIIIIIIIIG D!!!!!!"

"X-Men Theme" by Powerglove began to play over the PA system, but there was no reaction whatsoever. As I stood behind the curtain, seconds away from making my entrance, all I could hear from the other side was dead silence. No cheers praising a man people potentially wanted to see succeed, nor any boos rejecting that man from those who got off to his suffering. There was nothing at all.

I entered the arena, shoving the curtain aside as I did so. When I stepped out onto the ramp, I was met with an eerie sight comparable to a barron wasteland. The building was completely empty, sans the ring announcer and one lone cameraman filming me from the ring apron. There were no asses in seats(and it WASN'T thanks to a standing ovation), no vendors selling food and drinks at a 500% profit margin............ there was no-one at all. If it wasn't for my theme blaring over the loudspeakers, you'd be able to hear a pin drop.

As I made my way down the aisle, I thought about the state of the world as of late, and how this had become the new normal. Stadiums around the globe showed no signs of life, abandoned by their patrons like an old ghost town. The irony is, with everyone shut up at home, their need for entertainment was at an all-time high; but considering most sports had been put on hold, that vacancy was a hard one to fill. Unless you're into the Kartrashians or have hours of pornography to catch up on.

But that's where XWF comes in. We're here, I'M here, to fill the void this awful virus has left in our lives. There's a good chunk of people who've been laid off for the time being, as they are considered 'non-essential' to the rest of the world. Hell, some folks might say the same thing about US. Well, that's where they're wrong! We're all in this together, from the janitorial staff to the CEOs. Nobody wants to live in fear, hiding in their houses like a hermit until it's safe to come out. They work their asses off 8 hours a day, 5 days a week, and the LEAST we can do is thank them for their service. I don't care if you flip my burgers, or my mattresses at the hotel, if you want some God damn entertainment, I'm gonna give it to you!

XWF fans are not only loyal, but crazy. When I first arrived, I saw a fucking riot happen because two wrestlers sat in a rest hold for fifteen minutes! There's no way a ruthless bunch like that will let a little bit of Coronavirus stop them from seeing their favorite superstars up close and personal. How could we disappoint such a loyal fanbase? They've already been denied their paychecks AND freedom, how could we rob them of the last thing they hold dear? Coronavirus doesn't frighten me NEARLY as much as the prospect of letting the fans down, or losing at March Madness.................

I reached ringside and leaned over the barricade, grabbing one of the chairs from the front row before heading towards the time keeper's table. After a few steps, I realized there was no need for a microphone and turned my attention to the ring. I climbed onto the apron and through the ropes, before heading to the center and setting up the chair so it faced the solitary camera.

"Things are getting crazy out there," I began, plopping my down. "But not as crazy as Hanari Carnes becoming King of XWF."

Out of habit, I paused for a moment to allow the invisible audience members to make their voices heard. Although they could not be heard, I imagined they'd let Hanari know he's trash in their eyes, too.

"Carnes asked me, no, BEGGED me not to make fun of his stupid accent," I chuckled, shaking my head. "But Hanari doesn't have to worry about THAT. I'm not the President, I don't give a shit if he hopped the border in order to get his ass kicked, if anything, I should be flattered! I wouldn't have traveled all that way just to end up end up the losing end, but then again, I'm not Hanari Carnes!"

I leaned forward in my chair, pointing to the side of my temple. "Thank God, too, because I think he's suffered some sort of brain trauma! Probably too many blows to the head, Sarah & Kenzi must've REALLY knocked some screws loose; we certainly know it wasn't Jimson or TK! Regardless, there is something seriously wrong with him if he can't see the hypocrisy of his request. For someone who has such a problem with people repeating the same joke over and over about HIM, he didn't hesitate to do the same to ME. Not that I give a shit, at this point, I've become immune to it all. Anymore, I actually WANT my opponents to come up with something original, maybe I'd be able to get a good laugh out of it for a change. Instead, I end up with Hanari Carnes scouring the NWF archives for such stellar material like 'Douche' and 'Deuce'; as if I've NEVER been compared to shit before!"

I shrugged, unimpressed by my opponent's pathetic attempts to insult me. "What do you expect from someone who ripped his 'Low T' line straight from an XWF promo? I'll give him this: nobody's EVER referred to me as a Donkey before, but just because something IS original, doesn't necessarily mean it's good. I shouldn't be surprised, though, given Hanari's limited English, it was probably the best he could come up with! I'd suggest a round of applause for his hard work, BUUUUUUT.............."

I outstretched my arms, causing the cameraman to turn and reveal the empty seats to those watching at home. He did a full scan of the arena, before making his way back around to me.

"Honestly, it doesn't matter, even if there WERE fans here, I highly doubt any of them would be clapping for Hanari Carnes," I bellowed with a smirk. "If anything, they'd laugh at him!"

"Now, I'm sure Hanari's sitting at home wondering WHY the fans would be laughing at him; but a more appropriate question would be why WOULDN'T they?!" I asked, leaning back in my chair to the point where the front two legs weren't touching the ring. "Those of us with the willpower to make it through his Promo, without a translator, saw exactly how ignorant Hanari Carnes is. Considering my shaky past, he had a plethora of things to call me out for and what does he choose? My TV Title reign and inability to win big matches."

I leaned forward, putting my chair back into position, and looked into the camera. I clicked my tongue, which echoed throughout the building, before cocking my head to the side in an overexaggerated manner.

"Are you fucking kidding? The man who couldn't even hold the TV Title for a month wants to criticize ME for holding it LONGER?! Are you stupid, or was it just too short for you to remember? I honestly can't blame you for forgetting, I'd probably block it out of MY head, too. We certainly know the fans have!"

"And then there's my inability to win big matches................"

I paused for a moment, taking time to think about my history in the spotlight. Unfortunately, Hanari wasn't wrong, Big D's constant failure had almost become a staple of XWF. I'd work my way up the ladder to the point where I'd be one rung away from the top, only to lose my grasp and fall all the way back down to the bottom. But the thing Hanari doesn't realize is: that rung was greased up everytime I'd reach for it.

"You're right, I've lost just about every big match I've competed in since stepping foot in an XWF ring," I admitted, standing up and pacing side to side. "But you're a fucking fool if all you've done is glanced at the stat sheets! Like I told Thaddeus Duke before I ended his career, there's a lesson to be learned in a loss. Do yourself a favor, go back and WATCH all of my big matches, you'll discover a trend: I don't usually lose due to my own volition. That first match with Duke, you know, the one I came within inches of becoming a DOUBLE CHAMPION in? The ONLY reason I lost was because that glorified t-shirt salesman, Mastermind, stuck his nose where it didn't belong! And believe me, he'll get his just desserts if he's good enough to face me in the Finals! But seriously, Hanari, examine every match I've ever had and call me Big Deuce again! I'm the man who only lost to Centurion because the ref was looking at for my safety. I put on such a performance that Centurion, the man who made fun of my War Games team and dubbed my ceiling the TV Title, gave me props afterwards. The only reason Cuntfest even happened was because that prick, Noah Jackson, wanted to do his best Mastermind impression and help his daddy out because Fuzz couldn't get the job done himself!"

"You run your mouth about how you beat Apex that ONE time," I said with an eye roll before sitting back down. "And it makes you sound like Barney Green. He was World Champion once, you were the 5'2 Mafia's transitional Champions; we get it, you don't have very many accomplishments! A sham TV Title run and a victory over TWO members of Apex; oh wow, better break out the red carpet because we have a bonafide Legend on our hands!"

"You wanna know WHY I've never faced Drew Archyle or James Raven? Because it's never come up. I've wrestled Centurion, survived Hell in a Cell with Robert Main(and Donovan Blackwater, but that don't mean shit), AND had my head treated like a soccer ball by Lux! I'm not avoiding competition, Hanari, I'm EMBRACING IT!!!! When I first signed up for March Madness, I expected it to be one of the most exciting, competitive Tournament's in wrestling history. But, instead, what did we end up getting? A bunch of enhancement talent, me, Mastermind, and whatever the hell you wanna classify Madison Dyson as! Only a few names stuck out to me when I saw the list of participants and, guess what? Hanari Carnes wasn't one of them! When it's all said and done, no-one will even remember that you participated in March Madness........... just like your TV Title reign!"

Abruptly, I ran at my chair and flung my butt into the seat. The momentum caused me to tumble over backwards, still perfectly in the chair, just with the back against the ring. I laid there, staring up at the rafters, before looking up at the cameraman and motioning to him.

"Come on in," I requested. "I'm gonna finish the promo down here."

He looked a little surprised, but obliged by walking over and pointing his camera down at me.

"Hanari, you're correct in calling me your toughest opponent yet," I whispered, arms spread out as if I was gonna make a snow angel. "I'm as big as they come! If you wanna know what Big D stands for, I'll tell you out of pity so I don't have to watch you stumble over it like an illiterate child trying to read. It means BIG DAWG, because I'm about to make the entire XWF my bitch, starting with YOU! I'm gonna dominate you like the alpha I am and, after I'm finished, they'll be calling you Hanar-D, since your ass will be my property........"

I quickly sat up in my chair, catching the cameraman off guard. He backed up as I got to my feet and began to walk around the ring. I took in the atmosphere, a feeling of emptiness I'd never felt in an arena before.

"Much like this building, there's a void in XWF," I spoke, running my hand along the top rope. "The Main Event scene is lackluster, and the top stars refuse to fight for the top prize. Chris Page and Robert Main are fighting for belts below them, Fuzz is abandoning the company, and Sarah Lacklan would rather compete in the C-League. If this shit keeps up, XWF will suffer the same fate as NWF and I cannot allow that! The Engineer is a virus far worse than any form of Corona and somebody's gotta put him in his place! I'M that guy."

I turned and looked at the vacant seat in the center of the ring, pointing at it before continuing.

"Right now I sit on the average man's chair, but that all ends come March Madness. After I run through Hanari Carnes and the unlucky soul unfortunate enough to face ME in the Finals, I'll take my permanent place upon the Throne of XWF. If you watch Game of Thrones, you'll know that a KING is much more important than a CHAMPION(unless you're Tyrion)! The only thing that feels better than a belt around your waist is a crown upon your head, and that Crown will rest there for an entire year. While The Engineer struggles to hold onto his Title, I'LL be resting comfortably inside my castle, looking down on him like the peasant he is............. at least until it's time for the King to collect his taxes. Once that happens, Engy won't have an ounce of gold left to his name and XWF will be a much better place because of it. He better watch out, because there's about to be an uprising come Sunday and it's gonna turn the world upside down, moreso than it already is! I'm about to become royal-D and there's nothing anybody can do about it! And that ain't no story, it's the Cold Big D Truth!!!!"

As "X-Men Theme" by Powerglove began to play, I went to exit the ring bit stopped myself between the ropes. I looked at the random, empty chair I'd picked out of the crowd and came up with a good idea. I walked over, folded it back up, and took it with me as I slid out. With the events going on in the world, I decided to do something good in the midst of it.

The Coronavirus had done more than just created a void in entertainment, it was endangering the lives of those closest to us. That being said, this prop would go on to become one of the last I'd ever use in a promo before becoming King, and that meant there was some money to be made............ especially if I sign it. That money wouldn't go to me, however, as a true leader knows he's only as good as the people he rules. Therefore, all profits made from selling this item would go to benefit Coronavirus victims, as well as research for a cure.

Things looked bleak right now, for the world AND XWF, but they say it's always darkest before the dawn. We've overcome terrible times before, from 9/11 to Shane

's ownership, this is no different! As King of XWF, I will lead this generation into a new era that will surpass any ever seen before, I just have to get there. Hanari Carnes better be ready, because I'm not only gonna be fighting for myself, but my PEOPLE as well! God knows the world needs a strong leader right now and I'm prepared to give it to them.

The darkness ends come March Madness.

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