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Boris · (10-05-2019)

Oy blin. This wrestling thing is harder than I thought.

I was as prepared as I could be, comrades. I wore my best ushanka, I only had one bottle of vodka before the match. I had some of Babushka's best jam. I even stretched my legs.

And I lost. Pizdek.

It's no problem. I am told everyone loses. And the person who won, Brain, will be seeing Boris again very soon. Still, I can not help but feel a little blue. I wanted to win blin.

At least the Slav Cruiser 9000 was successful.

I have big match this coming week, but before I get ready for that, I needed to energize. That match took a lot from Boris. So I met with an old friend of mine, whose voice was as beautiful as the sunrise on a Slovakian morning, as sweet as Babushka's jam, and as memorable as the greatest mayonez in the world.

"Welcome to Dunkin Donuts, how may I help you."

Opa! There are many things that America does not have, and many things it does that it does not need. Dunkin Donuts, however, is perhaps the greatest thing ever created by America. That and internet pornography.

My personal driver Sergei orders for me - a mayonez donut and vodka infused coffee. After repeatedly being told his name is "Dave" and he drives for a man named "Lift", he hands me my order, which turned out to be an iced coffee and a sour cream donut. Not what I ordered, but is ok.

Dave Lift dropped me off at the docks, where I met with my partner and new best friend, Centurion...and a bunch of other people. They were renting a boat to go to Bahamas, so I said "What the blyat, ride with them. They won't mind."

I walked over to the boat, and there I heard the worst music I have ever heard in my life. No hardbass. Not even EDM. No, it is American pop music. What is this shit? Is just mindless droning. I can't even understand them blin. Ariana Grande. More like Ariana...not...not Grande.

Boris stepped on the boat, and opa! What a sight! Beautiful people, cold beer, the things a little Slav boy can only dream of. Centurion approached me, and as soon as he saw me, he said "oh, Boris! Thank you for coming, international Slav superstar! We are big fans."

Centurion: That didn't happen. At all.

GET OUT OF MY ROLEPLAY BLYAT!!

Ok, so it didn't sound exactly like that. It sounded more like "who are you? What are you doing? Get off this boat before I call police" but I say, "hey hey, is Boris, your tag team partner!" And after few minutes of sighing and mumbling, he let me stay, no problem.

Centurion is in middle of victory party. He has newly won wrestling title sitting on display, and many people on boat seem already intoxicated. My kind of people, blin! Well, they still Western spies, but they like to party!

Cent and I, we are a lot alike. We are both international superstars. We are both world travelers. We are both incredibly handsome. Ay blin, I think this is the beginning of a long friendship.

Cent told me to sit down, grab a few beers, relax, have a good time. We talk about our life, our background, our wrestling career. For example, Cent has won nearly 150 wrestling matches. Boris....eh, not so much. But that first win, opa! It will be special.

Entire time I talk to Cent, he has young, red hair woman rubbing his neck. This woman has accent. Does not sound Slav, but hey, maybe. This appears to be another thing Cent and I have in common - he likes young, attractive women, and I...like Boris.

He asks me few questions. "Boris, why you always wear ushanka, even in hot weather?" I saw "yes blin, it is because a true Slav never takes off his ushanka under any circumstances." My Babushka taught me that a cold head leads to illness. I have been wearing ushanka since I was 9, never got cold. Never got flu either, but that is likely because flu dies in Slav winter.

Cent started asking me questions about Brain O'Haire. He said I "should know things" because I "faced him already." I did not take notes blin! It is hard to take in what is happening when you are being punches in the face... repeatedly.

I tell Cent that I underestimated Brain. He may be brooding movie star, but he punches hard, and he knows how to wrestle. This isn't like broken bottle fights with a bunch of Gopniks on the streets of Poprad. You need more than strength. Brain knows what he is doing blin.

But I am not afraid. I know Brain has beaten me before, but I have something he does not have - the heart of a Slav. I also have the head of a Slav, which means a few punches to my head is not going to make Boris back down.

I tell Cent to let Boris fight Brain. I know I did not do well the last time, but things will be different this time. For one, I have partner, and no Peter Gilmour to distract me. For two, I am in Bahamas. Paradise! How can I lose blin?!

Ok, so Boris COULD lose, but I know what I am doing now. Brain is just like any other wrestler blin. He has weaknesses. He is already feeling super confident. Perhaps too confident? That will be my opportunity to strike comrades!

Brain and Boris have something in common. Neither of us should be in main event. I know I am international Slav superstar, but for my second match? Nu blyat, it does not make sense. Boris knows this, but Brain, he does not. He thinks he earned this spot. That is big difference. I know I am here to help Cent, but Brain...he thinks he is star. He will try to carry team. And that is where he will fail. Centurion is major wrestling superstar. Boris does not need to lead team to victory. Legion is wrestling veteran. But Brain, ay, he is cocky man. He is MOVIE STAR! He will need spotlight. And he will lose because of it.

I know nothing about Legion blin, other than he is veteran. Talking to Cent, he apparently was ok. Not so great, but good enough to win a few matches. Boris does not care - loser or legend, I will fight them all! Being in the ring with Legion and Cent, Boris can learn a lot. That is the real victory blin...other than the actual victory I will achieve for Slavs everywhere. To be able to learn while doing, opa!

I do not know if Legion is good guy or bad guy. If he is good guy, he must watch out for Brain. Brain is not good guy. He has very large ego. And if he finds his team losing, he will look for way out. I feel bad for Legion. This is big return for him, and he has to team with man he does not know. Who he can not trust. That is a difficult situation to be in blin. But hopefully he enjoys the beautiful weather!

It is not lost on Boris that this is a charity event. Many people in Bahamas lost their lives and their homes. It is honor to be a part of this event. Being from Eastern Europe, I have seen cities and villages destroyed by war. It is awful blyat. It is not very different than those who lose house to weather. Boris' heart is with the people of Bahamas. I hope we raise lots of money. But there is still a wrestling match, and there is still a lot of pressure on Boris. Charity or nu, this week is very important for Boris, and I must do all I achieve victory.

Cent assures me that he will take care of Legion. This I am ok with. That does not mean Boris won't throw hands if needed. Legion may be old, but I am still willing to show my super Slav strength against him! But Cent is leader of team. If he wants me to focus on Brain, I will do that. Anything to assure victory.

I admit to Cent that I am a little nervous. This is big match blin. I have only been wrestler for a few weeks. This is Boris' second match. What if I am no good? But Cent reassures me that everything will be fine. He says he has faith in me, and that he is so good, he can win on his own if need be. That is all I need to hear blin!

Cent tells me to relax, and that the boat ride to Bahamas will be pretty long. Boris does not have pretty women to keep him company, and I am not a fan of fishing, so I go below deck and grab a few beers. There is British woman, Jayslin or something, who told me to drink "the good stuff". It was imported British beer. She is fun person blin. Started talking to me no problem. The beers, opa! Very good blin! This British woman knew her stuff, and she was very funny. We had a great time.

[Image: cwkAOSk.png]

I woke up in middle of the night, very hungry. I made some Butterbrod out of some ingredients they had packed, and spent some time just thinking. Cent had just won big title. He is legend, and in midst of best run of career. I just was in first match, and I lost. If our team loses, everyone will blame Boris. I can not let my fans down. I can not let myself down. And I can not let Cent down. He has been nice to me. He didn't throw Boris into ocean when he could have. He has given me advice. He has given me beer. He is good man. He will have Boris' back, so I must have his.

Never fear...Boris is here, and it is time to start winning, comrades. The ascent of the Slav King begins now!

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