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Boris · (01-28-2020)

Cyka blyat, now I'm mad.

The Festival of Cunts was a bit of a mixed bag for Boris. Unlike many festivals, there was not a single pierogi or chocolate stand to be found. This is false advertisement blin! If you put on festival, you must have food vendors! I can not just put on Festival of Boris, with just me in tracksuit in middle of field demanding vodka from everyone...

...oy, that does sound like good idea.

I beat Barry Green with the power of the Cheeki Breeki, but now before some debil named Zippo decide to turn Boris' head into diced meat produce. I do not even know who this person is cyka! He just decide to attack Boris and drown him in diesel. He wanted Boris' attention? Now he has it.

Zippo should be worried comrades. Despite being so covered in my own blood that I look like banana covered in Babushka's strawbery jam, I still went to ring and I still beat Barry Green in intense match of death. That is because you can not stop a Slav with simple attack. Boris has had worse when in broken bottle fight at local bar.

You want to make statement? Boris has a statement for you - you are going to die blin.

After match, doctors wanted to look over Boris for severe injuries. I had cuts and bruises on many parts of body, but what the doctors asked me was unreasonable. It offended me, and would offend any Gopnik who was there!

"Can you take off your tracksuit so we can see your wounds?"

Debil, can you take off your skin so Boris can see your bones? Go away cyka! Boris can patch these wounds up on his own with nothing more than cigarette lighter and a bottle of vodka. Tip for you, comrades - if you ever find yourself entangled in barbed wire, be sure to clean your wounds before you sew them up blin. You do not want infection.

As I sat in locker room, I thought about life, as I often do. I think of how quickly Boris' life has changed. I have gone from sitting, unemployed in apartment, to covered in blood after two brutal attacks at the Festival of Cunts. I have to say...

...it is blyatful! The pain reminds Boris of his childhood. It is so fun comrades! Travel every week, fight new people - if this is what Boris expects every week, sign me up.

"*Slavic groan*"

I hear something in my locker room, but it is not clear. I stand up, but take a second to move - my legs feel no so good blin. I slowly walk out of the hallway and into the restroom, where I find:

[Image: HMrW0TM_50.png]

No wonder Cousin Antoli was nowhere to be found when Zippo was beating Boris senseless - he was passed out in a bathtub.

"Come cousin, it is time to go. We must catch flight to Florida."

Yes comrades, there is no sleep for the Slavic. Despite putting my body through several layers of Hell, I have job to do, and I can not let down my fellow Slavs across the world. So Boris must continue to fight, and he must show up on Thursday Academy. And oy blin, is going to be a big fight.

This week I fight Puzz, He is legend and icon in Federation of Xtreme Wrestlers. He also controlled the Festival of Cunts, so he booked Boris. The first thing I must do is thank Puzz. Not just for show blin, but for everything. He has been around since 1999. Puzz was winning titles when Boris was a tiny Gopnik, barely old enough to make his own shiv. I hope to have career like that, but if Boris keeps getting thrown into barbed wire, it will not happen.

Puzz also is coming in beat up. He wrestled two match, one of which was an exploding cage of doom. He spilled lots of blood, just like Boris, and he had to patch himself up, too. So our match on Academy will be between two fighters who are hurt and can barely stand blin. Oppa!

Above being legend and icon, there is one thing about Puzz that truly makes this match special - he is current XTreme Champion. That title is defended all the time blin. Anyone who pins Puzz becomes new champion. Is very similar to Weight Of Metal Championship, which Boris held for six minutes, but this title is way more pristigeous. It has been around for long time blin. If you hold belt for long time, you get 24/7 Briefcase. That means you can be champion whenever you feel like it! Borsha, what a treat for the Slav children around the world - Boris as Champion of Universe. Oppa!

My question for owners of Federation of Xtreme Wrestlers - Vin Lame, Leo Price, and Jim Riven - is the XTreme Title on the line blin? It would make sense. If the title always has to be defended, then it should be defended in this match. Or are you afraid of the Slav Superstar holding one of your prestigious belts! Ah ha, you Western spies always look out for each other.

Boris and Puzz will both be wrapped like mummys, but it will be the Patron Saint of Vodka leaving Florida with the XTreme Title, and a big victory over a fight legend. And I know Puzz will see me as some kind of joke, but cyka blyat, I am no joke! I am no comedy character. I am as serious as economic depression in Estonia after fall of Iron Curtain. If Puzz thinks he has easy victory, he is in for surprise! Yes, he has beaten many greats, but he has never faced the Slav Superstar. Opponents he beat at Festival of Cunts? They just weak Western spies. They do not have the strength, the power, and the Slav blood of Boris! And neither does Puzz!

On our way to championship, comrades! Boris is bringing home Xtreme Title for all the little Gopniks in the world! Stay cheeki breeki!

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