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X-treme Wrestling Federation BOARDS » Anarchy Boards » Anarchy RP Board
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Honey, we need to talk about Barney
Author Message
"Loverboy" Vinnie Lane Offline
The Guy

XWF FanBase:
Some of everyone

(cheered; very rarely plays dirty but isn't lame either; many likable qualities)

Post: #1
02-12-2020 07:27 PM

For Ned

"Loverboy" Vinnie Lane is having a rough time.

His tight vinyl pants are a little tighter than they used to be. His muscle shirts are starting to chafe. All of his eyeliner is clumpy. These days, eating too much meat makes him sweat. What the fuck is that all about? It's meat. Why can't he just have a nice charcuterie without starting to breathe heavy? Fucking ridiculous.

But, most of all, the thing that's been bothering him the most is the way his bandanna has been sliding off of his forehead.

Even the smaller ones.

No matter what he tried to do, whichever knot he tied it with, that thing slid right down his forehead and covered his eyes like he was doing Birdbox cosplay.


Because his hair was gone.

Fuck Barney Green.

These are thoughts that spin inside Vinnie's head like a hurricane as he sits in his announcer's chair at ringside, inside an empty arena in Punxsutawney, Pennsylvania.

"Barney. Where do I start?"

Vinnie pulls a book of matches out of his hip pocket and pulls one of them off by the stem, not sweetly or romantically like someone grabbing a pretty flower with whimsy. More like someone snatching a weed out of their herb garden when they were too late to stop it from killing all the basil.

"2014. I've known you... since 2014. And you know what, dude? You were washed up THEN. I drove up to the XWF in a beat up panel van with bad brakes and a garage band that hadn't slept in two weeks, all ready to be the next big star... and I was! And you? You were already nothing. You were the fat guy. Fatter than Gilmour on his fat days. Fatter than Fatback. Fatter than Mr. XWF's fat hog. Fatter than Maria Brink's rotten pussy. You get the drill, you were the fat one. That's all you were! Just Barney the fat one! I heard rumors from dudes who used to be here back then but have long since gone, you know, about how you were kinda good once upon a time, had accidentally won the World Title somehow, and how someday soon you were gonna lose a foot to The Beetus. You were Ghost Tank before there was a Ghost Tank."

Vin strikes the match against the strip of roughness running along the bottom of the match packaging. The little red ball at the end of the match bursts into flame, a tendril of smoke rising off of it like a ghost rushing up to heaven.

"I left you alone. Why would I bother with you? My career trajectory was upward. I was in the ring with greats within weeks, and you were a first day kinda guy. Within a year, I was a decorated veteran, a multiple champion, a REIGNING champion, and about to make a decision that would not only change my own personal career, but change the direction of the very XWF. I was about to make a deal with the devil, Barney. I was buying this place. And you? You were still just... Barney."

"You know why you kept getting booked? You know why you kept getting new contract after new contract? You know why you kept getting to BE Barney Green? Because of me. Because I liked you. No... because I PITIED you. I didn't want to open my laptop one day and see Barney Green started a GoFundMe to pay off medical bills, you know? You belonged to the XWF and the XWF belonged to me... you were my responsibility."

By now the match had burned down to Vinnie's fingers. He watched it sizzle against his skin, wincing slightly as he waited out the flame until it died on its own. Then, he tossed its carcass to the floor, pulled another match from the pack as if he was wondering if she loved him or loved him not, and struck it alight.

"And Barn, when you have people that are your responsibility, you want to see them succeed. You want to see them win. I put you out there in the ring with people like Drezdin, Crimson Dong, bX3, Mini Morbid... I did that because I wanted you to stay afloat. I know how it feels to lose, dude, but I don't know hot it feels to lose as much and for as long as you have. That's simply never happened to me. I don't think it could. I mean... look at me. I've won when I simply should not have been able to. I've won against legends as if they were rookies. I've won against champions as if they were nobody. I've won as a last minute replacement, as a retired desk jockey medically unfit to perform... but I just keep winning. But you? Barney, I made a whole new show just to put you on it. I made a whole BRAND and yours was the first name that I called, because I thought I could give something back to a guy who'd given his life, his health, his body, his psyche to the XWF... and you just. Keep. Losing."

"I thought screw it. Barney didn't really EARN an Anarchy Title shot, but I'll give him one anyway! He'll prove my faith in him to be founded by shocking the world and taking the belt off of Ruby. I'll put things in his favor. He won't even have to beat her, all he'll have to do is burn her. Push her into some fire. He can do that, right? He's a hardcore icon, allegedly. He's been through more light tubes and cheese graters and barbed wire than a Home Depot. Surely BARNEY GREEN of all people can push a hundred pound girl into some fire."

The second match goes out. A small black blotch on Vinnie's finger grows a little larger as his flesh is singed. Vinnie tosses it and lights a third.

"You know who got burned though Barney? It wasn't Ruby. Nope. It was you. It was me for putting you out there. It was the fans who paid to see it. You set fire to my entire plan, Barn, and then you set fire to ME and cost me my hair. THAT, Barney Green, puts you in line for an ass kicking that you've been lucky enough to avoid for nearly six goddamn years. THAT is enough for me to say I'm not worried about making you look bad anymore, that I'm not worried about embarrassing you in front of the world anymore... because obviously you weren't concerned about embarrassing me. Embarrassing the XWF. No... all you cared about was your little moment. Your photo op, standing over me with what was left of my gorgeous hair sizzling in between your fingers. I cared about you when no one else did, Barney, and you threw it in the fire."

"But guess what happens to fire, Barn?"

Vinnie puffs his cheeks and blows out the match. Did he make a wish? You bet he did.

"Fire is extinguished. So bring that monster to the ring, Original Ghost Tank, and make sure there's plenty of fire in that belly... because I'm gonna put you out."

Vinnie then gets up from his seat and walks away, leaving the chair swirling slowly and a pile of dead matches on the floor.

[Image: dR5ZguS.png]
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[-] The following 12 users Like "Loverboy" Vinnie Lane's post:
Atara Themis (02-12-2020), Atticus White (02-12-2020), Barney Green (02-12-2020), BigD (02-12-2020), CCP (02-13-2020), Chris Chaos (02-12-2020), Notorious Ned Kaye (02-12-2020), Peter Fn Gilmour (02-12-2020), Phantom Panzer (02-12-2020), red-x (02-12-2020), Robert "The Omega" Main (02-12-2020), Shawn Warstein (02-12-2020)
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