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Kris The Hammer Von Bonn Offline
Active in XWF

XWF FanBase:
Very random

(heel alignment but liked by many; has earned respect despite breaking the rules often)

Post: #1
11-29-2019 05:17 PM

Rosebank Hotel
South Africa

Kris The Hammer Valentine was sitting on a three seater couch in his hotel room in Johannesburg, South Africa. Him, Melanie Crayzee Childs and their boss Antony The Jerk had arrived the night before.

Kris had decided now was the right time to do his final promo before the Lethal Lottery Pay Per View.

He gave the go ahead to the XWF camera man who was reluctant to start without Antony, but he had no choice but to go live to the XWF Universe on Kris's stern say so.

Knowing that he was now live, Kris took a minute, before he began.

"So here's a question that all of the XWF locker room is asking about that Du Hurensohn that is Centurion... Does he have a heart?"

"We know the dreksau has one hart. That's the XWF Hart Championship. The question begs belief that WHEN I take that Hart away from him will his other heart beat?"

"The answer to that is NO. That Du Hurensohn thinks he is above everyone else. He does not have the right. Only the Universal Champion should have the right. Not someone as low down as the Hart Champion."

Kris sits forward on the couch smiling.

"But the Arshloch will just say that he has the right because he is a former Universal Champion. No Arscgeige, you do not have the right because you need to tb the current uni champ in order to reign over everyone. Are you the current Uni champ Der Deep? No you are not. You my sir need to know your place."

Kris lifts up his hammer to show the camera for the first time.

"And after I'm finished with you at Lethal Lottery, you will certainly know your place then. Then you can gehzumteufel."

"So now that all of the introductions are out of the way, let me reply to all of your crap that you seem to have regurgitated over the last few weeks. I'm going to reply to most of your bullshit."

Kris stands up and walks off camera, and comes back on pushing a smaller table with a computer on it. He sits back down.

"So I've gone through your so called last one and a half promos and highlighted the verbal attacks you made against me and I will respond in kind to you. So sit back der trottel and open your ears."

Kris pushes a button on his laptop and Centurion's first message came on screen.

Centurion the Arschloch Said:Kris, let me let you in on a little secret – being German isn’t a personality trait. You actually have to do something, SAY something interesting in order to be taken seriously.

"Let me let you in on a little secret, Der Deep. You aren't all that, that you make yourself out to be. I have studied youz and I know where you have gone so very wrong over the years. I'm astute. That's why I am so made of stone, so to speak. I don't suffer fools like. You, you are a fool. Plain and simple."

Again Centurion pushes the same lap top button.

Centurion the Arscgeige Said:And you don’t. You never have. I don’t want to hop on the “Antony writes your promos for you” train, but if he doesn’t, he sure as hell gives you an outline. And if that was the only thing bad about you, it would be forgivable.

"I don't know where you got the idea that Mr The Jerk writes my own promos for me. You must have pulled that idea out of your butt crack. That's the most likeliest place that I think you got it from."

"Pull a shit from your butt crack, fling it, and hopes it sticks, seems to be your motto. I feel sorry for you if you are having to do that."

"Let me let you in to another secret. It's called off the cuff thinking. I'm sure you would have heard about it. That's how real professionals do this job. And you are not a real professional. You think you are but that's just sad."

DU HURENSOHN Said:But it’s not. There’s also your wrestling, which may be worse than your boring personality. It’s clear your not professionally trained.

"Once again Der Trottel, you are so very wrong. You've fallen short of the mark yet again. It's so painful to watch. I WAS professionally trained. One kinda has to be to make it in a business like the XWF. But like I said before you don't have a professional bone in your body. You use your mouth to sling accusations and rely on your technique to get you through."

"As for you constantly calling me boring, I rather be boring than be an Arschloch or an Arscgeige, like yourself."

Centurion the Drecksau Said:I know you have this “I’m a tough guy from East Germany”, a country that no longer exists, thing going for you, but it takes more than toughness to win in the XWF.

"Once again another attempt to pull shit from your crack and fling it and hope it sticks and once again it falls wide of the mark and makes you look bad."

"I'm from Bonn, Germany you Der Trottel. Use to be called West Germany. I wasn't born in East Germany. So you need to check your facts dumb fuck."

"I am tough. I've proven it so far, but I'll prove it again come Sunday. You aren't going to like the results. I did warn you though."

Centurion the Der Trottel Said:I’m going to give you the same advice I gave Melanie – drop Antony.

"Listen up shit for brains and listen closely. Here's my advice to you."

Kris stands up suddenly, grabs his hammer and chucks it at the camera. The force of the camera hitting it makes the camera fall over. As the camera man quickly gets to work to reset the camera, Kris can be seen giving the fingers to the live feed.

Kris composes himself and sits down and waits for the camera to be readjusted.

"Here's a thought. Do us all a favor and drop your manager. He's obviously exploited you into making a huge mistake. So instead of calling me out to drop Mr The Jerk, you need to do so yourself."

DU HURENSOHN Said:He’s an anchor around your neck. He offers nothing to you, and he attracts all the attention. He talks a lot of shit, then sends you to the ring to back him up, only for you to get slapped around like a child.

"You are acting like a spoilt brat because you clearing can't see anything out of that one eye of yours that you feel you need to offer advice to others when your own world isn't perfect."

"That Hart title is an anchor that makes you more despised but you can't see how you are so out of touch with reality, that it won't surprise me, that when I beat you on Sunday, your so called reality will smack you in the face to wake you the hell up, and face the true reality. Yours truly as the new Hart Champion. Then you really will have something to bitch about."

Replay:Every time someone talks about you, they talk about Antony first. Hell, I just did it myself.

"Well duh. Mr The Jerk usually speaks first so you are just only stating the blooming obvious. You're just an oblivious Arschloch."

"I know why you want to talk about him so much. Your jealous, and you are so clearly in love with him. Poor Centurion. Your secret is out."

Replay:As far as this match goes…well, I think we already know what’s about to happen. Even you have to admit you can’t win.

"You are right we all know whats about to happened. That I am going to be the next Hart Champion, and there's nothing you can do about it. I'm younger than you, I'm faster than you. I have your number and I know how to call it in."

Centurion the Arschloch Said:What I CAN tell you is that you, in your current form, with your current set of skills, are going to be absolutely shit stomped in South Africa. I’m going to dog walk you, and you can take it as either a learning experience, or as a lesson to get out of this business.
Replay:"If you think you are going to 'shit stomp' me then you really are delusional, and just another reason why you should be Hart Champion. I'm taking the HART off of you because I'm ready now, not when you think I am."

[quote=Der Deep]Kris and Antony, you two are going about this the wrong way. It’s clear by hearing Kris talk, and by seeing the metaphorical shock collar Antony has around his neck, that you are uncomfortable with having Kris speak.

"In your dreams I can't speak but this is the real world Centurion and I know how to speak. You can say whatyour you want by your dirty mouth political interfering speak but to the rest of us it's just plain bushit."

[quote=Centurion]Kris…this isn’t personal. I don’t think about you when I go to bed at night.

"That's where you have it all wrong, Arscgeige. To me this is personal and I do think you go to bed thinking about me. How else do you come up with so much bullshit. You dream it up and then you spew your conversation. You know what I think about that?"

"Well I think we've heard quite enough horse manure for one day. I'll leave you with this thought...."

"I'm coming to Lethal Lottery to cash in my lottery ticket and takes what is mine. What is mine is that Hart Championship. It's my time now. Your time is at an end because we've heard enough bull coming out of your geriatric mouth for one life time."

"Centurion. You are humpty dumpty. Your the egg that fell off the wall and all the kings men and all the kings horses couldn't put you back together. You just need to come to terms with it like the nimrod that you are."

"I'm your peer, I'm also the judge, and as your peer I will be judging you, laying down a verdict, and delivering you to a sentence as the former Hart Champion."

"I will stand tall as the new Hart champion and there's nothing more than you can say and do on the subject. See you soon.
Du Hurensohn."

Kris gets up, retreives his hammer from where it fell and heads out of the room. The camera fades out.


'Does a Hammer make a noise
while it is in flight?
It certainly does when
it find it's Target!'


[Image: Chris-Hemsworth.png]

[Image: TH03208.png]



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