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X-treme Wrestling Federation »   » Archives » "C*nt Fest" RP Board
Planet of the Cunts, Part IV
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Lacklan Offline
World's best at making murderhobos cry



XWF FanBase:
The 'cool' kliq fans

(booed by casual fans; opportunistic; often plays dirty while setting the trends)


#1
01-25-2020, 04:50 PM





Planet of the Cunts, Part IV




"SHIT!"



Sar leaps out of the way as the gun goes off. The bullet whizzes by and slams into the wall, and Sarah rolls to her feet and dives forward. Fuzz yelps as Sarah trips him and he falls to his face, and Sarah grabs the gun and throws it out of the room.

"No guns!"


"Yeah! We're anti-gun, Fuzz!"


Sarah gets to her feet and Noah tries to grapple her, but she's too slippery from her ocean swim and slips out of his grasp. She points over his shoulder and puts on a shocked expression.

"OH EM GEE! Is that something which was actually MY idea originally that you can trigger Rubes by stealing?!"


Noah's face breaks out into sheer joy as he turns around, but it turns to betrayal as Sarah sends one of her vicious kicks into his ass and sends him flying. Sarah's fighter instincts kick in (the one's Ned says she doesn't have because she's "not a fighter") and she spins and sends another kick, this one connecting with Fuzz's chin. Sarah wastes no time and runs to Kenzi, untying her bonds and pulling her free.

"Are you alright?!"


Kenzi grabs Sar in a tight embrace and crushes her.

"...I thought you were dead…"


Sarah smiles and squeezes her back.

"Not going into the Darkness without your sweet booty!"


She pushes Kenzi away and holds up the LuxBot arm.

"C'mon, let's get-"


Her face falls when she sees the lights on the time travel device turn red.

"Shit! It needs time to recharge!"


Kenzi pushes Sarah as her head whips back and forth at the forms of Fuzz and Noah, who have begun to stir.

"Move!"


The duo run through the halls, trying to avoid notice, until they find themselves in a cavern.

Full of LuxBots.

With the Sick Cunts standing at the front.

"Its over, Lacklan. You've lost."


Sarah and Kenzi look at one another with faces full of despair.

"Beloved, I'm sorry. I-"


“Lackersnackers, its Ruby. Can you hear me?”

Sarah blinks several times in confusion at a disembodied voice behind her.

“On your left.”

Sarah slowly turns to her left and sees several of the blue and white balls of lightning burst into being. Both the Sick Cunt Forces and the Luxbots take a step back as bodies step forth from the orbs of light. Body after body walks in, bodies that the Grey-Lacklans recognize. Angelica Vaughn, Shinjiro Nakama, Aveline Lacklan, Sidney Grey, all members of the House of Lacklan. The Hitgirls, all in uniform, with Ashley Marie Chase leading the charge. Friends and family, those who have come before and after, all here. And at their head, wearing a pristine banana and lime mask, is Ruby Debauchy.

“NO!” Sarah screams. “NO NO NO! You are NOT the Falcon to my Captain America! You will NOT save the day! YOU WILL NOT I SWEAR TO GOD I HATE YOU SO MUCH”

Ruby smirks and looks at Kenzi, who just shakes her head and sighs.

“Thanks for coming, Ruby!”

“You bet, my guy!”

Ruby rushes up and stands next to Kenzi, who then punches Sarah in the shoulder. Sarah growls at the punch...and then scowls as Ruby hands her a pair of her glasses from 2020. She begrudgingly puts them on, happy to have a fresh pair, and turns to face the horde of enemies before them. She slowly raises her fist into the air and points her finger forward.

“ENGAGE!”

Kenzi rolls her eyes as she runs forward.

“SISKO WAS BETTER!”

[Image: 3xjcMYD.gif]

~~The Top Moments of the EPIC FINAL BATTLE, as Rated by the Coolrankings Team~~

- Robbie Bourbon showed up with Redd Thunder, and after Redd immediately left to hang out with the 5’2” Mafia (he’s got a thing for albino lezbos), the Luxbots swarmed Robbie and ripped him apart. Because, honestly, we ALL know how THAT match is ending, amIright?

- The Ghost of Chubby Fletcher rose up out of the ground, let out a MASSIVE belch, and the stench was enough to send the majority of the Hit Girls to their grave

- He then shocked the world by showing the Tag Team Tournament Brackets! It turns out that the Mafia was going to win no matter WHO got to the finals with them! #RIGGED 

- Noah tried to bring in Vita, but in the span of this entire adventure starting yesterday to now, she has lost an additional 16 TIMES to Sarah and has just kinda stopped trying

- Mastermind! Mastermind is here! He’s...oh wait...he got called “boring” by Sarah and got ALL caught up in his feels to the point of becoming the biggest pissbaby in XWF history. He just kinda sat there and cried a lil bit.

[Image: AORbpff.gif]

- Sloane Taylor arrived and her noodley arms wrapped around an entire legion of Luxbots like a Rule 63 Mister Fantastic and crushed them to death!

- Ned Kaye tried to take down the Luxbots in his pathetic attempt to be a part of a main event scene that he'll never have a prayer in, but unfortunately for him, the Luxbots don't require sleep. His shitty promos, normally on the level of a highly evolved Jigglypuff, could not send the murderous robots into slumber. He whimpered while getting ripped apart.

- Madison showed up! And while, sure, everyone was expecting her to bring in a Panzer regiment, or something, she instead uses some witchy powers to summon a typhoon! Out of seemingly nowhere, Crybaby Lake came in with a giant wave, the froth forming the ashen face of Shane after a particularly daunting day of jerking off to futa scat porn, and it CRASHED down on ALL of the armies! BY GAWD! THE SHITTY TAKES HAVE RUINED EVERYTHING IN THEIR PATH!

- James Raven and Centurion somehow got caught up in the mix, likely conned into it by Ruby. They just kinda blinked, shrugged their shoulders, and headed home. They had Matlock on the television box at 5, some Werther's to suck on, and a 7 PM bedtime to get to. 

- The Engineer teleported in midway through, but ignored the legion of Luxbots created by his inter-dimensional counterpart. He instead challenged Fuzz to fight him, but the Xtreme Champion ducked him and reported his account like a weak bitch. Engy shrugged, found someone to defend against that will ghost at any time, and thanked his lucky stars that Sar was too busy to care about fighting him.

- Fuzz was busy ordering some Luxbots around and didn't notice Sar sneak up behind him in Ninja Mode. She rolled him up as a Luxbot counted to three and we have a NEWWWWWW XWF XTREME CHAMPION. Fuzz stared in disbelief as Sar snuck back into the shadows, and all of the XWF General Managers felt sick to their stomach of the necessary return of the Blood Princess to the Halls of 24/7 Grab Ass. Be careful what you wish for, boys!

- BigD arrived just as the Doctor was about to cut Noah's promo for him again (AND botch his name again!). He unzipped his pants and let out a MASSIVE set of balls and teabagged the guy to death! It turns out that, after being diagnosed with "No Balls-itis," BigD had Peter Gilmore's SUPER balls transplanted onto himself after P-Gil sadistically died of AIDS

- “Super Dear’O” Ruby and “Actually a LuxBot the Entire Time” Ashley Ackles face off! face off! Its THE battle we’ve been waiting for! It's what a hero is SUPPOSED to be against a butthurt thief who-


BOOM!

Oh. Sarah “accidentally” incinerated both of them with a thermal detonator.

[Image: eXOPfia.gif]
- OMG! It’s Future Corey! He and Mech Dolly (who MAY be an undead zombie?) have arrived from Terminatrix! They are blasting all of the Luxbots! And now Future Corey, who is basically Cable at this stage, is telling everyone to not listen to Engineer Corey’s pissing and moaning about being mentioned! Oh! And he’s also SUPER thankful that almost NO ONE worth a damn is buying into his stupid shit!

- Azrael and his half-alien offspring showed up, along with a zombie and some super solders, or something, and volunteered to get into sixteen fights in five minutes, didn't participate in two thirds of them, but sent twenty-seven "Sup!" texts. And accomplished literally nothing in the process. 

- Both sides got into an X-Bux bidding war for the services of Thunder Knuckles. No one is sure how, but he somehow got paid by both sides without doing any fighting. 

- Atticus Black stopped everything so that he and Sar could have a tea time. The Cunts were PISSED, and even Kenzi scowled, but the Savage boss was NOT going to pass up his scheduled tea time with his FAVORITE XWF wrestler!

- Fuzz busted out literally the exact (somewhat decent) promo he ALWAYS does, said the same “Blah blah” shit that literally everyone says about the 5’2” Mafia, and then just kinda faded away. Poor Noah, who actually IS worth a damn now and again, looked around with sad puppy dogs eyes after realizing that, yes, Vita’s run came up short and Fuzz did what he ALWAYS does in bailing on his partners after doing really good for a while, he’s the last person standing in his “family,” and that’s just not gonna cut it

~~Finale~~

Sarah tries to blink away the haze of the battle, but her eyes remain blurry. Sounds seem both loud and far off, as if listening to explosions through water. She can see blasts of lasers, bursts of bombs, and what suspiciously looks like the green hue of an Avada Kedavra curse, flying through the air. She sees men and women she love fall. She sees warriors and robots she hate crumble to dust. A massive war for the future. A war the Grey-Lacklans MUST in.

"BABE!"

Sarah shakes her head as Kenzi's voice floats through the haze. With her braids whipping wildly as she runs, Kenzi seems more the Predator than ever before, and Sarah is glad to see the glint of light in her hand: The sparkle of her glasses. Sarah takes them as soon as Kenzi reaches her, and the world comes into focus when she places them back onto her head. She didn't know when she had lost them, but they were now a necessary comfort.

"Now's our chance, Sar!" yells Kenzi as she points back the way she had come. "We have an opening!"

Sarah follows Kenzi's finger and sees a hallway leading away from the battle and to where they knew the Cunts were keeping their gear, where they would find Aaron's transporter. And not only were the Cunts no longer guarding the path, Fuzz was nowhere in sight and Noah was on his knees, his eyes full of shock. Sarah nods at Kenzi, understanding that, yes, Fuzz had indeed left Noah's side, as they all knew would happen, and now was the time.

"Lead the way, Kenzi. I'm right behind-"

Sarah trails off as Kenzi turns and runs. A force holds her. She can...feel...something. Someone. Who should not be there. Someone who-

"There you are."

Sarah turns and sees a young man, a few years her junior, but with eyes which have seen a lifetime.

"Corey."

The man shakes his head.

"He's dead, Lacklan. Its only me."

Sarah's eyes fill with rage as the Engineer stands before her.

"No! I will NOT-"

"Sarah! DUCK!"

Sarah hits the floor and a brilliant shot of red flashes over head. She doesn’t know who called out to her in the chaos, but she looks up to see the Engineer's head disintegrate. Sarah gets to her feet and turns around, and her breath catches at what she sees.

"Fangs?!"

Holding a large rifle in her hands, Teenage Sarah, dressed in her Lacklanland Vikings cheerleader uniform, nods.

"I told you that I never forgot."

[Image: 9fpsyfY.gif]
"Babe! I-"

Kenzi runs into the hall and comes to a stop in between the two Sarahs.

"...wut..."

Two twin sets of Billion $$$ Smiles direct themselves at Sarah...which makes poor Kenzi's face turn even more confused than before...and Sarah holds out her hands.

"Beloved? Please allow me to introduce you to Fangs. You might recognize Teenage Me from my old pictures."

She turns to her teenage self.

"Fangs? Allow me to introduce you to Kenzi...your future wife."

Fangs blinks.

"Um...but...I'm not gay."

Sarah smirks.

"That's okay." She points a thumb at Kenzi. "Neither is she!"

Kenzi gives her a flat stare. She takes them both in, one by one, and her face turns to wonder. On her right, the woman with deep worry lines that fights hard to cover them with heavy makeup; on her left, the young girl with a smooth face that has yet to suffer the pains of a father dying before her eyes and a kidnapping and car crash that would put her in a wheelchair. She opens her mouth to speak, but then turns her head as a loud BANG! comes through the hall. She looks back at Kenzi with a grim face.

"Babe...its now or never."

Sarah gives her a nod and turns back to her younger counterpart.

"You gonna be okay?"

Fangs holds up her laser rifle.

"I got this. Been training ever since that day at cheer practice."

Sarah smiles wide as Kenzi starts heading down the hall.

"'Save the cheerleader, save the world.'"

She turns to follow Kenzi, but then turns her head back to the cheerleader.

"Listen...follow your heart. And if your heart tells you to say that you are in love with someone after only dating them for six days?"

She turns her head towards Kenzi, then back to the teenager.

"Do it and never look back."

Fangs looks doubtfully at the back of Kenzi, but she gives her older self a nod. Sarah turns again and runs after Kenzi, not for the first time during this crazy trip being reminded the she would, indeed, follow Kenzi into the dark, and comes to a halt as she turns the corner and nearly bumps into Kenzi. There before them is the brilliant ball of blue and white lightening that brought them here. Sarah takes Kenzi’s hand, and the starlet turns her eyes to her.

“You ready?”

Kenzi squeezes her hand and nods.

“Hey...remember when I was a rookie? When I would say ‘at any cost?’”

Kenzi nods again.

“That’s what we need to do. We canNOT allow the world, OUR world, our world full of laughter, and love, and creativity, fall into THIS!"

She gestures behind them with a hectic wave.

"THIS world of THEIRS stands for all that is SHITTY! I have said it over and over, but God LOVES wrestling and wants the entire WORLD to understand His love THROUGH our business! He wants the world to understand that you stand face to face against what troubles you, you stand tall and without a quiver in your lip or a cower in your heart, and you punch your troubles in the nose with a Supergirl punch! None of this 'oh hey, I'm axly a weak bitch who needs to do technically legal but morally shitty and underhanded things' like Fuzz! None of this lazy-ass, half-baked 'FUN' from Noah! None of this 'OMG IMMA BE EDGY AND DEEP THIS ONE TIME AND NOT FOLLOW IT UP' crap that THEY love doing! None of this shit where they jerk off over themselves with how many 'big' wins they have when the truth is that all of their championship victories are over midcarders like BigD, 'roid heads whose joke stopped being funny after the third promo, that Overton dude who thinks that random swear words equates to 'badass,' and Chambers filled with whatever leftover rabble Pryce could find who would work on Christmas.

"OUR world is about creativity! OUR world is about analyzing! OUR world is about recognizing the quality of our opponents...both are great wrestlers...while ALSO thrashing them for their accurate falsehoods...both are horrible people. OUR world is about balance of relevance and adventure! OUR world is about calling out dumbass shit like devil-worshiping rapists and NOT being cool with it! OUR world is about being what is GOOD in wrestling and NOT allowing the WORST bits of our business to be celebrated! OUR world is about taking legends and rising stars by the shirt and dragging them through the mud until they are as stained and beaten as Duke's dick after a Lux promo marathon. OUR world is one where we take down the BEST challengers and LAUGH at even the IDEA that some jackass bottom feeder is worth the attention we bring."


She grows silent as she looks into the gateway.

"You and me...the Sick Cunts...in the Helldome at CuntFest. We need to win at any cost.”

Kenzi closes her eyes for a moment and barely fights back the desire to sigh and rub her temples.

"...you done monologuing?"

Sarah doesn't bother holding back her eyeroll.

"...yes, Beloved..."

Kenzi squeezes her hand again.

“C’mon, babe. Let’s save the future.”

Sarah lets out a burst of maniacal laughter, laughter filled with equal parts delight and trepidation, as they leap into the gateway.

All around the battlefield, men and women stop their fight. The sound of a falcon can be heard screeching triumphantly, echoing through the hearts of all who had fought, and even Time itself. Balls of blue and white lightening coalesce into being around all those who had come to fight for the future, sending them home to before this all began. But those who remain, those from this dead future, drift away, turning to sand to be carried away by the wind.

All that is left is Noah, on his knees, still in shock at having been the latest person to be abandoned by his "dad," and once again defeated.

"Dad...I don't feel so Sick..."

He, too, fades away into nothing.

[Image: Se1LOhF.gif]
~~The End~~
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"Loverboy" Vinnie Lane (01-26-2020), red-x (01-25-2020), Theo Pryce (01-25-2020)




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