Heads

---

It feels good be back in Straya.

The immense heat, the cracked sand that's almost glass and who can forget the large smoke clouds in the distance. Feels like home, cunt. I'm walking up to the area where we're setting up for Cunt-Fest; Fuzz is wearing a hard hat supervising the workers getting shit done. Blokes in hi-vis are moving barricades around, setting up the main stage and even digging a pool, fair ripper all in all; mad to think it's actually happening. I walk beside dad with a plastic bag in hand and take out the contents as I get to him.

"S'garn, cunt."

Fuzz glances at me and places an arm on my shoulder, he scans his palm over the surrounding area.

FUZZ: "See all this? This is ours, man. This is our fucking moment."

I give a smile and a nod.

"Right on." I hand dad his lunch. "Got you a meat pasty."

Fuzz stares down at the greasy wrapper against his chest and slowly grabs it, releasing his hand from my shoulder he peeks inside as I grab mine and munch down happily.

FUZZ: "Thanks?"

"No wuckas, got us a couple Golden Gaytimes an all."

He raises an eyebrow at me as I chew looking over at the worker ants. Dad looks at his pasty like he's seeing fire for the first time and takes a reluctant bite. He chews breifely before nodding his head to the side and continuing. He taps my chest.

FUZZ: "Oh, some cunt planning permission guy says we need to have a sign placed near the entrance saying no drugs or littering."

"... Okay?"

FUZZ: "One of us needs to do it, it's not in these guys contract apparently."

"Lazy cunts."

FUZZ: "Not arguing that."

Fuzz just keeps looking at me, I finish off my pasty before it clicks.

"I'm not fucking doin' it!"

FUZZ: "Well I'm not either! I'm your father, aren't you supposed to do as your told or some shit?"

"You can pull that shit when we get on Maury but for now, you can fuck off."

Fuzz sighs and digs into his pocket, pulling out a coin.

FUZZ: "Right, heads I go, tails you go."

"Fine, cunt."

Fuzz tosses the coin high into the air and catches it in his palm before slapping it back down on the back of his hand. He grimaces looking down.

"HA! Heads! Get to work, dad."

Fuzz places the coin back in his pocket before looking around.

FUZZ: "How about we finish our lunch first, maybe grab a beer and I'll get around to getting that sign up."

Dad puts his arms back around my shoulder and guides me over to the worksite. He guides me to a few bags of cement and we both take a seat next to one another, looking out as the main stage and ring area is constructed. I remove both of the ice creams from the bag and hand one to Fuzz as he dusts off his t-shirt. He gives a smile and a nod, gulping down the rest of his food. He looks at the wrapper, turning it side to side.

FUZZ: "You know how weird Golden Gaytime sounds, right?"

"What's wrong with it?"

FUZZ: "Just a weird name... What was it you call a root beer float again?"

"A spider, cunt."

Fuzz throws his palms out with a slight chuckle.

FUZZ: "Why!? I don't understand this place at all."

"Well." I take a bite out my icie. "Yanks are fucking right odd to me. Everyone is cooked in their own special way."

FUZZ: "I guess." Fuzz removes the wrapper and mutters to himself. "Fucking spider..."

I give a chuckle as he shakes his head. We just sit there in silence, enjoying our frozen desserts and watching cunts do the grunt work. It's a good feeling. Fuzz taps me and points a small area with two walls and furniture looking out of place.

FUZZ: "You know what that is?"

I swallow down the Gaytime (shut up) and look to him with a smile.

"Maury live show, cunt!"

FUZZ: "Huh." He contiunes glancing over. "So you nervous or excited?"

"As long as I don't let you backstage, I'll be happy."

Fuzz bursts out into a laugh.

FUZZ: "Fuck off... I am sorry about that shit though."

"Don't worry about it, in the past now."

Fuzz gives a nod to himself.

FUZZ: "So no matter what happens, we're good, right?"

I look to him, my eyes scanning his face.

"Yeah course, cunt. Listen, mate, this past year has been ripper. We left 2019 the sickest cunts to walk the earth and we're entering 2020 the sickest tag champs to exist in the universe. Literally, nothing can bring me down right now."

Fuzz gives a smirk.

FUZZ: "Good to hear, son."

Before shit gets too soppy, an angelic voice interrupts us.

VV: "Hey!"

Vita comes over giving a wave and I step up with a hop in my step to greet her, Fuzz leans his head back against the shipping container watching me go. I greet V with a tight hug and a long kiss. No tongue though, not in front of dad. We separate and V turns to Fuzz.

VV: "Hey, Fuzz!"

FUZZ: "Hey, so what are you two now?"

"Just friends." "Just friends."

I wrap my arm around Vita's shoulder as she puts one around my waist and we stand looking at Fuzz. He rolls his eyes, typical dad.

FUZZ: "You're here early, Vita. You come to help out?"

VV: "I mean I could if you need me too."

FUZZ: "There is a sign that needs planting out near-"

"No!" I interrupt extending a finger. "No, that's your job, cunt."

Fuzz shrugs with a grin.

FUZZ: "Can't blame a guy for trying."

"Right on, you sick cunts want a bev?"

I tap V's butt to scooch on over to Fuzz.

FUZZ: "I'll take a beer."

Vita sits down and smiles.

VV: "Sure! Why not."

"Two VBs coming right up!"

I spin around with a smile as I hear Fuzz compliment how swole VV's arms are looking. As I walk away past the huge holes, metalwork and scaffolding I can't help but smile to myself. My career is fucking sick. I went from someone who was branded a 'comedy jobber' by shit cunts to TV champion and one of the biggest draws in the fucking company. Most cunts die and burn out while top cunt incorporated over here seems to be getting better and better each and every single week. Could be Fuzz's legend rubbing off on me... That sounded horrible... Like an incest joke from Scully. Jesus, thank fuck I didn't say that out loud. As I reach a metal barrier and the cooler of beer I stop and hop up onto the steel frame and admire the view of the desert in the distance. I lean down and take a VB out for myself and crack it open, V and Fuzz could use some quality time together... Fuzz could be her father-in-law if all goes well. I take a sip of VB as I kick the heels of my feet against the railing.

"Can everyone just sit down and think for a moment that Noah Jackson is co-running a pay-per-view in his home country with a fed that has pretty much wanted him gone since day one but can't since he's such a big fucking draw? Noah fucking Jackson, the cunt who pinned Centurion after the shit cunt said I was pretending to be Aussie like a green as grass cow turd. Me, who went from a cunt with a loud mouth to a champ with a loud mouth."

"I have proven without a doubt I am the hardest worker in the XWF. Defending the TV title every Savage, two defences in a single month on Savage and Anarchy, still going strong on Anarchy and pulling double duty at Cunt-Fest. I didn't fade out and quit Anarchy although I could! No, I live to prove how sick I am. Not like fucking Sarah, whose whole deal was to make the Anarchy title mean something only to lose it and peace out after a loss against a cunt I've bitch slapped. This cunt who she can't seem to beat. Sarah Lacklan is a fucking waster, she impressed fucking everyone when she came in, I'll admit that, then she got on everyone's nerves and now where is she? Clamouring for Engy's affection because she thinks she's worth a damn? Fuck off, cunt. You couldn't beat Fuzz, a real champion, and you actually think you deserve a shot? Why because you won March Madness and used your shot on the Anarchy title? Because Kenzi has carried you through every tag match? Because you held the Anarchy title for a long time with more matches where you didn't defend the title?"

"You're paper-thin and you're not worth shit. You're minimum effort, lazy, repetitive and boring. Oh but Noah, she's in another fed! Oh that's great cunt, so she's being useless in two places at once? What a great fucking wrestler. This cunt just goes through the cycles and hopes no one picks up on her bullshit."

"Here's a funny little idea, I'll edit peoples replays to make them look dumb! What a clever cunt I am!"

"Oh no, that's played out... How about I use Google translate to enter in words that someone says and edit the translation to make them look dumb! Oh man, that'll keep people watching my shit for another week!"

"Oop! That's boring now. Comics from some terrible app? Yeah! That will make me appear somewhat creative and draw in the weebs and autistic crowd!"

"Ah no, can't do that anymore. I just suffered ANOTHER life-changing event that will completely change my entire character for 1 to 3 months! I am now depressed, woe is me."

"Oh shit, I keep losing matches now because I don't do anything that made me somewhat fun and interesting... Well, better revert to exactly how I was last year because that's how human beings work after they discover a life-changing event!"

"Laugh out loud, more shit-tier memes!"

"Oh! How about I use Noah's voice and or likeliness in my promos to actually make them good because I certainly can't do that on my own! Nah, I won't ask for permission or anything. It's a parody! Noah loves parodies, it's literally the only thing he does despite the mountain of evidence that he doesn't."

"Man, I wish I could go back to shit posting over on XWF with tweet like bullshit to annoy everyone but sadly someone hurt my feelings and now I'm scared they'll make fun of me. Sure hope I don't get all depressed again!"

"Hey, how about instead of directly attacking someone verbally, I use a metaphor for the seventh time! That way when someone calls me out I can say, I wasn't even talking to you or some lame shit! Man, I am cancer!"

"Guys, guys look! I said a nasty thing about someone's promo on twitter but didn't have the guts to tag them! Guys! Look! Guys! Why are you leaving!? Please come back, don't ignore me! Guys!"

"..."

"Then this cunt will be like, why you focusing on me? Kenzi is far better than I am! Bully her! Cunt, everyone with at least one eye can see how much better Kenzi is than you, you're just more fun to take the piss out of. Kenzi is a great wrestler, she is, but she's also very dull. It takes a lot of effort to make Steve Sayors the charismatic one in a promo. We'll get to her in a minute though, I'm having fun beating this dead horse."

"Speaking of dead horses! I took a fall for the Anarchy title for more money! I did better in the ring, my promo blew yours out the fucking water. Y'know that promo that was you sitting down and saying mean things, while I had news footage, interviews, real people's thoughts and cunts actually walking! You did the shit you've called me out for when I'm apparently being lazy and repetitive and in your own words, promos play a huge part in the outcomes of matches. For some reason. So yeah, I could have won but I wanted that dollar more, cunt. Last tag match we had as well you through a sulk saying you're done arguing this, unless you forgot... Good to see you've reverted straight back into arguing about this you dumb cunt."

"You've burnt out, cunt. As you said in December, I believe, this period has been the worst in your wrestling career and it's just getting worse and worse for you. Lose to Ruby twice, quit Anarchy, try your hand at Savage and lose. No further bookings until this moment. This is you now, you're a fucking husk. You're a worthless cunt who is circling down the drain and the only thing you can cling onto is a cunt who is better than you. That cunt, however, is basically handicapped. That cunt needs to stop fighting but can't because she's a dumb cunt in love and she doesn't want to see you let down."

"That's pretty sweet of her but selfish of you Lack-o."

"That's the state of shit right now. Someone who is no longer a star here and another cunt who is ready to walk into a retirement home, rest her aching bones and watch some Matlock. Meanwhile, on the sickest side of the fed. You have me, I won't gloat about how sick I am again, and Fuzz. XWF legend, Lethal Lottery V winner, Xtreme Champion, briefcase holder, host of Cunt-Fest and sickest dad in the world."

I take a long sip of VB and seesaw my spare hand.

"Can you guess how shit's looking right now? We've both beaten Sarah, just Kenzi we need to tackle and after her last tag match... That knees got a nice bullseye on it."

"Oh and Sar, me and Fuzz are going on Maury again. Thought I'd mention it so you can call me lazy and repetitive."

"Kenzi!"

"I can't wait to see my pay for Noah's Spark, I am doing fucking superb, right? As much as it pains me to say this, I actually like you. You're everything Sarah wants to be and seeing her chase after you is hilarious. You've got a great mind for business, you're creative, you're a go-getter and you're actually a good wrestler. Everything Sarah isn't, it's great to see. If you just cut that malignant tumour off I would even consider you to be a certified sick cunt."

"But sadly, you're happy being super gay in a totally lesbian relationship."

"Oh well."

"Everyone can see you're on the edge of fucking off into the abyss. you're clearly injured and you're mental. Like, one headbutt from Benoiting the Grey-Lacklan household mental. The Scientology, the... The other countless bullshit. It's fucked, cunt. I can see you entering the Helldome, whatever that is! And just having a meltdown thinking you're back in a POW camp in Cambodia because that's just how wired you fucking are!"

"You're all over the place and it's gonna be you're biggest downfall, I joked about Lacklan being stretched too thin but you cunt! You're looking like a sheet of A3 with microbraids. In one way it's impressive but in the other, it's mind-numbingly stupid. You're injured, you run a business, you're in another fed or more!? And you're walking into one of the most dangerous matches I have ever heard of, with a multitude of weapons in a country that is still on fire. I'm worried you'll pass out before you make your first tweet about how tinfoil hats are now in fashion before walking out the dressing room. I need to kick your teeth in, cunt, not gonna lie. It may be the one thing missing from how perfect my life is right now."

"You got the win, one time."

"Once on a fluke."

"Now, you're both running low while me and dad are riding high. Both of us are at our peaks right now and there's no signs of it stopping. Two of the biggest names in the XWF, no fuck that, in wrestling in general. Titles, our own pay-per-view and still calling shit cunts out for matches on a weekly basis."

"What the fuck are you two doing?"

I hop off the barricade, the VB now warm in my hand... That was a lengthy detour. I down the remainder of the can and toss it back over my shoulder with a belch before retrieving three fresh tins from the cooler before heading back. I manage to crack open a can and take a nice sip along the way back when I see three familiar cunts. Alex, Jack-o and Bruce walk over to me with big smiles, patting me on the shoulder and gawking at the TV title.

"S'garn, cunts."

ALEX: "Look at you, big time, mate."

JACK-O: "Don't wank him off too hard, cunt. Noah, we saw some roos past that dune, wanna scare em' and watch them scatter?"

I give a smile and think, before peeking over Alex's shoulder and seeing Fuzz and Vita in deep conversation, a dumb grin sticks on my face. I look back to Jack-o.

"Nah, cunt. I'm good."

FORMER:



W | L | D
226 | 11 | 81

Star of the Month (August 2019)
1/3 Star of the Month (January 2020) with Fuzz and our Subaru
RP of the Month (November 2019) with Big Disappointment