Threaded Mode | Linear Mode

Boris · (02-28-2020)

Centurion: What do you think, about 140 yards?

This is exhausting, comrades. For the past two hours, I have been walking golf course, with bag of clubs over my shoulder, while good friend Centurion hits the golf ball. Golf is tiring sport blin, and I am not even playing.

I am something called "caddy". It means I follow good friend Centurion around until he gets tired. Let me tell you something, comrades - he does not get tired. He just keeps walking.

He asks me questions about length of shot, like I have any idea. Boris does not golf! How many golf courses do you think exist in the Eastern Bloc?!

"I do not know blin"

Centurion: Give me my 9 iron. I'm in between clubs, but I'd rather be long than short.

I hand good friend Centurion a club, and he looks at me like babushka looks at television. He must think I am Devil.

Centurion: This is a driver.

Cyka, if it is driver, what is it driving?

This has been all day with good friend Centurion. He says some blyat, I do not know what it means, and he judges ole Boris. Somehow this is supposed to get Boris ready for the Mad March Tournament. I do not see how.

Good friend Centurion hits the ball and puts the club back in the bag.

Centurion: Nice shot, huh?

"Whatever you say, comrade."

I grab the bag and throw the strap over my shoulder like I would a Kalashnikov, and we keep walking.

I must admit, the place is beautiful blin. Boris has never seen a place this green before. And this is not even peak time blin. Good friend Centurion is wearing coat, and the flowers are all dead. For a Slav, we would consider this summer, but for thin blooded Americans, is still rather cold.

We walk to flat part where hole and flag is, and good friend Centurion grabs the flat club from the bag. With one swing, he puts the ball in the hole and shakes his fist as if to start old lawnmower.

Centurion: My putting has been on fire today.

He puts club back in bag and I pick it up once more as I wonder what I have done in my life to deserve such punishment. I'm sorry for disobeying you, babushka!

Centurion: How do you plan to hype up your match this week?

"Hype up blin?"

Centurion: Hype up. Drop a promo. You know, trash talk your opponent.

Good friend Centurion says words as if Boris knows any of it. I do not talk of the trash. Boris is smooth talker. I only talk when I have something important to say.

"I am afraid I do not know, comrade."

Centurion: Madison Dyson is going to say all kinds of shit about you. You have to be ready to counter! There's more to wrestling than just bodyslams and squatting.

I have never heard such insulting words blyat! What more is needed than bodyslams and squats? Is only thing world needs blin! You get in fight in Bratislava, you bodyslam and you squat, and you become king of the Gopniks!

Centurion: Here...

Good friend Centurion takes off bag of clubs from my shoulder and he pulls out his electronic devise. Is nice looking phone, but is no Verizon LG Chocolate. That is peak technology blin! No need for interwebs and FaceSpace and all that vzdor. Do not call Boris - Boris will call you.

Centurion: Come here...

Good friend Centurion grabs me like bear grabbing onto tree as he pointed electronic device to the sky.

Centurion: Tell the world what you're going to do to Madison.

"Boris is going to beat her."

Good friend Centurion does not seem happy with Boris' answer.

Centurion: You need more than that.

"Why?"

Centurion: Wha...what do you mean "why?"! Because! That's how this industry works! You have to talk about your opponent - why they suck, why you're going to win - all that stuff. Have you never watched a promo before?

This is trick question blin. Good friend Centurion is waiting for Boris to say something bad. And yet, he knows answer. If Boris lies, he will be mad. This is no win situation for Boris.

"...maybe?"

Centurion: Ugh. Look.

Good friend Centurion raises electronic device again.

Centurion: Madison Dyson called you a pig fucker. How does that make you feel?

"Mad."

Centurion: Why?

"Because I do not fornicate with the producers of bacon."

Centurion: Yeah, and she's really the one who fucks pigs, right?

I do not know where good friend Centurion is going with this, but he is expert, so Boris plays along.

"Uh, yeah."

Centurion: And what else is she?

"She is ugly. And a loser. And she is not good wrestler blin. Mason Dyson shows up only from time to time. She thinks she is important, but she is not. She is nothing more than plan to make people mad."

The more I talk, the more I understand blin! It feels good to say this to camera. It is like video journal that everyone can see.

"Mason Dyson act like tough person, but she does not know meaning of tough! She think she say a few nasty words and that make her tough. But she does not know the strength of the Slav!"

Centurion: Fuck yeah, keep going...and hand me my driver.

I hand good friend Centurion big club and he hands me the electronic device. Boris can not help himself - I must keep talking.

"You think you are something because you are 12 percent Slav? Borsha! Fish in Volga River are more Slav than you. And they tougher, too!

You underestimate Boris! You assume I am here for some laughs. But nu, I am serious blin! I am most serious wrestler in Federation of Xtreme Wrestlers. If anyone is comedy character, is you Mason Dyson. Who is even Nazi anymore? They lost the war! Is over! Why would someone want to be associated with bunch of losers?"

Centurion: Sliced it! Stay out of the trees.

"You talk of Aryans as if they are "Master race". Slav is Master race! And we have proven it! We survive harshest winters, longest wars, greatest struggles. Aryans release salt tears when a character in movie does not look like them."

Good friend Centurion walks back over to me and hands Boris the club.

Centurion: You keep doing what you're doing. Hold that camera and keep talking...but also pick up my bag and follow me down the fairway.

I do as asked, grabbing bag of clubs like it is survival gear and Boris is taking a hike through Chernobyl.

"Even if you beat me...which I know you won't...I do not think you will win Mad March Tournament blin. You have big mouth. Everybody in company want to beat you! This is what happens when you act like Nazi. You make enemies. So if Boris does not win, I expect one of these Western spies to win. It certainly will not be Mason Dyson!"

Centurion: Hand me my 4 iron...it's the iron with a 4 on it.

I KNOW 4 IRON BLIN!

"Boris is ready to see how tough Aryan blood is when she is locked in the cheeki breeki. What will you tell other Nazis when you tap out to the Slav Superstar? Maybe they will not let Mason in their club blin. Maybe the Nazis will be so sad they surrender."

Centurion: That's going to come up short.

"You want to build wall blin? You already had wall - it was on Berlin, and the Slavs owned half! Cyka, the only reason Germany exist is because Stalin did not want to blow up Berlin. There would be no States of United America if not for generosity of Slavs!"

Centurion: Woah, pump the breaks there, Trotsky. Bash the hell out of Nazis all you want, but don't start talking shit about America. In fact, why don't you just give me the phone, and you can take the bags up to the green.

I hand electronic device over to good friend Centurion and pick up bag of clubs once again.

[color=#006400]Centurion: Oh, and Madison...whenever you want some, bitch, I'm easy to find.

Threaded Mode \| Linear Mode Boris Golf
Author	Message