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**"Loverboy" Vinnie Lane** · (09-13-2019)

LIVE!!!

FROM THE FORD AMPHITHEATER AT CONEY ISLAND IN BROOKLYN, NEW YORK!

Barney Green
- vs -
Mini Morbid
Coney Island Catastrophe Match!

The match begins with a hot dog eating contest with whoever swallows more franks in two minutes being able to use the SECRET WEAPON hidden under a cloth at ringside during the match!

Rebel Star
- vs -
Ruby

Mastermind
- vs -
Mercury
Brighton Beach Brawl!

This match takes place in the sand of Coney Island's famous beach!

The Sick Cunts
(Fuzz & Noah Jackson)
- vs -
T.H.U.G.S.
(John Black & Tommy Wish)

Zane Norrison
- vs -
Big D

FOR THE INTERNET CHAMPIONSHIP

Bobbi London
- vs -
Vita Valenteen
Internet Rules Match!

Lights and pyro pop off as Anarchy hits the airwaves! All the NYC guidos in attendance go OFF, especially recently freed from prison douchebag MIKE "THE SITUATION" SORRENTINO!

[Image: the-situation.jpg?quality=90&strip=all&w...410&crop=1]

What a dipshit!

The camera finds Vinnie Lane sitting at his announce desk like usual, but dressed like he's ready to hit the beach! By which I mean he's wearing a full scuba suit. Vin's weird.

Vinnie Lane: "Welcome to ANARCHY!!! We are NADS DEEP in New York City, where everyone looks exactly like Keith Hernandez! Hope you strapped yourselves in because tonight we are going to see an INTERNET TITLE MATCH in our main event!"

Barney Green
- vs -
Mini Morbid
Coney Island Catastrophe Match!

The lights go out…the crowd screams with anticipation for who is to enter! The rhythmic drumming sounding like a battle march gets louder. The lights slowly come on turning the arena red.

Double bass starts drilling as Aeon’s - God Gives Head in Heaven roars over the loud speakers!

Mni Morbid Angel storms from the backstage area and flexes his massive arms for the crowd who screams with excitement!

Mini Morbid stomps down to the ring and steps over to the top rope and walks to the center of the ring and flexes again!

Vinnie Lane: “I’m so happy to see this little guy. I wish he was my teddy bear, but he’d probably try to have sex with all of Roxy’s collector edition Barbies and fight all my old He-Man figures…”

"Like A Prayer" by Madonna starts to play through out the arena as fans start to cheer slightly. A black Jeep, driven by John Lauriniaits, appears at the top of the ramp slowly driving forward as we see Barney Green standing in the back waving the Irish Flag. The jeep stops and Green leaps out of it. He waves the flag one last time and places it back into the Jeep. He walks down the ramp and high fives a couple fans. He enters the ring and waits in the corner as the music fades.

Vinnie Lane: “And here’s the all new Barney Green, fresh off a hell of a fight last time against XWF legend Fuzz… he didn’t get that win but he turned a lot of heads! Especially with that new jazzercised physique! Go Barn! Let’s get physical!”

The bell sounds as Barney and Mini both have taken their seats at matching tables across the ring from each other. The piles of hot dogs in front of them seem insurmountable to a typical human being, but these men are not normal! Barney slams his face into the tabletop and comes up with an engorged mouth looking like Slimer from Ghostbusters with a half dozen dogs in his gob.

Mini has grabbed two handfuls of hot dog and crushed them into a meat slurry, then sucked them down in almost no time at all! Not to be outdone, Barney stuffs even more wieners into his eager, eager mouth, probably imagining they’re tranny dongs. It works! The links slide down his willing throat and panic comes over the eyes of Mini Morbid.

Mini pulls a blender out from under his table, setting it to liquefy and piling in a dozen or so hot dogs. As he swallows his original batch, the blender turns these new ones into a drinkable smoothie, and Mini sucks it down with much aplomb!

Barney stands up, not messing around anymore. He leans his head back and starts tossing the franks into the air where they drop into his open gullet like lawn darts onto an unsupervised toddler. Not a gag reflex in sight for ol’ Barney! He closes the gap with Mini, and they are neck
and neck with only a few hot dogs left to go!

Vinnie Lane: “Hold up, what was that sound? Like a lap band stretching to capacity?”

Indeed. Why was that incredibly specific guess correct? Who knows! Barney Green grabs at his torso and waves off the official, he’s consumed as much cylindrical meat as his stomach can handle… but Mini Morbid isn’t done! He’s at his last hot dog, and it is physically stuck in the logjam of other sausages fighting for space within his Mini Esophagus! Mini punches himself in the face to ram it further in, but it’s still sticking out a quarter inch… he grabs the table… AND SLAMS IT INTO HIS MUSH! The hot dog is driven down his neck and into his guts! Mini has won the preliminary portion of this match, and gets to use the weapon at ringside!

Vinnie Lane: “I’ve got your reward right here, little dude! Hop on over!”

Mini Morbid stumbles out of the ring and drags himself onto Vinnie’s announce booth, clearly in a meat-induced stupor. His little belly is all engorged and a lot of odd sounds are coming out of him.

“GIVE IT TO ME IT IS MY RIGHT!”

Vinnie Lane: “OKAY! Jeez, dude, calm down… here you go!”

Vinnie hands over the cloth covered item, and Mini whips off the cover to reveal… a leaf blower? Yeah, that’s what it is. What an odd choice. I didn’t think this through.

“WHAT THE BEDEVILED CRAP IS THIS??”

Vinnie Lane: “You heard him, dude, I didn’t think it through! Go, like, hit Barney with it! It’ll hurt, probably.”

Mini grabs the leaf blower and looks at it, then seems to get an idea. You can tell because midgets are basically cartoons, and when one gets an idea a light bulb literally pops up over its head. That’s what happens, but Mini’s light bulb is BLOOD FUCKING RED!!! Also it’s one of the LED types because he cares about the environment.

Mini gets the blower and turns to leave, but then he looks green in the gills. He turns toward Vinnie again and opens his mouth to say something, probably vulgar and loud, but then simply projectile vomits a gallon or two of partially digested hot dog goo all over the announce table. The fans eat it up, not literally. Vinnie is in shock and just watches with wide eyes that will probably be filled with trichina worms here in a minute if he doesn’t wipe that shit off his face. Ah there he goes. Found a use for that bandanna finally. Good.

Anyway, Mini rushes back into the ring to swing the blower at Barney, but he hits the end of the extension cord and falls over, letting Barney get hold of the landscaping instrument.

Vinnie Lane: “Remember, Barney can get DQ’ed for using that as a weapon, not Mini though! I made this VERY confusing!”

Rather than hit Mini with the blower, Barney just ties him up with the cord! He wraps him up like he’s spooling a hose back onto one of those… hose… spooling... wheels. Not Goggling the real name. OKAY! So, Mini is all coiled up and Barney grabs him, then starts rolling the little guy up and down like a yo-yo!

Vinnie Lane: “Why didn’t I get a cordless version? They were on sale and everything!”

Barney nails a perfect cat’s cradle.

Vinnie Lane: “Oh sweet! Rad form, Barno!”

Barney finally drops Mini down to the mat, but Mini scrambles away, kicking Barn in his nose as Green tries to bend over and grab him. Mini gets the leaf blower and switches it on! Then he slams the nozzle or whatever (again not Googling) right up the backside of Barney’s extremely loose basketball shorts! There’s a hollow THUMP as something gets sucked into the leaf blower, because that little rascal figured out a way to switch it flow backwards.

Vinnie Lane: “Folks I might have bought a shopvac. My bad. Figure something out, Barney! We don’t want a televised prolapse! Again!”

Barney struggles, and eventually does the only thing he can think of… he bears down on the reverse-blower and passes as much gas as he can manage. The engine sputters to a stop.

Vinnie Lane: “We are totally getting cancelled.”

Mini keeps trying to restart the blower/vacuum, yanking on the pullcord to get it going again like a middle aged suburban dad trying to finish mowing his lawn. No dice. Barney wiggles his anus free and the power tool(?) falls harmlessly to the mat. Barney then grabs Mini in a powerslam! A wrestling move!

Barney hooks a leg!

1!

2!!

3!!!

Winner by Pinfall - Barney Green

Vinnie Lane: “HE DID IT! SWEET JESUS BARNEY GREEN HAS WON ON ANARCHY!”

Rebel Star
- vs -
Ruby

Okay

So

That Barney and Mini match was

Well

It was a thing?

I guess?

Lets just say that out of ALL of the matches in the 20 year history of XWF, that was one of them.

Oh shit! Pink fireworks! EVERYWHERE! Its like Pinkie Pie pulled a Roxy and squirted out so much sweet nectar that even Abraxa has to give props! Once the people at Coney Island can see again, they are treated to the Blue-Haired Wonder, the Rebel Without a Win in 2019, the Apple of Some Gross Old Dude’s Eye, Rebel Star walking through the curtain. She’s got one of those sarcastic sneers on her face as she walks down the aisle, totally oblivious to the screaming fans...? Wait...wait...is she a good guy or bad guy? I mean, seriously, the New Yorker fans are going nuts, with even some of the boys swooning, but she’s just giving them the ol’ bitch face? She’s ascending the steps, or whatever, but listen, I’m really confused here. Is this like back in the day when Ahmed Johnson would be all Mr Intensity and no-sell the fans even though he was supposed to be a good guy? And after getting some weird responses he had to cut this one promo (probably on Superstars) to explain that he was SO INTENSE that he is just focused on his opponent and NO REALLY, I’M A GOOD GUY and stuff? I mean, sure, Vinnie’s probably the only person that is going to get this reference and-

Vinnie Lane: “GIRLS JUST WANNA HAVE FU-UN! OH GIRLS...THEY WANNA HAVE FUUUU-UUUUN!”

Sorry! Sorry!

RUBY RUBY RUBY

Fans go NUTS for the Super Dear’O and Ruby TOTALLY gives it back to them by...calmly walking out on the ramp. Oh, FFS, Rubes. Put the damn mask back on, already! Seriously, this whole “I’m just calmly walking down the ramp” thing is boring-as-flame and we REALLY miss Vinnie being all “WHO’S THAT JUMPIN’ OUT THA SKY?!” during your entrance. And the kids! The kids TOTALLY miss you doing things like high fives and throwing streamers and-

sigh

DING! DING! DING!

Ruby and Rebel circle one another for a moment but then Ruby does exactly what we know she’s going to do and extends her hand for a handshake. But unlike previous opponents, whose disposition lean far closer to the Chaotic side of the box, Rebel extends her hand in return and shakes it! About five or six people cheer the show of sportsmanship because literally everyone else in the building wanted to see some kind of dastardly attack. But they end up circling instead for a few seconds before lunging forward and coming together in a collar-and-elbow tie-up. The two jockey for position for a few seconds and then the taller Rebel...that’s taller respectively and not actually tall, of course...is able to press downward and push Ruby to her knees. Rebel smiles in satisfaction but then her eye open in surprise as Ruby intentionally drops to her pancake-thin booty, and we mean like super thin crepes and not, like, a half stack of fluffy buttermilk flapjacks from IHOP, ya see, and then she swings her legs out to the side, spinning on said super duper flat butt, and breaks the lock. She then pushes herself forward and into a roll, coming back up to her feet and turning around with her arms out wide.

Wow! Talk about flippy-dippy-spinny athleticism! The crowd applauds Ruby’s coolio skills...and so does Rebel! The Blue Meanie and the Grayed-Out Banana Lime Girl come together again with a tie-up, but this time Ruby drops to one knee, slides behind Rebel, and takes her in a rear waist lock. But, like, I don’t mean “takes” her from behind, or anything, because Rebel’s spoken for and I’m pretty sure Ruby’s a virgin. Not for lack of trying, of course, because we all know Ruby is a closet hoe; its just that no one is interested, ya see what I mean? Man, I hope Rubes doesn’t end up swinging for her own team, if you catch my meaning. Seriously, its sad enough that just about EVERY female wrestling in 2019 turns out to be homosexual, and also usually in an open or even straight up polyamorous relationship, so I would really rather not have to think of Ruby in that-

Vinnie Lane: “GIRLS JUST WANNA HAVE FU-UN! OH GIRLS”

SORRY!

Shit, where was I? Oh damn! Ruby is on the top rope and Rebel is out on the mat! She’s busted open and her blue hair is turned pink and Ruby is setting herself up for the Ruby in the Rough! What the hell happened? Hold on, lemme go check on YouTube real quick. Like, remember in Spaceballs when they did that spot with the video of the movie coming out before the movie is actually finished being made? Basically that. I know bossman is laughing his ass off right now, but Ruby is probably gonna DM me to ask what the hell I’m talking about and Rebel-

Oh snap! There was a TON of action I missed! This was a KILLER match, man! Back-and-forth action that featured a LOT of high-impact moves! There is this killer dropkick exchange where Rebel first blasted Ruby and then rose her arms up for the crowd, but then Ruby kipped up and hit HER with a dropkick and then SHE gestured to the crowd. But then REBEL kips up and goes for a dropkick...but then so does Ruby! They dropkick each other and fall to the mat and the crowd LOSES it!

Oh! Oh! Later on? Rebel CRUSHES Ruby with this badass combo. Like, she catches Ruby in an armwringer, right? And she’s all SLAM! Pulls down on the arm! And as Ruby is trying her best to NOT have her shoulder ripped from its socket, Ruby pulls her in with a short-arm clothesline and BOOM! Down she goes. But then Rebel pulls her back up to her feet and hooks her up from the side and then WOOSH! Russian Leg Sweep! Or “NECKBREAKER!” as Gorilla would say. But she doesn’t stop there! She STILL holds onto the arm and then rolls backward and up onto her feet and then jumps down with a legdrop onto Ruby’s arm! Ouch! Man, I gotta remember that one!

Lets see….if we fast forward...ah! There it is! Rebel sends Ruby into the ropes and then leaps as she rebounds, throwing her legs out in front of her, looking to spike the (currently maskless) hero with the Ode to Your Suffering, but Ruby holds onto the ropes and Rebel slams down hard. Ruby then runs at the downed Rebel and leaps into the air and comes crashing down with the heel of her boot straight onto Rebel’s nose! BOOM! Blood EVERYWHERE! The ref...I never remember which one’s which...I just know its not the hot black chick...checks on Rebel and is all “Do you wanna quit?” and she’s all “NO! NO! NO!” and blood is just kinda getting everywhere and up in her hair and on the mat and everything. Almost makes that Kumite match from a couple of months ago look tame! And then Rebel gets to her feet, fighting off the pain, and then BLAM!

RUBY CUTTAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH because I’m a puro fan. Hey, who do you think uses the best cutter in wrestling, anyway? It’s, like, the most over-used move outside of the superkick, which, like, 50 people use these days, and I bet we could have a killer poll on who uses it best. My vote is on-

Vinnie Lane: “GIRLS JUST WANNA”

SORRY!

Oh shit! We’re live! Ruby is on top of the ropes and she LEAPS down onto Rebel, bringing her knees up to her chest and pushing them downward with a double stomp! Rebel looks up through the blood in her eyes and they widen as Ruby comes crashing down and slams her feet into her gut! Ruby’s knees buckle and Rebel’s face contorts in pain from the force of the fall and

Hmmmm

I wonder how much force that was? Lets see...Ruby is 130 lbs...and the ropes around about five feet tall...lets assume that Ruby can spring up a couple of feet vertically...ya know what, lets say three...so that’s 8 feet from highest point to Ruby’s tummy...okay, now we need to solve for force...hold on, lemme head over to Khan Academy and-

“GIRLS”

SORRY!

Ruby makes the cover and

1!

2!!

3!!!

Winner by Pinfall - Ruby

Vinnie Lane: “I should have sang Katy Perry instead. More my range. Next time!”

Mastermind
- vs -
Mercury
Brighton Beach Brawl!

This match takes place in the sand of Coney Island's famous beach!

Vinnie Lane: "Oh man THIS is what I’ve been looking forward to all night! It’s going to be a real classic here, folks, maybe one of the most memorable matches… hold on… the production truck is telling me we have an emergency on the beach! Take us there live Big Todd Moschitti!”

The scene switches to Todd in his custom made skull beanie, a soaked-through black tank top, and a huge pair of Jams. Every inch of exposed skin is lathered in sunscreen.

Todd: “Vinnie a couple minutes ago a kid peeing in the ocean made the horrifying discovery… MERCURY IS FLOATING FACE DOWN IN THE SURF! Look!”

He points, and we see Mercury’s limp body shifting around in the tide. He looks way dead. BUT THEN SOMETHING AMAZING HAPPENS!

IT’S MASTERMIND! HE’S COMING TO SAVE MERCURY!!!

Vinnie Lane: "Mastermind is SUCH a nice guy! He’s dragged Mercury out of the water and his applying chest compressions! And mouth to mouth! MERCURY COUGHED UP THE WATER IN HIS LUNGS! HE’S ALIVE!!!”

Winner by Pinfall - Mastermind

Vinnie Lane: "Kinda rude of referee Mika Hunt to count that CPR as a pinfall, but rules are rules I guess. Plus she looks rad in that ref striped bikini!”

The Sick Cunts
(Fuzz & Noah Jackson)
- vs -
T.H.U.G.S.
(John Black & Tommy Wish)

When the scene finally comes back from the many, many, MANY beach chicks fawning over Mastermind for his physique and heroism, we see that the Sickest Cunts have already come to the ring.

Vinnie Lane: "These two have formed quite the bond recently... I think they've got a bright future, as long as they stop being dickheads!"

Vinnie Lane: "And here comes Tommy Wish and John Black, the THUUUUUUGS! Did you know that word was racist now too? What a world we live in, dude! Aw man, I can't help it, I gotta crank that..."

Vinnie does in fact do the Soulja Boi while the crowd laughs. Thankfully the music ends after not too long and he sits back down, ashamed.

All four men are in the ring. Noah insists on starting first as Fuzz rests his arms on the top rope. John Black starts for T.H.U.G.S.

Vinnie Lane: "Tommy Wish and John Black seem to have had enough and have banded together in some form of anti-authority type thing. Meanwhile, the team of Sick Cunts lost to Kenzi and Lacklan... That is all."

DING! DING! DING!

Noah Jackson and John Black meet in the center of the ring and square off.

Vinnie Lane: "Last time Jackson and Black were in the ring, Noah walked away with the win. Could this time be different?"

Quick as a flash Jackson rakes Black's eyes and stomps down on his foot. Black blindly hops on one leg in the ring, groaning in pain, Noah laughs.

"DAD! I just gave John Black an angry pirate!"

Fuzz gives a slow thumbs up as Lane sighs on commentary.

Vinnie Lane: "God I hope this time is different."

Noah gleefully then knocks Black to the mat with a spinning heel kick! He then looks back to Fuzz and gives a knowing nod. Fuzz stealthily begins to remove the padding of the top turnbuckle as Noah lifts Black to his feet. Jackson give a gut punch to Black and pushes him against the ropes before whipping him towards the corner but Black plants his feet and spins hurling The Pride of Australia right into the exposed turnbuckle!

Fuzz flinches as Noah's head crashes against the steel and The Vegemite of Wrestling falls to the mat. Black shakes the cobwebs and grabs Noah's arms, dragging him across the canvas towards Wish. Tommy claps Black's back and becomes the legal man as Black sets Noah in a seated position in the corner.

Black and Wish then take turns stomping mudholes into Jackson until the ref forcefully pushes both men away. Noah is crumpled in the corner. Wish paces the ring giving Fuzz a death glare on the way before turning back and running against the corner and planting two boots into Top Cunt's perfect jawline!

Wish rolls up to his feet as Jackson lays still on the canvas. Tommy grabs Noahs arm and leg and drags him away from the ropes before attempting a cover.

1!

2!!

Fuzz leans through the ropes.

KICKOUT!

Jackson gets a shoulder up and crawls to the outside, landing with a thud. Tommy throws a thumb back towards Fuzz and Black gives a nod, skirting around the ring to get himself between his partner and his opponent. Fuzz rolls his eyes and stomps his way into the ring only to be blocked by the ref. Jackson stumbles to the barricade and hangs his arms over. Tommy slides out and grabs Noah's back only for The Melbourne Motormouth to swing back wildly a bottle of beer into Wish's temple!

Vinnie Lane: "WOAH! Not cool! Don't sneak your own food and drinks in here man, rude!"

The bottle smashes to pieces as Tommy stumbles back with a trickle of blood flowing down his soaked face. The Cult of UnPersonality shakes his head dazed from the blow. Fuzz inside the ring throws up his arms and backs away from the ref towards his corner. Black on the apron launches himself and knocks Jackson down with a flying clothesline!

Black checks on his partner as Noah reels on the outside. The T.H.U.G.S gather themselves and each grab Noah at either side, all the way being admonished by the ref. They lift Jackson before charging his lower back into the apron. Noah lets out a winded groan before hes forced into the ring, the ref giving the two an earful. Wish rolls into the ring and tags Black back in, dabbing the blood on his temple as he goes to the apron.

Black grabs the scruff of Noah's neck and goes to lift him but in an act of desperation, Jackson schoolboys Black!!!

1!

2!!

KICKOUT!!!!

The two roll away from each other and Noah takes advantage of Black's surprise as the Aussie Assblaster springs towards his corner and gets the tag!

The crowd pop as the fresh Fuzz runs into the ring. Taking down Black with a hell of a clothesline!

He goes to the apron and blocks Wish with a forearm!

Fuzz goes against the ropes as Black hurries to his feet only to be knocked down by a big boot!

Fuzz cracks his neck before lifting Black back up to his feet and then raising him high into the air.

Vinnie Lane: "Textbook stalling brainbuster from Fuzz! I bet he's only stalling because he forgot what to do next..."

The Afterthought plants Black's brain hard onto the mat and transitions into the cover!

1!

2!!

TH-BROKEN UP BY TOMMY WISH!

A hard elbow lands on the back of Fuzz's neck from high. Fuzz cradles his neck as he goes to his back. Tommy Wish shrugs off the ref and plants a stiff boot down on Fuzz's neck before returning to his corner. Still fresh but in pain Fuzz gets to his feet first, a hand on his throat. He gives Black a punt in the gut to stir him before looking to his partner who is prone on the apron trying to catch his breath.

Black crawls to the ropes and tries to pick himself up but is stopped short by Fuzz who grabs John under the chin and takes him away from the ropes. Fuzz lifts the full 292 pounds of John Black up once more into a powerbomb and begins to run to the corner BUT Black throws his weight back and hurls Fuzz into the turnbuckle!

Black crawls and leaps for the tag!

Wish is in!

Tommy charges Fuzz against the turnbuckle and jumps high hoping to land two knees into the back BUT the ring veteran rolls back under Wish and gets to his feet. Wish turns only to receive a boot to the chops!

Tommy bounces off the turnbuckles and slowly rebounds into Fuzz's waiting arms...

Vinnie Lane: "THE AFTERTHOUGHT!"

Fuzz perfectly hits his roll of the dice and goes for the cover!

1!

Black stirs and runs into the ring!

2!!

Jackson goes to intercept!

Vinnie Lane: "CRACK THE SHITS TO JOHN BLACK!"

Noah Jackson nails the one-legged dropkick to Black and sends him sailing through the ropes!

3!!!

Winners by Pinfall - The Sickest C-Words

Zane Norrison
- vs -
Big D

Vinnie Lane: “There’s Zane Norrison. No one’s really sure how he manages to get to the ring, but he keeps getting there.”

Vinnie Lane: “Big D does pretty generic poses when entering, doesn't really give fives or shake hands, mostly just focuses on the ring and the match ahead.. Aw crap I wasn’t supposed to say that out loud. Let’s just watch him.”

Big D does pretty generic poses when entering, doesn't really give fives or shake hands, mostly just focuses on the ring and the match ahead.

Both men start in their respective corners.

Vinnie Lane: "Big D's had some Big Luck as of late. Big Wins against Big Stars in Big Matches and err I'll stop now. Meanwhile, Zane is... Zane! Damn, where did I put my latte? I need a pick me up."

A long sniff is heard at the commentary booth.

Vinnie Lane: "WOO! Ring that bell Nip!"

DING! DING! DING!

Big D with a big head of steam charges from his corner and splashes Zane against the turnbuckles. Norrison crumples in the corner and D shoves a hard knee into the zombie's dome. Zane falls to the mat covering his cranium as Big D grabs the ropes at either side of him and throws himself up in the air and falls down hoping to plant two knees into Zane but Norrison rolls to the outside just in the nick of time and D crashes to the mat.

Zane stands beside the apron and grabs Big D's arm, pulling it under the ropes and smashing it against the steel turnbuckle. Big D rolls on the mat in pain clutching his elbow. Zane slides back into the ring and shows his teeth for a moment before remembering thats a bad idea. Tone down the infection. Instead, Zane takes D's arm and raises up before throwing it back down with a loud crack! Norrison then stamps down on the inside of the elbow and turns his heel before stepping over Big D howling in pain.

Vinnie Lane: "Big D being smart and aiming for the head at the start while Zane is aiming for the arm. Possibly to weaken BigD's crossface? Or maybe I'm reading too much into this... Where did I put my latte again?"

Zane hits the ropes as Big D sits up and on the rebound Norrison takes Big D's head clean off (not literally) with a low dropkick! Big D is flat on the canvas and Zane kips up, sprinting to the ropes and springboarding off!

Vinnie Lane: "DON'T FEAR THE REAPER! THIS EARLY!?"

Too early in fact!

Big D raising his knees and Zane crashes his ribs against Big D, bouncing off and reeling in agony. Zane rolls to the ropes and begins to pick himself up but Big D is right on top of him, grabbing Zane and hurling back with a bridging German suplex! The ref slides in to make the count!

1

2

KICKOUT!

The pair roll away from each other and get back to their feet, Zane wobbles slightly holding the back of his neck. Big D closes the gap but Zane pushes D away and he bounces off the ropes; returning with a flying clothesline which knocks the zombie to the canvas. Zane rolls onto his stomach and launches up from a sprinter's start and rocks the Xtreme Champ with a deadly uppercut! Big D is dazed and stumbles back and Zane takes advantage lifting and dropping the speaker of the cold truth with a side suplex! D drops to the mat like a sack of potatoes and Zane mounts Big D to throw some potatoes of his own.

Zane throws hook after hook against Big D's skull until finally D telegraphs a strike and grabs Norrison's arm, wrenching it in a way an arm should not bend. Big D then positions himself up and guides Zane away; D goes around to Norrison's back and wrenches the arm tighter as Zane winces in pain; Big D then places his boot on the back of Zane's knee and stomps down, keeping a foot on his calf whilst keeping the arm hold locked in tight. BigD then uses his spare arm and wraps it under Zane's chin before snapping back in a reverse DDT motion. A loud crack is heard as Norrison fumbles to the canvas in agony, BigD gets some impressed cheers as he stands back to his feet.

Vinnie Lane: "That was pretty cool dude!"

But Zane punches the canvas and begins to lift himself.

Vinnie Lane: "But should have focused on the head."

Zane launches up at BigD with a forearm to the throat, rocking Big D back into the corner. Zane places a hand around D's throat as he throws a stiff punch into D's nose while choking the life out of Big D with the other.

The ref stands between the two and counts to 5, forcing Zane to release and pushes him away from a gasping Dan. Zane paces the ring as the ref admonishes him, he grabs his neck and goes low, trying to get rid of some of the pain. Big D grasps the ropes to raise himself to his feet.

Zane pushes the ref aside and rolls to the outside going to the timekeeper and taking the Xtreme title before sliding back into the ring. The ref yells at an enraged Zane but to no avail.

Zane aims his blow but the ref stands in between both competitors.

Zane looks to the ref...

And then to a charging Big D!

With a hellacious clothesline he clatters the ref in the back by accident and knocks the Xtreme title into Zane, crashing him to the mat.

Zane tries to shake the cobwebs BUT!

Vinnie Lane: "It's the worst named finisher in the world BIG D FACE CRUNCHER!!!!"

Big D locks in the crossface!

Zane howls in agony as the ref retains his bearings!

Veins pop from Big D's temples as his weakened arm struggles to keep the hold locked.

Zane's hand hovers above the mat.

He reaches for the ropes!!!

But falls short!!!

And...

Vinnie Lane: "Zane taps!!!" ZANE TAPS!!! Zombies feel pain or at least get real tired of weedstench! OH MY GOD ZANE’S ZOMBIE HEAD POPPED RIGHT OFF!!!"

The ref finally regains consciousness and throws a slow hand for the bell.
Vinnie Lane: "What a win by the reigning X-Treme Champion! We are ALL Big D’s right now!"

Winner by…. DQ?????? Zane Norrison?

Vinnie Lane: "I’m getting word that the official has DISQUALIFIED Big D for decapitating Zane! That’s ridiculous! Man, those old timers were right, this place has CHANGED!”

FOR THE INTERNET CHAMPIONSHIP

Bobbi London
- vs -
Vita Valenteen
Internet Rules Match!

“The Sickest C*nt” by Enkay1er begins to play as the lights turn up all through the arena.

The XWF Internet Champion walked from the back with a confident smirk on her face. She paused at the top of the ramp to drink in the crowd response, then pulled out a microphone and proceeded to roast the opposition.

“Hey, YO! Vita, yous say yous can kick me ass?;
The day yous beat me will be my bloody well last!
I won’t lose me title, so I’s puttin’ yous ass on blast;
I’s walkin’ out the champ, yous getting’ carried out lass!”

“I’s ‘eard yous got a ‘ot date with Noah, so I’s will beat yous quick;
I’s hate to be the reason yous missed giving ‘is knob a lick!
If yous nice, after it’s over I’s won’t bother being a prick;
But don’t think for a single moment yous tricked a cunt that sick!”

Bobbi dropped the microphone as she rolled into the ring, ready to do battle, but then Vita Valenteen rushes in with her 24/7 briefcase and cracks her upside the head from OUTTA NOWHERE!

”VITA VALENTEEN JUST BLINDSIDED BOBBI LONDON WITH HER 24/7 CASE!”

Vita continues the assault wildly stomping and kicking as Bobbi fails to block the incoming blows. VV violently throws the case down. It hits Bobbi squad in the back of the head, causing a small amount of blood to dye her hair red. VV struggles to pull Bobbi up to her feet and whips her into the steel steps! The crowd begins to stir as more and more of them turn their attention to the entrance way.

”VITA BETTER RUN BECAUSE MAD MAXINE IS ON THE SCENE!”

Maxine comes charging down the ramp at full speed, Vita takes notice and quickly retreats around the ring, keeping her eyes on Maxine, who doesn’t pursue, but instead moves in to check on Bobbi. Maxine glares at VV who with the ring between them, feels confident enough to taunt and trash talk Maxine and Bobbi. Maxine snarls, you can tell that she wants nothing more than to chase that skinny bitch down and break her in two, but that’ll have to be later, instead she helps Bobbi up to her feet. Maxine throws Bobbi’s arm over her neck and grabs the Internet Title in her free hand before leading her up the ramp like a wounded soldier. By the time they reach the top of the stage, Bobbi seems to come to and shoves shove’s Maxine away from her, nearly losing her balance and toppling over in the process.

”Maxine was just trying to help, but Bobbi isn’t having any of it!”

Bobbi cradles the back of her head where her long blond hair is now stained a crimson red. She notices the Internet championship in Maxines hand and snatches away from her! She yells at Maxine before angrily staggering backstage, still off balance from that vicious attack from Vita. Confused, Maxine shrugs her shoulders and chases after her as both women disappear behind the curtain.

”These two are set to compete for the Internet Championship at Relentless and it seems that Bobbi London is in D-T-A mode dudes!”

Meanwhile back at ringside, it seems that Vita Valenteen has entered the ring, and she mas a live microphone in hand!

”Let’s cut straight to the chase, SARAH, GET OUT HERE!”

”Vita’s calling Sarah out, but she HAS TO KNOW that she’s not at the arena tonight!”

VV paces around the ring in a huff as the majority of the crowd turn their attention to the stage and wait with bated breath.

”Oh yeah, that’s right, Sars took a personal day! Well that’s not going to stop me from saying what I have to say! Sarah, your reign over Anarchy is coming to an end! I’m the star here, I’m the main attraction, I’m the SUPERIOR IN RING PERFORMER, and after Relentless, I’ll be the ANARCHY CHAMPION!”

An eruption of boo’s as a confident smirk crawls onto her face as VV looks out to the riled up crowd as a “YOU SUCK chant rises up through the noise.

”Yeah I agree, Sarah DOES suck!” (Louder booing!) ”You can say what you want about me, but the fact is that unlike SOME PEOPLE, I face things head on! Sarah would rather hide behind tweets and an army of croney’s then to step in this ring face to face and meet me head on, THAT'S WHY SHE'S NOT HERE, and let’s be honest here, is anyone surprised? I'M NOT! In fact, I’m beginning to think that Sarah isn’t taking me very seriously. Is that it Sarah? Am I just a joke to you? ANOTHER easy win that’s hardly worth lacing up your boots for? Sure, I'll admit that I'm coming off a cold streak, but I'm refocused and I DEMAND that you start treating me as the threat to your reign that we both know I am! Maybe you’ll take me more seriously if I show up at Savage and crack that case over “your beloveds” head huh? Would that do the trick?"

On the stage, four men in uniforms holding herald trumpets walk out. Vita does her best impression of Sarah and rolls her eyes as they RIP into a MASSIVE fanfare of WAY too many loud high notes. As they finish, “God Saves the Queen” plays throughout the arena and fans hit their feet, all eyes on the ramp. Vita sits back with her hands closed into fists, ready to fight. But no one walks out from the back and the crowd starts to get restless. Vita laughs and relaxes.

”See? SEE?!”

The crowd starts to cheer and Vita laughs at them. She’s so busy laughing at them that she doesn’t see the reason for their cheer:

Sarah has slipped through the crowd and climbed into the ring behind her.

”At Relentless, I will be the...wait, hold on...got a text

Vita pulls out her phone and looks at it, her eyes filled with confusion.

”’Turn around if you are wearing Big Girl Panties’”

She starts to turn around.

”What does THAT me-OH SHIT!”

WHAM! Sarah DECKS Vita with the Anarchy Championship! The crowd goes crazy as Vita gets to her feet, her eyes dazed over, and BLAM! Another belt shot! Sarah holds up the championship and the crowd cheers. She drops the title and pulls Vita up by her hair, setting her up for the Abyss, but then Vita squirms her way out of Sarah’s arms and rolls out of the ring, quickly backing away and running up the ramp. Vita holds onto her head and stares daggers at Sarah, who picks her title back up and climbs up a turnbuckle, holding it up. They both scream “See you at Relentless!” at one another as the show goes off the air.

SPECIAL THANKS:
Vita Valenteen
Noah Jackson
Sarah Lacklan IC but not OOC

Noah Jackson · (09-13-2019)

OOC: That Brighton Beach Brawl was hands-down the greatest match the XWF has ever seen. Great job, Vinnie.

"Eat shit Vinnie! Great job the cunts I like! Now lets all go out for some cheese pizza!"

Shawn Warstein · (09-13-2019)

OOC: Whoever wrote that tag match did an absolutely amazing job.

The Sick Cunts.... Join US! PUSH US! FOLLOW US!

**"Loverboy" Vinnie Lane** · **09-13-2019, 06:47 PM**

LOL Zane's zombie head pops off. Ha ha ha ha haaaa.

Vita Frickin Valenteen · (09-13-2019)

(09-13-2019, 06:01 PM)Noah Jackson Said: OOC: That Brighton Beach Brawl was hands-down the greatest match the XWF has ever seen. Great job, Vinnie.

"Eat shit Vinnie! Great job the cunts I like! Now lets all go out for some cheese pizza!"

Zane Norrison · (09-14-2019)

"Holy crap I'm just a head! Dammit! Body get back over here and pick me up!"

**"Loverboy" Vinnie Lane** · (09-14-2019)

Hey Zane, that injury looks gnarly! I've got just the thing right here!

Centurion · **09-14-2019, 10:53 AM**

What a strange show.

Zane Norrison · **09-14-2019, 11:00 AM**

"Oh wow! Thanks Vinnie! Last time I had something detached, I had to use duct tape to hold it back on till the two parts reattached themselves to one another. I'm like a snowman in that sense. Anyway this will save me the hassle of removing the tape now. You're the best!"

T.H.U.G.S · (09-14-2019)

The duo is in the backstage, still feeling the effects of their previous beatdown in the hands of the cunts.

"They sure did a number on us, but hey its all fair game. I am not afraid to say, they earned that greatest win in their team tenure. But hey, it all doesn't matter at the end, because next time if we ever have to cross paths with sick cunts......tell em black"

"If we cross paths with them mafuckas, they will not come out alive in that fucking ring... no more Sick Cunts....more like six feet deep cunts. I guarantee it, lets bounce outta here T."

They walk off screen elsewhere.

Threaded Mode \| Linear Mode ANARCHY - 9/12/19
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