The Engineer seems to have been rattled by Robbie's words, casting shade on every syllable spoken.

We're just getting started. Also, if you haven't yet, go to WWF's Australian Bushfire Appeal and donate something. Making change doesn't have to be grand scale, and one person can always make a difference. Say, that sounds kind of thematic...

THE LEGEND OF REDD

Camp FUN, bustling with life and cheer. It's primary entrance, though definitely not fenced in by any means, is beset by signs explaining exactly what Camp FUN is, where things are within the camp, everything ranging from the food tents to the bunk areas to where the water slides and arcades are set up. Also posted are all the permits and legal documents showing why this camp is authorized.

At the gates we see Robbie Bourbon. He's flanked by Cyberjaw, the man with the cybernetic jaw, and Diamondback, the man who can blend into any crowd. Robbie looks out on the horizon, as though he's awaiting something, or someone.

Yo, bro, you think more crazy monsters or those D.R.A.M.A. robots are going to show up?

Maybe.

Are you worried?

Robbie looks considerate of the question.

A little, sure. I don't want anything bad to happen to these poor folks that are here, the D.R.A.M.A. bots sure have been hounding me lately...

Robbie smirks.

...but I'm waiting on backup more than anything.

Ruby?

Robbie takes a deep breath.

Nah. Not the Anarchy chick, and not the centaur either.

What happened?

---

Robbie is walking in a park alongside Ruby the centaur, Robbie's girlfriend and literal centaur. As they walk hand in hand, looking blissful in each other company, a small creature, part man, part toad, hops up beside them and onto Ruby's back, riding her. Robbie looks up and prepares to swat the little toad man away, but Ruby stops him.

No, wait! That's Strep!

Who?

The little creature titters grotesquely.

Strep! He's very important to me. I make sure he's fed, and that he has a place to sleep!

Like a pet?

Ruby looks visibly upset.

No, not like a pet. Look, he's going to be sponging off of me, it's what he does.

Is this some kind of centaur thing?

Ruby looks shocked Robbie would ask such a thing as Strep lets out another disgusting chuckle.

I don't understand why you would have a problem with this. Are we going out to dinner or not?

Strep looks rightly excited by the thought of a free meal. Robbie glances at Strep then back at Ruby, forcing a smile.

---

Well, you see...

---

Robbie looks less than amused as Strep scarfs down another bite at the hot dog stand in the park. Usually, Robbie is super enthusiastic when it comes to hot dogs. Ruby looks at Robbie.

What's wrong?

Oh? Nothing, I guess.

RuUuUuUuUuUbEeEeEeEeE

Robbie's eyes go wide as the spectral voice is heard. Ruby looks at Robbie as though he's nuts.

Are you okay?

What was that?

A spectral centaur appears in front of them. Strep hops up and down, finishing it's hot dog.

RuUuUuUuUuUbEeEeEeEeE

What the hell is that?

Oh, that's just the ghost of my dad. He haunts me.

Is that a centaur thing?

Ruby looks less than pleased at Robbie.

---

Both Cyberjaw and Diamondback look at Robbie.

Damn.

Yeah, yeah. I mean, she's really awesome people, but more issues than Time magazine and she seemed pretty insistent I digest them all at a breakneck speed.

In the distance a trail of dust kicks up as a truck speeds towards the three men.

Who is it?

A living legend.

Really? Centurion?

Nah, I haven't heard whether Centurion is going to come to Camp FUN or not, but this guy, heh, this guy is just who we need.

The truck pulls up alongside Robbie, Cyberjaw, and Diamondback, coming to an abrupt halt as it stops. From the passenger side the door swings open wide, and a mountain of a man steps out. The truck's suspension seems relieved as the body of the truck seems to raise an inch. The truck speeds off. The man, though an inch or two shorter than Robbie, is every bit as massive, if not beefier.

Gentlemen, and to the XWF at large, allow me to introduce to you Redd Thunder.

Me here.

Redd waves warmly at Cyberjaw and Diamondback, then stands a few paces away from Robbie. Robbie looks right back at him. Cyberjaw and Diamondback look at Redd, then at Robbie, then back to Redd.

Uh, this guy looks like the Bizarro you.

Me no am Bizarro.

He no am Bizarro at all.

Well, then what is he here for?

Camp FUN.

Me like camping.

See, Redd here is one of the greatest talents in the wrestling world today. Currently of Portland Pro, I thought maybe, just maybe, I could get him a little exposure to the XWF, have him meet some of the guys, and let Vinnie or Theo try to sign him to some insanely huge contract with a solid dental plan.

Is he going to be one of us?

What, a Bourbon Man? Probably not, no. We already have someone like him on the team. Me.

I thought you said he wasn't a...

He isn't, Bizarros don't exist. He's not a doppelganger, a copy, or anything like that. An equal? Probably.

Me like Sweet n' Low, Equal too bitter for me.

Most importantly, he knows the value of fun.

Me like fun.

As the men have been talking, Redd and Robbie still squared up and facing each other just a few paces apart, a band has actually been setting up. Robbie reaches into the strap of his wrestling gear and pulls out a microphone. Redd reaches into the pocket of his gym shorts and pulls his own out. The band strikes up.

"Livin' my life in a slow hell
Different girl every night at the hotel
I ain't seen the sun shine in three damn days
Been fuelin' up on cocaine and whiskey
Wish I had a good girl to miss me
Lord I wonder if I'll ever change my ways
I put your picture away
Sat down and cried today
I can't look at you while I'm lyin' next to her
I put your picture away, sat down and cried today
I can't look at you, while I'm lyin' next to her"

Redd lowers his mic as Robbie raises his. Both men are facing the camera, no longer squared against each other.

"I called you last night in the hotel
Everyone knows but they wont tell
But their half hearted smiles tell me
Somethin' just ain't right
I been waitin' on you for a long time
Fuelin' up on heartaches and cheap wine
I ain't heard from you in 3 damn nights
I put your picture away
I wonder where you been
I can't look at you while I'm lyin' next to him
I put your picture away
I wonder where you been
I can't look at you while I'm lyin' next to him
I saw you yesterday with an old friend"

Redd raises his microphone again as a crowd has gathered to see this epic confrontation between two men so equally matched it's baffling they happened at the same time, like some binary star.

"It was the same old same 'how have you been'?"

Robbie and Redd put their arms around each other's shoulders.

"Since you been gone my worlds been dark & grey"

Redd looks at Robbie.

"You reminded me of brighter days"

Robbie looks at Redd.

"I hoped you were coming home to stay
I was headed to church"

Redd belts out the next line with more soul than aught to exist.

"I was off to drink you away"

Both Redd and Robbie look directly at the camera.

"I thought about you for a long time
Can't seem to get you off my mind
I can't understand why we're living life this way
I found your picture today
I swear I'll change my ways
I just called to say I want you to come back home
I found your picture today
I swear I'll change my ways
I just called to say I want you to come back home
I just called to say, I love you come back home"

As both men finish their rendition of Kid Rock's "Picture", the amassed crowd roars. Robbie smiles along with Redd as they each high five each other.

Welcome to Camp FUN, right where you belong bud. Go get settled in, we'll talk later.

Okay.

Redd looks around on the ground, then back at Robbie.

Me left luggage in truck.

Redd puts his microphone back in his pocket as he pulls out a phone and dials.

Hello? Gary? Me leave luggage in your truck.

Redd walks off as Cyberjaw and Diamondback look gobsmacked at Robbie.

You just sang the Sheryl Crow parts.

I know.

But, don't you think that's a little...

Cyberjaw raises his hand and wavers it, implying what just occured was a little 'swishy'. Robbie rolls his eyes and smirks.

It was fun.

Not like the late night Cinemax stuff that Engineer has been pumping out. Whoo-ee, anal after eating shawarma? Talk about high risk ventures! Nevermind the unprotected sex.

How many orgasms did Shane program you to give him with your promos?

Eh, that doesn't matter, I suppose. Very kind of you to do all that stuff for the young man, dinner and a show and all, guess it'll make it more of a shock when you reveal you lobotomized him or something. Tell me, is that going to happen before or after you reveal that you're walking into a fight where I'm expected to break your body against something inanimate and being a sex symbol doesn't matter whatsoever? I don't think you're going to get many guest spots on the teeny bopper circuit as is, it's going to be a lot harder once I break your face. Pity for Corey, he was a fan of mine.

Maybe that's the voice that keeps bringing up stuff he wishes I would fix?

I'm pretty sure Alexa on an Amazon Echo was the voice that explained the meaning of "la commedia è finita" for everybody who could have cared less and really didn't even bother to Google it to begin with, since it doesn't matter. Pithy attempts at being artistic aren't really all that relevant, heightening drama by going to the opera with a mongoloid, well, isn't heightening drama, it's just odd. Wait, did you waste money on opera tickets to say something you could have said at a picnic table? It really looks like you wasted money on opera tickets to say something you could have said at a picnic table, and I'm pretty sure all the rest of the patrons at the opera were none to pleased that you were up in your box giving a lecture to a camera crew about how important pain and suffering is to you. Is that the stand you want to take; being a douche at an opera house?

It's silly how silly you are for someone trying to come off as this dark, brooding, manipulative monster. Check it again, kitten, the monster that's coming to the ring, the monster throwing your body through tables, bashing your brains in with chairs, and eventually climbing a ladder like Kong chasing the cute blonde he met on Skull Island you ain't.

I mean, I guess I should be flattered, Shane built a program to psychoanalyze me, asking such deep questions as to how I can reconcile my past swiftly, why I'm not angsty about bullshit I have no control over, or what the world should be like considering terrible things have happened. Odd, odd stance to take, but hey, you can't help it, you were programmed, not grown. Inorganic.

Heh, kinda funny that a dude that went by the name of Lux two months ago, now trying to play at some kind of evil entity or agent of the apocalypse out of the blue is questioning how quickly I turned the tides. Heh, if you wanted to fight someone who never changes, there's always Peter Gilmour. Yes, you can be incredulous that it happened, but it doesn't change the fact that it happened. If and when BWP ever comes back to the XWF, and spoiler alert, he will come back to the XWF, I'll be ready to deal with him, but those would be his and mine's issues. I get you're programmed to fret over the problems of everybody so you can exploit them, but don't busy yourself with mine. Don't busy yourself with the notions of a best friend stabbing me in the back. Don't bother thinking about how I got screwed out of the Hart Championship by a bitter and scorned Chris Chaos, who probably skipped CuntFest in favor of a game of kickball or something. Don't consider my failed relationships; better fighter than a lover, I reckon. Don't worry about how I beat Lux, but somehow a name change and some black mind-controlly goop makes you different somehow. Heh, here's some good ones, go check the screens if you want, don't worry about my Presidency, how Scully cost me the Tag Team Championships, how my first dojo burned to the ground before an Intercontinental Championship match with Game Girl, how some of my closest friends in the XWF just aren't here anymore because of a senseless and stupid act of desperation, anger, and a handgun, how through it all no one expected me to be where I am in my career except me, how I willed myself to get on through the hard times, the impossible times, the shit that would break you, to stand up and challenge you. All in all, though, it just goes to show that change can happen suddenly and instantly, kind of like snagging the Universal Championship belt off a hook suspended above the ring. Bam...

Robbie snaps his fingers.

...changed, just like that. Well, your questions are just those, questions. If you want to know how I did it, I reckon you need to get back to the lab and get your little upgrade from Shane, the answers will come. In the meantime, let me go over how things are and a little bit about the human condition. Stand and watch.

So, as it is, yeah, shitty stuff exists in the world. On the one hand you say it has always worked well for me, on the other you don't comprehend how I can move past shit that hasn't worked well for me. Programming flaws, they happened on the Nintendo, still happening today.

Now, as much as I would like to do more to end child sex trafficking...

---

On a stretch of road somewhere in the middle of the night, a van is pulled over on the side of the road. Outside of it, Robbie Bourbon is mounted atop someone, beating the living shit out of them. Robbie stands, rounds to the back of the van and opens its doors. Kids, kept in cages like dogs, look up in horror. Robbie exhales sharply through his nose and gently closes the van doors. He turns and stomps the body of the dude driving the kids wherever they were headed as police cruisers arrive.

---

...to end Chinese death camps...

---

The kanji litters a posted board outside of a barbed wire fence, the dreary sight of a camp that is very much not Camp FUN behind it. Gunfire rages as Chinese soldiers fire their AK-47s at a target that refuses to be hit. With an explosion, one of the guard towers collapses. Two guards round one of the makeshift buildings and are completely blindsided as Robbie Bourbon takes them both down with clotheslines, leading a string of prisoners to a hole in the fence.

---

...and to end corporate greed that strangles the world...

---

The huge wooden doors shudder. One of them swings wide open and a man in a suit runs for his very life out of it. The camera enters and we see what looked like was a board meeting of some sort, now just a horror show of strewn bodies, bruised and bloodied, with Robbie Bourbon choking a man with his own necktie, pounding on a table then pointing at some presentation board detailing medicine prices and the profit margins regarding them.

---

...I'm only one man.

And after all, what can one man do? Could I buckle? Throw in the towel, give up, say for all to hear 'oh man, everything is just so awful and terrible, living how I wish really isn't an option, I better share in someone else's pain because fuck better living'.

Sure. I could.

The junkie that needs help could give up and just go back to the habit. The abused wife could give up and accept the beatings. They could concede. Should they, in the face of overwhelming odds? Absolutely not. Each and every qualm you have, every shred of human indignity you shove in our faces as a reason to fight against 'the system', really just so you can rally people to fall into your system, is something that people are ready to fight. Ready to call out as wrong, prepared to correct, albeit with solutions that are more complicated than I could figure out. They're things people are ready to stand up to.

So, I guess it should come as no surprise that, while you can't understand it, won't understand it, and probably shouldn't understand it given the fact you don't think, you just do as Shane programmed, I am taking a stand myself.

I am taking a stand against the morose, against the drama. I am standing up for myself, and for anyone who has to deal with not just the gut wrenching bullshit that impacts society, but also the mundane and pointless bullshit that impacts society. Your buddy, there, the one who stabbed you, yells at you, fucks you, and probably got left some kind of husk for being a broken human? I stand for him, sure as your born, and while you might think it shallow to focus on what he could be and what he can be to make himself happy, it's sure as fuck better than the depth of whatever cesspool you're going to ultimately drown him in.

Hell, I even stand up for you, because as twisted as some shit is, there's a whole lot of beauty in the world you just can't see because you're stuck under 's thumb. You haven't seen yet because, as much as you've seen on a screen, there's even more you haven't noticed out in the real world. You are blind to it, right now, but there's still hope for you, because if you didn't think the world needed fixing, you wouldn't be appalled by it. And you're right, some of it is appalling and needs fixing. If we take a stand, we can fix it. Some things need demolishing before anything can be built, it's true.

As such, I come to wreck.

I come to stand up to you.

I am going to tear down you, your cult, your message, and your beliefs, because right now you poison the people. Now, I'm no biblical scholar, not even a very religious man, even though you are quick to rally against most religions, but there is a quote I'm pretty fond of. Mostly because it was bad ass when Samuel L. Jackson said it.

The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he who, in the name of charity and good will, shepherds the weak through the valley of darkness, for he is truly his brother's keeper and the finder of lost children.

See, that's what I try to be, Engy. It's what you pretend to be. There is no charity, no goodwill, no matter how readily you bend over and drop your pants for a horny virgin.

Oh, but there's more.

I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And you will know my name is Robbie Motherfucking Bourbon when I lay my vengeance upon you.

See, that just says while you might have had a load of semen pumped up your rectum recently, come CuntFest, you're fucked.

The assembled crowd roars in approval as bonafide hellfire got spewed. While Redd waits on his luggage, children climb and play on him like a human jungle gym while he placidly sits and waits.