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X-treme Wrestling Federation »   » Archives » "C*nt Fest" RP Board
La commedia è finita! Part 5: Bonding Time
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Corey Smith Offline
Active in XWF



XWF FanBase:
Some of everyone

(cheered; very rarely plays dirty but isn't lame either; many likable qualities)


#1
01-18-2020, 07:30 AM

PRESENT DAY-At a secret DRW research facility!



The scene is a lush, verdant field. The green grass is freshly mowed, and the sky is a gorgeous cerulean blue with just a hint of cotton ball clouds that do nothing to obstruct the sun's rays. Amidst this, we see three figures standing in the field. Two of them have baseball mitts and they're tossing a baseball back and forth: Shane and The Engineer. Just behind and to the right of the Engineer, is his mute idiot acolyte, standing stock still and doing nothing as usual.

So, kiddo....? Shane lobs the softball at the champ.

The Engineer catches the ball deftly. Yeah, dad? He tosses the ball back.

It whaps into Shane's glove. How's the old pig stick doin'? He gestures in the general direction of The Engineer's knife wound before tossing the ball back.

Still a little sore, but getting better all the time. Indeed, The Engineer seems to be in less pain and moving more fluidly than before. So what was in that fast acting healing stuff anyway? Toss.

Catch! Stem cells harvested from secret third trimester abortions at Planned Parenthood! Shane looks at the camera. Vote Democrat, America! The softball goes soaring back into The Engineer's glove.

Huh? No kidding. He doesn't throw the ball back right away, and suddenly looks contemplative. I got another question for ya. Toss.

Catch! What's up?

Am I a real boy or just some unthinking automaton extension of your will?

Shane was mid throw, but the sheer gravity of the question causes him to miss his mark. The ball sails over The Engineer's head and thunks right into the skull of the hooded acolyte. The acolyte doesn't even respond.

Shane's expression grows concerned and he walks towards the champion, tossing his glove behind him. Hell's bells kiddo, what would make you ask a question like that?!

The Engineer sighs melodramatically, shooting a forlorn look at the ground and hugging his arms together at his belly. All in all, his reaction has more than a hint of playacting. Well...Robbie's been saying some stuff....

Robbie Bourbon is a pit sniffing mongoloid who's so stupid he could fuck up a reach around on a horse cock! Shane suddenly looks irate. What's he been saying?!

Well....The Engineer sighs, again with a theatrical air, He says that you programmed me without free will. That I can't make any decisions of my own and I'm basically just some extension of your own perverse desires. Or, something like that.

Shane rubs his stubbled chin, his eyes taking on that trademark manic gleam as the twisted machinations of his mind lurch to life. Mmmmm....I see..... Then, aloud to no one at all. Computer, end simulation!

Quite suddenly, their ideal surroundings vanish leaving nothing but a room that looks just like the Holodeck from Star Trek.

[Image: holodeck_annaletson.jpg?fit=525%2C404&ssl=1]

Man, I still can't get over how this looks exactly like from the show.

Oh yeah! I was a huge fan as a kid! Huge fan! My very first wet dream was me running a train on Marina Sirtis while Wil Wheaton sat crying in the corner wearing a clown suit.

Don't you need multiple people to run a train?

No! Every time I finished busting one off in the good counselor a Gorn gave me a ticket to get back to the front of the line and I got to go again!

...huh.

Yeah. But anyway back to this insanely lazy shit talk Robbie is peppering you with. Here's the thing kid, you ARE programmed. But you already know that!

The Engineer shrugs. Right.

But you're programmed to make the kind of choices that would give most people pause, the kind of choices that would cause most people to hesitate. And you're programmed to make them with a soulless and machine like efficiency! Shane again looks up. Computer run sequence SCAT42!

Suddenly, the scene around them changes again. This time it seems to be a wild west type setting.

[Image: sd-aspect-1491511467-mane-street-2.jpg?resize=640:*]

The Engineer feels a tug at his waist, and when he looks down he's surprised to find a leather holster at his hip with a Colt action revolver in it. Shane is similarly equipped and he starts walking backwards away from his protege. What are we doing?

A test! Shane replies with a hint of sadistic glee. Computer! Deactivate all safety protocols!

The room gives an affirmative chime. The Engineer's face sinks. Shaaaaaaane.....?

There, now all the bullets in these guns are live and fatal. And we're gonna have a good old fashioned Wild Wild West Duel! Looking annoyed, he clears his throat. Computer, I said WILD, WILD WEST!

Suddenly, the seminal Will Smith classic WILD, WILD WEST starts to play!



The Engineer looks about confused as the song starts to play. Shane smiles wide. You ready for this, kiddo? Remember....LIVE AMMO!

Shane, what the fuck?!

On the count of three I'm gonna draw on you! And if you don't shoot your dear old dad first, you are gonna die! Can you kill me, Engy?! Shane makes a sad, pouty looking face and bats his eyelashes.

This is fucking stupid! Come on, what are you trying to prove?!

ONE! Shane's hand lingers over his side arm!

Buffalo soldier, look it's like I told ya
Any damsel that's in distress
Be out of that dress when she meet Jim West!


Shane, this is ridiculous! The Engineer's eyes go wide with disbelief. He looks down at his gun and then back up at Shane desperately.

Rough neck so go check the law and abide
Watch your step with flex and get a hole in your side
Swallow your pride, don't let your lip react....


TWO! His fingers twitch just above the handle.

OH FUCK OFF! The Engineer finally sidles his own hand up next to the ivory handle of his gun.

You don't wanna see my hand where my hip be at,
With all of this, from the start of this,
Runnin the game, James West tamin the west so remember the name
Now who ya gonna call?


THREE! SHANE DRAWS!

BUT THE ENGINEER DRAWS FASTER! The fear and incredulity that he wore just a second ago vanish, replaced instantaneously with the abrupt grim determination of what he must do. He fires at Shane, lodging a round right in his throat!

With a record scratch sound the song stops. Shane's hands go to his throat as the gun seesaws out of his grip. Gore flows freely from the sucking wound that's been punched through his adam's apple. Shane sinks down to his knees, and then face plants in the dust.

The Engineer stands still, looking equal parts surprised and confused, the smoking gun still held aloft in front of him.

COMPUTER, END SIMULATION!

The gun vanishes from his hand, as well as the rest of the scene. Shane, the REAL Shane, appears standing just behind The Engineer. He wheels around in shock, surprised to see the other alive and well.

Jesus Christ, man.....!

Yeah, JESUS CHRIST! Shane barks. You didn't even fucking HESITATE at the end there, did you?!

Well, what do you expect?! The Engineer retorts, his face overcast with irritation.

Shane's expression abruptly goes blank and unreadable. The Engineer waits for him to say something, but instead ....pulls him into a hug?

I am SO, SO proud of you! Shane claps the champion on the back heartily. He then holds the young man out in front of him. Yes my boy, YES you are the intellectual fruit of my loins! But you are no mere puppet! Heh, it just goes to show that even after all this time Robbie Bourbon still doesn't know me at all! Oh Robbie, Robbie, Robbie! He forgot the ONE thing that has defined me most my entire career. The one value that I would instill in YOU more than anything else, even more than loyalty to me! Shane holds his forefinger up for emphasis. Self preservation. RUTHLESS self preservation! That unceasing LUST to go on living so that you can SPITE the world with your mere ongoing presence!

My boy...my BEAUTIFUL, SPECIAL BOY....Shane breathes, cupping The Engineer's chin with his thumb....TELL ROBBIE TO GET FUCKED! Shane releases The Engineer and spits on the floor for emphasis. Now do you wanna skeet on the whole Voyager crew with me or what?

Dad....The Engineer smiles....I would like nothing better.

Shane replaces his arm around The Engineer's shoulders. COMPUTER! Run Star Trek BANG BUS!

Suddenly, the room shifts and transforms once again, this time to the deck of the USS Voyager. Each member of the crew, man, woman, and alien is buck naked and looking ready for a raw dogging!

Just tell me one thing though....Shane lets go of his “offspring” and starts to unbutton his trousers....you were originally gonna use this whole “us bonding” idea against Fuzz weren't you?

The Engineer chuckles as he pulls off his shirt. Right! Mirroring the whole “father/son” dynamic....ugh....it woulda been so good too!

Ehhhh, well.... Shane slides his underwear down to his thighs and grabs the back of Janeway's head, smashing her mouth over his throbbing erection. Captain's Log...Stardate 782548....his eyes roll back in his skull.

Meanwhile, an extremely, extremely nude Neelix comes up to the acolyte and starts dry humping him vigorously. Shane and The Engineer both start to laugh as the shot fades out on....

[Image: tumblr_p6iva033Vy1vg9m1ro2_500.gifv]

LATER!


We return to see our intrepid hero walking out of a shower area just as he finishes synching a bathrobe about his waist. The acolyte is waiting for him, leaning against a row of lockers in another of his trademark wide awake stupors. The champ finishes toweling off his hair and tosses the towel a the acolyte, who “catches” it with his face.

Take care of that for me, would ya? Thanks!

He sits down on the bench with a satisfied little sigh and looks at the camera.

Damn, so does Starfleet Academy have a whole semester on swallowing the baloney pony or what? Jesus, that was intense! His eyes go wide and he smirks, shaking his head and whistling lightly. But you know what, despite all the FUN and games, I really did learn something today. Insert after school special music here.

Shane, in his own weird way, showed me that I'm not what Robbie Bourbon says I am. I'm not some unthinking puppet. And that while, yes, I was created to advance a cause and serve Aiwass, how I reach my end goals are for me to decide. And that when push comes to shove, I'm not just some drone supplanting myself at the feet of some human master. I DO serve a power Robbie, but not an Earthly one.

Confession time. I was already well aware of this, so this exercise was more for YOUR benefit than mine, Robbie. But I didn't know Shane was going to pull that whole Wild, Wild, West stunt. And that moment DID end up being highly instructive for me. It showed me that in a clutch situation, I'm willing to hold nothing sacred. And that got me thinking about all the other ways who and what I am gives me a discrete advantage over you, Robbie.

This whole time you've been so sure that it's your humanity, your experience, and your years that give you an advantage over me. You keep throwing it in my face that I'm some swaddling babe that has yet to be broken in.
He shakes his head. But as it ever occurred to you that it's not so much me that needs to be broken in, but YOU that's been broken down?

Think about it, man! You yourself have admitted that you've made a lifetime of booboos! And despite your wholly unrealistic claims that all of those experiences don't impact you in the slightest anymore, that is simply put not how people work! People are the sum total of their experiences. And while experiences can be instructive, while you can learn from them, bad ones also have a habit of chiseling away at you. Diminishing your confidence. Making one question their actions. “Is this the right thing to do? What if I fuck it all up again?” The human brain naturally draws correlations between past and present. It's an evolutionary defense mechanism, right? So if we're tallying our respective life time baggage, well I hate to break it to you, but you sure as shit got more carry on's than me going into this match. Not the least of which is, once again with feeling!, how badly you BOTCHED your last Universal title reign.

But there's another way me being what I am gives me an edge. In a way Robbie, you were partly there to being correct. I did come into this world with standing instructions. After all, we all saw how human foible felled Aiwass' last Engineer, Dexter Bright? So while I am not just some mindless minion in the army, I am unapologetically here to serve Aiwass and advance his agenda. And right now, advancing that agenda means running straight over you.

And maybe it's just my programming talking, but I don't think it's so bad coming into this world with a preset goal! It gives me an undeniable clarity of purpose, trains me like a laser light from sun rise to sun set. My end goal is set, but the path I take to get there is my own. And in reality, is having such an unshakeable purpose really that bad?


And then it hit me, it hit me why you don't get that. It's because YOU still don't know what YOUR goal is. Because like the ever shifting tides, Robbie Bourbon is always a man of ebbing and flowing desires. Does Robbie Bourbon want to be serious or just have a good time? Is Robbie a hero or just another profit driven opportunist?

He smiles.

Does Robbie Bourbon want the Universal Championship or NOT want the Universal Championship?

Now, I'm sure this is the part where you'll wax dramatic about how you do indeed have a goal now and that it's “vanquishing the evil of The Engineer and making the world safe for fun, and joy, and bunnies and kitties” again. But as we've already established you're not so great at keeping to your goals, much less having a set of consistent coherent ones. Hell, look at The Motherfuckers! I'm sure that at some point it was your goal for them to be the most dominant faction in the XWF. You wanted to make Apex eat your shit! How did that end game turn out for you? The best member of your faction bailed on you because you just weren't worth it. And then, two years later, due in large part to your lackluster leadership and failure to establish a genuine bond with your tried and true “brother”, Bearded War Pig turned on you too. Robbie, if you truly wanted The Motherfuckers to be the premier stable in the XWF you would have made it happen. But instead you let both of your supposed friends drift away and the group pissed in the wind while others stole your shade.

See what I mean, Robberino? You're a story of contrasts, false starts and stops, and often times not knowing what the fuck you want or how to get there. And while yeah, you're good at wrestling (can't deny the championship wins), when it comes to the big goals, the loftier ambitions, you often fall apart, or lose interest, or flake out. You say you're ready to be the face of the company again, but I'm not buying it.

In short, you are all too HUMAN. I don't have that problem, Robbie.



The Engineer looks like he's about to wrap things up, when something else occurs to him.

Oh, and one more thing. I'm sure you'll be real tempted to throw all this FUN I've been having over these last couple promos back in my face. Try to make me out to be some kind of hypocrite. But the fact is, I never said I was opposed to having some fun. In fact, earlier in this little dance of ours, I said just the opposite. YOU were the one who was so desperate to paint me as being the antithesis of fun.

How does that song go again? “Anything you can do, I can do better?” Heh.

See ya in the funny pages, big man.

[Image: CoreySig6A.png?width=270&height=406]
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[-] The following 4 users Like Corey Smith's post:
"Loverboy" Vinnie Lane (01-26-2020), Peter Fn Gilmour (01-18-2020), Prof. Bobby Bourbon (01-19-2020), Theo Pryce (01-18-2020)




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