The one and only Thunder Knuckles is seen wearing a silk burgundy robe with his hairy chest somewhat exposed just above nipple level, burgundy pajama slacks, and black slippers. He’s sitting on a classy old leather armchair with a small table to his right with a stack of books as titled "In search of lost time" by Marcel Proust, "Ulysses" by James Joyce, "Don Quixote" by Miguel de Cervantes, "The Great Gatsby" by F. Scott Fitzgerald, and of course "Moby Dick" by Herman Melville. A crystal decanter of brandy and matching glass, a cigar cutter, and an ashtray with an uncut unlit cigar are also on the table. To his left a tall luxurious bronzed lamp that illuminates the room. Behind him are six bookshelves filled with books. Off to the side of one of the bookshelves is a window that is letting in the cool night breeze. Thunder Knuckles is reading from a book when he notices the cameraman.

Glad you made it! Come sit with me here. I'm just reading a book.

Thunder Knuckles points to the chair across from him to get everything in the perfect shot for the cameraman, which coincidentally was right behind the cameraman in the first place. The camera lowers slightly. The cameraman captures a good shot of the book Thunder Knuckles is reading. “Funny Jokes” by Allen Tipton.

Hardcore fatal four-way. My opponents Ezra Blackwater, Isabella Ravenwolf, and of course Shock-value Word-Salad! A round of applause for this group of troglodytes.

Thunder Knuckles starts golf clapping and then reaches slowly to his right to grab a cigar, then cutting it while saying.

Want one?

Speaking directly to the cameraman. The cameraman shakes his head and the camera as to say “no” like in a bad early nineties movie.

Your loss.

Thunder Knuckles winks to the camera as he says this. Referring to Shock-value Word-salad and smiles. He reaches in his left pocket as he folds the book over his right knee face down to get a fancy gold lighter. He proceeds to light the cigar. Then he puts the gold lighter in his pocket again and pats the pocket. He picks back up his book and unfolds it to be back right where he left off. He starts reading the book and starts talking at the same time.

What can I say really? These fools are going to the Bahamas and fighting for free, in a hardcore match no less, but everyone knows Thunder Knuckles doesn't work for free. So, Centurion coughed up some xbux but not all of what I should be getting paid for an appearance. Now I'm gonna be at Shove-it! as scheduled. So the fans in the Bahamas won't be lied to for a ticket sale. Good guy Centurion, always doing what's right for the fans.

Thunder Knuckles turns the page of the book.

By the way, did anyone tell you what happened to the last cameraman I hired?

He asks the cameraman. The cameraman shakes his head "no" again.

HAHA!... Sorry, that joke was funny!

Thunder Knuckles taps on the book with his index finger on his left hand while still reading, so the cameraman knew he was talking about the book. The cameraman doesn’t know that's not why Thunder Knuckles laughed.

Probably a good thing I suppose. Just know you're in good hands working for me son.

The cameraman seems relieved knowing his job is secured. Thunder Knuckles puts down his cigar then his book face up and grabs the crystal decanter of brandy and pours it into the matching glass. Once filled he takes a drink sits it down and grabs his cigar turns the page to continue reading his book.

To be one hundred percent honest. I still don't know who the fuck Ezra Blackwater aka Shock Nozzle is…My trainer Jimmy says he’s one of three brothers Blackwater. Considering he's perfectly fine working for free makes him by far the dumbest of the three. Cameraman, is he or brothers "famous" like Shock-value Word-salad?

The cameraman shakes his head and the camera "no" again.

Figures! Your moment in the sun is coming kid. You get to share the ring with the guy whos gonna beat Shock-value Word-salad on the fifth of October.

Thunder Knuckles sits his cigar down in the ashtray after he sits his book down on his lap face-up, as to still be reading from the book. He picks up the crystal glass of brandy, and as he takes a big drink of brandy. It sprays out of his mouth as he starts to laugh.

That's funny! Oh no. Not what's in the book...that's okay I guess...but Isabelle Ravenwolfe! That hocus pocus chick. Last time I saw her she was swimming to shore. You'd think a witch would just cast a spell to float above the water or some shit like that. Just to keep themselves from being eliminated from the MAN OVERBOARD BATTLE ROYALE. I guess the saying is true "Witches ain't shit, but hoes and tricks".

He takes another drink of brandy this time keeping it in his mouth. He picks up his cigar again and starts puffing. He turns the page.

Last but not least...Shock-value Word-salad herself. Boy, I've been waiting for this. Like Ezra Blackwater, I didn't know who the fuck she was up until recently. For someone as “famous” as her, that's gotta be a kick in the cunt right? Not knowing she had other accolades in other companies too. I'm not sure if I'm sad for her because she had to work so hard and still no one really knows who she is, or sad for them for having her.

Thunder Knuckles puffs a couple of times on his cigar. He sets his book face up on his lap in order to grab the crystal decanter of brandy, and refill the crystal glass. He then turns the page of the book.

She was talking about making predictions about how long I’ll last in XWF?

Thunder Knuckles puts down his cigar in the ashtray again. He picks up the crystal glass of brandy to take a drink. He has never once stopped reading since spewing his brandy thinking about Isabelle Ravewolfe fighting for the Federweight Championship, even when he poured his drink.

Would you like to put an xbux wager on how long I’ll last in XWF? Reach down deep into your change purse granny, because I'm all about taking your xbux even if it’s one at a time. If she's not here for xbux, then she's in the wrong place. That's all you get paid with here in XWF. Which your not even getting paid for this match, A HARDCORE MATCH, and you called ME a dumb bumpkin. If you don't need xbux, why do you still cash your checks then? Also, why be so stingy to only give me one xbuc as an insult...shiiiit! How about you insult me by giving me seventy thousand more xbux, that'll show me. Parlor tricks like that only work if you offend someone with them, but you're just adding to my bank account like you are my career and I appreciate that.

Thunder Knuckles turns the page of the book again.

Legacy? Glory? That's what people like you want and crave right?

Thunder Knuckles turns the page of the book and takes a drink of brandy.

Your Legacy, FORMER Bombshell champion. A strap only a woman can win and so irrelevant it doesn't even exist anymore, Nice!

He picks up the crystal glass of brandy to take another big drink.

Sarah Lacklin, VV, and Gamer Girl want real championships, not barbie titles. Made up, for now-FORMER hot chicks. A FORMER manager of a former Universal Champion...WOW! I got booked on Shove-it! and one of my very first opponents on this show is a FORMER nobody who made her name hiding behind a somebody, and , after her cancerous personality killed the poor bastard, she’s trying to make a livin’ off of his achievements. You can’t just Engineer the story she's trying to sell unless of course, you’ve worked for Fox News. Oh! God knows that her “winning” of BigD’s Federweight championship was BULLSHIT too, because after I reviewed the tape of the match with a hand counter. She totally violated the rules, pre sidebar no less, and should have been DQ'd. Not That I care at least you were something once. Beating a guy like BigD for the truly historic Federweight Championship, of all belts, I’d wear it better than him. It would be like stealing his xbux.

He begins mockingly saying while bobbing his head, contorting his arms like a mental defective and speaking as such. The cigar in the right hand between his middle finger and index finger and stabilizing it with his thumb. The book is being shaken around in his left like a true tard without control.

I’m BigD durhur, I'm sure he needs that money to fix the plumbing in his trailer, duhhurr, so I'll tell ya what? Here's some X-Bux, duhhur, because I feel bad and money isn't an issue for me. Obviously, you need it more than I do.”

Wow Champ! You really reached deep into your wallet! If “money isn't an issue”. One thousand xbux.

Thunder knuckles shakes his head in disgust.

Looks like money IS an issue for the X-treme Champion, because I'd have shut up for ten thousand. I bet Krystal is glad you saved your xbux, seeing as you didn't get the job done in the MAN OVERBOARD BATTLE ROYALE.

Thunder Knuckles gives a jerk-off hand motion and chuckles to himself because the brandy got him off subject. He turns the page again after taking a drink.

How fast they fall, when they fall eh? Or is it, how fast a dipshit like me is rising. I know. I know. Things get fuzzy in your advancing age Shock-value Word-salad, I understand that. The same thing is happening to Ol’ Thunder Knuckles' grandfather. Very sad indeed. She says shes forgotten more about being successful than I’ll ever know or some simple shit like that. Don’t let that fool ya folks! That's the beginning stages of Alzheimer's kicking in. She's been trying to hide it for years now. Anyone who’s had to deal with that can see it early.

Thunder Knuckles folds the book over his knee face down again to fill the crystal glass from the crystal decanter a final time, but leaving the crystal glass on the table. He stubs out his cigar in the ashtray.

Your recent Glory, winning A 24/7 championship for what? Just to get embarrassed by Thunder Knuckles? A guy who has only been in this company long enough to scratch his nuts in a promo. As far as being remembered goes. I don't need to be remembered. That shit is for “FORMER” champions. Speaking of which it sounds like Shock-value Word-salad is synonymous with the word “FORMER”. Has anyone else noticed that? Or is it just me?

Thunder Knuckles picks up the crystal glass and takes another big drink. He begins chuckling and doing spooky hand gestures because Isabelle Ravenwolfe popped in his head.

Maybe I am just in over my head...but...if I were champion I’d never forget the basic rules of ‘rasslin and wouldn't need to be reminded by the guy pinning me to kick out. I'm not surprised though Shock-value Word-Salad is used to being on her back for prolonged periods of time with big men on top of her.

Thunder knuckles coughs and violently clears his throat.

Damn brandy and cigars. They say this shit'll kill ya.

He shakes his head to shake off another cough and takes a smaller drink this time.

Come on ya old maid! You should hang’em up after you lose to a guy of my caliber. The fact this has to be settled on Shove-it! with two other people should be a sign for you. You can go back to parts unknown with Isabelle Ravenwolfe now, and remember who sent you there. By the way, this is for the fans of XWF watching at home. Parts unknown is just a way of saying you're from Michigan. I get it though who the fuck wants to be from Michigan! You can’t even drink the water there!

He takes just a sip of brandy from the crystal glass after noticing the crystal decanter of brandy is empty.

As for me telling these poor bastards what I'm gonna do to them under hardcore rules. That's not gonna happen. That's why you turn into Shove-it! and see what happens when Thunder Knuckles get a weapon in his hands. See! Money well spent Centurion, I even plugged the damn show. Thunder Knuckles puts asses in seats. AND I'm drunk. Good job!

Thunder Knuckles picks up his drink and finishes it. He crosses his left leg over his right leg closing the book and placing it on his lap. He then folds his hands and places them atop the book. Trying not to be drunk.



Before I go though, I got a joke for someone special watching tonight. You know who you are.

Thunder knuckles winks again at the camera. This time flashing an obnoxiously drunk smile.




















Knock-knock?
Who’s there?
Shock-Value Word-salad.
Shock-value Word-salad who?
Shock-value Word-salad now the FORMER Federweight Champion!

Thunder Knuckles whos looking oddly suspicious, reaches to his left and pulls the string on the lamp and the room goes dark for about a minute. Then you hear a man from the other room...




Honey! Have you seen my gold lighter? What the hell! CALL THE COPS I THINK SOMEONE BROKE IN!

The light flips on. The cameraman, who is now standing after hearing what the person from down the hallway had said. The cameraman stands up and turns around. He sees an older gentleman, The older gentleman grabs a gun near the entrance to the room. While the older gentleman was grabbing the gun the cameraman had already turned back around and saw the window by the bookshelves and Thunder Knuckles whos already outside.

Throw me the camera dip shit! Let’s get the fuck outta here!

The cameraman tosses Thunder Knuckles the camera. After the camera was tossed to Thunder Knuckles, you now see the cameraman dart for the window, his long blonde hair trailing behind him. He makes it halfway out the window. Just before you hear...

















BANG!

The camera is now being shaken around, like when people are running for their lives in all those shitty Blair Witch movies. Then you hear dogs barking, a home security alarm going off, and Thunder Knuckles with adrenaline coursing through his veins. He's a bit winded and he's had too much to drink. He's also thinking to himself, I shouldn't have wasted my time talking about BigD, now another cameraman is dead. Just a complete waste of time.

** heavy breathing** Fucking **heavy breathing** camera **heavy breathing** guys!