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Noah Jackson · (01-30-2020)

Hardest Working DOUBLE CHAMP in the XWF

Walking out as Cunt-Fest end, my TV title in one hand and my newly acquired Tag in the other, there's a limp in my step as I struggle to catch my breath. The sweat dripping from me begins to wash the blood away; the deafening crowd cheering me and dad as we walk through them; the claps of congratulations hitting my back. Me and Dad walk to the back and I just fall to the ground. Fuzz limps in front of me and uses a table backstage as a crutch. He talks through breaths.

FUZZ: "You... Good?"

My speech is muffled as my lips are against the floor.

"I'm fudded, dunt." I look up at him. "I've got burn marks in places I didn't think could singe. My leg looks like Notre Dame."

FUZZ: "Everything kinda went dark." Fuzz feels his chest. "I think I'm having a heart attack, Noah, feel my heartbeat am I going to die?"

"Never again, cunt!" I point my finger at him from my prone position. "We are never going to do that shit ever again"

Fuzz stumbles over and gives me a hand up; we put our arms over each other for support as we try and make it to the locker room. Some cunt give up a big thumbs up.

SOME CUNT: "Great job, guys!"

FUZZ: "Fuck you!"

We watch as he walks off with a big smile.

"Help, cunt!" I begin to cough as he fucks off and we continue our death march. "Jesus fuck it hurts to talk."

Fuzz doesn't speak, I look to him and he just has a thousand-yard stare. This is cooked. Fuzz lets me go near one of the locker room doors and I slump against the wall; Fuzz conitunues on.

"You gonna be okay?"

Fuzz stops and just nods.

FUZZ: "Tag champs, bro."

He exhales and shoots a big smile. I chuckle but stop as it feels like there's blood in my lungs. Me and dad dab the Tag titles together before I walk into the locker room and place both my titles onto the bench as I take a seat. I place the back of my head against the cold wall.

"Two matches, hours of talking and a Helldome... Was it worth it?"

I grab my bag from this morning and down some water, pouring the remainder over my head.

"Fuck yes it was."

"Our own show we're we open and close it? We're we win all our matches and walk away with all the gold? Shit, that's worth permanent brain damage and splinters lining my back so I look like a fucking echidna. Worth getting my special place grabbed and this nasty cold sore from Atara. Worth the earache I'm gonna get from PETA about that wallaby dying... Fuck's sake, why you cunts have to go and kill an animal? Don't you think the country being on fire did enough of that?"

I rub my brow and search my bag; I take two painkillers from the bottle and swallow them. I take out an orange and begin to peel it.

"All this was worth the ending we got and shit cunts are still going to make excuses for us and say we got lucky and just bullshit. Ha, you got people like Losing Streak Page who are trying to challenge us because they got a big head from their first win in months."

Take a slice of orange and chew on it.

"Hm, vitamin cunt." Delicious. "Why I'm on top of the world you're always going to have people trying to knock you down. Like this match on Anarchy! Me and Fuzz have just had the longest, toughest day of our lives but Lane has us competing. Robbie Bourbon and Lux almost killed each other, they're off injured, they're gonna get their break. Sarah and Kenzi got murdered, they're gonna be gone a LOOOOOONG time. Me and Fuzz? Nah, nothing matches on Anarchy, here's your payslip cunts."

"Oh but Noah! You and Fuzz are on the Anarchy brand while the others aren't! You can't complain about that."

"Well, cunt I can complain and I shall!"

"After what we've been through you'd think we would deserve some break; now I'm happy proving I'm the hardest worker in the XWF and maybe since I'm up against Ned and some cunt called Cavalry this can be considered a break so good on Lane for his sense of humour. Kaye could be considered a hairier Lacklan, came in with massive amount of potential but has just been falling and falling, further and further he has failed to be a threat at every corner and he has never been able to beat me. This is a 3-way as well, something which I'm pretty sure the cunt has always just been fucked in. Hilarious that he gets cucked in a 3-way by the way, you couldn't write this."

"Then you have The Calvary... Fuck me with a cactus. Why are we still letting these pricks with superpowers through the door but frowning and trying to ban cunts who use steroids? Who is this cunt? Did he fucking crash over at XWF HQ a good twenty years ago and Lane raised him to be the greatest midcarder the world has ever seen? How long until this cunt says his dad is Azrael and we have some more mould on the roster? These two pricks should learn to make peace so they can gang up and actually have a chance. It'll look great on their records to finally beat someone worth a damn in this place."

"Call me Lex Luthor with a glorious head of slightly still on fire hair because I'm about to The Calvary with the old pincer maneuver. Knock the cunt off his high horse and show him the sharp end of my knuckles. Fistful of kryptonite into the back of the cunt's head for the clean one,two, three."

"And Ned, you don't deserve any clever analogies. I'm gonna take the rug from under you like I took your cat and remind you your place is at the bottom of this company with you pissbaby mates."

"See you cunts at your loss... I'm gonna pass out now."

And everything goes black...

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