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X-treme Wrestling Federation »   » Archives » "C*nt Fest" RP Board
YOU ARE... (Redux)
Author Message
Noah Jackson Offline
Very Serious Wrestler



XWF FanBase:
Hardly anyone to be honest

(booed by most fans; hurts people even when not supposed to; often angry and shitty)


#1
01-24-2020, 09:30 PM

YOU ARE... (Redux)



I stand nervously behind the curtain; pacing back and forth I keep taking a peek through the thin gap to the walkway. Never thought a fake set with a few chairs could be so intimidating. Maury Povich stands on the stage warming up the crowd with a few anecdotes or how hot Australia is or some shit, to be honest, it's all white noise at this point. I stick my fingernails between my teeth and grind them. My hands shaking. Ha. I haven't been this nervous before in my life, I'd gladly take any match-up rather than this. I feel a hand land on my shoulder and I jump a mile. I turn around to see dad, looking a little concerned.

FUZZ: "Hey, you good?" I try to talk but a lump in my throat blocks it, I give a quick nod. Fuzz eyes me up and down, slowly taking his hand from my shoulder. "You need some water or?"

"VB be good."

I blurt out while trying to stiffen up my body so I don't look like a cheap vibrator from my wobbly knees. Fuzz nods slowly.

FUZZ: "Sure, just chill, okay?"

I give another nod as he walks away with haste in his step. I run a hand across my brow as I continue my pace; I stop dead as Maury addresses the camera.

"Ah fuck me."

I get closer to the curtain as a stagehand holds me back a little.

MAURY: "Hello everyone and WELCOME to a very special once in a lifetime show! We are here in beautiful Australia on the site of C-Fest!"

"CUNT-FEST!"

I yell from the back... Fucking C-Fest, it's not got Shamu performing, cunt.

MAURY: "And we are here once again to find out who Noah Jackson's biological father is, after Fuzz tampered with the DNA samples things went into disarray and a cloud of confusion fell over the Sick C- ... The Sick Friends household. Will we find the true answers tonight? I certainly hope so. Please welcome first, NOAH JACKSON!"

Ahhhh fuck me! I take in a deep breath as my theme plays, I keep thinking to myself that it's just walking down another ramp. It's just walking down the ramp... I throw the curtains open and walk down the aisle to applause.

[Image: veQa0VV.png]

I hit Maury with the fake-out handshake into a dab and take a seat, looking at the small crowd who bought the early bird tickets. What a bunch of sick cunts. Maury takes a seat opposite me with some cards in hand.

MAURY: "So, Noah. Nice to see you again, how've you been?"

I turn my palms out.

"Top of the world, cunt. Last few months have been sick; best of my life."

MAURY: "And the only thing missing... Is the truth."

What a smug-looking cunt. The crowd give a knowing 'hmm' as I look around at 'em.

"Alright, chill cunt, it's not Othello."

Maury gives a slight chuckle as he looks to the crowd before shooting a look back to me... Those eyes. Those cold eyes.

MAURY: "But knowing if Fuzz was your father would certainly be a cherry on top wouldn't it?" [/b]

"Yeah... Yeah, it would."

MAURY: "And if Fuzz wasn't your biological father, would that cause a rift between you two?"

I adjust myself in my seat pondering what he said.

"Nah I wouldn't think so... Last time I thought the truth got out there and me and Fuzz have just gotten closer, even if he isn't my real dad we're still gonna be best friends. We're still gonna be the sickest tag team to walk the face of the earth." I turn to the crowd in promo mode. "We're still going into OUR show on Sunday and leaving with two titles each!"

The crowd pop and go into a 'CUNT' chant as I turn back to Maury with a smirk. Povich politely asks them to quiet down with a lowering of his hand.

MAURY: Okay, what do you say we get FUZZ out?"

"YEAH!"

The crowd shout in unison.

MAURY: "Please give a warm welcome to FUZZ!"

[Image: SAYVp0L.png]

The audience cheers loudly as Fuzz's theme hits and he comes down the ramp with a smile and a tin of VB; giving a few waves to the crowd before sitting down next to me and handing me the can. I take it with a smile and a quiet thank you before cracking it open. The audience simmers down.

MAURY: "Fuzz, welcome."

FUZZ: "Hey."

MAURY: "So, can we talk about last time you were on the show? Why did you switch the samples?"

Fuzz scratches his jaw with a slight sigh, I look at him nursing my can.

FUZZ: "It was a dumb mistake because honestly... I was scared. Me and Noah barely knew each other back then and all of sudden this kid is calling you dad and dragging you onto to some god awful, car crash of a show." He holds a hand up to Maury before continuing. "No offence. It was too much! I know I'd be a mess of a father so I decided to not even take the chance."

Maury nods his head.

MAURY: "And Noah, you're fine with this?"

"I can understand where the cunt is coming from, maybe I was a bit too forward. It hurts, not gonna lie, cunt but I'm not gonna be some sad piece of shit and let a lie hurt this sick thing me and Fuzz have going on. I'm not Sarah Lacklan."

The crowd give an 'ooh' as me and dad look around with a grin, Maury holds out a hand.

MAURY: "Okay let's save the promos for later. You two have certainly grown closer and I'm happy you can move past a mistake, it shows a lot of growth. I'm happy I could make this happen."

Me and dad scoff.

"The fuck have you done, cunt? I'm the one who organised you being here!"

FUZZ: "Yeah and it's not like you gave any good advice to actually help us move forward. You just cut to some other shit while me and Noah sorted shit out."

MAURY: "But I helped you both get everything out in the open!"

FUZZ: "Oh fuck off."

"You fucking wrinkled sack of a cunt, WE fixed our shit. The only thing you're good for is being a translator for a DNA test."

FUZZ: "A test that professionals do for you, what do you actually do, Maury?"

MAURY: "Oh okay, so shall I just leave!? Let you two little pricks to find out if you're related?"

The audience gasp.

"Ommmmmmmmmm, Maury swore!"

MAURY: "... I apologise." [/b]

FUZZ: "Since you opened up that bag, can you say Cunt-Fest?"

MAURY: "I don't think so."

"Say Cunt-Fest, cunt."

He glares at me for an uncomfortable length of time before turning to the crowd.

MAURY: "Let's get our next guest on!"

I hurl my half-empty can of VB at the cunt which he barely ducks.

"NO! Fuck off, just read the fucking results!"

FUZZ: "You have no need to drag this shit out!"

MAURY: "It's my show, I'll do as my please."

I bite my lip trying to not laugh as Fuzz's eyes widen and he leans a little closer to Maury.

FUZZ: "Oh, it's your show is it?"

Dad just stares at Maury. I see a bead of sweat fall down Povich's cunt face, he snaps to the camera and speaks with a slight break in his voice.

MAURY: "THEO PRYCE!"

[Image: EIhpsRe.png]

With a raised eyebrow and a slightly dropped jaw we turn to the entranceway to see Theo Pryce walk down the ramp with a big smile to the crowd. The smile drops when he sets his eyes on me and dad. An assistant of sorts follows Pryce with a very nice looking office chair, Theo centres himself on the stage and motions for the assistant to set the chair down a fair distance away from us. Pryce ignores a handshake from Maury and takes a seat, immediately going onto his phone.

MAURY: "Theo, great of you to join-"

I interrupt leaning past Fuzz to question Theo.

"The fuck are you doing?"

Theo pockets his phone and looks to me.

THEO: "I'm here to save my bastard son from more neglect of course."

I sense a hint of sarcasm.

FUZZ: "And if Noah is your kid? How you gonna feel about that?"

Theo shrugs.

THEO: "I have a boatload of chores at home, the house could use repainting and I'd appreciate the free labour."

I turn to Maury.

"You know he's taking the piss, right? No way me and this cunt share any genes. Look at him!" We all turn to Theo. "The cunt looks like Stretch Armstrong on remission. No way my handsome self is related to that saggy cunt."

Theo gives a chuckle.

THEO: "Obviously you take from your mother's side, explains the patchy facial hair and underdeveloped calf muscles."

I push the chair back as I stand pointing a finger at the cunt as the crowd get hype.

"Don't you say a word about my calf muscles! My legs look like they were sculpted from my marble by a great artist you flaccid cunt!"

Fuzz lightly grabs my arm to make me sit down as Theo smirks at me.

FUZZ: "Calm down, calm down."

I move my seat forward with a grimace and whisper to Fuzz.

"I have great calf muscles!"

Fuzz nods lowering his hand to make me turn it down.

FUZZ: "I know."

MAURY: "Can we continue like civilised human beings?" Maury looks over his glasses at us all nodding. "Okay, so Theo, why do you think you could be related to Noah?"

THEO: "I don't. I'm here to simply piss them off for pissing me off."

FUZZ: "Very mature."

THEO: "Says the guy who named a pay-per-view C-Fest."

"... Say Cunt-Fest."

Theo snaps his gaze to me but Maury stops any situation.

MAURY: "Well, if that's the case I think we can introduce one more quest who does have a claim. Everyone... MASTERMIND!"

"Fuck no!"

Fuzz throws his head back with a long sigh and closes his eyes as Theo bursts into laughter.

[Image: cCgiTiJ.png]

The lights go out... But it's day time and more or less outside so everyone sees Mastermind run down the ramp half bent over, a hand on his trademark hat, making his way quickly to the stage and stand up in a pose like he just appeared there. It's cooked. The crowd give a warm applause nonetheless.

MAURY: "Mastermind, welcome, please take a seat."

Maury shows MM a chair and he narrows his eyes at the black leather for a length of time before turning back to Maury.

MM: "I'd rather stand..."

Ominous. Mastermind stands beside me as I look up at the weird cunt and look back at Maury throwing a thumb at that fucking Kiwi.

"I am not the son of that!"

MAURY: "It's very plausible, Noah. The age difference makes more sense that you and Fuzz, he's from New Zealand which is a stone's throw away from Australia and his past is shrouded in mystery."

"You could say the same about any fucking cunt from Lord of the Rings! Am I related to Aragorn, cunt!?"

MAURY: "That's fantasy, Noah. Don't be ridiculous"

"Cunt have you seen where I work?"

MM: "I'm not a fan of you Noah but if the results prove true I'd be a good father. I have already proven myself capable with my own children from my wife Maria."

We all look to Mastermind with extreme confusion as the robotic cunt talks at me.

"How have you had sex?"

THEO: "Test tubes."

FUZZ: "Has to be."

Mastermind make one single chuckle.

MM: "That's funny."

I slowly tun to Maury in silence.

"Hey cunt, got some results you wanna share with us before I gank myself?"

Maury clears his throat and adjusts his glasses.

MAURY: "Of course... Mastermind..."




"You."
















"Are."















































"NOT THE FATHER."


One person seems a little gutted about this, weird. Mastermind places a hand on my shoulder and looks to me.

MM: "It would seem I am not your father, Noah."

I slowly remove Mastermind's hand from my shoulder.

"Yeah, cunt, we gathered that."

Mastermind smiles and thanks Maury before leaving to a polite applause.

THEO: "Can never get a read on that guy."

MAURY: "Theo!"

We all turn to the grey-haired cunt.

MAURY: "The results are in."


"You."


























"Are."

































"NOT THE FATHER!"


The crowd gasp.

THEO: "Yeah no shit."

Fuzz looks to the crowd.

FUZZ: "Why are you all shocked? What's wrong with you?"

Theo stands himself up.

THEO: "Always a pleasure, Fuzz I'll fill in for you here. Something something brackets." Theo strolls away and turns around halfway down the walkway. "Oh, and you can keep the chair."

He fucks off as me and Fuzz shake our heads.

FUZZ: "Such a cunt."

"Right?"

MAURY: "Okay, enough stalling, let's get down to the real reason we're here. Noah, are you ready?"

"I think everyone here is sick of waiting, cunt."

FUZZ: "Yeah do you have like a quota to fill?"

Maury lets out a sigh.

MAURY: "Fuzz..."









Suddenly everything goes real fucking tense. Just hearing dad's name come out of Maury's mouth feels like a punch in the heart. I look over to dad who looks almost as nervous as me; he places a hand on my forearm.
















"You."


























Fucking hell, I almost want to stop him just so I can live in ignorance. My heart's pounding. This is it! This is fucking it. I place my fist near my mouth and chew on my thumbnail. I could actually have a dad, someone to actually be there for me. A figure that I've been missing my entire life... Heh, we can play catch.





























"Are."






































Or this could be the end of everything.


I know I said Fuzz not being my dad wouldn't change everything but who am I kidding? It'll break me... I'm still mad at him really, if it turns out he swapped the samples and went to all that work for basically nothing then... Fuck, I don't even know what that means...

I'm fucking terrified.

Rather live in ignorance.

Fuck taking a risk.






I remove my hand from my mouth and go to stop Maury.


























"THE FATHER!"

The crowd erupt as me and Fuzz freeze.

We look to one another, our ears burst from the applause of the audience. My gormless expression turns to a smile.


"You're my dad."

He breathes a laugh, almost dumbfounded.

FUZZ: "I'm your dad?"

I laugh with a huge smile.

"You're my fucking dad!"

We stand up and go into a tight hug as the crowd and Maury clap. Povich takes to the centre as me and Fuzz are honestly kinda speechless. I try my best to hold back tears, no crying allowed at Cunt-Fest, it's part of the rules.

MAURY: "And with that, I think I'll take my leave. Have a good day everyone." [/b]

Maury fucks off as me and dad... DAD for fucking real this fucking time, cunt! Turn to face the audience with an arm over each other's shoulders.We throw an arm up each and just fucking laugh like idiots.

Fuck me...

Don't know why I worried so much.







"Pop the fucking champagne, cunts!"

I pop that cunt right open as the bubbly pours out with some force and I down as much as the cunt as I can before looking back with a belch.

"Tastes like abandonment issues fucking off. And a little of VB, fucking ripper!"

"G'day cunts, welcome to the part of the promo reserved for the 5'2 Mafia or as they'll come to be known as two shit cunts who couldn't get the job done. While these fucking part-time pricks are Marty McFlying off the fucking radar and talking about Corey for some fucking reason! Me and DAD are constantly working, constantly getting stronger and better and constantly welcoming challengers. We're not falling down the fucking gutter, nah, cunt we're here in Australia making shit happen. We're here building this cunt from the ground up and making a mountain for ourselves while the two shit cunts we're facing don't even seem like they belong here."

"Ah fuck me, they got some big idea, ain't they?"

"Travelling through time to make some weak jokes and never actually go anywhere with them."

"FUCK ME! What amazing tag champions we have! So happy we had a rigged tourney to garner interest in the championships for these two cunts to literally fuck off once again and do dick all! Taking the term lesbian way too literally there, cunts."


Swig of champagne, top shit.

"Will they actually be back in time for the match?"

"Who gives a rat's cunt?"

"Me and Dad have worked too hard and have done far too well to not leave OUR pay-per-view double champs. WE are the hardest workers in the XWF! Not one single cunt can deny that WE are the Sickest Cunts to ever walk the earth. This is a proven fact now. WE are father and son and that is a million times better and stronger than a bond of someone having to carry some washed-up cunt because they can't get a one on their own here anymore. You two are gonna be stranded in the desert wondering what went wrong, encased in the helldome like it's the coffin you don't deserve and me and dad will be on a plane, two titles over each shoulder and do what you two can't seem to do."

"Do our jobs."

"Work every show and club baby seals like the Sick Cunts we are."

"See ya, cunts, hope you Time Cop yourselves."



[Image: iwofq6s.png]
FORMER:
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[Image: l6KRzu8.png]

W | L | D
226 | 11 | 81

Star of the Month (August 2019)
1/3 Star of the Month (January 2020) with Fuzz and our Subaru
RP of the Month (November 2019) with Big Disappointment
Holder of the most wins in the XWF (Mostly house shows)
Holder of the most draws in XWF (All on Anarchy)
Winner of Sickest Cunt of the Year 2020
Winner of Greatest Wrestler who ever lived 2022
Holder of the world's rarest pog collection (Valued at $200)
Owner of Ned Kaye's cat that Ned named Deepthroat for some weird reason
Voted most feared man by Centurion (Twice!)
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