Quote: Centurion and Miyoko Kawashima stare each other down, when finally Centurion can be heard saying "let's do this." Centurion and Miyoko begin wildly throwing punches at each other, as the crowd goes wild. Centurion, still feeling the effects of his match, gets backed into the ropes, and Miyoko closelines him over the top rope. Centurion starts to crawl under the ring as Miyoko looks out into the crowd, who cheers her on. Miyoko steps out of the ring and drags Centurion out from under the ring...

...who nails her with a hammer! The crowd boos as Miyoko falls into the side of the cell, busted open from the hammer shot by Centurion. WGWF officials run out from the back, trying to get the cell up as Centurion begins to stomp away at a helpless Miyoko. Centurion grabs Miyoko by the hair and tosses her back into the ring.

I want to get something out of the way right off the bat – fuck you, James Raven! I stood behind your self righteous bullshit for a really long time, but you crossed the line now! I don’t know if our friendship can ever be repaired following those words you spoke…

…how DARE you insult Crystal Pepsi!

Yeah, I get it, it wasn’t the brown sludge soda that everyone is used to, but if you got past that, you’d notice that it was actually a tasty beverage. It maintained all the good qualities of regular Pepsi, while making it a little more crisp, and didn’t leave as much of an aftertaste. It’s literally perfect!

You soda snobs are all the same. “Crystal Pepsi is bad.” “Orange vanilla Coke is bad.” Just shut your mouth and admit you don’t know what you’re talking about. We should be applauding soda companies for putting a new spin on old classics. It keeps them honest, and keeps the market fresh. I bet you’re also the kind of person who hates Jones Soda, you sick bastard.

Fuck New Coke, though, that was disgusting.

Though, I will also say to James and Robert that you get what you deserve. You didn’t invite me to the fair? Fine, be happy with the shiity food you were given. See, if you would have taken me with you, I could have shown you all the tricks and treats of “Fair Food.” I’m an expert when it comes to fairs, so I know what to get and what to avoid. Don’t buy 10 pieces of pizza. I know it’s an easy go to because it’s safe and reliable, but all you’re doing is overpaying for greasy cardboard. Now hot sausage, that’s a good go to, especially if you find one of those Italian trucks where the cook speaks very little English. I usually don’t eat hot Italian sausage, but I will at a fair. Also, make sure you save room for deserts – deep fried Reese’s Cups are the new hotness, but they may be a bit filling for someone trying to watch their figure, especially if you’re looking at hitting the gym later that day. Milkshakes are always a good go to, especially if you go to a fair in a rural county. I went to the Wayne County Fair in Pennsylvania this year, and let me tell you – the dairy there is top notch.

…what the hell am I talking about?

Oh, right, I have a wrestling match this week, with both the tag team and the Universal titles at steak. And yet, here I am, talking about Crystal Pepsi and milkshakes. What does that say?

Well, one, it says if I wasn’t a pro wrestler who hit the gym every day, I’d be a fat bastard, and likely have my foot sawed off due to diabetes. The other thing it says, though, is that I really don’t have anything bad to say about Robert Main and James Raven. Like, at all.

Two weeks ago, I faced Ned Kaye, who I also consider a friend, but I was at least able to point out his relative inexperience and talk about how I’m a legend and he’s not. I can KIND of do that with Robert Main – he hasn’t been here that long, and he isn’t in the Hall of Legends – but those words would soundly awfully false when they’re being lobbed against one of the longest reigning Universal Champions of all time. And James has been kicking ass across several eras. Saying anything bad about him would not only be a lie, but I would never get laid again.

Fact: Bitches love James Raven.

Don’t mistake my lack of negative comments about my opponents for a lack of confidence, however. Just because I’m standing across the ring from two of the best in the business, doesn’t mean I automatically think I’m going to lose. In fact, when I signed up for this tournament, I knew there would be a chance that I would face my brothers in arms. I wouldn’t have signed up for something thinking I’m going to lose.

I will say, though, that I am mad at the XWF for having this “random draw” occur in the first round, and on a random episode of Savage. This is some dream match level stuff, and we’re going to give it away for free? This should have been the finals. It should be main eventing Relentless. Instead, one of these two teams is going to be knocked out of the tournament. Then what? You’re going to justify giving a high profile pay per view spot to Fuzz and Noah Jackson? Or Sarah Lacklan and Kenzi Gray?

Those are the only two teams I’m going to mention because they’re the only two teams who are actually worth a shit, and one of THOSE teams will be knocked out this week, as well. Seriously, XWF, you guys need to do a better job at setting up tournaments. I know you wanted to do a “random draw” in order to “make things fair”, but the last time I checked, you are in the business of making money, and you can’t tell me you think you can make money off the Sugay Sisters or Famine Of The Vile.

Not to mention, this could be my crowning achievement in the industry. 18 years in the XWF, and finally I could be crowned Universal Champion. You want that to happen on free TV? People from around the world would throw money at their TVs in order to watch that moment. You’d get several million pay per view buys if you promoted that. Instead, fans are going to have to watch my shining moment, immediately followed by a re-run of Duck Dynasty.

I shouldn’t be worried about such thing. Whatever horrible decisions management wants to make is up to them. I have to focus on the task at hand, and that is to become a double champion, and to go on one of the hottest streaks of my career. Think about it – one day prior to the XX reunion show, I have the chance to become the tag team and Universal Champion. There isn’t anyone else booked on that show that can say the same thing. All that talent, all these returning superstars, all taking pot shots at me, and yet I’m the one who is still battling the best of the best, while the rest of them are booking a tee time at the golf course in their retirement village.

You know how I know I’m a threat? You know how I know I have a chance to win this match? Look at the people talking trash about me. When I first decided to come back, I mainly had low level talent and dudes on their way out looking to get one signature victory over a legend that they thought they could beat. Now? Now I have Shane openly recruiting Sebastian Duke, whom I’m told was among the best during his era, to try and beat me down before our match. I see folks, both current stars and returning stars, making snide comments about me, or outright challenging me to a match. They no longer see me as some aging legend – they see me as one of the top guys in the XWF, and they want to knock me down now before I get to the top.

I didn’t know where my life would take me when I decided to come back. I didn’t know if it would be for one match or for several. I didn’t know if I would be fighting newer talent in opening matches or aging legends. I do know where I fit now – at the top, and those at the top deserve the opportunity to prove it. James Raven and Robert Main are the two top guys around here – I DESERVE the chance to test my skills against them. It isn’t a hate thing. It isn’t an ego thing. It’s a competitive thing. Iron sharpens iron. The best want to fight the best.

So I say this to James and Robert – while I hope you don’t take this match personally, I do hope you take it with caution. I hope you’re preparing yourselves like you would for any other opponent. Because I’m going to be ready. And I’m going to come at it with all I’ve got. And at the end of the day, despite being friends, and despite being brothers, I will walk out with the Universal and the Tag Team Titles, and you two will be the ones that will meet your…