The scene opens up to Luca and Katrina sitting in yet another secluded area, this time an alleyway. Anyone who's ever seen a Neil Capra promo is likely suffering from a nostalgia attack right now, so we wish for those people to calm the fuck down.

Calm?

Good.

Luca's demeanor as he looks at the camera could be described solely uninterested. Katrina's grinning as Luca straightens himself up a bit to get ready to speak. The sick bitch really enjoys hearing Luca trash people, how will she react to seeing him destroy his opponents physically?

Another question for another day.

"Greetings and salutations! I've decided to take a little bit of time and attention off of my opponents this week and focus it on something else. Now, what am I going to be talking about for the entirety of this promo if I'm not going to mention CM Punk or John Austin in any negative light?

Why, the rest of the Madness Roster of course!

Why am I doing this? What could possibly be the point?

Just proving a point is all, I'm nothing if not a man of my words.

So, where to start? Which one of these generic, cookie cutter whores to the pimp that is Paul Heyman do I begin with? Alex Shawn, the shmuck who's attacked me and lost to Cobra more times than Cobra lost to Neil Capra? Or maybe Chris Legend, whose legend is based off his supposed last name alone like it was a creative process. Could it be Johnny Xtreme, the 'Xtreme' and colossal fucktard who's content to be mediocre?

None of the above! I assure you, they'll all get their due time in the verbal torture chamber, but not quite yet.

I'm going to start with the wild card, and not in the sense that'll he be getting a shot at one, Brian Braxton!

Now Brian, the man who thinks he's some sort of badass for doing what exactly? Lighting a guy on fire, and using it as some sort of message? Can I tell you how my last weekend went?

I shot two guys dead, doused another in hydrochloric acid, ODed on sleeping pills, slit my wrist, and then got an infection from my open wound. How do I feel about that?

Just another day at the office. Try harder to be threatening and cool, or at least just let the shmuck die like a man instead of putting out the fire, like a bitch.

Who's next?

How about JC Styles, I mean Whatever the fuck his full name is. Your little spiel about not caring about what the fans think about you was so inspiring, I decided to write my own.

Reasons why the fans don't care about you not caring!

Reason numero uno, they weren't really feeling you when you were caring. Let's face it, even when the fans were supporting you the most, you weren't the guy they wanted doing this that and the other thing. You were the guy who everyone thought was kinda worthwhile but never enough to remember your name after you left.

Reason deux, you're too drawn out. You take way too damn long to get to the point by bringing up useless shit. I bring up petty insults and remarks that are there only to be a nuisance. However, when I do it, there's a method to the madness. You ramble and drone on and on until everyone forgets what you're talking about. Boring.

Reason three, it's not like you're going get anywhere anyway. You're just kinda stuck in the no man's land where you aren't bad enough to be going up against Alex Shawn, but nowhere near the top. You're just.

There.

Who's next, JC Styles? Wait no, I just talked about him..."

Luca wanders back and forth in a straight line as he tries to recall any other person on the roster to make fun of. He's so lost in thought in fact, that he doesn't see Katrina raising her hand as if she were a student answering her teacher's question.

"Um, how about Matt Lennox?"

"Who?"

"Close enough. Baalberith?"

"Oh yeah, the guy who should spend some more time on JoyofSatan.org to get the finer points of his religion down. Listen, Unknown Soldier point zero five, your love of SATAN! doesn't really concern anyone. Because S.O.S and Soldier have really desensitized people a whole lot. Oh, and trust me, I've been a Satanist before, you're doing it wrong.

Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaay wrong."

That revelation sparks a look of shock in the eyes of Katrina, who looks at Luca s if she'd seen a ghost.

"You were a SATAN!ist?"

"No, I was a Satanist, there's a huge difference."

The shock subsides, and she rests her back against the wall of some building. A homeless man crawls into view, no not Neil Capra. He holds out an open tin can to Luca, who drops a baggie of cocaine into it.

"Cutting out the middleman. Now get out of here."

The man crawls back out of view, giddy like a child. Fucking junkies man, how do they work?

"Legend and Xtreme really haven't done much to comment on, and I doubt they ever will, so fuck them. Time for the main event! Well, the closest my next victim will ever get to a main event. Give it for, drumroll please!"

Katrina pulls out a pair of drumsticks because you never know when you're going to need to drumroll your way out of a sticky situation. She pounds them against the concrete as if it were a snare drum as Luca pulls a tiny card from his back pocket.

"Alex Shawn!

Now Alex, how does it feel that your sense of pride is completely based on the fact that you're too ignorant to see your surroundings for what they really are? You love what you do, you try your hardest week in and week out, and you just can't get there, can ya?

Meanwhile, I'm winning matches and being put in main events without trying.

How does that make you feel?

One thing that separates me from your little spiel is that I'm not in it for the money, I care less about that than I do about the people on the lower ends of the cards. If I was really in this for the money, I would go back to selling coca full time. It sure gets more cash than doing this, that's for damn sure.

I do it because I love making everyone who tries and works their ass off look second rate. I love fucking with every set plan and idea everyone has, even the ones they haven't thought of yet.

Just remember that when you get all pissy about no one on the main event scene giving a shit about a second rate hack like you.

There is no honor amongst thieves.

Likewise, there is no pride amongst failures.

You, Johnny Black, that Xtreme guy, can enjoy your mediocrity. I don't want any.

Hell, you should form a stable and go after Soldier, Mystery, and Gilmour! They love seeing mediocrity even more than I do, and Gilmour can definitely use someone that he can look better than!

Just a thought."

As Luca walks over to the wall Kat's sitting at, she begins to sing loud enough for the camera to catch:

"If you're lost and alone...

Or you're sinking like a stone..."

Suddenly, Luca joins in too!

"Carry on!'

The scene fades to an episode of Tom and Jerry because Luca Arzegotti is appropriate for viewers of all ages, Wednesday Warfare.