Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson - vs - David Skulley Pin the Strudel on the Jabroni Rules: There will be a large cardboard cut out of a strudel. Whoever can beat the opponent down so much that they're able to actually pin the strudel to their opponent's dong area will win this match! Alex Shawn - vs - Crimson Dong Lumberbum Match Rules: Similar to a lumberjack match except all the lumberjacks are just random bums who are working in exchange for bagels and soft drinks. These bums are likely armed with knives, are very angry, and are unfamiliar with XWF rules and standard practices. Sophia Sanchez - vs - Danny Devia - vs - Sincere Lee Wild - vs - Damien "Anarchy" Dupree 4 Way Battle Royal Over The Top Rope Elimination Chester Brock - vs - Kinwrathi - vs - Mr.Natural 3 Way Pit Fight Rules: Takes place IN the crowd, surrounded by fans who are ARMED and are encouraged to toss weapons to the competitors. Fans can also hold somebody while their favorite star punches them, they can break up pins or submissions, etc... 1 Fall via pin, submission or KO Zayne Vyper - vs - "Contagious" Dean Moxley McGovern (plus a surprise partner) Handicap Match Flaming Table Covered In Shit Match Rules: Put opponent through a flaming table (covered in shit) to eliminate him. There will be several tables set up around the ring with steaming piles of shit on them, ready and waiting to be set ablaze. 1 Fall (if Dean OR his partner get put through a flaming shit table, Zayne wins the match) MAIN EVENT Unknown Soldier "The Deevil" Ann Thraxx - vs - Luca Arzegotti Scott Charlotte Random Ass Partners Standard Tag, 1 Fall Guest Ref: GREGGO

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Shane : "Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome your King of the XWF: John Madison!"


John Madison's new theme song, "Wish" plays as white lights flicker on stage. John Madison steps through the curtain wearing his King of the XWF crown and carrying a scepter. He's dressed casually in a black suit and tie, and an eye patch over his eye. He walks to the ring diligently as he waves to the fans who bow before him, and ignores the fans who jeer him.

John Madison: "Thank you, Lord ."

John Madison takes a moment to hear out the mixture of cheers and boos. Some people in attendance love the king while others would love to see his head removed from his shoulders.

John Madison: "Some people are upset that I've elected to not defend this crown on July 13. Even Mister Mystery took the time out of his day to vent his frustrations. Well, I'm just as upset as Mister Mystery and everyone else. I was looking forward to defending my crown, but Paul Heyman and Wallace Witasick blew that opportunity."

The cameras are directed to the contract which Shane is holding in his hands.

John Madison: "The rules clearly state that in order for a King Match to take place, either all three General Managers OR two General Managers and the King must agree to the match. Well, Shane doesn't agree to the match, and neither do I! It's out of the question. Why don't we agree? Simply because me and Shane weren't informed about any of this until we saw it on television. Wallace Witasick and Paul Heyman don't run the show around here. Me and Shane do! Tell them Shane!"

John Madison passes the microphone to Shane .

Shane : "You heard your king. The match is OFF!"

The audience boos the remark as Shane passes the microphone back to John Madison.

John Madison: "That's right. You pussies go ahead and have your little six man glass cage match with Peter Gilmour or whatever the fuck."

Shane : "Yeah, PUSSIES!"

John Madison: "In the end it will be for nothing because I'm not defending on July 13th so long as Shane 's name doesn't touch that contract. Enjoy your show."

John Madison drops the mic and walks out of the ring as his exit music plays.

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Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson is first out to the ring as he checks out the giant cardboard strudel. He runs his finger along the edge of the cardboard in a seductive manner and then nods his head in approval.

Rock: It's good! The Rock officially approves of this strudel.

The fans look at each other like WTF as Rock holds the cardboard cutout above his head and marches around the ring with it. He seems really into this!

CRACK!

Steel chair to the back of the Rock! David Skulley out of nowhere! The cutout of the strudel goes flying off as Rock lands face down, allowing for David to smash the chair down onto him again.

Skulley: That's what I think of you and your disgusting strudel!

He pulls Rock up and delivers a Rock Bottom to the Rock... well he tries to at least but the Rock breaks out and pulls David Skulley right into a spinebuster! He stands over David's head and signals for The Peoples Elbow!

BAM!

Shot to the nuts courtesy of David Skulley! Rock goes down!

David walks over and picks up the cardboard strudel. He looks at the safety pin that's attached to it and he unclasps it, ready to poke it through the Rock's trunks! Rock is still down and David kicks Rock's legs apart, standing over him and aiming with the point of that pin...

STICK!!!

Rock rolled over just in time! JUST IN TIME TO GET THE STRUDEL PINNED TO THE PEOPLES ASS!!!

The fans can't believe their eyes as Rock lets out a loud yelp and begins hightailing it around the ring, reaching behind him and trying to pull the large cardboard strudel off of his ass. It seems to be in there pretty good because each time he pulls on it, he yelps in pain again and lets go! David Skulley shakes his head in disgust and he still can't believe this match isn't over yet. He backtracks to bounce off of the ropes behind him and gain momentum... running dropkick! The Rock goes flying out of the ring! He lands on the outside... AND THE STRUDEL IS STILL STUCK TO HIS ASS!!! HOW?!?

The Rock rolls around in pain after that hard landing and David exits the ring to come after him. David reaches for Rock's ass...

Rock: Whoa! I didn't know you swung that way Skulley! Well let's get right down to business then!

Rock starts grinding his ass up against David and David backs away in disgust with his hands held up, not wanting anything to do with touching the Rock.

Rock: Come on I thought you wanted this ass and this strudel? After that I can teabag you for your troubles!

David rolls into the ring and waits for Rock to enter. Rock finally gets the cardboard strudel unstuck from his ass so he walks up the steps with it in his hands...

He slowly enters the ring as David looks ready to strike at any moment. Rock stands across the ring from David and decides to throw the cardboard strudel like a Frisbee. It soars across the ring and actually bounces right off of David's forehead! David gets pissed and reaches down to pick it up but then... ROCK BOTTOM! The Rock got him good! David is out!

Rock takes the cardboard strudel and he points the pin at the target...

The fans gasp as they watch in horror...

PRICK! He got him! David wakes back up screaming in unbearable pain as he now has a cardboard strudel pinned to his own strudel! The Rock claps and looks to be singing as David frantically runs around the ring and jumps up and down from the pain of a pin being stuck through whichever part it went through under his pants.

Spinebuster!!! Out of nowhere Rock caught the aching David Skulley. The cardboard strudel remains attached to Skulley as the Rock signals for The Peoples Elbow!!! He tosses off the elbow pad... he bounces off the ropes at each side... AND THEN DRIVES THE ELBOW RIGHT INTO THE STRUDEL!!! Oh, that's got to hurt!!!

The Rock heads backstage looking to be in very good spirits and he even says something about going to grab his guitar and sing about his next conquest...

Winner: Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson

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Sure enough, just as he said a few moments ago, Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson is stood backstage with his acoustic guitar singing away to whoever will listen.

“There once was a ho named Ann Thraxx,
She challenged The Rock to a match.
So The Rock said hey, any day,
You want to unleash that gash.
Come give Rock some lovin baby,
Come give Rock some lovin,
Come give Rock some lo...”

The Rock stops playing and he looks to his left, the camera pans round and an overly large man wearing nothing but a towel is dancing seductively while watching Rock perform.

Fat Bastard: Sexy man, sexy man.

Rock: “Who in the name of Alex Shawn’s bleeding rectum are you?”

He stops dancing and looks at Rock putting a single finger to his mouth with his lips puckered.

Fat Bastard:” I’m Fat Bastard.”

Rock: “Yes I can see that but what is your name?”

He poses tweaking his nipples.

Fat Bastard: “Fat Bastard.”

Rock: “Yes, but what is your name?”

He jiggles his rolls in a seductive way.

Fat Bastard: “Fat Bastard.”

Rock: “Look your trying my patience now my little Taco Bell love hound but what is your name?”

He stops and realizes what the Rock is saying. He smiles showing his disgusting chicken ridden teeth.

Fat Bastard: “Oh no, me name is Fat Bast...”

Rock: “IT DOESN’T MATTER WHAT YOUR NA... Wait what. Your name is Fat Bastard?”

Fat Bastard: “Aye, that is me name. Look at my sexy body. Yah I am a sexy bitch.”

The Rock literally drops his guitar t the sight of Fat Bastard stroking his tittles.

Rock: “Hahaha you are sexy boy aren’t you.”

With that the Rock reaches in and whips Fat Bastards towel right off of him leaving fat bastard with nothing on apart from his hat.

Rock: “Wow would you look at the size of that?”

Fat Bastard: “What? I haven't seen anything down there for 20 years!”

Fat Bastard looks down at his own crotch area.

Rock: “No I can’t see anything either my little love muffin, but check this out.”

The Rock turns away from the camera and faces Fat Bastard and drops his pants. Fat Bastard’s face is a picture of amazement and fear.

Fat Bastard: “Oh! Crikey, who let the python out of its cage?”

Rock: “You wanna play hide the Strudel?”

Fat Bastard: “What’s that?”

Rock:”Start running boy”.

Fat Bastard: "Jesus Saint Paul and Joseph, get that willy away from me!"

Fat Bastard realizing what is happening turns and half runs half waddle’s off down the corridor with Rocky chasing after him with his pants still round his ankles.

---

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The bums are brought out to surround the ring. They are completely filthy and very angry looking. One of them is holding a butter knife and another one is holding a brick.

Alex Shawn is the first one out... THE BUMS ATTACK HIM!

While Alex is getting attacked by the bums, Crimson Dong comes out... and he also gets attacked by bums!

The bums have divided up and are equally beating on both men! The bum with the brick is repeatedly hitting Alex Shawn in the head and the bum with the butter knife is trying to stab Crimson Dong in the chest but it's a butter knife so it doesn't do much damage at all.

The bums roll both men into the ring and watch from the outside as Alex and Dong both crawl toward each other, both hoping to make the easy pin on the other man. They end up in some kind of weird looking cuddle...

When they finally realize that neither man is pinning the other and they're basically just dry humping, Crimson Dong gets a smile on his face and begins to thrust his pelvis into Alex Shawn's leg...

Alex shoves him away and then kicks him in the groin! He has no heart! He seriously just kicked the Dong's dong!

Crimson Dong goes down hard and rolls out of the ring, forgetting that bums are out there waiting to attack! The bums start pummeling Dong and some of them even begin biting at him! One bum bites Crimson Dong's shoulder so hard that Crimson Dong SCREAMS at the top of his lungs in such a high pitched voice that some of the people in attendance have their glasses broken!!!

The bums roll Dong back into the ring. He does a dong up and surprises Alex with a dong kick, followed by a dong cartwheel, followed by a running dongline... but wait! Alex held on! He held on to Dong's dong after the dongline!!! He punches it and yanks it, bringing Crimson Dong down to the canvas in a lot of pain!

Alex quickly goes out of the ring and grabs one of the bums. He throws the bum in the ring... he delivers a jumping piledriver to the bum right onto Crimson Dong's dong! He actually made sure the bum's head drove right down into Dong's dong!

Alex rolls the bum out of the ring and goes for the cover...

...1
































...2














































...THREE!!!

Winner: Alex Shawn

Crimson Dong and Alex Shawn remain in the ring as all the bums are heading backstage to receive their hard earned bagels and soft drinks.

WHACK!!

Crimson Dong has just nailed Alex Shawn in the back of the head with a dong punch, sending him down to the mat. Shawn is out cold on the mat! DONG IS NOT HAPPY ABOUT HOW THIS MATCH WENT DOWN!!!

Trouble.

Trouble.

Trouble!

Trouble!



What’s Dong doing now? Crimson Dong has climbed out of the ring and is looking for something under the ring. Dong returns from under the ring begins to excitedly run around like a mad man waving a DILDO in his hands screaming at the top of his voice.

Dong: DILDO, DILDO, DILDO, DILDO!!!!

Alex Shawn is still unconscious in the middle of the ring as Dong slides in with his new toy. Dong stands in the ring looking into the crowd, he points at the dildo and then points at Shawn, back to the dildo and back again to Shawn. He does a little dance before moving over to his downed opponent and pulling down his pants.

Suddenly You Ain’t Woman Enough (To take my man) plays out over the speaker system and Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson runs down the ramp and slides into the ring. He quickly gets in front of Dong stopping him from being able to violate the downed Alex Shawn.

Ok so The Rock has gone a little crazy in recent time but at least he isn’t having any of this disgusting behavior from Crimson Dong, What, wait a minute.

The Rock shakes his finger at Dong.

The Rock Says: No not like that you must lift him up like this.

The Rock lifts up the pantsless Alex Shawn into doggie style position and holds him in place as though he is in a headlock. Crimson Dong has a sick smile on his face as he nods in approval as he takes the Dildo and proceeds to shove it up Alex Shawn’s backside.

The Rock Says: DEEPER!!

With the Rock still holding the now awake Shawn in place with the Dildo still sticking out of his arse Dong proceeds to run against the ropes and on the way back he performed a low dropkick directly onto the Dildo further plunging it into Alex Shawn’s now bleeding rectum.

Dong jumps up to his feet and dances about in excitement.

The Rock lifts the rectum bleeding Alex Shawn to his feet and signals to Dong to watch.

The Rock then nails Shawn with a massive DDT!!!

OH MY GOD, WITH THE IMPACT OF THAT DDT THE DILDO JUST POPPED OUT OF ALEX SHAWN’S BUMHOLE!

The Rock gets to his feet and hip bumps Dong before grabbing Alex Shawn again and flipping him onto his back. He then pulls down his own trunks, with his schlong swinging in the wind he waves his arms about to signal the PEOPLE’S ELBO… TEA BAG.

The Rock has just dropped his bare testicles into the face of Alex Shawn and now he is grinding on top of his face like a rodeo bull..

This is sickening!

The Rock finally gets to his feet and he and Dong high five and hip bump again before The Rock finally pulls his trunks back on and grabs a mic from the ring announcer.

The Rock Says: FINALLY, THE ROCK, HAS CUM, ALL OVER ST. LOUIS.

A mixed reaction can be heard from the crowd in attendance.

The Rock Say: Ladies and Gentlemen you horny mother batches, what you have witnessed tonight is the start of something special. Yes you have witnessed a dawning of a new era in the XWF and you are now looking up at this ring with those come to bed with me eyes witnessing the beginning of what will one day be the greatest tag team in the history of the XWF.

THE DONG AND SCHLONG CONNECTION.

With that Crimson Dong climbs up on the turnbuckle and The Rock climbs up another and with perfect timing they both drop the pants while the fans shriek.

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We go backstage in the King's private green room where he's eating from his private buffet with Shane , Luca Arzegotti, and Flo Madison.

John Madison: "Hey Flo! Go tell the catering service that we need more mozzarella sticks!"

Flo Madison: "Yes, king."

John Madison: "I LOVE mozzarella sticks, Luca. Do you love them as well? TELL ME YOU LOVE MOZZARELLA STICKS!"

Luca Arzegotti: "Sure, John. I love mozzarella sticks."

John Madison: "By the way Luca, what the fuck is this shit I'm hearing about you competing for a wild card on Monday?"

Luca Arzegotti: "Just doing it to prove a point, John. Even if this King match was happening; Senator, John Austin, and CM Punk would not be in the running for it."

John Madison: "You hear that, Shane? THAT is why Luca is going for a wild card. "

Shane puts a grin on his face as he applauds Luca Arzegotti for his show of loyalty to The Black Circle.

John Madison: "Lord , I think Luca might just be a future king. What do you think?"

Shane : "You'll make a fine king someday, Luca."

John Madison: "Fuck Duke, NAZI, and everyone else. WE are The Black Circle. Luca, one day you're gonna wear this crown and an eye patch like me and Shane."

***Knock, knock***

There's a knock at the door.

John Madison: "Oh shit, that must be Flo with the mozzarella sticks already. I love mozzarella sticks. Luca, would you please answer the door so that I can treat myself to some fresh made mozzarella sticks."

Luca Arzegotti goes to answer the door. He places his hand on the knob when;

John Madison: "WAIT! Luca, wait."

Shane : "What is the problem, John? There are fresh made mozzarella sticks behind that door!"

John Madison: "You're right, Shane. But I want this moment to be special."

John Madison pulls up a chair and places it in front of the door.

John Madison walks up to Luca Arzegotti, and pulls a scarf out of Luca Arzegotti's ear. The man is a true magician.

John Madison takes the scarf and sits down in the chair facing the door. He blindfolds himself with the scarf.

John Madison: "I want to be baffled by these mozzarella sticks with a blind taste test! Bring them in!"

With John Madison in place to be "baffled," Luca Arzegotti opens the door.

Someone shows up carrying a tray of fresh made mozzarella sticks.

But it isn't FLO!

It's NIGHTMARE!

Luca and Shane are shocked and speechless as Nightmare stands there with a chef apron on carrying the tray of cheesy sticks. The only man who doesn't realize what's happening is John Madison due to the blindfold he's wearing.

John Madison: "Go on, Flo. Feed me the first mozzarella stick."

John Madison sits there with his mouth open, waiting to taste the first mozzarella stick.

Nightmare takes the baking sheet and smashes it over the head of John Madison!

Luca and Shane finally snap out of their trance as John falls to the floor screaming.

John Madison: "DAMN IT FLO! Why did you hit me with the pan of mozzarella sticks?!"

Shane : "JOHN.... R--r-- RUN!"

John Madison lifts his blindfold to see Nightmare standing in front of him.

John Madison: "JESUS!"

Shane : "Get him out of here Luca! Protect our king!"

Luca Arzegotti helps John Madison up by his arm and rushes him out of the private conference room as Nightmare chases after them.

They run through the hallways and round the corner with Nightmare still on their tail. Suddenly, they come up on Flo Madison who's laying on the ground out cold with an Asmodeus Cane shoved up her rectum. John Madison stops to observe the scene of Flo laying there with a pole up her ass.


John Madison: "Jesus, Luca. Look what he did to my Flo! He literally shoved a fucking Asmodeus Cane right up her ass!"

Luca Arzegotti: "We must go now, King!"

John Madison: "What about Flo?"

Luca Arzegotti: "Oh for fucks sake, I'll find you another one. Let's just go!"

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Damien "Anarchy" Dupree and Sophia Sanchez stand awaiting in the ring as the lights dim as 'Zero' by Smashing Pumpkins blasts over the speakers. Danny Devia appears through the entrance and attempts nothing fancy. Devia just walks to the ring jumps onto the apron where he does a crucifix pose. Devia then walks along the apron climbs the nearest turnbuckle and raises his arms before entering the ring.

The lights cut out leaving the arena in total darkness. A purple strobe light begins to flash illuminating the stage as Relax by Peaches begins to play over the PA system. The fans let out a wave of mixed reactions some booing as others cheered. A pink smoke begins to fill the top of the stage as a steel throne chair covered with sculpted snakes and dragson begins to lift from the bottom of the stage. As the smoke slowly begins to fade the fans can make out Sincere Lee Wild sitting comfortably in the throne chair her legs kicked up over one of the arms her coal black hair in pigtails and wearing dark gothic clothing. As the music get lounder and the smoke completley clears Sincere Lee Wild removes her legs from the chairs arm and stand to her feet glaring to her left and then to her right at the crowd, her arms slowly raise and then snaps them back down to her side, flame pyrotechnics begin shooting from the sides of the stage ramp. Trisha Medinia stands to her feet as she slowly make her way down the stage ramp, eager fans try to reach out for her, but the heat from the flames top them. She makes her way to the ring apron and grabs the bottom rope and pulls herself up to her feet and turns back around towards the stage ramp and quickly drops doing the splits. The male fans let out a roar of pleasuring chants as she slowly caresses up and down on her glistening thighs. Sincere Lee Wild reaches up and lifts the bottom rope just enough to where she can fall slowly backwards into the ring. She rolls over and sets up on all fours seductively crawling to the middle of the ring as the lights slowly illuminate the ring and the music softly dies.

All four wrestlers are finally present and accounted for as the bell sounds and this 4 Way, Over The Top Rope Elimination, Battle Royal begins! The fans really bellow with excitement as the participants square off and find their intended targets. Sofia Sanchez and Damien "Anarchy" Dupree immediately start going at it as, Sincere Lee Wild and Danny Devia begin exchanging blows. Sofia gets Anarchy with a knee to the gut and a slap to the face that sends Anarchy spinning. Sofia follows this up by kicking Dupree in the ass! The kick sends Dupree stumbling forward and leaves Dupree wide open for Sofia to run up behind Damien and fireman's toss Damien over the top rope and out of the ring!

Damien "Anarchy" Dupree has been eliminated!

Sofia brushes her hands off and turns away from her handiwork, to immediately be blindsided by Danny Devia and Sincere Lee Wild. Both wrestlers lift up Sofia and toss her right over the top rope! Sofia collides with Damien just as he's seen rising from the floor! Both Sofia and Damien crash to the ground in a heap!

Sofia Sanchez has been eliminated!


Turning towards each other after their brief moment of teamwork, Danny and Wild immediately return to business as usual and quickly start wailing on one another. Devia hits Wild with several backhanded slaps that send Wild's head flying back and forth! From there Devia delivers a few shots to Wild's ribs and kidneys, following that up with a knee to Wild's gut which causes Wild to double over. This makes Wild an easy target for a savage elbow smash to the back of her head! Wild drops face down to the canvas! Danny then begins stomping on Wild as she lay on the canvas clutching her head, in a desperate attempt to shield it from Danny's brutal stomps. Devia lands a stomp to Wild's back and sides causing her to thrash about on the canvas in pain. Danny Devia reaches down and clutches a fistful of Sincere Lee Wild's hair. Danny then rips Wild up from the canvas and hits Wild with a Powerbomb!


Danny pulls Wild up and Hip Tosses Wild into the corner. Wild smashes into the ring post and falls to the canvas. Wild grasps onto the ring post and is breathing heavy, as she appears to try and regain her bearings. Danny Devia plants his gaze on Wild and smirks, as he takes this moment to run towards Wild in an attempt to deliver a Running Knee. This move never connects though, as Wild slips out of the way just in time. Wild then quickly turns toward Devia and lands a low blow on him. Danny Devia drops to his knees!


Sincere Lee Wild climbs to her feet and strikes Devia with a Roundhouse Kick to Devia's head! Devia falls to the mat! Wild then take to the ropes and proceeds to hit Danny with a Frog Splash! Wild doesn't stop there as she then pulls Danny up and quickly places him in a Sleeper Hold! The hold is placed so tightly it immediately starts to take effect. Danny's eyes begin to droop and his body starts to sag.










Danny Devia looks as tough he may slip at any moment!










Then suddenly....

There's a surge of life!


Danny's arm stretches out and he grasps the ropes. The hold is broken! Wild releases the hold and Danny spins around to face Wild! Devia flies upwards and catches Wild with an Uppercut! Blood flows from Wild's nose as she plummets backwards to the canvas! The whole crowd gasps as Wild's head bounces off the canvas. Danny Devia rises to his feet and makes his way over to Wild. Danny grabs Wild by the hair and yanks her to her feet. From there he places her into position and hits here with a Piledriver. Oh God! Such Brutality! The crowd is on their feet! Wild lays motionless on the canvas as Danny pulls her up again. This time he hoists her up and over his shoulders as Danny prepares to launch Wild over the ropes. If this happens Danny Devia will win the match!


Danny throws Wild!

Sincere Lee Wild is airborne!

Wild's eyes spring open and her hands reach out. It's almost like she knew on instinct, this was her one chance.

She grasps the ropes!


Wild uses all her strength and clutches the top rope. Wild saves herself from flying over and thus stopping herself from being eliminated! Wild returns her body into the ring and faces Devia just in time to see Devia charging for her. Wild dodges out of the way and Danny almost sails over the ropes from his momentum alone! Wild takes this opportunity to run towards the ropes across the ring. She bounds towards them, bounces off them and flies toward Danny! Devia spins around right at the perfect time and receives a Flying Dropkick to the face! Danny falls to his knees!


Sincere Lee Wild smiles as she hits Danny with Sincere Lee Yours (Superkick)! This causes Danny to fall completely to the canvas! Wild seeming to be not satisfied pulls Danny Devia up by his hair and proceeds to deliver The One Time 69! The crowd screams with enthusiasm! The crowd loves this comeback! Wild is so fierce and strong, it's like all the abuse just fueled her to fight back stronger! Danny is down but Wild still seems to be restless and full of returned vigor, as she runs towards the ropes and proceeds to climb them. Leaping from a mounted stance on the top turnbuckle Wild hits Danny with Awol Fall(360 Splash)! Danny Devia looks like hell after this rapid repeat of pure onslaught from Wild! All Wild needs to do is toss Danny over the top rope.


Dragging Danny towards the ropes sincere Lee Wild props Danny's body onto them. From there she climbs over the ropes and slides under Devia producing the classic up and over routine! Meaning she slides under Danny and uses the momentum to toss Danny, over the top rope.

















Danny's eyes shoot open just as this happens!












Danny's eyes wide with panic, he reaches for the ropes. Danny's arms flail...





























but it's too late. He realized what was happening with not enough time to react.

Danny Devia crashes to the mat, landing headfirst outside the ring!

Danny Devia has been eliminated!

Winner: Sincere Lee Wild

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---

We go backstage to catch up with Luca Arzegotti and John Madison who are on the run from Nightmare.

John Madison: "I still can't believe he shoved a cane up Flo's ass like that, Luca. Did you see the look on Flo's face? Can you imagine what she went through?"

They finally make it into the parking garage.

Luca Arzegotti: "Not now, John! Look, there is your ride."

Luca points to the gold colored limousine waiting for John Madison.

Luca Arzegotti: "I'm going to go fight off this monster and then make sure that Shane is alright."

Luca Arzegotti shoves John Madison in the limousine and tells the driver to take him away.

Luca walks towards the door of the parking garage with a tire iron that he retrieve from the limousine prior to sending John Madison off.

Luca Arzegotti: "Come here, Nightmare. I've got something for you!"

Luca kicks open the door that he suspects Nightmare is hiding behind, but there's no one there!

Luca Arzegoti: "Shit... SHANE!"

Luca remembers that he left Shane all alone and makes a run for the conference room.

---

---

---

Chester Brock and Mr. Natural are waiting as patient as they can in the pit waiting for the last man to enter. The two members of security tasked with escorting Kinwrathi to the pit come back without him, explaining that they can't seem to find him.

Wait a minute, there's movement up in the rafters! It's Kinwrathi! He smirks down upon the crowd and leaps!

He doesn't even fall two feet before disappearing and reappearing in the middle of the pit! Natural and Brock aren't paying attention, and Kinwrathi's sneaking up on...

Mr. Natural gets hit in the side of the head with a sick elbow from Kinwrathi! The teleporting man reaches out and grabs the nearest thing that a fan's offering...

It's a brick!

He throws the brick and nails Chester Brock in the back of the head, knocking the other man down before he focuses his attention back on Mr. Natural.

Natural tries to throw a punch of his own, but Kinwrathi grabs his hand and forces it back...

Into Natural's own mouth?

He jams the whole fist into the man's mouth and then kicks out his knee! Natural's now on the ground and Kinwrathi kneels next to him. He grabs Natural's head and uses it as a means to force the fist further by smashing his elbow on the ground! How sick!

Then, in one fluid motion he yanks it out and ducks as Natural vomits all over Chester Brock, who just made it to his feet! It doesn't look like Kinwrathi's done yet...

He walks over to the fans and snatches a staple gun out of someone's hand! Chester Brock tries to approach him, but backs off on the sight of what he has in his hand!

Kinwrathi walks back over to Mr. Natural, who's still on the ground, clutching his throat. He places the staple gun to the man's back and...

CLICK! CLICK! CLICK CLICK CLICK! CLICK! and for good measure, one more CLICK!

Seven staples stuck in Mr. Natural's back, and Kinwrathi's only getting warmed up! He grabs two glass bottles and smashes them on the ground! He picks up Mr. Natural and drops him with a double underhook suplex onto the pile of broken glass!

Brock tries to sneak up on the man, but Kinwrathi turns around and pokes him in the eyes! Brock stumbles back, and Kinwrathi teleports behind him! Measuring him up for...

(The Feeling of Having Your) Hopes and Dreams Being Shattered Apart! A superkick that looks like it knocked Brock out! The official tries to step in, but Kinwrathi isn't finished yet!

Another Superkick to the ref!

One more to Mr. Natural!

The fat guy who handed him the brick isn't even safe!

He turns his attention back to Chester Brock, what's he going to do next? From out of nowhere, a giant warhammer appears in his hand! He lines up the shot, and brings down the hammer on Chester's back!

Blood spurts out of the man's mouth, his nose, his ears, his damn eyesockets are bleeding after that shot! How disgusting! He may never walk again!

And just as quickly as he arrived, Kinwrathi vanishes, the fans in attendance clapping as the second ref comes in to call an end to this "match!"

Winner: Kinwrathi

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Kinwrathi walks around a corner backstage into a shovel to the face!

It's THE Crimson Dong and Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson! Dong hits Kinwrathi with the shovel again and knocks him down so Rock can deliver the peoples elbo...er...TEABAG!

BOOM!

He connects! Kinwrathi's body surges like electricity was sent through it from Rock's ballbag plummeting down into his mouth!

Crimson Dong reaches behind him and pulls out a dildo... (I know what you're wondering, and yes, it was in his ass this whole time)

He smacks Kinwrathi in the face with it and then pulls him up into an abdominal stretch. He holds him in the stretch and Rock takes the dildo and smacks Kinwrathi in the face a few times with it.

Dong: The Dong and Schlong Connection says good job in your match Kinwrathi! We is proud of you!

They smack him in the head a few times with a steel pipe and then undress him.


What?



Yes... they undress Kinwrathi. WTF.
















...but then...






















then...





























OH MY FUCKING GOD!!!






































They re-dress him in a tooth fairy outfit!

Rock: I've never seen a better looking tooth fairy!

Crimson Dong and Rock get on either side of Kinwrathi as he wobbles on his feet... they both begin humping him and bouncing him between them like a ping pong ball, harder and harder with each hump! This is how the scene unfortunately ends as we go to commercial...

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Tune in next Saturday for a very special edition of Shove It Saturday Night! See the X-treme and TV Titles defended under the watchful eye of a special guest general manager!

Saturday, June 15th!

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Returning from commercials, we cut to a recap from Monday Madness:

Quote: PAUL HEYMAN: "I almost feel bad. You did a great thing by taking the Neonero contract out of my hands."

WALLACE WITASICK: "Why does that make you feel bad?"



Heyman finishes his signature.



PAUL HEYMAN: "Now.... Now, Wallace. He's your headache."

WALLACE WITASICK: "Be that as it may, I think Neonero to Wednesdays is beneficial to all involved."

PAUL HEYMAN: "I couldn't agree more."

As the video fades out, we fade into a new scene, finding Neonero strumming his fingers whimsically on a table top; we’re backstage, in some indiscriminate room, clearly deliberate in its lack of detail to emphasis Neonero’s person before us, clad in sparkly epaulets, and his jewelled mask. He cocks his head, a grin stretching beneath the mask.

Oh Paul...oh Paul...you think it’s really that easy? You think the fact I have a new playground means that I can’t be the thing stuck in your craw? You think I don’t miss seeing your bulbous features contort in disgust? Have you forgotten how easily I entered your home, covering your bed in maltesers while you slept?

Nero chuckles, cocking his head to the opposite side.

Paulie, this is not and has never been a situation involving contracts. You think I care if you screw me in the ring? You think that’s where I derive my pleasure? Not even close. See, as much as I enjoy hurting people, winning, losing, all that good stuff, what entertains me most is torment.

You must be wondering why I'd show up on Shove It with this, and the answer is simple - what I have to show just isn't family friendly. And so, to my great pleasure, I announce to the world, that Neonero has access to...

Nero pauses purposefully...

...

..

.

..

...

Paul Heyman’s sex tape.

Gasps can be heard throughout the arena; some fans vomit, unfortunately over the fans in front of them, and it sets off a sort of chain reaction. One fan projectile vomits all over the timekeeper's table, temporarily rendering the ring bell a sodden, dripping mess of carrot chunks.

That’s right, and as a teaser, here’s a screencap...



Oh, and because I’m kind, here’s a mock-up of the sex-tape, performed ably by a friend from the deep.



The full video was obtained from your hard drive on one of my...visits...and you wouldn't believe what else I found, folks. But for now, let’s focus on this tape. Shall I reveal more? Maybe post the whole thing on torrent? Or maybe just reveal who/what you were having sex with? I’ll have to mull it over. Anyway, you have a nice day now, Paul. Good day to you.

I said good day.

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---

XWF crew members set up tables all along the ringside area and then they have the unenviable task of dumping bags of actual shit onto the tables. The fans at ringside can immediately smell the shit and they all begin covering their noses and chanting "holy shit... holy shit..." which seems rather appropriate.

Zayne Vyper is the first to make his way out to the ring very cautiously as he looks at the tables and shakes his head in disgust as the overwhelming stench greets him.

Up on the stage we see Dean McGovern appear with a microphone in hand.

McGovern: Ladies and gents it's the moment you've all been waiting for! You get to see Zayne Vyper put through a flaming table of shit! I know that's going to make my day with a cherry on top, but that's not all; we also get to meet my new best friend here tonight! Please give a warm round of applause for my partner...







































Dean hesitates as the crowd murmurs...


































Dean smiles and raises the mic back up to announce the name...







































McGovern: None other than Scott Charlotte!

The fans let out a very mixed and surprised reaction as the X-Tron shows us footage now of Scott Charlotte in the back, hearing this announcement. Scott is watching it on a small monitor and his jaw just drops in shock. Some XWF crew members walks up and let him know it's time to head out to the ring and he obliges.

Scott walks out from the back and walks right up to Dean on the stage, mouthing what looks like the phrase "what the fuck's wrong with you, you sick fuck?" but Dean just laughs it off and goes to hug Scott! Scott is appalled and shoves Dean back, grabbing the microphone from his hand in the process.

Charlotte: I'd like everyone to know that not only was this a surprise to Zayne Viper, but it also came as a surprise to me. I had no idea I was booked in this match with this dude until moments ago when I heard him call my name. I'm busy with my own random ass tag match tonight, so Dean you can handle this shit yourself. I'm gonna hang out back here and just watch. Good luck, you weird son of a bitch!

With that, Scott heads back toward the backstage area so he can continue watching from a monitor, far from the shit covered tables.

Dean looks shocked! He's holding his hands out to his sides with his jaw dropped nearly to the floor.

McGovern: But Scotty I helped you out on Madness, remember? There's nothing wrong with givin' a little something back to a buddy who had your back first.

Scott won't give Dean the time of day. He storms off and disappears to the back as Zayne Vyper runs up behind Dean and surprises him with a clothesline to the back! It completely catches Dean off guard and sends him stumbling forward several feet, right off the edge of the stage and down to the concrete floor below. Zayne goes down after him and he pulls him up but Dean surprises him with a few quick jabs and the two battle back and forth to the ring...

Once at ringside, Dean catches Zayne with a knee lift and then rolls him into the ring. Dean follows and stomps a few times before dropping an elbow but Zayne rolls out of the way and gets up in time to bring Dean down with a running neckbreaker. Zayne mounts Dean to deliver a series of rapid fire punches to his face, then pulling him up by his hair and violently throwing him out of the ring.





Dean catches himself on the ring apron and looks down at one of those shit covered tables nearby with a smile on his face.












BAM!!!















Zayne Vyper with a running shoulder into the back of Dean McGovern!





















Dean goes flying off of the ring apron!

















CRRRRRASH!!!!!!! DEAN JUST SMASHED RIGHT THROUGH A SHIT COVERED TABLE!!!!!!!

The fans closest at ringside have been splattered with shit as a result of the collision between that table and Dean's falling body. Dean is a crumpled mess amongst a collection of broken wood and smeared shit.

Vyper: Well would you look at that! Right where he belongs!

The match is NOT over because the shit covered table was not on fire but this is still very damaging to Dean McGovern's chances of surviving here tonight!!!

The fans are disgusted by what they've seen as most of them continue holding their noses. Dean begins to move very slowly and when he tries getting up he slips and falls back in the shit!

Backstage cameras are on Scott Charlotte who is watching this and looks to actually be in agony. He sees McGovern falling back into the shit and he just plants his forehead into his hand and squeezes his temples.

Charlotte: Ugh... pathetic. Just pathetic.

Back at ringside the fans are buying cans of air fresher to spray into the air around them. The spray cans are selling faster than the beer and soda combined! Zayne exits the ring to approach Dean who is still struggling to stand but...

...suddenly...

... Zayne grabs one of the cans of spray and he begins spraying Dean with it!

Vyper: Yeah you need a lot of this you filthy piece of crap! Look at you!

He sprays it all over Dean and sprays a large amount of it in Dean's face! Dean start to cough and choke as he tries to cover his face but Zayne continues unloading on him.

Vyper: Awww... you'd think this was actual pepper spray or something with the way he's acting! What a baby!

Zayne throws the can down on Dean's head and it bounces off into the fans, hitting a young teenage boy in the head who was wearing a Dean McGovern shirt.

Meanwhile in the back...

Scott Charlotte sees what's happening and he can't help but remember when Dean McGovern came to his aid on Monday Madness.

Charlotte: That's it! Get out of my way!

Scott shoves the cameraman out of his way and runs down the hallway as the fans who were paying attention to the X-Tron all start to cheer!

A few moment later Scott Charlotte explodes from the entrance and races down the ramp to a thunderous ovation! Zayne sees him coming and quickly grabs a steel chair. He swings at Scott but Scott swerves out of the way of the first attempt and then when Zayne brings the chair back again Scott catches it! The two of them each try to gain control of the chair as they pull back and forth on it until Scott shoves the chair into Zayne's chest and rams him spine first into the ring apron. Scott then yanks the chair out of Zayne's grasp and jams the end of it into his gut a few times, doubling Zayne over very quickly and opening up his back to Scott to smack that chair so hard that the steel seat pops off of the framing! Scott is left with nothing but the frame of his demolished chair as Zayne writhes in pain.

Scott looks over at Dean who is getting to his feet and wiping shit off of himself.

Charlotte: Alright... you got this? I'm out of here.

Dean goes to shake Scott's hand but Scott pulls back very quickly considering that shit is all over both of Dean's hands.

Suddenly from behind Scott comes Zayne Vyper! He's got the steel seat of that busted up chair! CRACK!!! Scott goes down hard after being caught right in the back of the skull with that one.

BOOM!!!

Dean threw one of the commentator's monitors at Zayne and it exploded!!!

The monitor lands next to Zayne as he falls and the monitor remains on fire. Dean quickly douses the closest shit covered table in gasoline and then gets a running start to kick that flaming monitor toward the table... WOOSH! A rush of flame is all that's seen as the arena lights up!

The smell of that burning shit is horrendous and many of the fans begin to choke. Dean pulls Zayne toward the flaming table and sets him up for one of the most basic moves in wrestling... a suplex.

A suplex that sees Zayne Vyper's body smash through a layer of flaming shit before crashing through the layer of flaming wood!

DING DING DING!!! It's over!

Crew members rush over with fire extinguishers to put out Zayne Vyper as the flaming shit actually sticks to him and burns him. What a truly disgusting match this has been!

Winner: Dean Moxley McGovern

After the match Dean approaches Scott Charlotte and thanks him for being out there for him tonight.

McGovern: That's right baby I knew you'd come through for me. I knew you were the kinda guy to pay back a favor. We taught that jagoff a lesson he's been needing for a while now. Man, like they used to say in that old Black and Red...that was TOO SWEET!

Before Scott Charlotte even knows what's going on, Dean is already hugging him!

Disgusting! He still has shit on him from earlier!

Scott shoves him back and yells "what the fuck!" as Dean honestly looks shocked. Scott walks off leaving Dean alone and leaving us to wonder what will come next in this budding relationship?

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---

---

We go backstage where Luca Arzegotti has arrived back in the conference room that he left Shane in to get John Madison to safety from Nightmare. Luca knows right away that something went down while he was away. He sees a medical team going to work on Shane as he's put on a stretcher.

Luca Arzegotti: "Shane! What the fuck happened?"

Shane : "That... that son of a bitch! He broke my damn arm! He broke my arm and made me sign the contract!"

Luca Arzegotti: "WHAT?! WHO?"

Shane : "Duke! Dukes fucking Messenger did it! The bastard isn't dead and he's coming for us! I told you we didn't finish the job!"

Shane is carried away on the stretcher as Luca Arzegotti bends down to pick up the contract that Shane was forced to sign. The contract which says that John Madison WILL defend the crown on July 13.

Shane : "Tell John that we'll fix this!"

Luca Arzegotti bends down to pick up the Asmodeus Cane that was left behind by Sebastian Dukes Messeger following the attack on Shane . Luca throws the cane against the wall and storms out of the conference room knowing all too well what the power of the Asmodeus Cane really is. Monday night on Madness, he was left laying in a pool of his own blood at the hands of The Messenger and that damn cane.

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The lights in the arena go out. Malaria by Sangura & Dead begins to play through out the arena and out steps Ann Thraxx to a chorus of boos. She walks down the ramp with a sadistic smile across her face. She heads towards the ring screaming and laughing with a evil tone.

She slides in the ring and continues to scream. Greggo stands out of the way of the crazy, Ann Thraxx.

The lights in the arena go dim, followed by a cloud of smoke that fills the entire place. Hail Satan by Crucifyre begins to play through out the arena. The infamous pentagram appears in the center of the ring and we see Unknown Solider making his way to the ring. A mixture of cheers and boos fill the arena.

He enters into the ring and goes over to hug Greggo. We see Greggo passionatily lick the neck of Unknown Soldier. Unknown Soldier stands near Ann Thraxx and they wait for their opponents.

Nugget by Cake begins to play in the arena and out steps Luca Arzegotti to a sea of boos. He walks down the ramp holding his 24/7 briefcase. Fans try to slap the back of Luca as he walks down the ramp but he turns away in disgust. He walks around ringside and eyes up his opponents. He places the briefcase near the turnbuckle on the apron and slowly enters the ring.

The Phoenix by Fall Out Boy begins to play in the arena and out steps Scott Charlotte to many and many of cheers. He makes his way down to the ring, making sure to slap all of the fans hands that are sticking out. He enters into the ring. Unknown Solider steps out onto the apron and Scott and Luca argue who is going to start first. Finally Luca tells Scott to get out the way.

DING!
DING!
DING!

Luca locks up with Ann in the center of the ring. Luca hits a short arm clothesline that knocks Ann down. He goes for the cover as Greggo counts.

1.....
.
.
.
.






































2.......
.
.































...KICKOUT!

Luca locks in a side headlock on Ann. Greggo walks around the action licking his lips. Greggo starts to ask Ann does she want to give up but she just screams with her evil tone. Ann slides out and goes for a ankle lock on Luca but Luca pushes her off with his foot. He locks back up and Irish whips her into the opposing side turnbuckle. He tags in Scott and they perform a double team scoop slam into leg drop. Scott throws Ann over to Solider as he makes the tag.

Solider enters the ring and hits a running clothesline on Scott. He goes for a springboard moonsault off the ropes and connects. He goes for a pin but Luca breaks it up before Greggo can count. The fans in the arena begin to boo.

Greggo goes over towards Unknown Soldier and slowly rubs his hands over Soldier's chest. Scott turns Soldier around and hits a DDT. He goes over and tags Luca back in. Luca motions he wants Ann back in the ring, so Soldier tags back in Ann and Ann locks up with Luca.

Ann goes for a running bulldog but Luca reverses it into a stiff roundhouse kick to the head as the fans "awe" in anguish. He slides Ann near the turnbuckle and motions for the 450 Splash. Soon as he is about to fly off the top, Soldier comes from behind and pushes Luca off the top, making him hit the barricade on the outside. Scott runs in and goes after Soldier. He tackles Soldier outside the ring and they begin to brawl on the outside. Scott goes to whip Soldier into the ring steps but Soldier reverses it and sends Scott into the steps back first.

Soldier sends Luca back into the ring. He walks over and tags a still dazed and out Ann. Soldier goes for a quick pin on Luca. Greggo with the fast count.

1.
2.

Before he counts three, Scott Charlotte makes it quickly back in and breaks up the count. Soldier grabs Scott and throws him to the outside. He picks up Scott and whips him into the barricade back first. Meanwhile back in the ring as the fans are in amazement. Luca and Ann are going back at it. Ann hits a lowblow on Luca. Luca stumbles around as Ann signals for the Depth Perception finisher, she goes to hit it but Luca reverses it into a hard german suplex.

We go back out to ringside and we see Solider and Scott near the entrance way. Scott throws Soldier into the steel set. He walks off to the side and brings out a table. He starts to set up the table. He then turns around to pick up a crouched Soldier but as he goes to pick him up. A flash of light goes into the face of Scott Charlotte.

FIREBALL!

The fans in the arena chant Holy Shit as we see Soldier start to laugh with a evilness among him. He throws Scott on the table. Soldier hits a DDT through the table as the fans explode into cheers.

Back in the ring, Luca has hit a piledriver on a broken down Ann. He slides his thumb across his throat and hits the Get Away Driver on Ann Thraxx. He goes for the cover.

1
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.

































2
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.

























...THREE!!!


Winners: Luca Arzegotti & Scott Charlotte

Luca demands Greggo to raise the hand of his and he does. Greggo exits the ring and goes to his buddy Unknown Solider. He helps him up and walks off towards the back, he can be seen grabbing the ass of Soliders as they walk off.

Luca grabs the briefcase and continues to celebrate his win.

EMT's can be seen helping out Scott Charlotte with his burns from the fireball.