”I can’t believe you did that.”


Adam Barker’s voice is heard stating as our scene fades into focus as Chris Page and Adam Barker are seated along the back seat of a limo. Adam is dressed in a charcoal and black Gucci suit with matching tie while Chris is dressed in some black dress slacks with a blood red short sleeve polo style shirt with the top button unbuttoned.


”I literally can’t wrap my mind around why you would even take things that far.”


Adam appears to be disgusted with Chris and why wouldn’t he be after desecrating a gravesite regardless of who is belonged to. That’s another level of personal regardless of how you look at it.


”What if it was…”


Chris interjects.


”It wasn’t!”


Chris lashes out causing Adam to flinch and jump towards the side. The tension inside the limo is so thick you could cut it with a knife between Chris and Adam as it certainly appears as if maybe Chris has stuck a serious nerve with his longtime manager.


”I didn’t ask to play this role it was a role I was given, and you can’t smite me all you want for what I did to Tristan’s moms gravesite because I stand beside my actions. It served two purposes; the first it’s completely thrown him off his game and the second is that this is something that will scar him the rest of his pathetic life. It’s cut him deeper than any words ever could. Did I cross a line? Perhaps… but do I regret it? Absolutely not.”


When I reflect back on last week it brings nothing but a smile to my face because I’m proud of what I did to your mother’s grave. The greatest piss I’ve ever taken was down on to her coffin because I can only imagine how thirsty she has been while being dined on by worms. You know I don’t fully understand is why it’s even affected you in the first place, I mean it’s not like you visited the site often anyway.


”You’ve know me for almost fifteen years and you know exactly what I’m capable of, and in fifteen years you’ve never said I’ve went too far until now. I’ve done a lot of bad shit…. Remember when we ran the Tokyo Dome and I made my entrance to the National Anthem while being lowered down from the rafters on an Atomic Bomb? Or how about when I called the Queen of England a stupid cunt? My point is that I’ve done crazy shit my entire career and if THIS is what made you question me than perhaps you’ve grown soft.”


”I didn’t say I’ve grown soft but I am saying that all Tristan did was reference some truth about your past that’s out there if anyone bothered to do some research and you responded with pissing on his mother’s casket and shattering her headstone.


”Talk about a knock out shot.”


”I just hope you know what you’re doing. You know Slater and you know how dangerous he can be.”


”Adam that’s what you fail to understand… I want Slater at his most dangerous, I want Slater at his motivated best and all I did was nudge him in the right direction.”


Adam simply rolls his eyes as the limo pulls to a stop.


”Why are we stopping?”


That question is answered with a quickness as the back passenger side door swings open and in steps Robert Main with a bottle of whiskey in his right hand. He plops down in the back seat seeming forcing Adam to sit “bitch” between his self and Chris Page.


”Dude I smell the pussy on you from over here.”


Robert twists the cap off his bottle and raises the bottle up towards his lips as he states.


”Your mom told me to tell you hello.”


”If my mom smells like that than her cherry rotted and you should have taken a shower!”


Robert nearly spits his whiskey out but manages to swallow it before he states.


”You’re horrible.”


”I know.”


Robert simply shakes his head as Chris continues.


”So… how’s the dick, DICK!”


Adam turns and punches Chris in the right shoulder not knowing the circumstances surrounding the question as Chris quickly shifts his attention towards Adam with a piercing glare as he states.


”He tried to fuck a toaster and burned his dick! True fucking story!”


Robert chimes back in.


”That’s not entirely true…”


Now Adam’s curiosity is now peaked.


”Which part?”


”Yes I burned my dick in a toaster and no I wasn’t trying to fuck it either.”


Adam simply starts to shake his head before he starts to state.


”How is this even possible?”


”HE WAS FUCKING IT!”


Chris burst out into loud laughter as Robert flips him off before taking another swig of whiskey before he remotely responds to Adam.


”A series of unfortunate events… it’s a long story.”


Chris jumps right back in.


”Abridged version is he tried to procreate with a FUCKING TOASTER!”


”Fuck off.”


”No thanks, I don’t travel with a toaster.”


Adam interjects and tries to sway the conversation.


”Are you ready for Chaos?”


”Chaos couldn’t punch his way out of a wet paper sack if his life depended on it. I’m not too keen on wasting my time and the only reason I’m showing up is to see if the Sick Cunts have the balls to accept our challenge while fight Chris Chaos is just for sheer amusement at this point.”


Robert starts to raise the bottle of whiskey back towards his mouth as he asks.


”What have you two been up to?”


Robert takes a swig from his bottle as Adam spouts out.


”Chris had Slater’s mom’s gravesite dug up and he pissed on her coffin before smashing her headstone…”


Robert spits the whiskey out of his mouth and across the back of the limo before looking directly at Chris Page as he states.


”What the fuck!”


Without hesitation Chris responds.


”I didn’t fuck a toaster.”


Robert finally loses his cool with Chris as he screams out.


”GODDAMNIT I DIDN’T FUCK A TOASTER!”


Chris reaches over grabbing a remote and before he presses a button he sarcastically spouts out at Robert.


”Someone’s in denial…”


Chris hits a button on the remote as he continues.


”This will calm you down…”





”Fuck you dude.”






Words from the Stoned One:


Now that the gloves can officially come off let me first go ahead and address some of the things that have been said about me, some of the “toasted” nature in which my opponent made piss poor attempts to make things personal with me just to make him happy and appease him for the time being. Yes, I did have an affair while on the road over twenty five years ago which spawned a child out of wedlock; yes. All this came to light several years ago which lead to my divorce and yes I was a pretty shitty father… but uh… I’m a pretty shitty guy so none of this should come as a shock. You see Tristan I’ve never claimed to be a nice guy and I’m not going to make excuses for my past but I hope you learned the true meaning of personal when I pissed all over your mothers coffin. You’ve point out that I’m a self-centered son of a bitch. Well duh! I’ve only pointed that out a MILLION times myself so allow me to lightly applaud you for being able to point out the obvious like it takes any real intelligence. You point out my awards that I won at the end of the year and attempt, although poorly, to make them mean nothing. Cool story coming from a guy that hasn’t been relevant in the XWF since 2012 by your own admission you FUCKING MORON! Listen you can bring up my past, you can try and expose my personal life as a feeble attempt to throw me off my game but you’ve failed with flying colors like you failed at Cunt-Fest, like you failed at beating Gilmour, like you failed in the Tag Tournament and like you’re going fail Saturday Night on Savage Saturday Night when you and I square off in the center of the ring on NEUTRAL ground for someone that’s excuse for getting owned by me in the past was because I signed the checks because when I beat you… again… your excuses goes up in smoke with it and you’re formally reminded that you fucking suck. I’m stoked that you’ve elected to have Shane ringside as well, but not because of his SUPER abilities but because he can get a firsthand look at what’s left of your credibility taken away from you within the confines of this Street Fight.


I wish I could say that I’m trembling off your idle threats of violence and brutality but I’m not because you don’t walk into a match of this nature and not expect to leave your blood stained on the cavass, so if YOU felt the need to remind me of the scares this is going to leave on my body then perhaps you’re the one that’s lost focus and is underestimating me, not the other way around buttercup. I’m prepared to take your best shots while simply asking for another; unlike you who has forgotten what I truly bring to the table I haven’t forgotten what you can bring. Yes I’ve crushed you in the past but it didn’t stop you from throwing everything including a kitchen sink at your disposal so I expect you to do the same this go around; however, I will take your best shots only to dish out stiffer ones before blowing a kiss at Shane. After listening to everything else you’ve had to say it only confirms that you’re dumber than a brick. Bruh like you’re so stupid you sit on the TV and watch the fucking couch! You’re so stupid you thought Taco Bell was a phone company in Mexico! You’re so stupid that you tripped over a cordless phone! You get my point, I know exactly what the fuck I am getting into and who I’m getting into it with, and while I’m a little disappointment in your lack of creativity with the match itself but all I can do at this point is show up and foot my foot in your ass. I’m going to love to put you in my rearview and look forward to dealing with The Sick Cunts; and what makes Robert and I declare us as the Number One Contenders, you know since one of those “toasty” statements revolved around how we can consider ourselves next in line with ONE tag victory, right Tristan? Well the easy answer would be that’s ONE more win than you’ve gotten in the same division… but a second answer would revolve around I don’t see anyone else knocking on their door that would remotely be a bigger attraction than myself and Robert Main. This isn’t fucking rocket science you ignorant fuck, and if you’re suggesting that there’s ANY other team that deserves to step up and take on the new champions I’m listening…








That’s exactly what I thought.


Do yourself a favor and go stand in the corner with the rest of the children and stay the fuck out of grown folks business before you open your mouth and further insert your foot. Saturday night isn’t about anything other than closure for me when it comes to dealing with you. You want to pretend that this MEANS so much in some fictitious war conjured up by both you and Shane to give your careers some sort of purpose, pretend this is some ploy to keep Robert and I away from the Universal Title scene when IN REALITY we BOTH turned down opportunities to make Engineer looks like a credible Champion. Explain to me how literally at any point EITHER of us could go management and say give me Engineer and it would happen within a snap of the fingers? You and can pretend you have ANYTHING to do with it, so much like this fictitious war that’s ongoing; consider this the final battle because when I leave you laying in the center of that ring and my arm is raised in the air your choice of continuing a non-existent war goes up in smoke.


What you fail to realize is I do understand just how important this is to YOU.


You’ve put yourself in a must win situation as your new mentor will be ringside watching you perform in a match that you’ve dedicated to him. If the pressure on your shoulders wasn’t already heavy enough you’ve put more on yourself by guaranteeing a win against an opponent that you’re not capable of defeating. I can only imagine as each day we grow closer to Savage is a day that the butterflies are churning in the pit of your stomach because you’re not going to have an excuse to fall back on and you’re going to find out I don’t need Robert to carry me to victories, I just enjoy it. I enjoy having a partner that is just as smart as he his dangerous, I enjoy having a partner that I know is going to show up to potential every night he laces his goddamn wrestling boots, I enjoy having a partner that I know better than he knows himself and vice versa because we have had some of the most storied matches in recent memory within the history books of the Xtreme Wrestling Federation… but above all else I enjoy having a partner that’s already put you down like the rabid dog you’re desperately trying to become. I know you’ve got a halfcocked plan that both you and have concocted and I would be surprised if ole Gilly and Engineer don’t show their faces as well. I welcome you to bring as many of your friends as you want because I’ve got more eyes looking on than even you’re aware of. You’ve not made a lot of friends over the last week or so, am I right? I’m prepared for any and everything you want to throw at me because when the smoke clears and the dust settles on this little shindig the one fact you’re going to take with you will be that losing to Chris Page doesn’t mean that you suck… it just means you’re like everyone else.


Now that the light work is out of the way I want to close this out with a parting shot towards Nicole and Peach Fuzz.


Robert and I have thrown down the gauntlet and this Saturday Night the both of you get to choose what kind of Tag Champions you’re going to be. Initially you’ve shrugged off our first overture while pretending that we’re nobodies. Let’s hope you don’t continue that trend of stupidity because if that’s the route you want to take you’re going to sorely be disappointed when we get our match regardless of what you think or what you say. Right now you still basking in your glory but Robert and I are coming to steal your goddamn thunder. You can deny us all you wish but IN REALITY you’ve got two options; you can do this the easy way or you can do this the hard way… personally I hope you elect to do this the hard way because it shall do nothing but bring a smile to my face.


The choice is yours.

- HALL OF LEGENDS 2019
- 2019 Heel of the Year
- 2019 Locker Room Leader of the Year
- 2019 Feud of the Year w. Robert Main (you’re welcome)
- Former


With Robert "The Omega" Main

XWF World Heavyweight Champion