I just had to get away from it all. The training, the stress, all the drama that surrounded my next match.......... I desperately needed a break. That being said, I decided it was the perfect night for my wife and I to have a nice quiet evening at home. In order to do this, however, I was gonna need to go out and about to grab a few things. Some wine, dinner, and maybe even a present for the special woman who decided to call ME her husband.
I embarked on a journey to my least favorite place in the world: Walmart. It was impossible to enjoy shopping at a store that essentially accused all of it's customers of being thieves, but it was equally hard to resist their low prices. Despite my fame and small fortune, I was never one to shy away from a good deal, even IF it meant having an employee harass me on the way out.
As I walked in, I was kindly greeted by an elderly gentleman who was obviously too old to do anything else besides say "Hi" and check receipts. I grabbed myself a basket and made my way to the alcohol section. The selection was immense, bottles of wine with flavors I didn't know existed from countries I'd never even heard of. It all seemed like a bit much for a place that had a website dedicated to the freaks, hicks, and hobos that 'graced' the store with their presence. Despite having all the choices in the world and a heavy wallet, I grabbed two bottles of the $8 White Tail red wine and placed them in my basket. As I turned to walk away, I wondered if two was enough? My wife was far from being an alcoholic, but when she DOES drink, she tends to chug it like a college frat boy. Keeping this in mind, I decided to grab a third bottle before heading towards the front.
On my way to the checkout, I became curious about what XWF action figures Walmart had in stock, so I took a detour over to the toy aisle. Walking past all the toys made me sad to be an adult as everything kids had nowadays was so much better than anything I ever had as a child. Figures with 100 points of articulation, board games that were WAYYYYYY more fun and complex than Monopoly and Life, trading cards for just about anything a company could slap their brand on.
Eventually, I found the section for XWF action figures and was amazed by the variety. There was a Robbie Bourbon that had the ability to Robbie Bomb another fig through the breakaway table it came with, as well as a Shane
that had a bunch of fake, brown turds packaged with it. I also saw some two-packs of the Sick Cunts, complete with all the belts they held AND a talking Noah that only said the word 'cunt'. They even had a few obscure, less successful members of the roster, including a Jim Jimson with a dolphin that could be split into two pieces and a 'Thunder Knuckles' that was just an empty package, sans a few mini X-Bux accessories. I wasn't sure if someone had stolen the figure, or if XWF was trying to profit off of him being missing, but it wasn't my job to question these things.
Even though there was a variety of my peers, I couldn't find a Big D or Ned Kaye anywhere. Considering the hype for our match, as well as the fact I was the hometown hero, I wouldn't have been surprised to find out they were sold out of them; after all, you couldn't buy Big D without Ned, or vice versa. Just as I went to leave the area, I noticed an employee heading my way with a giant box in his arms. He struggled to carry it over, plopping it down on the floor the moment he had the chance.
"Excuse me," I said politely. "Do you guys have any Ned Kaye action figures around?"
The guy, who looked as though he was barely old enough to have a job, chuckled before answering me. "No, we've been sold out of them for about a week. Apparently they're a hot item right now."
"I see," I responded, grinning at the thought of Notorious BIG's popularity. "Big D must be a pretty hot item, too, huh?"
The teenager's laugh grew even louder, echoing throughout the store. He bellowed on for a good minute, before finally responding. "It's actually quite the opposite."
"What do you mean?" I asked, annoyed by this kid's lack of customer service.
"Big D action figures are our least popular item," he explained. "And I'm not just talking about action figures, or toys in general, I'm saying people would rather buy things like prune juice, or Brussels sprouts, over a Big D action figure."
"................................."
"Yeah, they're SOOOOOO unpopular, we had to put 'em on Clearance for fifty cents apiece," the boy continued, cutting open the box and stocking the shelves like it was no big deal. "And people STILL won't buy them!"
My heart sank deeper than the Titanic, as I couldn't believe there wasn't ONE Big D fan left in Cedar Rapids. Even when I had been at my absolute worst, people around here still appreciated me and were proud to have me represent them through my fame. Kurt Warner, Zach Johnson, Big D; we were the Mt. Rushmore of CR. That was the way it had always been and was always supposed to be. I had no idea my challenge to Ned pissed people off THAT badly.
Without another word, I left the toy aisle and headed for the clearance section. This was usually considered one of the most coveted areas of Walmart(by the people who go there, at least), but it was NOT the place I'd want to find MY merchandise. Sure enough, right at the front where the cheapest items could be found, there was a pile of XWF action figures......... ALL of them in my likeness. I hurried over to mountain of D's and picked one up, holding it to my chest and cherishing it like a newborn baby.
"How could they do this to you?" I whispered, as an obese woman wearing a tiny, white wife beater and what looked like a pair of underwear(but was likely just shorts too small for her sausage legs), rode by on her mobility scooter. She stopped at the end of the aisle, watching me stroke the cardboard backed figure, before shaking her head and driving off. There was no way I could leave the store in good conscience without purchasing one, so I tossed it in my basket and went to the self checkout.
After scanning my items and paying for them, I headed for the exit. As I carried my grocery bags, I dreaded the usual confrontation with the greeter. He'd stop me like I was some sort of criminal, ask to see my receipt, and go through my stuff as if he was a police officer. It was one of the many policies that made Walmart a terrible corporation, but as long as people like me kept shelling out our hard earned cash to them, nothing was gonna change.
"Have a good night," the old man said as I took a few more steps towards him. I was in complete and utter shock, as this was the first time in forever I didn't have to stop and show my receipt.
"You don't want to check my bags?" I asked, dumbfounded by this new experience. "Make sure I'm not stealing anything?"
The man let out a big ole laugh, 'Ho, ho, hoing' as if he was Santa Claus before saying, "Nobody's gonna steal a Big D action figure!"
As I made my way to the car, my blood pressure rose higher than the state of Colorado. I was fucking pissed. This wasn't the first bad experience I'd had inside of a Walmart, but it was definitely the worst. As much as I wanted to punch my fist through the windshield, I kept my cool. This was just a bump in the road, no need to let it ruin the wonderful night I had planned with my wife. All I had to do was grab dinner, then I could go home and forget all about the people of Walmart.
I drove about ten minutes down the road to the Blairs Ferry Popeye's chicken. Not only was it closer to the house than the Edgewood Road one, it also had the honor of NOT being featured on the news years back for having employees drop food on the floor and still serve it to customers. The fact people STILL went to that one despite that actually being a thing just showed how stupid everyone in this town was.
As I pulled into the parking lot, I could feel my luck beginning to change. There was no line at the drive-thru, and only a couple cars parked(which I took to be the employees themselves), meaning I could get in and out quick. This was great news because, after my ordeal at Walmart, I just wanted to get back home where I was actually loved. After parking my car, I headed into the restaurant.
As expected, it was completely dead inside(like me after my trip to Walmart). You could tell they hadn't been busy for a bit, as the two African American gentlemen working behind the counter were screwing around, whipping each other with dirty towels. Unlike your average customer, this didn't bother me as I remembered working in the service industry and all the silly things WE did during the downtime. I smiled and nodded to them before turning my attention to the menu. As I looked it over, I could sense a change in the atmosphere. The guys who had been laughing and playing just a second ago were now giving me death stares. I tried not to think too much of it, as I took a step forward and went to place my order.
"Hi, can I get your $20 bucket deal?" I asked, trying my best to ignore the tension. "With an extra side of mashed potatoes, please."
The man closest to the register shook his head, eyes dead set on me. "No, sir, you cannot." He spoke in a threatening manner.
I looked from him to the other guy, not believing what I was hearing. "Is he for real?"
This guy didn't respond. He continued to look at me as though I had just slapped his momma, without giving any sort of reason for his hatred.
"Do you fellas got a manager I can talk to?" I requested, growing irritated by their games.
The one who refused to talk to me turned towards the back before yelling, "Hey, Smokey, get yo ass up hurr!"
I pondered whether I was getting old, as it seemed times had changed dramatically. When I was younger I would NEVER have called for my supervisor in such a manner; but then again, I also never had a boss named 'Smokey.' A big, black man(probably how you'd imagine prison's favorite inmate, Bubba, to look) came out from the back, looking as though he thought they were messing around with him. As soon as he laid eyes on me, his demeanor changed as quickly as his coworker's.
"You need to get yo ass on outta here, boi!" he demanded, pointing for the door. "We don't serve
your kind around here!"
My jaw dropped to the floor, I couldn't believe what I was hearing. "What the fuck does THAT mean?!" I burst out, not appreciating their racial undertones.
"Niggas who stab their homies in the back!" the guy at the register answered, flinging his arms around like a fool.
"Yeah!" Smokey agreed, puffing his chest out with authority. "We got each others' backs here and we don't need some punk ass bitch like you ruining that vibe!"
The middle man leaned forward and lifted up his shirt, revealing a gun. "Ya feel?"
These guys reminded me of Baby Dick, the pimp Ned and I ran into on our way to an episode of Anarchy. Thanks to Ned's diversion, we were able to avoid harm and make it in time to defeat The Gangstas. But Ned wasn't here, it was just me on my own. These guys seemed dumb enough to shoot a wrestler over a feud they didn't like, and I didn't want to test my hypothesis. Considering I had Krystal to live for, as well as potentially winning Ned's briefcase, I made the smart decision and backed off.
"You gentlemen have a wonderful night," I said with sarcasm through a fake smile before heading for the door.
"Cracka ass bitch!" one of them shouted as I exited my new least favorite restaurant.
"Chicken off the floor would've been better service than that.........." I muttered to myself.
As I left Popeye's in search of a different eating establishment, I THOUGHT the worst was over.............. but I was wrong. I tried ELEVEN different restaurants in search of one that would serve me, but they ALL held the same grudge! FOUR McDonald's, THREE Wendy's, TWO KFC's, a Dairy Queen AND a Burger King ALL refused me service.
I had never felt so alone, it was as if the entire world was against me! All I wanted was to take dinner home for my wife, but no-one would allow it because they couldn't see things from my perspective. This wasn't a betrayal, it was giving Ned a chance to prove himself. If he beats me, a former World Champion and constant contender for every XWF Championship, he'll solidify himself as the Main Eventer he wants to be. And if
I win, then it shows Ned isn't quite ready for the big time and needs to wait a little longer. As for me, I can no longer sit aside and watch as people like Robbie Bourbon and Azrael get handed Title shots before hard workers like me and Ned. He'll have his time to shine, but right now is MINE. If nobody can see that, then I guess I'll just have to take my crucifixion, no matter how much it hurts.
I arrived home hours later than originally intended. There was no dinner, all I had was a bunch of wine and an action figure nobody wanted. My wife was about to be the next name added to the long list of people I've disappointed in my life. Krystal was sitting in the recliner, reading Game of Thrones, when I walked into the living room. I immediately dropped the bags on the floor, causing the wine bottles to clank together, before plopping down on the couch and burying my face in a pillow.
"You're gonna have to order pizza," I mumbled into the fabric. "Emphasis on the YOU'RE part."
"What happened?" she asked, as I heard her close her book and lean forward.
I pulled my head from the pillow and looked at her, tears running down my face. "Everyone hates me," I cried like a hormonal teenage girl.
Krystal got up from her chair and walked over to me, leaning down and putting her hand on my back. "
I don't hate you," she said with a smile.
"Well, everyone else does!" I replied through more tears. "The servers, the fans, hell, even NED hates me!"
"You're being ridiculous," Krystal assured, running my back. "Ned doesn't hate you!"
I thought back to Savage, when I begged Ned to come out and forgive me, but he refused. I hadn't talked to him since the previous Warfare, and the last thing he said to me was a cold 'thanks for the save' before leaving me to wonder if our friendship was over.
"I don't think you understand, honey," I explained, drying my eyes on my arm. "He'll never forgive me for this. Even though he knows I deserve as much of an opportunity as he does, it hurts him that it might come at his expense."
"Well, that's understandable," Krystal gently responded. "But that doesn't mean he HATES you! Maybe he just needs a little time to let things sink in."
"You think so?" I asked, trying to stay positive.
She nodded, reassuring me. "Yeah. I'm sure he didn't expect you to ask him for a match when you did."
I sniffled. "Well, he WAS announcing his intention to cash in on the Champion when I asked..........."
"Yeeeeeah, that's horrible timing, hun," Krystal pointed out. "Maybe you should text him, see if he wants dinner tomorrow night."
"The night before our match?" I questioned, finding the suggestion absurd.
"Absolutely," she insisted, standing up and grabbing her phone. "If you reach out to him, maybe he'll see you mean well and agree to talk to you. You can't just ask him to have a personal conversation in front of an audience, hun, NOONE wants to do that!"
She was right, as usual. Maybe calling Ned out in front of an XWF crowd WAS a bad idea. As if I didn't already put him on the spot enough in the FIRST place by issuing my challenge, I just HAD to do it again on the following Savage. This issue was between the two of us, and while the score would be settled inside the ring, the rest would have to be handled outside of it.
As Krystal typed away on her phone, presumably to order a pizza, I grabbed mine and texted Ned. I didn't have much hope and it showed in my simple invitation of 'Dinner tomorrow night?' It was worth a shot, the worst thing he could do is not respond which wouldn't put us any further back than we already were.
To my astonishment, I not only got a reply, but a fast one.
"What time?"
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