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X-treme Wrestling Federation BOARDS » XWF PPV Boards » March Madness 2020 RP Board
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The Gang Battles Sickness & Death!
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SUPER/Øshame/ShaneCarver.7z Offline
The Unforgettable One

XWF FanBase:
Women and gay men

(physically attractive male on every level; can seduce you; that disarming smile; those bedroom eyes)

Post: #1
03-25-2020 12:12 AM

Those dancing flames atop dozens of black candles did offer something abstruse to be considered within the energies of these walls, far beyond the throbbing waves of light pulsating throughout this chapel. Shane Carver, in all his infinite knowledge, was wise to wear a knee pad on his left knee after what happened the last time he'd come to worship.

Pause. Let me just say, some intros just can't be compared to. I may not have supplied you with the exact temperature or given any indication of how clear or cloudy skies are, but I have just knocked this promo intro out of the park by figuring out a way to talk about throbbing and pulsating things inside of a chapel. Shane will be so proud when he plays this back to himself while masturbating to his own face tonight.

Shane's eyes remain closed and his head lowered for at least a long time; maybe longer. Let's just pretend he did it for 30 minutes and call this promo a wrap. Thanks for coming, everyone! I just caught the bug! I quit!

New Narrator. Let's set the mood:

New scene. Uh oh... a hospital?!? Don't tell me... Not Shane too!

The emergency room is flooded with C.Diff patients as Shane Carver coughs into his sleeve and looks around in horror upon walking through the door to this hell.

"Fuck! I knew I should have kept my distance from Madison! I picked the wrong time to get Covert Idol 19 or whatever the hell this is... and how the HELL did I end up in the one hospital where everyone has C.Diff and I'm the only one with this damned Cervid Idiom 38 BoneThuggery East 1999 shit??"

A nurse walks up to Shane Carver who had literally just walked into the ER a few seconds ago, mind you, and she already tells him he's definitely infected with a hot case of that C.Diff.20! but Shane is quick to tell her that he's sure as hell not infected with that shitty shit disease anymore! I beat the Diff back in 2019 after battling it for YEARS and now I'm 100% immune! but the nurse ain't having it, quickly barking back at him about how this is the fucking C.Diff.20 virus! It's the new 2020 version and it hits the white man the hardest! but it's not until the nurse grabs Shane's shoulders and starts shaking him violently that he fully grasps the seriousness of the situation.


Shane knows only one defense at this point – he goes into beast mode and tries to hoist the small Asian nurse into the air for a botchplex, but he can't even get her up! I'm so weak! So helpless! I can't even botch a bitch!!! whispers Shane under his breath, since he's far too weak to shout like he'd have wanted to!

"Put Shane down you dirty whore!" - Of course Shane didn't come alone! He's got OG protection!

OG HIRED GUN the original Numba One Gunna comes running in and the nurse starts yelling something at him in Asian and OG starts giving it right back to her in Asian.

Shane: OH! Bet you didn’t know that OG spoke yellow fever did you bitch! OG! Botch that bitch!

OG grabs the nurse and goes to do a botchplex but since he isn’t used to botching, he botches his attempt at a botch so badly that the nurse goes sailing towards the window. She hits the glass and flies right out of it.

Shane: I thought air travel was cancelled but I guess not! OG! I GOT THE DIFF! THE 2020 DIFF!

OG: Wait they did a remix? A diff remix? Put your hand up on my hip and when I diff you diff we diff?

Shane: OG! This is no joking matter! IT’S THE DIFF!

OG: You’ll be fine, I’ll take you back to the lab, they’ll shoot you up with some quaaludes, steroids, and hand sanitirzer then you’ll be fine.

Shane: Not this time OG! I’m far too weak and far too old to survive this. Tell Hired Gun 2.0 that he was like the illegitimate son I never had the chance to disappoint. The diff got me before I had the chance to send him to the store for cigarettes then move the house. Cut down in my prime by the diff!

Shane starts flopping around on the floor grabbing at different parts of his body obviously on death’s door. A doctor comes running over to Shane and kneels down beside him,

Doctor: Sir! What’s wrong?

Shane: Nothing now, YOUR SOUL IS MINE!

Shane reaches over and grabs the doctor by the balls and starts speaking in tongues.

Shane: SuNt InFeCtUm BaLlS! sunt infectum balls! SUNT INFECTUM BALLS!

The doctor starts to scream as his skin shrivels up and he turns into nothing more than a big piece of dried out human jerky much like Vinnie Lane. Meanwhile through the power of wet testicular transmogrification? Transexualization? Transcendentalism? Something trans happened here damn it! Direct all questions to Barney Green he’s the trans expert. But the gist of it is that because the doctor didn’t keep his balls dry, Shane was able to use that wetness as lube to sustain his own life force. How did you think Shane Carver had lasted on this planet for so long? The man has been running wrestling federations since the 90’s. THE FUCKING 90’S! The truth is that Shane Carver should have been dead many times over but one thing has kept him alive all these years. His ability to suck the life out of a moist sack. Just as quickly as we saw the life force drain from the doctor, we see it flow into Shane. Yes, that hot, sticky, salty, white life force just flowed right into Shane. Shane pops up off the floor looking more energized than ever and he even appears to look younger than he did before. He doesn’t look a day over 69 and that’s saying something…. THE 90’S!

OG: Holy shit! Looking good boss, but did you really have to drain him so hard?

Shane: I did what I had to do OG, desperate times called for desperate measures. When life tries to tea bag you sometimes you have to suck the life out of the bag!

OG wipes a tear from his eye.

OG: Boss, you may have cured your C-diff but you’ll always have A-diff in my eyes.


Just then, several patients come running and screaming out of a nearby hallway. All of them are covered in C.Diff and running for their lives as a beer bellied doctor with his pants unbuttoned and holding a syringe high in the air comes walking briskly after them, despite almost tripping over his own falling pants with every brisk step.

The herd of screaming Differs heads right toward Shane and OG Hired Gun up in this bizzitch!

Shane: Oh my fuck! Help!

OG: El Hijo De My Ballsack! WE NEED YOU NIGGA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

As if on cue, CRASH! A Hired Gun 2.0-sized hole in the ceiling forms and the Lil Gun himself falls through it, landing hard on his back mere feet away from Shane and O.G.H.G. The pair's attention is pulled away from the converging masses and towards their supine comrade as he pushes himself up to his feet, brushing debris off his uniform.

HG2: What's the sitch?

Shane and OG glance at each other, then back to their son. Back at each other. Out towards the crowd, who seem to be moving in slow-motion. Back at each other. Once more at the Second Gunning.

OG: Bruh.

Shane: You got a little, uh, something—

El Hijo de Hired Gun looks down to find a piece of rebar jutting out of his midsection.

HG2: Oh, that old thing? That's a fashion statement, sweethearts.

Shane hits HG2 with that larrydavid.gif but all of a sudden the crowd goes back to moving in normal motion, converging on the trio in the blink of an eye! The doctor, despite his best efforts, trips and falls to the ground, the syringe in his hand scuttling across the floor. The stragglers at the back of the crowd turn their attention away from Shane and pals and descend upon the fallen man.

OG: Get-da-fuck-offa-him, ya bish!

The OG Hired Gun's hands wrap around the throat of a gaunt woman with sunken eyes whose own arms are thrown around Shane's neck! In moments, he pries the woman off and shoves her the fuck back but in the process, he looks up to find himself surrounded by raging differs. So anyway, he just starts blasting.

Meanwhile, Shane is shrieking at the top of his lungs and flailing his arms.


His wild swinging succeeds in repeatedly smacking an overweight man in the stomach like King Hippo.

As he tries to remove a differ's grip on his arm, Hired Gun 2.0 has a lightbulb moment.

HG2: Wait a second, diff? Like C-diff?

Shane: YEAH!

HG2: Isn't that kinda last season? Kinda played out, right?

Shane continues using the fat man's gut as a speed bag.

Shane: NO, NO. C.DIFF.20!

From underneath his attire, Hired Gun 2.0 is clearly rocked to his core. He reaches for the piece of rebar and tears it out of his flesh with his free hand before clocking the differ up in his grill.

HG2: Someone's gotta get stabbed.

Marching towards the fat man in front of Shane, Hired Gun 2.0 finds a new home for the chunk of metal in the man's shoulder.

HG2: Chekov's gun, binch.



Their heads all turn as they shout his name in unison!

Shane: Peter!
OG: Peter!
HG2: Peter!

Peter picks up the syringe and immediately injects it into the crazy screaming Asian nurse that had finally crawled her way back in after being botchbotchplexed by OGHG straight through the glass window earlier. The woman instantly shits herself.

Peter gets to work, fending off Differ after Differ with rights and lefts like he's Hulk Hogan in his prime clearing a ring full of heels! Gilly kicks a crazy Diff infected fat man in the balls which causes an explosion of shit to blast an actual HOLE out of the back of the man's pants! Shit goes everywhere!

The man keeps shitting.

Shane: Peter! Use your SUPER DICK! It's our only hope to beat this sea of C.Diff infected freaks! Plus it might also cure my A.Diff! I DON'T WANNA DIIIIIEEEEEE!!!!!!

Shane is shaking Gilly's shoulders like crazy, screaming in his face! Both of the Hired Guns are stomping the shit out of that Asian nurse who Peter gave the shot to a few moments ago and shat herself. After she had shat herself she began flinging her shit at Peter's super dick, prompting swift corrective action via the Hired Guns.

OG: Rock Bottom! Rock Bottom! ROCK BUH-BUH-BUH-BOTTOM!!!

The OG Hired Gun hits that ol' Rock Bottom on the bitch and takes her key card. He uses it to gain access to a restricted area and finds a doctor having sex with a patient. Both of the men stop what they're doing when OG walks in on them, and they immediately go limp. The patient pulls his pants up and the doctor starts to act like he was checking the patient's blood pressure. OG takes a closer look at the patient...

OG: Greggo?

Greggo: Heh heh... howdeh Gunneh. How ya doin' babe?

OG Hired Gun is all kinds of excited to find Greggo! He let's out a loud FUCK YEAH right along with a hard clap of his gloved hands!

OG: Guys! Get over here!

Shane is first to arrive and his eyes lights up with joy.

Shane: Holy shit on a shingle! What the hell are you doing here, Greggo?

Shane moves in and hugs his friend closely. The doctor that was pretending to examine him after being caught having sex with him, backs away slowly out of the area like Homer Simpson might slowly back away and disappear through some shrubbery.

Greggo: Call me later.

Shane: What? Why would I do that?

Greggo: Not you. I was talking to that hot doctor who was fucking my tight little man-pusseh when OGHG over here walked in and we had to act like we weren't doing anything naughty.

Just then, Peter Gilmour and Hired Gun 2 rush in and Greggo immediately starts to lower his pants.

Greggo: Oooh! Looks like we're about to have a good ol' gang bang! Just like old time! Original Black Circle style!

Meanwhile, HG2 seems to have commandeered a giant bag of cocaine that he uses to signal for a helicopter to come pick them up. It doesn't take long for the group to weave their way through masses of Differs, all the way back to that hole Hired Gun 222: 2he 2econd 2unning came crashing through earlier! HG2 uses his binoculars to look up through the hole and he gives a big thumbs up.

Shane: Great! The chopper is here! Let's get the hell out of here!

Peter: Wait! Why the hell aren't we just leaving through that door right there?

Shane: Fucking C.Diff! You wanna catch that shit? This is the only way! Let's go! Go! GO!!!!

Shane shoves Peter toward OGHG who shoves him toward HG2 who latches Peter up with the cables dangling down through the hole, presumably lowered by the copter. HG2 gets Gilly all hooked up, then quickly does the same for his daddies Shane and OG, followed by HG2 throwing the bag of cocaine in some bitch's face and demanding that she strap him up to his cable. It works! It's amazing what a bitch will do for a bag of coke in this day and age! And the speed at which she did it! Wow!

HG2 blows the bitch a kiss as the four teammates get whisked away up through that hole like a bag of dicks being sucked up into Phagtom Panzy's mouth.

Once they safely board the helicopter, they realize they forgot Greggo.

Shane: Fuck!

They all look on in horror from the copter as they see the hospital EXPLODE!!!!!

Shane: NOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Suddenly, Shane has a psychic vision of the next time he sees Greggo and they're at the titty bar together having some drinks and snorting some lines. Shane asks Greggo how he survived that hospital explosion back in the day and Greggo just giggles and explains that by the time of the explosion he had covered himself in such a thick layer of lubricant that even a volcano wouldn't have been able to hurt him. It repelled the flames and it acted as a cushion when he was sent flying into shit. The vision ends.

Shane: Oh fuck it, he's good. Let's go get some BBQ curbside pickup.

Peter: I could eat a horse.

The helicopter flies away into the sunset, happily ever after.

Shane: Wait. Are we sure none of us have the Diff?

OG: I don't know how to tell you this boss, but I think you still got it.

HG2: Yeah there's definitely a high level of shit escaping your anus right now.

Shane looks down and notices he standing in a puddle of his own shit.

Shane: Guys I don't know how to say this......... but I might be going into the match Sunday night with a hot case of The Diff. This is SO fucked.

Everyone just looks at each other in horror.

Shane: That queer duck that said this was going to be a very SPOOOOOKY pay per view was right!

Even with the door to the helicopter still open, the stench of Shane's Diff causes everyone, including the pilot, to pass out.

The crash was heard for miles. The residential area the helicopter landed in was a low income ghetto shit hole as many of the neighboring communities refer to it as, so it's not like any of the casualties will be missed. The thick black smoke rises up as high as the eye can see and blocks out the sun.

Ghost Shane, Ghost OGHG, Ghost HG2, and Ghost Gilly all float out of the wreckage and head over to a nearby barbecue restaurant.

G Shane: I feel like the weight of the world has been lifted off my shoulders!

G OG: Nigga the weight of this dick has been lifted off these balls!

G HG2: Bitch the weight of these shoulders can hold up all the dicks and balls!

G Peter: SUCK MY GHOST DICK!!!!!!!!!

As the four slowly levitate toward the BBQ spot, many questions remain... For the longer they remain in ghost form, the weaker their tether to the 3D laws of cause and effect. Should these men fully cross over into a state of multi dimensional existence beyond their physical light bodies, they may "break the 9th wall" which separates all of us from those whose laws are not turn based as their time is not linear. If that happens, long story short, we will all literally be fucked. Let's hope these boys find their way back!

Important wrestling news: Jim Cornette and the Wrestling Observer’s Dave Meltzer, who have been friends for decades, had a public falling out on Twitter over a debate about Kenny Omega's drawing power.

Rare match: Orange Cassidy vs Velveteen Dream here

Bored? Watch former WWE wrestler "Ryback" eating a giant Rice Krispie treat for a half hour, here

  Shane  "Milk of the Lamb"  Carver

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[-] The following 7 users Like SUPER/Øshame/ShaneCarver.7z's post:
bRiaN sTorM (03-28-2020), ENGINEER.EXE (03-25-2020), Hired Gun II (03-25-2020), Peter Fn Gilmour (03-25-2020), The Brothers Blackwater (03-25-2020), The Hired Gun (03-25-2020), Theo Pryce (03-25-2020)
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