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X-treme Wrestling Federation »   » Archives » "C*nt Fest" RP Board
Stereotypical "Dude In A Dress" Song
Author Message
Centurion Offline
Active in XWF



XWF FanBase:
Traditionalists

(has an old school wrestling mentality; no nonsense; less appealing to some younger fans)


#1
01-21-2020, 05:01 PM



Centurion: Ow! Son of a bitch!

(For Centurion, this is Hell.

He's fine with putting on a dress for a wrestling match. He has done more humiliating shit in his life than this. He was all set to go to some discount outlet, pick out the "big girl" prom dress, and let that be it. Maybe some white gloves, depending on how he felt.

But no, now all the women in his life have caught wind of this contest, and they have decided to take it upon themselves to make Centurion "match ready". So, again...this is Hell.

We open up inside the home of Nellie Cortinovis in Wildwood, New Jersey. There, we see Nellie, Erin, Allison, Jocelyn, and Genevieve all standing behind Centurion. Centurion has yet to be revealed, but Genevieve is pulling with all her might to tighten the strings in the back of the dress. Nellie stands, hand on her chin, watching the proceedings.)

Nellie: You may need to pin it.

Genevieve: I don't think a pin is going to work. I actually think we're going to have to staple these strings together. They're so flimsy.

Centurion: Guys...I'm wrestling a match, remember? Maybe nothing with strings?

(Genevieve ties the last string and steps back to the rest of the group.

Genevieve: Turn around.

(Centurion turns around, revealing a flowing red ball gown. There are sparkles and sequins everywhere throughout the dress, and the bottom of the dress touches the floor. Genevieve, Allison, and Nellie all smile as they look at their handiwork.)

Nellie: You look gorgeous!

Centurion: I can't move in this thing! How am I supposed to make it down the ramp in this thing? Look, the bottom of the thing touches the floor. It's going to get caught on the grate!

Nellie: Nah, we're just going to have to put lifts in your shoes.

Centurion: Lifts?! Ladies, the goal here isn't to look good. This isn't a fashion show.

(The three of them look at each other with a confused look on their face, before completely disregarding everything Centurion just said.)

Allison: What do you think, pearls? Or will it be too gawdy?

Genevieve: Pearls are good. We also need to find some flowers that will match the gloves we got him. Hold on, let's see what we have...

(Genevieve, Nellie, and Allison all walk out of the room toward the kitchen, leaving Centurion standing in his dress in front of Jocelyn Camden and his future daughter-in-law, Erin Morgan.)

Centurion: *nods over to Jocelyn* Would you fuck me?

Jocelyn: Andy...there isn't an amount of lipstick you can put on this pig that will get me to want to shag you.

(Centurion puts his head down.)

Centurion: That's harsh.

Jocelyn: Strangely enough, you're not my type.

Centurion: Oh please, don't act like I don't turn you on. This whole "lesbian" thing is just a facade - you secretly want me.

Jocelyn: I think I'd rather shove a cactus up my clunge.

(Both Centurion and Jocelyn turn to Erin, who had a horrified look on her face.)

Centurion: Having fun yet?

Nellie: (yelling from the kitchen) Quit traumatizing my fiance!

Erin: (to herself) Too late.

(Erin slowly walks out of the room, leaving just Centurion and Camden remaining.)

Jocelyn: Shouldn't you be out training? Working on your...arm strength?

Centurion: You know as well as I do that this whole thing is bullshit. What would you do if you were in my shoes.

Jocelyn: Honestly? I'd get fuckin' shitfaced. If my opponent didn't want to give a toss about the match, why should I? She ain't beating you in a fuckin' arm wrestling match, and she knows it. And she's probably going to set up some kind of electric contraption that will send shockwaves up your arse the moment you sit down.

(Centurion arches an eyebrow, looking at Jocelyn with a confused look on his face.)

Centurion: That's...oddly specific.

Jocelyn: It's what I would do. Then again, I'm smart. This chick seems like a dumb bitch.

Centurion: I don't think I would use those EXACT words...

Jocelyn: But it's true though, right?

Centurion: She's got a few lightbulbs missing, yeah.

Jocelyn: So she's probably not going to send electricity up your arse. She'll likely do something really dumb, like publicaly ask people to attack you before the match.

Centurion: Oh, I'm sure one of her loser friends is going to try and blindside me. That's kind of their MO. It's never about being actually talented for this group. They like to attack people and set traps and shit and say "it's all part of the business" and cackle likely old ladies in a hair salon.

Nellie: Speaking of hair...

(Nellie, Allison, and Genevieve all walk back into the room, with cans of hairspray and a make up bag.)

Nellie: We need to do your hair and makeup.

Centurion: What? No! You've gone too far now. I'm not going to prom here!

Genevieve: But the makeup goes with the dress.

(With that, Centurion grabs the front of the dress and pulls on it, causing the dress to rip. The three ladies all gasp as Centurion pulls the dress down to his waist. The dress easily taters, as if it's made from tissue paper.)

Centurion: Alright, I'm putting a stop to this right now. I know you ladies are having fun playing dress up, but this is serious business. I am defending the Hart Title, and I don't need to be worrying about makeup or nails or whatever the hell else you had planned for me! I need something tactical. I need someone that still classified as a dress, but allows for full range of mobility. Any of you able to pull that off?

(The ladies all look at each other, each giving a confused look. They all sort of shrug. Finally, after a few seconds of awkward silence, Erin reemerges from the kitchen.)

Erin: I think I can help you with that.

------Do Be Do Be Do Be All The Time------

*clap**clap**clap*

Well done, Vita! Well done.

Just when I think I have you figured out, you go out and do something completely different. I'll admit, I did not see it coming. You're still capable of surprises.

See, I assumed when this match was booked, and you were given the option to select the match stipulation, I figured this would go one of two ways - either you would find some grueling, awful deathmatch to try and slice me open from ear to ear, or you would make some sort of humiliating, disgusting Jello Bath match or something like that. I never thought of the third option...

Just simply giving up!

You know, looking back on it, I should have known better, but I guess I thought the chance at winning a title - you know, the only reason we actually do any of this shit to begin with - would have been enough to get you to actually try. But nope! You decided to just forfit the match. Wonderful.

You want an arm wrestling match? Fine. It will last five seconds. You already know that. You didn't want to give me the "satisfaction of pinning you" - your words - so you think this arm wrestling match is going to make me furious with you.

Nope. Not furious. Just disappointed.

I thought you had talent. There are times when I see you out in the ring, and I think you can be really good. But it's clear to me that you don't give a shit about this business. You don't care about winning or losing, you don't care about titles, all you care about is being on the receiving end of a Sick Cunt spitroast. In six months, you'll be sitting at home, knocked up, asking for money from your baby daddy, while Noah is out saddling up Atara Themis and taking her for a ride. All something that could have been avoided had you decided to stop being a brat for a second.

It's quite fitting that you're hanging around a group called the Sick Cunts, because you're the biggest cunt of them all.

You went on this whole speech about why you were avoiding me. You claim you had something "better to do". You asked "what was in it for you."

A fucking title shot?

And like, a real title shot, not that piece of plastic you had around your waist after Sarah Lacklan completely fucked you up - both physically and mentally.

Maybe that's what this all comes down to. That's why you're not trying in this match, and why you've basically giving up on anything resembling a decent career - Sarah Lacklan REALLY messed your brain up. I don't know if it's because you were convinced you could beat her, or if you just find her rich girl schtick to be incredibly annoying and a loss to her hurt your "punk rock" credibility, but something about getting taken to school by Grey-Lacklan The White really destroyed you mentally.

You assume I'm going to keep caring about you once this match is over. In fact, it's what you're banking on. Throw this match away, annoy me, and assume I'll want a rematch because I'm "obsessed with you". That's a gamble you lost. This is it, Vita. No rematches. You don't get another shot at the title. You don't just go to the back of the line - you get taken out of the line completely.

Good luck contending for another title anytime soon. You already said you're done with Anarchy. Engineer would destroy you if you decided to face him. Fuzz is too much of an egomaniac to hand his title over to anyone. And no one worth a damn likes you enough to team with you. I guess there's a chance Noah gets tired of being TV Champ and just hands the belt over to you. I wouldn't bet on that, but hey, maybe that's the arrangement you came up with when you started blowing him. Clearly you're not going to actually WRESTLE him for the belt. Everytime you two were matched against each other, you made a mockery of the match. Good for Noah to try and save your credibility by not completely destroying you in the ring.

You're nothing more than a troll, Vita. It's a shame, because you could have been so much more, but this is the path you decided to go down. There isn't an ounce of serious left in you - you've become the female version of Thunder Knuckles.

By the way, say "hi" to EDWARD for me. Ask him if the couple of fake bucks Knuckles gave him was worth losing a hand over. And if you're ever expecting me to say sorry, you're going to be waiting for a long time. Oh, EDWARD lost a hand? He's lucky it wasn't his fucking head. I can tell you I'll be aiming for your teeth, if I ever get you in a similar situation. And if you're ever expecting an apology, you're going to die waiting for it.

Oh, and it's laughable you put down my abilities and my accomplishments while boosting Fuzz. You rattled off all this stuff that Fuzz has done, and then you ask "what have you done in your return?"

I've beaten Fuzz.

Yes, I know all of you try to sweep it under the rug because it doesn't fit the narrative of how he's the inspirational legend rebounding, and I'm just some nobody holding on to my last breath, but it's true. I beat Fuzz. Just like I beat him to win my spot in the Hall of Legends - ask him about it sometime. He loves talking about it.

And you can try and put down my Hart Title win all you want by claiming I beat a "burnt out" Tony Santos, but you do realize that Fuzz won the Xtreme Title by beating Big D, right? Which is handy, because that's the same way Noah won HIS title. It's almost like you have Big D on your payroll to hand titles over to you guys. Maybe Big D will accidently stumble his way into the Universal Title. Then you'll actually have a chance at winning that.

But hey, enjoy being "cool". Enjoy being retired at 21, a complete burnout at 25, and dead at 30, because that's exactly the path you're headed down. That's not a warning, that's just me telling you what's going to happen. You think having friends that include a chronic heroin abuser and a roided up freak who can't string two sentences together is a recipe for success?

Yeah, yeah, I get it. You don't care. Losing this match means nothing to you, and you'll have no problem losing a thousand matches as long as you get to be a little troll and piss everyone off. Fine, be that way, but since you tipped your hand and decided to show me and the world that your impending loss will mean nothing to you, I've decided to up the ante.

See, I'm going to hurt you. I'm going to hurt you real bad. I don't need that pinfall to feel satisfied. I just need you to feel pain. And while an arm wrestling match has very specific rules, there are no rules as to what I can do to you after the match is over. So, I'm going to beat the unholy Hell out of you. Then your boyfriend will have a decision to make - come to the ring and make the save, or rest up in order to defend the tag team titles. How much do you trust him to come to your aid?

Who am I kidding, he'll already be balls deep inside Atara at that point.

Enjoy the last time you get to spend as something other than someone's prop. After this match is over, you'll be relegated to multi person tags with Thunder Knuckles and Ardjun Socio and whoever else Fuzz wants to stay friends with. We'll see how long it takes before you get bored of that.

In the end, you're just a store brand, discount version of Sarah Lacklan. You have all of the annoying habits with none of the skills. You try to be "funny" and "weird", but all you are is a schoolyard bully who hasn't been hugged enough by her mom. Difference is, this isn't the schoolyard. You're messing with actual adults, and we're not going to tell the teacher on you. We're just going to kick you ass.

So have fun in Australia. Go punt a koala, shove your mouth full of Tim Tams, and whatever the hell else you plan on doing while you're down there, because I'm going to humiliate you at the pay per view. I'm going to humble you, I'm going to embarrass you, and I'm going to hurt you real fucking bad, and I'm going to do it all while wearing a dress.

[Image: UdLSPlv.png]
XWF Record - 212-95-9
XWF All Time Wins Record Holder
Official XWF Legend
3x XWF Anarchy Champion
3x XWF World Champion
8x XWF Canadian Champion (Record for most Canadian Title reigns)
1x XWF Hart Champion
6x XWF X-Treme Champion
5x XWF Tag Team Champion
2x XWF United States Champion
Inaugural XWF IDL Champion 
1x XWF King of Anarchy
1x XWF King of Massacre
1x XWF Stable Champion
XWF Star Of The Month - May 2007
XWF Star Of The Month - July 2009
XWF Star Of The Month - December 2019
XWF Star Of The Month - December 2021
XWF Holiday Battle Royal Winner - 2007

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Atara Raven (01-21-2020), James Raven (01-21-2020), Ned Kaye (01-21-2020), Peter Fn Gilmour (01-22-2020), Shawn Warstein (01-21-2020), Vita Frickin Valenteen (01-21-2020)
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