Ruby’s lying on a reclining beach chair, toes in the white sand. She’s got her bathing suit on, as well as a pair of sunglasses to shield herself from the blazing Hawaiian sun above. A soft breeze cools her down, making the camera at the end of the selfie stick sway a bit. With palm trees in the background and a Blue Hawaiian in her hand, she looks quite at ease.

Ruby: “Hey there, guys! Long time no see. Been enjoying a bit of a break following the Anarchy PPV… I forgot what it was called, but anyway, you’ve seen it, probably. I caught it on replay. It’s been fun, not having to worry for a while, and the cocktails here in Hawaii are pretty amazing. It’s almost a shame I have to go back to work soon. But I’m still on the payroll, more or less, so I guess I’ll show up.”

Ruby sips from the Blue Hawaiian through the straw and licks her lips, then looks back at the camera.

Ruby: “Ahh, good stuff. So yeah, I’ve been gone for a while, and despite what some may think, or hope, I’m not quite dead yet. Peeps have been asking me for my opinion on what’s going on at Anarchy for weeks now, so I guess I’ll share my thoughts? Everybody who’s ever seen an episode of Anarchy knows that Sarah Loch Lann and I don’t really get along, because she… Well, I don’t really know why to be honest, but let’s not pretend like she needs a REASON to do anything. So folks have been asking me what I think of her becoming the inaugural Anarchy Champion…”

Ruby leans back a bit more and crosses her legs.

Ruby: “Am I HAPPY that she’s the champ? Well no. But at least she’s a credible one. Unlike Noah Bleepy McBleepybleepbleep Jackson. Yeah, I’m not actually gonna use the word, even if polls indicate that MANY people seem to think it makes for FASCINATING content and TOP QUALITY television. He seems to have fallen on hard times too ever since that loss, hasn’t he? Not that anyone ever took him seriously to begin with, but he’s really gone off the deep end now. I checked back into Twitter and saw him call himself “No Original Idea’s” Noah Jackson. I’m sure he put it there because he think it’s funny because he’s being ironic? Actually, it’s simply funny ‘cause it’s true. Guy steals everything! I’m half expecting him to promo from a Puerto Rican beach for next show at this point. He even stole his claim that he lost Sarah Lacklan on purpose, because we all know that I lost to him on purpose FIRST!”

Even behind her sunglasses, you can see her roll her eyes.

Ruby: “So yeah, there was a lot of build-up that eventually led to absolutely nothing whatsoever for me. No title match, no PPV, no nothing. One might almost think I wasted my time all those weeks, and there’s something to be said for that. I PROBABLY shouldn’t have lost to Noah on purpose! Definitely my own fault, that one. If I HADN’T lost to Noah on purpose, I could be Anarchy Champion right now. Maybe Sarah should be thanking me. After all, if Noah hadn’t stolen my ‘losing to others on purpose’ bit because he can’t help himself, he might’ve beaten her. And then hell could’ve frozen over. But alas! No such luck. So now, we’re moving onto bigger, and hopefully better, things. Next one up? John Black! A guy in a MASK who…”

Ruby stops mid-sentence and raises her eyebrows.

Ruby: “Wait. Is there an epidemic of stealing going on? No wonder the show is called Anarchy! Anyway, Johnny Black isn’t exactly on a hot streak. I guess you should’ve used more C-words! But don’t worry bud… I’m taking you seriously and PROBABLY will not lose to you on purpose. You’ve got a lot of fight in you, and I can respect that. A victory over me would balance the scales for you considerably, but I don’t exactly feel like being the tiny little hero in the beginning of the movie that gets swept away by the villain to make him look more powerful. Sorry for more superhero analogy stuff, but I can’t help it. It’s like kleptomania. And as one masked person to another, although mine is locked away in the closet in my apartment, I gotta say I dig your style, bud! Reminds me of the mask that Maximus wore in Gladiator. It’s a nifty look. But I have to inform you that you’re probably gonna have to settle for vengeance not in this life, but the next. Although if I may recommend an alternative? Drop the vengeance. Drop the bad attitude. It’ll get you nowhere buddy, your use of excessive profanity isn’t, for lack of a better word, ‘clever’ enough for that.”

Ruby makes some air quotes and takes the opportunity to take another sip through the straw. A gurgling sound rattles through the straw as she’s reached the bottom of the glass.

Ruby: “Know what you should do? Some Hawaiian therapy, my guy. As you can see, I heartily recommend it. Chillax a bit. Take a few deep breaths. Look at life from another perspective. I know it’s helped me…”

Ruby leans forward for the first time and looks into the camera.

Ruby: “It made me realize that maybe I should switch things up for a while. No more superhero antics until I earn my mask back. Not until I restore my honor, like Spartacus in the pits. Not until I wash off the disgrace. John Black, will you be my bar of soap? Or would you rather be the one to pick it up?”

Ruby winks and as a waiter walks by on the beach, she focuses her attention on him, with the camera trailing off.

Ruby: “Yo my dude, can I get another?”