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Centurion · (02-06-2020)

Quote:January 26, 2020. Immediately following the pay per view:

(The dust has settled on the pay per view run by Fuzz and Noah Jackson, and several XWF superstars are packing their things in an effort to catch their flights out of the country.

Inside one of the locker rooms is XWF newcommer Geri Miller, with her friend and fellow combatant Estrella Luiz. The two are placing their remaining items into their duffle bags when there is a light knock on their open door. They both turn to see Centurion, fresh off his title defense (and out of his dress), standing in the doorway.)

Geri: Woah! Hey Centurion! Cool to finally meet you. Awesome job out there tonight.

Centurion: Thanks. Same to you. I was wondering if you could do me a favor.

(Geri glances over at Estrella, then turns back to Centurion).

Geri: You kidding? Anything!

Centurion: My friends and I are going to be heading to a party. We're looking to get the party going on the plane. Think you can smoke me up?

(Geri's face drops as she looks around, slightly nervous.)

Geri: Uh, transporting weed into a foreign country is highly illegal. I would never...

(Before Geri can finish her sentence, Centurion pulls out a stack of bills from his pocket. He fans them out and shows them off to Geri.)

Geri: ... close the door.

(Another pay per view has come and gone, and another defense of the Hart Title is under Centurion's belt. At this point, it's becoming so routine, you can almost set your watch to it.

With Australia in the rearview, Centurion and company have decided to fly back to the States to get some rest. On the way, however, the crew have decided to celebrate the continuing of Centurion's winning streak.

We open up inside the private jet of Allison and Centurion...or, in her words, "just Allison". There, we see Allison, Jocelyn, Centurion, and Genevieve. Allison and Jocelyn are on one side of the jet cabin with a marijuana bowl (is that what you would call that glass thing?). Allison has her head leaning up against the window while Jocelyn is holding the bowl and a lighter, trying to get more smoke.

On the other side of the cabin is Centurion, holding a joint that he is enjoying, and Genevieve, who has a martini and a small glass bottle of something next to her. Centurion looks as loose and relaxed as he's been in a long time, while Genevieve looks as if the effects of whatever substances are being consumed isn't affecting her at all. She is shuffling through some tarot cards as Centurion takes a hit of his joint, exhaling the smoke into the cabin.)

Allison: When the hell did you become a pothead? You never smoked when we were on the road together.

Centurion: I started a few years ago. Helps with the aches. It was either this or pain killers, and I've seen too many of my friends die because they were hooked on pills. It's not an everyday thing - usually after matches, sometimes after a hard training session, but I won't smoke if I'm partying. Mixing weed with booze really fucks me up.

Jocelyn: Yeah, if you're a fucking pussy.

Centurion: I'm old. Same thing. Besides, with my history of drinking problems, it might be best to just stick to one vice at a time.

(Centurion takes another hit before looking over at Genevieve. Genevieve seems impressed with the cards that she is rifling through.)

Genevieve: This is an impressive deck. You can't find these at your local novelty gift shops - you have to find someone who hand makes these. Nellie had to spend a couple hundred dollars on it.

Centurion: It was her engagement gift to Erin, apparently. She's kind of like me - she can't just casually do something. If she's going to give a gift, she's going to go the extra mile. Speaking of which...

(Centurion glances down the airplane cabin to the back, where Nellie and Erin are seated. They are both laying on each other, completely passed out. Centurion looks over at Genevieve.)

Centurion: What did you give them?!

(Genevieve puts the tarot cards down and picks up her tiny glass bottle. She shakes it, causing a light rattling noise.)

Genevieve: Cannabis crystals.

Allison: Woah, you don't fuck around. Those things can knock you out if you're not careful. How many did you give them?

Genevieve: Combined? One.

Centurion: In her defense, they said they could hang.

Allison: They're amateurs, Andy.

(Centurion looks back at the two of them, who remain passed out. Centurion gets a light smile on his face before taking another hit and breathing out the smoke.)

Centurion: I think I prefer it that way. Nellie's a grown woman...but I don't need her to be like me.

Jocelyn: The world doesn't need another you.

(Centurion's smile fades as he slowly turns his head to face Jocelyn.)

Centurion: I will slap the shit out of you.

(Jocelyn hits the bowl again before passing it over to Allison. She exhales the smoke in Centurion's direction.)

Jocelyn: Bring it, bitch.

Allison: "This just in, professional wrestler dies in a plane crash because he and his friends were high and dumb as fuck."

(Centurion points at Jocelyn.)

Centurion: You're the high one.

Jocelyn: ...that makes you the dumb one?

Centurion: ...no...wait.

(Allison just shakes her head as she lights the bowl, smoking the last bit that's in the glass container before handing it back to Jocelyn and breathing the smoke back out. Jocelyn goes into her bag to look for more ganja as Allison speaks.)

Allison: I gotta say, you looked hot out there.

Centurion: (exhales smoke) Fuck yeah I did. I told you I would. Those assholes tried their best to embarrass me, but all they got was me throwing up two fingers in their face. People need to start realizing how little of an shit I give.

Allison: Yeah, that was Noah and Fuzz's only hiccup, though. They swept everything else, and now they're the tag champs.

Centurion: Like I give a fuck. Let Raven or Robert or whoever the hell else wants to step up take care of that. I now have a goal, and I plan on accomplishing that goal.

Allison: What goal?

Centurion: To be the longest reigning champion in the modern era. Everyone wants to say I'm "resting on my laurels" for all the accomplishments I had in the past? Fine - I'll break modern days records, as well. That way no one can say "oh, we lost the record books. We can't verify anything." Ok, just watch me do it.

Genevieve: What's the current record?

Centurion: 297 days, set back in 2014 by some stupid fuck.

Genevieve: That seems easy...well, for someone like you, anyway.

Allison: Don't give him the ego boost. He doesn't need it.

Centurion: It's easy knowing the target, but it's also going to get harder the closer I get to it. The pressure will be on, and I'm sure the XWF is going to throw whatever they have at me in order to "earn" the record. I'm ready for that. But I still have a few months to go, and I need to focus on what's directly in front of me.

Genevieve: And what is directly in front of you?

Centurion: Well, Atara Themis and Peter Gilmour are having a match on Warfare to determine a number one contender. I assume I'll face whoever the winner is two weeks after that.

------Now It's That Puff Puff Pass Shit, Cheech And Chong Grass Shit.-------

Alright XWF, we need to have a fucking talk.

This past week, there was a main event, pitting Atara Themis against Peter Gilmour. The match was a complete shitshow. Tristan Slater was involved, that roided up freak was involved, a whole host of others got involved, and in the end, while Gilmour had his hand raised, a lot of question marks still remained. Who really had a right to face me? You could argue Gilmour, since he won the match; however, you could also argue Atara, since she got screwed. Or, you could let them have a rematch, and let Chris Chaos finally face me one on one like he's been blabbing about for months. All of those scenarios work...

...THEN WHY THE FUCK AM I FIGHTING ROBBIE BOURBON?!

This is the kind of nonsense that fans scream about whenever they get the opportunity. These slapdash matches that make no sense, wrestlers getting title shots for no real reason, and matches on television that seem to just "exist".

This is in no way a knock on Bourbon. He's a worthy contender. It just doesn't make a ton of sense to me. How can he lose to Engineer, then lose to Azrael Erebus, and now find himself in a Hart Title match? He should have to win a match before he gets a title shot. Hell, throw him in the ring with Jim Jimson and let him squash the fucker in 30 seconds. At least that makes sense. As it stands right now, Robbie's only claim to the title is "well, management put me in the match".

Oh, and let's talk about the match, too. A Glass Cage match. This was the same match I won the belt in at Relentless. At that pay per view, there was a ton of hype over this match. After all, it's unpredictable, and two big contenders were going to be throwing each other against glass to try and win the Hart Title. I remember doing a ton of press ahead of that match. People were excited - they were ready to pluck down their $60 to buy the pay per view in order to watch something they've never seen before. And it was a massive success. The crowd went nuts for it. So, what does the XWF do?

Book TWO glass cage matches on the same night on free television.

Good job, guys. Good fucking job. Take a special match type that attracts paying customers, give it to them for free, and take all the luster out of it. Way to go.

How this company makes ANY money is beyond me at this point. I almost think the strength of personalities alone is what is keeping this place afloat. Why do we have to do stupid Xtreme matches every show? I know it's called the Xtreme Wrestling Federation, but even back in the old days, we still had, I don't know...STANDARD matches! Like, with a referee and a pinfall and no interference. Weird concept, I know. I thought, with Shane

gone, we could actually get some wrestling around here, but there are so many weird matches on weekly television for the purpose of "popping ratings" that it would make Vincent LaRusso jealous.

"Bro, we're on the cover of USA Today bro!" Yeah, like anyone reads the newspaper anymore.

Hey, I'm not the booker, so who am I to criticize? I've just been in the business for 19 years and seen the kinds of things that draws fans and makes money. Why would anyone listen to me?

Whatever. Robbie Bourbon in a glass cage match? You want to give that away for free? Fine. The fans in Scotland are going to go nuts, that's for sure. And the ratings will be through the roof...that is, until they get to the main event and they are asked to sit through Engineer and Azrael in a snoozefest.

Let me start off by saying, despite all the shit I'm going to talk the next few weeks, Robbie HAS impressed me over the past couple of months. When I first got here, it seemed like wrestling was his side gig. I didn't see him all the time, and he didn't appear to take it seriously. When he decided to step his game up, he really showed the kind of fire and passion it takes to be a big contender...

...he also showed why he doesn't do that often.

Despite giving it his all for two months, Robbie's win-loss record has been pretty abysmal. Chamber match for the Hart Title? Loss. Universal Title match against Engineer? Loss. Singles match against Azrael Erebus? Loss. The only win he has is against Chris Chaos...and let's be honest, that dude is on his back more than Jenny Myst in the locker room.

And there in lies the story of Robbie Bourbon. He's good. I'd even go as far as to say he's great. But he isn't one of the best wrestlers in the XWF, and if you want to win one of these titles, you have to be. The talent at the top is so strong that there are no "fluke champions". Even Noah Jackson with his childish antics and his annoying ass accent is supremely talented in the ring. Some people's 100% just isn't good enough to climb to the mountain top.

"But Centurion!" I hear you saying in that annoying voice I made up in my head. "Robbie came really close to beating Engineer for the Universal Title! Doesn't that mean is a threat to you?" And yes, while conventional wisdom would tell you that a strong challenger for the top title should be able to win a lower level title, there is a problem that the XWF currently has. See...

...I'm a better champion. The talent of the Hart Champion is greater than that of the Universal Champion, and therefore it's more likely that someone can come out of nowhere and win the Universal Title than it is someone rise up and ranks and win the Hart Title. That's just the reality of the situation. The only reason I'm not challenging Engineer is because I want to break the modern era record for longest title reign. Plus, Engineer not having a viable contender right now is causing him to go nuts, and I think that's funny.

Again, allow me to reiterate, I don't have a problem facing Robbie Bourbon. He was the strongest contender in the chamber match (fuck you Chris Chaos), and it would have been nice to face him while he was fresh and at 100% (again, fuck you Chris Chaos). A one on one battle between me and Robbie will be a hell of a match.

I'm just questioning the timing. Why do it NOW? Why do it when we already have contenders lining up for the belt, and Robbie is on a losing streak. I was in business for a long time, and I know that optics are sometimes more important than reality. The optics of this, quite frankly, sucks. Atara Themis could come out and say "I got screwed in a hard fought battle for the contendership, and now I have to watch Robbie earn a spot for nothing?" And she would have an excellent point. If I were her, I would lawyer up.

But what's booked is booked, and the facts remain the same - despite Robbie's vast improvements, he still isn't close to my level. I hate to be so blunt about it, especially considering my respect for Robbie has grown in recent days, but I have to be truthful in this business. Robbie can't beat me. Sorry.

That's not to say I'm strolling into this match with my head in the clouds, thinking there is no chance this goes against me. I'm not facing Peter Gilmour here. No, I know, if I'm not on my A game, Robbie could pull this off. That's actually the problem Robbie has. If I approached him like I did a few months ago - thinking he was just some fat, comedy player who doesn't take this business seriously - I think I'd probably lose. But I know Robbie can be dangerous, and I'll be approaching this match like it's a high profile pay per view match...which is unfortunate for Robbie.

I will say, I love the feeling of finally being in the ring with someone who can provide a little bit of challenge. After facing Peter Gilmour and Vita Valenteen in back to back defenses, I was starting to wonder if I'd ever be in the ring again with someone who actually could step up to me. With Chris Chaos waiting in the wings, it seemed doubtful.

But in the end, though, it really doesn't matter. Someone who loses to Azrael Erebus can't beat me. It really is that simple. If you can't beat the crossdresser who looks like they got kicked out of the local LARP group, you can't beat me. THIS is why the timing is wrong. Give Robbie the chance to redeem himself. As it is right now, there is zero drama.

Oh, by the way, are we THAT hard up for Universal Title challengers that we need to give Azrael a shot? What, couldn't book Barney Green? Was NAZI unavailable that day? You have to scrape the bottom of the bottom of the barrel?

Perhaps I misspoke earlier - or, at the very least, I wasn't 100% accurate with my statements. Robbie Bourbon CAN be great. He CAN be a top contender. But he's so damn...

...inconsistent. You never know which version of Robbie is going to walk down the aisle. Is it going to be the Robbie that went 60 minutes with the Universal Champion and damn near ended Engineer's reign of terror? Or is it going to be the Robbie who stepped into the cell with Azrael and couldn't give any less of a shit? I know Robbie's going to say that he's going to bring it all against me, but that's my point. With me, you never have to worry about a "let down". I go in to that ring against every opponent I face with the goal of dominating them from bell to bell. I don't just gave a Hart Title to defend - I have a LEGACY to defend.

And a real legacy, not that fake ass one Chaos claims he has.

Oh yeah, I almost forgot - I'm going to be blindfolded. Because Robbie is blind, and this is the way to keep this even. Ugghh...

Here's an idea - MAYBE don't book the blind guy? Can that be a thought? I get it, "heart of a champion" and all that shit, but it's never going to be fair, and in this case, it's just going to look stupid. Have you watched any blindfold matches? They're horribly dull. That's because the wrestlers have to spend half the match reaching their arms out to find their opponent.

So I have to throw Robbie out of a glass cage while blindfolded? Ok. Why go through all the effort? Why not just wait until I hear Robbie running at me, then just step out of the way and let his massive girth take him to the floor? I know it's anticlimactic and doesn't make for great TV, but neither does booking a fucking blind wrestler!

Robbie, I'll make this simple for you. I beat you when you gave me your best shot. Now you can't see, and you're coming off two big losses. You're not a dumb guy, Robbie - even you have to see how impossible this situation is for you. The best you can do is make it competitive, but if you can't win, why even try? You're a prideful man...I think.

Give yourself time to heal. Get some more matches under your belt. And come back when you're bigger and better than you ever been. Because I don't want to beat a weakened you. I don't want to stand over Robbie Bourbon, wondering how this match COULD have gone. I want the best. I want opponents who can step in the ring with me and legitimately make the fans wonder if this was going to be the person to end my title reign.

And right now, Robbie. That ain't you. And if you step into that ring in this condition, not only will you lose, but you'll be embarrassed and humiliated, and you'll likely fall out of title contention for a VERY long time. And I don't want to do that do you...but I'll do what I must to make it so you meet your...

FINAL FANTASY!!!

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