Quote:No one had done it before and I don't know why no one had ever thought of doing it until now.... Wait I know why... because you guys are not me. I am the real Master of Minds around here.

So as I was saying no one had done it before looking into the phenomenon that is Noah Jackson. Into his past and into his D.N.A.

So for this very occasion I had sent a team of Private Investigators to Australia to look into everything that was Noah Jackson. And they came back to me with a bucket load of payload.

---

"What can I say about Noah Jackson? He was a darling wee boy when we neighbours all those years ago!"

"How long did you know him?"

"I use to babysit him for 10 years while his mother was always going out. With different men."

"So why did you have to look after him?"

"Because I was the only one he would settle down for when he was younger. His mother trusted me,"

"So why do you think he became the way he is today?"

"He fell in with the wrong crowd, plus his mother was a mean bitch,"

That was 'Lorraine', someone who I tracked down when trying to figure out what really happened to Noah Jackson.

'Lorraine' only came forward only on the promise that we didn't use her real name, for fear of being made fun of by this grown up Noah.

Said 'Lorraine': "As a kid Noah had a shocking memory, would always forget my name. But he always seemed to settle down with me. That's why I have no problem coming forward now only if my real name isn't used."

---

So the next question that had to be answered was:

'Was Noah's bad memory also the case at school?'

According to his first school teacher 'Shelly' it was.

"Noah couldn't retain anything. His memory was just shocking. He didn't know how to add, subtract, multiply, divide. He wasn't stupid, he just couldn't retain anything."

"What changed?"

"He fell in with the wrong crowd!"

"Wouldn't it be the right crowd though if he started remembering people's names and started to remember how to add, subtract, multiply and divide?"

"Pardon my language but fuck off. If he started using the 'c' word every other word, I wouldn't suggest that was the right crowd!"

---

"So if he started using the 'c' word alot would that mean he uses it to be able memorize what to say and things?"

I asked that question to an expert. A psychologist whose name was Albert.

"It's quite common for those people like Mr Jackson to find key words, relate those key words to certain meanings, and then use those certain meanings to be able to retain information, so as you can see, he latched on to the word 'cunt' and used it in different meanings and he was able to retain the memory he uses to this day. That is why he is the cunt he is today."

From humble beginnings where he wasn't able to retain infornation because he was a dumb cunt, to falling in with the wrong crowd like a naive cunt, to be able to now be able retain information like a normal cunt.

No surprises there then.

We all know how special Noah is, it just proves he was a special case.

Mastermind is the type of cunt who thinks he's so special and secretive. The truth is no cunt can hide their past. While some get the wrong people who talk like robots and get words constantly wrong like he wrangled them from a speech therapy session. I sit at a dining room table in the kitchen of the home I grew up in. I look towards the camera all documentary style.

"G'day cunts. This is me ma." I gesture to the lovely woman beside me.[/cyan][/b] "Say g'day, mum." [/cyan][/b]

"Hello."

She says with a cheery wave and a loving smile.

"Mum."

"Yes, dear?"

"Who the actual fuck is Lorraine?"

Mastermind apparently used a different name to cover her but he's so fucking dumb that I actually doubt he did that. Plus, this babysitter looked after me for 10 years allegedly. How is changing her name not going to stop me or my mum from not knowing her!? Fucking Mastercunt you dumb prick.

"Lorraine?" She peers up the ceiling trying to place the name. She snaps to me. "The one who works at the bakery?"

"Depends, did the cunt babysit me?"

"Oh no, you're Great-Aunt Jo looked after you when I was working. You remember Jo?"

"Yeah, she let me climb on her oxygen tank and pretend to be an astronaut. She was sound."

"Smoked like a chimney til she clogged, hahaha. Lovely woman."

"RIP. So, mum, bit more personal question here but how many men you ploughed after I popped out?"

She gives me a slight backhanded slap across my shoulder, I laugh it off.

"Bloody cheek of you."

"Oh c'mon ma it was only a joke. But seriously, how many men?"

"Just the one, Richie. That was when you were 7 I believe when I met him. Didn't have time to date until then, you were a handful. Then we married and not long after you got a brand new baby brother."

"Ryder. Where is the little dickhead?"

"He's courting."

"Courting? The fuck, mum? He in jail or something?"

"No you idiot. Courting! He's dating."

I catch on and nod my head.

"How was my memory as a kid?"

Mum shrugs.

"Fine I suppose."

"So do you think that the mention of me having bad memory could be some lame cover-up so I would get things wrong when I called a kiwi who doesn't deserve to be a part of the XWF out on this?"

My mum switches between me and the camera before setting her eyes back on me.

"Sure, love."

"Cheers, mum." Back to the doc-o crew. "Well there you have it, my own actually life disproving what Mastermind can dig up. Go fuck yourself you cancerous mole."

---

Later in my expedition I track down an ex-girlfriend of Masterminds. I know right? He actually had a girl before he grew Maria in a test tube. There's hope for everyone. We sit down in her living room.

"You mind saying your name and how you know Mastermind, cunt?"

She looks at me in anger.

"Can you not call me a cunt, cunt?"

"Noted."

She sighs.

"Jess and I dated 'M' for a few months."

"How old were you?"

"Both in our early twenties."

"And what are your thoughts on that piece of shit?"

"Well I'm surprised he has kids, let alone a wife."

"Why? Because of his crippling stupidity, incompetence in social situations and his Frankenstein-esque facade?"

She thinks for a moment.

"That and his penis is basically nonexistent."

"Like a Ken doll?"

"Yeah basically."

"So did you like scissor or just throw your parts together like two steaks clapping together?"

I put my hands apart and slowly clap my palms together for an uncomfortable length of time.

"Please stop."

I put my hands back to the arms of the chair feeling a little ashamed of myself.

"We tried a few times but it usually ended in seconds and him crying after."

My eyes light up.

"Come again?"

"He cried. He was an ugly crier too. So we just usually resorted to pegging."

I grip the arms of the chair tightly and bounce in delight on hearing this.

"You pegged Mastermind?"

She gives a quick nod.

"Mhm. He enjoyed it."

Tears of joy fill my fucking eyes, cunts.

"Not as much as he enjoyed pretending to be a dog though."

I fucking howl in laughter.

"Yeah... I broke it off after he took a shit on the floor."

I die, cunts. RIP Top Cunt! He fucking died from laughing at this fucking mess of a cunt.

After a while.

And I mean a fucking while.

I calm down.

"You okay?"

"Fucking wonderful, love. My soul left my body for a moment and I experienced pure ecstasy. Thank you for this."

---

After that. I go see a shrink cunt who is not me in a fake moustache and glasses. IT'S NOT! IT'S A COINCIDENCE! We talk as the camera cuts very naturally between close-ups of us.

"Is Mastermind cooked, cunt?"

SHRINK CUNT: "Oh yeah he's fucking melted, cunt."

"Please explain you handsome cunt."

SHRINK CUNT: "I sure will, cunt. Gottas say Noah, your jawline is looking especially sharp and rugged today."

I throw a hand.

"Oh you."

SHRINK CUNT: "Haha! Anyway! This cunt calls himself Mastermind and tries to play mind games when the only fucking one who knows what's going on is him. That's not because he operates at a higher level of intellect. Quite the opposite, cunt. He's actually so braindead certain things only make sense to him because he thought of them."

"Is there a scientific term for this condition?"

SHRINK CUNT: "In the medical field we call this 'Severe .'"

"I see. Could you describe Mastermind's condition in three simple words so that even HE could comprehend how cooked he is?"

The strong and cool psychiatrist places his pen against his lips in deep thought before looking directly at the camera and speaking in a deep, booming voice.

SHRINK CUNT: "WEAPON GRADE SHIT-CUNTERY!!!"

"That's four."

SHRINK CUNT: "There's a hyphen."

"Ah ripper, no wuckas then. Cheers, cunt."

SHRINK CUNT: "Anytime sweet cheeks."

He gives a wink.

---

"Well."

"..."

"That happened."

"Basically 'M'. Go fuck yourself. This right now isn't a joke, it isn't a roast, it isn't part of my job. This is me, talking to you saying your are the biggest shit stain on this wrestling company. The fact that the idea of trying to 'out' my past came into your head is a slap in the face of every single cunt who actually tries hard. Every cunt who tries to put out their best promos, think of their best lines and do everything they can to win."

"You, cunt."

"Are a fucking embarrassment."

"And you should be fucking ashamed."

"The fact I have to share this fed with you make me sick to my fucking stomach. Yeah, there are worse human beings here but you just frustrate me more than anyone else, cunt. It's the fact that you think you're so fucking smart but fail horribly at every corner. You thought that promo was a smart fucking idea and I hope I've proved just how fucking dumb you really are. I hope that you choke up and fucking cry your eyes out seeing how much of a stupid cunt I've made you look. I hope you hear every word I'm speaking plain and clearly, I hope you feel the venom behind every syllable and I hope those words keep you up at night. I want you to look back at every dumbfuck decision you've made in your career and for that to haunt you."

"You're not a wrestler, you're a fucking joke."

"You're not a professional, you're a fucking amateur."

"You can't cut a good promo to save your life, your last two just proved it. I know you hate me and all that anger lead to fuck all. Maybe if a title was on the line you may have tried harder. But in my eyes the fact that I think that proves just how garbage you are. I put effort into what I do, no matter the opponent. You adjust yourself from dogshit to mediocre depending on what's the prize. You're not a real wrestler, cunt, you just want glory."

"Do us all a favour and find it somewhere fucking else you fucking maggot."

"Now, I'm going to end this in a way I'm sure you've heard many, many times before, cunt."

"Stay the fuck out of my life."

(09-13-2019, 03:55 PM)"Loverboy" Vinnie Lane Said: Impossible, dude. Your mom was at my place the whole time.