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X-treme Wrestling Federation »   » Archives » "Savage Saturday Night" RP Board
On the subject of ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ
Author Message
Lacklan Offline
World's best at making murderhobos cry



XWF FanBase:
The 'cool' kliq fans

(booed by casual fans; opportunistic; often plays dirty while setting the trends)


#1
12-12-2019, 10:26 PM







((

Comic Transcript:

“Ah, home sweet home. So glad to finally snap that losing streak!”

“Welp, better get caught up on promos. Where should I start?

“Oh! I should pull up a chair and watch Ned’s! Shouldn’t be TOO bad, yeah?”

“Zzzzzzzzzzzzzz”

“Oh, dang! Ned was so fucking boring that I fell asleep!”

“Hmmmmm...I bet Kenzi watched that shit. Bitch loves giving shitty people her time.”

“I’ll go ask her what she thought of Ned’s promo. In the bedroom...hope she’s naked…”

“Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz”

“...shit…”

“Bet she’s dreaming about us skinny dipping in marshmallows. Again.”

“Wake up, Beloved!”

“GAH!”

“Why are you asleep?”

“Oh sorry, babe! I fell asleep while watching Ned’s promo. That shit was SO boring!”

“You too, huh? Hey, maybe we should try watching it together?”

“Yeah, that should work. We can keep each other’s eyes open.”

“zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz”

))



* * * * * * * * * *


Red eyes open in a field of white, twin vent holes in a porcelain oven showing bursts of flame.

Sarah Grey-Lacklan sits up with a gasp and looks around, her blurry eyesight unable to see with any clarity. She feels around on the soft bed underneath her, her hands running over the warm curves she knew would be there...would always be there...and then found the hard plastic she needed. She picks up her glasses and then places them on her face, the world’s picture coming to clarity, and she tries to take stock of her situation. She was still dressed in one of favorite dresses, the black and red silk that was covered in tiny bows, that she had worn to breakfast that morning, and a quick glance at the dark roundness that slumbered next to her showed the comparatively muted attire of her partner Kenzi. The haze of a dream already fading, a dream of two diamonds, one ebony and the other sparkling white, floating high in the air to give light and hope to the world, makes her realize that, yes, she had fallen asleep.

“...Beloved?”

Kenzi stirs slightly at Sarah’s groggy cry, but otherwise keeps her eyes shut. Sarah shakes her head in an attempt to clear the cobwebs and remember what had happened. Her odd red eyes move rapidly behind her glasses as she rethinks the day.

“...think, Sar-Sar…”

She grimaces suddenly at the realization that she still privately referred to herself by the nickname given to her by her sister, but it passes as she continues.

“...we flew home last night...collapsed in bed...woke up and broke our fast at Eggs, Eggs, & More Eggs...came home...and then...OH!”

She looks around their monstrous bed, a garish affair of red and pink blankets and sheets shrouded in white lace hanging from tall posts, and smiles when she finds her phone buried under a feather-filled pillow. She pulls it free and sees the confirmation of her confusion:

Ned Kaye’s smiling face.

“Uh...not even BOTH of us could get that through piece of shit. Sweet Baby Jesus, you’d think that his ONE CHANCE to be better then ‘Meh?’ would be met with...oh, I don’t know...ENERGY...and not his usual brand of ‘Hey, I’m kinda here?’ But...nope!”

She turns her head away from her phone and takes in the form of her spouse. Her eyes naturally and automatically run up and down the slender curve of Kenzi’s back and rear, and she stamps down the hunger that rises in her.

“Now what, Beloved? I need to figure out whatever the hell he said that basically translates to a Sleep spell cast at 7th level by an epic Enchanter!”

She puts a finger to her chin and scrunches her mouth in thought, causing her two perfect dimples to come to life.

“Hmmmm. I don’t want to subject us to that subpar nonsense again. I wonder if anyone ELSE was able to get through Ned’s promo who would be willing to tell me about it.”

Her eyes go wide.

“Oh! I know someone who is impervious to the effects of shitty promos since he’s a certified master at producing at that level. Let me just call…”

She dials a few numbers on her phone and her face falls as it goes straight to voicemail. As she listens, her face goes from glumness to confusion until she hangs up.

“Huh. Didn’t understand a WORD of that. Hmmm….maybe if I toss it into Google Translate…”

Sarah enters the voicemail, word for word, into Google Translate and:


((

Graphic transcript:

cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt

I’m away from my phone right now, because Vita was completely unsatisfied with the dicking I gave her, so I turned on Ned’s latest promo to help put her to sleep. We both knocked out cold. Oh, and in case this is Dad, just want to say that I love you and really REALLY hope that Sarah and Kenzi lose the tag titles so that we don’t have to get stomped by them again

))


“Oh! Well...I suppose that makes sense.”

Sarah sets down her phone and looks back at Kenzi, her long braids splayed out from her head and across the bed making her seem the offspring of a ferocious Predator and a powerful Gorgon to freeze unwary foes into stone. Sarah runs her fingers along Kenzi’s arm, causing her to shiver in her sleep, and the lips painted red to match her eyes curl upwards into a smile.

“What a silly company the XWF is, Beloved. All of these children clamoring for our attention with half-hearted displays of shallow bravado. They rattle their sabers and shields like so many warriors on the battle field, hoping to scare away predators with illusion and trickery, all the while desperately pleading with their gods that their ruse is not discovered. And like those saber-rattling soldiers of cowardice, the men who cry in the face of the Grey-Lacklans quickly succumb to the reality of who we are, of what we are, and have to face their own inadequacies. ‘You are too small,’ they cry. ‘You are too weak,’ they wail. ‘You are just little girls,’ they prattle. And every time we stand before them, very time we call their bluff, they whittle away into the Abyss like that cockroaches they are.

“From the moment I stepped into the company, I have faced this idiotic bravado. Donovan Blackwater and his turn-of-the-century parlor tricks that I exposed. False preachers who would squish me. Emotionally scarred, and likely mentally addled, men with sexual identity issues who couldn’t back up being some superhero from the future as they tapped out to the silly little girl. Great champions who fell, wise veterans who got pinned, rookies who got put in their place. Over and again...and that was even BEFORE you came around!”


Sarah’s hand wanders up Kenzi’s side and to her chin, where it scratches lightly. Kenzi’s eyes lazily open, brown eyes looking about, and she turns towards Sarah. Kenzi’s lips split into a wide grin, making her eyes sparkle, when she sees her.

“Hey, babe. Whatcha doing?”

Sarah’s own grin turns into a full smile.

“Pontificating about dumb bitches.”

Kenzi laughs and sits up, the lavender sheet falling off her chest to lay in a mess on her lap.

“Don’t let me stop you!”

Sarah’s hand finds Kenzi’s cheek again, and the caramel starlet gently moves into the touch.

“They didn’t know what to do about you, did they? Teams stood up, stood tall, and slammed their sabers on their shields. By that time, they knew what to expect from me, they knew my tactics, but they were wholly unprepared for you. They even blew you off! Just another silly girl! We don’t know your name, you’ve haven’t been here for the last 20 years, so you MUST be a pussy bitch! And then BLAMO! A few curb stomps later and we are undefeated tag champions.”

Kenzi rolls her eyes, the move well practiced after seeing Sarah do it so often over the last three years.

“Stop. YOU’RE the champ, babe! You’re the Firestarter!”

It is Sarah’s turn to roll her eyes now.

“A pity people have forgotten that. I don’t play silly games any more after they, as an entire body, turned out to be droll, and eat a couple of Ls from Ruby, and they forget!”

She picks up her phone and shakes it.

“We couldn’t even MAKE IT through Ned’s crap, Beloved!ALL of that time away for him to rest and prepare. ALL of that time to think, to train, to GROW, as a member of the Apex, and what has he done? Nothing! Nothing but replace the sheep in children’s heads! Nothing but audition for the next Serta mattress marketing campaign!”

Her arms start waving in the air as she speaks.

“He’s fighting US, Beloved! He’s fighting the 5’2” Mafia! Team Kickass, itself! The duo so unstoppable that hall of famers cry when they face us and run away when they get their asses beat! If there was ANYONE for Ned to be EXCITED about fighting, it would be US! But no! The moron is so busy clutching a briefcase that he’s too chicken shit to cash in on Corey, all the while jerking off on the blatantly stupid murder surrounding our current ‘champ,’ who I beat, in case I haven’t mentioned it-”

Kenzi bites down on the inside of her cheeks in order to keep in the sigh. Yes, Sarah has mentioned beating Lux. Only a couple of times, though. Really, not ad nausem or anything. At all.

“-and injecting ZERO emotion into his blather than to PROVE that he is capable of even getting into the RING with us. I mean, I don’t know if I’ve mentioned it, but I’m not a big fan of the whole ‘Literally just going to show what you said so that I can retort to it instead of being original’ routine that infects so many people around here-”

Kenzi bites down even harder on her lips. Yes, Sarah HAS mentioned her annoyance with the lazy practice. But only a couple of times. Three times, max. Really.

“-but it makes ME want to just open up his video, press play, tell Ned to watch himself, and see if even HE can get through the whole thing without jumping into our pool, which is filled with Shane ’s tears over our success, in case I haven’t mentioned it-”

Kenzi can feel the dull taste of copper as she bites down hard enough to draw blood. Yes, Sarah HAS mentioned that she commissioned a fountain for their new pool...paid for by the money they made winning the Tag Team Tournament...in the design of the former XWF owner eternally crying. But really, just a few times. Sarah never ever beats a horse about a point after death or anything.

“-with a toaster hooked up to an extension cord going into our KILLER, and in NO WAY EVER EVER BURNT DOWN egg-shaped house...that we literally call the Egg, ya know. I’m telling you, Beloved, even Ned himself would slash his wrists instead of having to listen to his own half-formed justifications about the chance that he has of defeated us alongside Big D on Saturday. The sheer and utter reality is that Ned and D fall into that ‘well...you’re not TOO bad…’ category, ya know? They’re okay, you get me? They don’t SUCK, exactly, or anything. And they are occasionally GOOD. But NEVER great, as their own track records in matches with high stakes have shown. And THAT lack of depth is SO clear and obvious to even a dullard like D has to realize he chose a terrible partner. Hell, I bet even D couldn’t get through his partner’s promo!”

Sarah finally pauses for air and Kenzi slowly extracts her teeth from her gums. Her tongue fills the tiny holes that they left and lets out a slow sigh. She opens her mouth to speak and ends up opening extra wide as a yawn takes her entire body.

“It wasn’t...YAWN...THAT bad, babe. Yeah, it put us both to sleep, but there has to be someone who found it entertaining.”

Sarah’s face scrunches in thought again.

“Hmmmm. I bet I know of one person who was able to get through it. This dumb bitch is too ‘nice’ and ‘kind’ and ‘accommodating’ to actually say or do anything REAL, so I am SURE that SHE got through the whole thing. Maybe she can help us out.”

Sarah starts dialing on her phone and Kenzi raises a questioning eyebrow. Sarah holds up a finger and gives her a quick smile as only a single ring occurs before the call is answered.

“Hey there, my bud! What can I-”

“Quiet, Ruby! No time for what you think is ‘witty’ discourse. I just need you to answer a question for me.”

“Little rude, Lackersnackers, but I’m always here to help you see the right way to live. What can I do for you?”

“I need you to tell me what Ned said in his promo.”

“....you...you want me to cheat for you? Like, let me show you the answer on the math quiz?”

“What? NO! I fell asleep during his shitty promo! Ken did, too. But I figured YOU have seen it and can do your ‘pal’ a favor?”

“Actually...um...I haven’t watched it, yet. Been training for my Anarchy Title defense, my guy!”

“Oh, fuck ME in the goat ass!”

“Language!”

“Whatever. Can you just turn it on real quick, please?”

“Well…”

”Please?!”

“Okay okay okay. Gimme a sec…”

Sarah places her hand over her phone and smiles at Kenzi.

“The idiot’s going to do it.”

Kenzi gives Sarah one of her Flat Stares of Disapproval +5.

“Babe...I bet you and Ruby would actually be friends if you just gave her a chance. This whole ‘everyone in the world except for your sweet booty is out to get me’ stuff is REALLY getting on my nerves.”

Sarah narrows her eyes.

"She calls me 'Lackersnackers.'"

Kenzi throws up her hands.

"Yeah! That's because SHE likes 'Fun Sar', too! In fact-"

“Shhhh! She’s turning it on!”

Sarah listens intently for a few moments and speaks into the phone.

“Well? Rubes? What did he-”

“Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz”

“FUCK!”

Sarah turns off her phone and drops it to the bed.

“Even RUBY fell asleep during Ned’s promo! Sweet Baby Jesus, does ANYTHING that guy have ANY value at all?!”

She scoots backward until she can lean her back against the headboard and crosses her arms underneath her chest. She gives a quick eyeroll and grin when she see’s Kenzi’s dark eyes immediately zoom in on the increased cleavage.

“Honestly, that guy being around has made me lose so much respect for people. You weren’t around for his particular brand of ‘just barely good enough,’ but everything about him is just mediocre. He fashions himself as a tactician, but every tape I’ve watched of him shows that his plans go out the window once things get heated. Dude has ZERO ability to think on the fly, that’s for damn sure. Seriously, don’t EVEN get me started on that dude’s ability to handle setbacks! Hell, even with ADVANTAGES he’s an underdog. For instance, have I ever told you about War Games and how-”

Kenzi’s eyes go wide and she lunges forward to press her lips to Sarah’s. YES, Sarah has told her about War Games. YES, Sarah has talked about how she “dragged Big Loser’s shitty as FLAME partner selections” to victory against what should have been a MUCH better team from Ned Kaye. No more than a handful of times, though. Sarah’s mumbles in surprise at the sudden kiss, but falls into it with eagerness after a moment. Once the danger of yet another dead horse beating passes, Kenzi pushes off Sarah. The former Anarchy champion is breathless for a moment, but then shakes her head and recovers herself.

“What...um...what were we talking about?”

“Our upcoming Tag Team Championship title defense against-”

“Holy CRAP, Big D!”

Sarah’s arms wave through the air once more.

“The dude KNOWS better! Honestly, he knows exactly what he got in Ned when he chose him to be his partner, and he’s going to EARN that giant L we are going to give him. It’s not like D is new or anything, you know what I mean? He was HERE when Ned was struggling in the undercard! He was HERE, just barely keeping his head above water, while Ned flamed out and showed how little actual skill he has. D should KNOW better!”

She shakes her head and folds her arms under her chest again...which again draws Kenzi’s moth eyes to Sarah’s flame chest.

“Instead, even after all that work with the Xtreme title to earn this match, he would rather just sit in his dumb chair and smoke that stink weed of his. Ya know, he wanted to do that for War Games? Just have us all get high and call it ‘preparation.’ That, and run a train on Rain’s sister.”

Kenzi’s eyes go wide.

“D wanted you to WHAT?!”

“Well, he-”

DING!

Sarah turns her attention to the (thankful!) phone notification and then gives the biggest eyeroll of the last month.

“....Jesus….that’s like the coming together of some meteorological phenomena of a Double Rainbow of Boring…”

Kenzi raises an eyebrow and Sarah turns around her phone to reveal:


The Only Road Worth Taking

by "Notorious" Ned Kaye

the following users liked this post: Mastermind




Both Grey-Lacklans fell back to sleep.




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