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X-treme Wrestling Federation »   » Archives » "C*nt Fest" RP Board
Planet of the Cunts, Part II
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Kenzi Grey Offline
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#1
01-18-2020, 02:17 PM

[Image: XWF-Time-Travel-Planet-of-the-Cunts.jpg]
Planet of the Cunts, Part II

This entire thing seemed strange and otherworldly, mostly because it was. Sarah and Kenzi’s world was long gone and in its place was something vaguely familiar and yet totally bizarre. The two women held tightly onto one another as they followed Aaron through the strangeness.

HOOOOOONK!!!

The women jumped as someone laid into their horn just as they were about to step into the crosswalk. The sleek black sedan pulled up slowly in the crosswalk and the darkly tinted windows rolled down. Inside, a middle-aged man with salt and pepper hair and a finely tailored suit eyed the two women for a moment, then spoke.

“HEY THERE CUNTS!”

Rage sparked in Kenzi’s eyes and she charged over and reached through the window, grabbing the man by his throat before he could get his window up.

“WHO THE FUCK YOU CALLING A FUCKING CUNT?! I SWEAR, I WILL CHOKE YOUR ASS OUT RIGHT IN THE MIDDLE OF THE GODDAMN STREET!!”

Sarah grabbed Kenzi, trying to pull her off the terrified man, and she finally relented when Aaron ran over to help. The pair pulled the enraged woman away as the flushed and bewildered man quickly rolled up his window and the car screeched away, swerving through the intersection and nearly hitting another car. Kenzi pulled off one of her shoes and made ready to hurl it, but Sarah tackled her like a Secret Service Agent before she could fire the shot.

“NOOOOOOOOOOOO!! NOT THE SHOES BELOVED!! NEVER THE SHOES!!”

Kenzi, still in an absolute rage, whirled on her wife.

“THAT ASSHOLE CALLED US CUNTS!!”

As a crowd of curious onlookers started to gather, Aaron grabbed his Aunties and started to hustle them away from the prying eyes.

“Cunt is now a term of endearment, Aunt Kenzi! He wasn’t insulting ya…he was probably just tryin' ta pick ya two up!”

Sarah’s mouth fell open as she gave her wife a stern look.

“See! Beloved, he thinks we’re beautiful!”

Aaron quickly corrected.

“Honestly Auntie, he probably thought ya were prostitutes.”

Sarah’s usually pale cheeks flushed and she started reaching down to get her own shoe to throw, but her nephew quickly moved the irate women off the street and down a side alley. After getting them out of the sight of the many prying eyes, he let out a hard sigh.

“This isn’t tha world either of ya knew, Aunties. Things have changed...sensibilities...civility...tha law...EVERYTHIN'! Right has become left, up has become down. After tha Sick Cunts came into prominence and remained unchallenged, Noah and Fuzz dominated tha social conscious of not only tha XWF…but tha entire world!”

Sarah arched her brow as she gave a look of disbelief. Her high Londoner accent was practically dripping with sarcasm.

“Aaron, I have a hard time believing that my Beloved and I losing one tag team match has changed the world this much! Yes, creepy old men using Noah’s one catch phrase as a pick up line is one thing, but thinking for one single moment that Sick Cunts Mania has swept the globe? No dear nephew, that I just will not accept!”

Aaron shook his head as he pulled out his mobile device, keys a few buttons and an image of a shirtless Noah appears. Though he’s now a bit doughy around the midsection and there is a sprinkling of salt and pepper at his temples, he is practically draped in hot women wearing bikinis. The women surround him, running their fingers through his unkempt hair and all over his body.

[Image: XWF-Time-Travel-Cunt-Net.jpg]

“HEY THERE YOU FUCKING CUNTS! IT’S ME, THE SICKEST CUNT OF THEM ALL!”

The women run their hands down his midsection and around the XWF Tag Team Championship that is still wrapped around his waist. Aaron glances at his aunties and takes note of how both women’s jaws seem to tense as they see their prize in the possession of another.

“A lot of you under-achievers are asking yourselves; Hey, self! How do I go about getting mad gash like The Sick Fucking Cunts? Well, that’s a trick question because you’ll never be as sick as me and my ‘dad’ but if you follow my proven system, you can be smashing more clam than Robbie Bourbon at an all you can eat seafood buffet! SO SICK!!”

Noah takes turns receiving deep throaty kisses from each of the women and Sarah covers her mouth.

“Oh my God…speaking of being sick! I mean…COME ON! You can’t tell me that women actually want to sleep with that guy?!”

“Can’t ya see just how sick he is? Especially after he cashed in on tha bounty Kenzi created for Noah's Spark for a cool $735,000,000. He became one of tha richest men on tha planet.”

Kenzi blinked as her mouth fell open.

"Wait...Noah reported himself and got banned from social media!"

"It was a brilliant move on his part, Auntie Kenzi! He used his winnings ta start his own social media platform, CuntNet. His first act was to ban Twitter. It was tha ultimate revenge, and to be honest...fucking sick as fuck...with all due respect. He used CuntNet to show tha world how sick he was and within tha span of a few years...being sick was in vogue and being a cunt...well, that was tha goal."

Sarah rubbed her temples.

“Can’t you see how sick I’m getting right now?!”

Kenzi shook her head as she stared at the hologram.

“I mean…Vita use to bang him. It’s not beyond reason that somehow Noah has managed to become some kind of sexual messiah.”

Sarah rolled her eyes so hard that you could hear them bouncing around like bowling balls.

“Vita is used to spending her time on her back! Just because Noah is too stupid to watch what dark hole he trips into doesn’t make him a ladies man, just like that doesn’t make Vita a whore…oh…wait, yes…yes it does!”

Sarah laughs loudly as Kenzi gives her a disapproving glare.

“Oh, come on! You know it’s true! She’s probably still polishing the mats in XWF with her back, isn’t she Aaron?”

Aaron shut off his device while Noah was still deep in the third period of his handicap tonsil hockey match. A melancholy look crossed his face as he answered his auntie.

“Unfortunately, in this timeline, Vita retired after going 0-39 against you. Of course, she tried her best to hang her hat on tha fact that she told everyone she had actually won at least 25 of those matches, tha footage had been doctored by CTN, and the live viewers all had bad angles. It was actually kind of sad…I think she has dementia.”

“Yes, or she just saw someone else with it getting attention and she decided she’d have it too!”

Kenzi cut in, her eyes turned upward and a look of pure shock on her face.

“OH MY GOD! WHAT IN THE FUCK IS THAT? WHAT IS THAT?!!!”

Sarah followed her wife’s gaze and soon her red hued eyes were also as big as saucers.

“OH, FUCK ME IN THE GOAT ASS!! IS THAT REAL?!!”

Aaron looked up and nodded.

“Oh…it’s real, its very VERY real!”

Kenzi ran her hands over her face as she blinked, staring at a massive billboard depicting the new President of the United States, Tara Reid, standing proudly beside the First Gentleman, Fuzz.

[Image: XWF-Time-Travel-President.jpg]

Like Noah, he was a bit older and heavier, but he was living his best life. The smiling couple was standing in the Oval Office and there was a shark head mounted on the wall behind Tara and one half of the XWF World Tag Team Titles sat on a mantle behind Fuzz. Kenzi whirled around and pointed.

“HOW IN THE HELL DID THAT HAPPEN?!!”

Aaron gave Kenzi an uncomfortable smirk as he answered.

“Well, to be perfectly honest…ya did that.”

Kenzi’s face fell flat.

“…wut…”

“Do ya remember that picture you had Tara Reid autograph for Fuzz back in 2019 during the XWF World Tag Team Tournament? Well, Tara misspelled his name…but aftah tha Sick Cunts beat ya two for tha titles and began they-ah epic reign, they became supah popular! Tara Reid was heart broken over tha mistake and asked ya to introduce them in person…then one thing led to anothah and they became an item. Fuzz became more popular and after Tara got an Oscar for Sharknado 47 they were tha most popular couple on tha planet!”

Kenzi frowned, clearly pissed off and confused.

“I THOUGHT FUZZ WAS GAY! We went to his and Noah’s coming out party!”

Aaron shrugged.

“Different timeline maybe. In this one, Fuzz and Tara got married and tha two of them rode that wave of momentum right into tha White House!"

Kenzi scratched her head, then gave a sigh and shrugged.

“Well, I guess that’s good for them. They look very happy together.”

Aaron nodded gravely.

“Happy? Well, I don’t know about that. Fuzz supplies Tara with enough booze and pills to keep her in a barely functioning state. Fuzz is tha real powah now. He instituted a policy of imperialism and martial law that has left him as tha sole leader of tha free world, with Tara as his puppet…of course.”

Kenzi couldn’t believe it.

“So…this…all of this is because Sarah and I lost a World Tag Team Match at CuntFest? I mean…you have to understand how ridiculous that sounds, right? It’s just wrestling!”

Sarah chimed in.

“It’s God’s favorite sport, Beloved! If you took it as seriously as those dumb Pittsburgh Steelers, you would have been World Champion 100 times over!”

Kenzi took a deep breath to calm her nerves, then looked at Aaron.

“How bad is it Aaron?”

“Well…Brady came back to Boston and tha Patriots have won every Super Bowl since losing to the Titans in 2019. Honestly…pretty much no one watches anymore.”

“I’d watch.”

Aaron smiled at Sarah.

“Ya never miss a game or a chance to rub Kenzi’s face in it! One year ya and Auntie Kenzi had a bet, then aftah tha Steelers lost, ya…”

Kenzi held up her hand and gave an exasperated sigh.

“Can we focus…PLEASE? How bad off is the country Aaron?!”

“Tha state of things isn’t great and it’s getting worse by tha day, to be honest. I mean, I wouldn’t have brought ya 'ere if it wasn’t!”

Kenzi and Sarah looked at one another, still shaking their heads in utter disbelief at how much the world had changed with just a single slip up…a momentary distraction that had cost the 5’2” Mafia the XWF World Tag Team Championship. It was a simple 3-count and a loss. It happened to everyone sooner or later, but this…this was on an entirely different level.

“Maybe…maybe this is what was always meant to happen. Maybe we were never meant to become the champions at all and this is the universe’s way of tipping the balance back to center. I mean, think about it! We faced Fuzz and Noah in the first round of the tag team tournament last year and the place nearly imploded when we beat, not just the best team in the brackets, but the best team on the roster…maybe the planet! People were crying foul from the very beginning…HELL, that Shane dude wouldn’t shut up for weeks and weeks about us…maybe they knew something, you know?”

Sarah gave Kenzi a long flat stare that seemed to stretch on forever. After a moment, Kenzi held up her hands questioningly.

“Well?”

“Why are you?!”

Sarah took Kenzi by the arm and pulled her to a nearby street corner.

“We are…errrr were the Champions because we were supposed to be the Champions! All those teams we beat, we beat because we were the better team! No one can dispute that because there’s an entire archive of tag team matches that feature the two of us doing just that…being better!”

Sarah paused, her mood darkening a bit.

“We lost to the Sick Cunts because of me…because I got distracted.”

Aaron was quick to correct her.

“Auntie Sarah, ya two lost because of someone tampering with tha timeline. Tha Luxbot made tha change…if not for that, tha reign of tha 5’2” Mafia continues beyond CuntFest, and then none of this happens. No world where people are calling each othah cunts as pick up lines, no world where Sharknado is high art and Tara Reid is President. None of that happens…and none of tha other changes happen either…things that would send ya both screaming into tha Abyss.”

After a brief moment of reflection, Kenzi breathed a heavy sigh.

“What if…maybe this is just how it is now.”

Sarah took Kenzi by her shoulders and shook her hard.

“You want to change things Beloved? This is the way…”

Sarah gave her hand a squeeze, the albino looking at her in earnest determination.

“We have to win that match…at all costs! We cannot allow this future to come to pass! You want to save your friends? You want to erase all of the damage? We must go back and fight. We have to find a way to defeat the Sick Cunts.”

The duo nodded, then did their usual fist bump…but nothing happened. There was no sonic boom in the distance…no screech from a majestic falcon…nothing. They looked at one another, then at their fists as they bumped them again, but still nothing happened.

“Here, in this place, tha 5’2” Mafia is no longer a thing. You two have moved on from wrestling and tha Sick Cunts made sure that no one remembered your title reign, like ya two never even existed in tha XWF…even tha sport. Things have changed and they keep on changing. Ya have to go back and make things right…not just for yourselves, but for everyone else.”

“Okay…we’ve seen enough. Take us back…take us back to just before the tag match at CuntFest. We skip catering…avoid the Luxbot. No distractions…we win the match and everything goes back to normal.”

Aaron nods as he turns his attention to the small device on his wrist. He presses a few buttons to get the time coordinates right, then a magical rift opens up in front of them, just like before.

[Image: EahuqQq.gif]

The three of them start to step back through, but before they can enter the rift, a Luxbot charges through the breech and stabs Aaron in the chest with a massive blade as a blood curdling scream is torn from him.

“NOOOOOOOOOOO!”

Sarah screams at the sight, but even in his dying moments he is focused on the mission.

“Th-tha rift…G-GO NOW!”

The two women hesitate for a moment, then turn and run for the blinding light, but when they are only inches from the rip in time it suddenly blinks out of existence and they fall to the ground with a hard thud. The two women sit up, bewildered by this turn of events, even as Luxbot gloats, holding Aaron’s time travel device in her hand.

“No one is going anywhere.”

Sarah was on her feet in a flash, bloodlust in her eyes. She would get that device and she would get her revenge then and there. She started to run at Luxbot, crashing into her, knocking the device from her hand. The two scrambled for the device, but Luxbot got the upper hand…for the moment.

“AAAAARRRRGGGHHHHH!”

Luxbot screamed as Sarah plunged the knife into Luxbot’s chest, over and over again. Luxbot’s eyes rolled back into her head as the life ebbed from her. Tears rolled down Sarah’s face and she seemed a blood splattered horror in her vengeance. She looked at her lifeless nephew as a small whimper of sadness escaped her. She shut her eyes against the terrible loss, even as she realized that she could fix this…she could fix all of it.

She turned and reached for the time travel device, but a voice stopped her before she could.

“Hold it right there cunt.”

Sarah looked up and her blood ran cold as she saw Noah and Fuzz standing over an unconscious Kenzi with an army of Secret Service Agents with guns at the ready. Fuzz shook his head with a smirk.

“Looks like I just beat you again Lacklan…”



SOMETIME LATER
Secret Location…


The Grey-Lacklans were taken into custody and secreted away by the Sick Cunts. It turns out that they had known of the attempt to correct the past all along and had been waiting for them. They had been beaten and tortured for hours. The only reason they hadn’t been killed is because they believed they weren’t acting alone.

“SAR!”

Kenzi rushed to her wife’s side as she was tossed back into the cell, battered and bruised.

“Are you okay?!”

Sarah struggled to sit up, wiping a trickle of blood from the corner of her mouth.

“I-I’m fine…how about you?”

Kenzi nodded.

“They tickled me for 30 minutes. I think I peed a little, but I didn’t talk.”

Sarah stared at Kenzi in disbelief.

“THEY BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF ME FOR THREE HOURS!”

“Well…at least neither of you talked. That’s all that matters.”

The Grey-Lacklans looked over as their cellmate, cloaked in shadows.

“Who are you?”

“Me?”

The person got off their bunk and walked out of the shadows, triumphantly revealing themselves like a bearded Steve Rogers, come to save the day.

“I’m the one who knows how to get us out of here.”

Kenzi’s heart rose, heartened by the sight…Sarah’s face twisted into a hard scowl of disgust.

“WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING HERE?!”

Ruby Debauchy looked at Kenzi, then to Sarah.

[Image: XWF-Time-Travel-Ruby.jpg]

“Language!”

"NOOOOOOOOOOO!"

[Image: be09sn9.gif]

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"Loverboy" Vinnie Lane (01-26-2020), Prof. Bobby Bourbon (01-18-2020), red-x (01-22-2020), Theo Pryce (01-18-2020)




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