The sun crept over the horizon on a warm summer’s day. It invaded every dark corner like God’s own personal flashlight. Inside a palatial British suite, Steve Justice sat bolt upright in his bed. His head felt like there were gremlins at work inside of it with tiny sledgehammers pounding on his brain. His mouth tasted like an ashtray full of cigarette butts. Every surface in the room was covered in empty liquor bottles; beer cans and ashtrays. Unconscious male and female bodies were strewn all over the couch and floor of the room like a bomb had gone off. He remembered arriving at the room and popping a bottle of champagne with his new friends but after that, things got a little hazy. He staggered out of bed into the bathroom to survey the damage in there. Things weren’t too bad: The toilet looked like a war crime had taken place but other than that, it was fairly intact and free of bodies.
After a hot shower and a change of clothes, Steve almost began to feel human once again. He quietly crept around the room gathering his luggage and belongings together again. Only one thing was missing: the XWF Xtreme title.He turned the room upside down, looking under the couch; inside closets and even inside the toilet tank. No bueno. Panic started to shoot through Steve as he ran out of places to look. He started to breathe deeply to calm himself down and try to remember what the hell went on last night. He decided to retrace his steps from the lobby and see if he could remember what had become of his Xtreme title. He found the room key in one of the party guests’ hands and pried it free. Quietly, he slipped out into the hallway. He slipped on a pair of big, dark sunglasses and stepped into the elevator. After a stomach churning ride to the lobby, Steve approached the desk clerk. The well-dressed clerk gave him a look of distaste and annoyance.
Clerk: “I hope you had a good night’s rest sir. Because this will be the last time you stay at the Devonshire. And please do something about that before I call animal control.
Steve glanced over at a planter the clerk pointed at to see what looked like a goat nibbling on the plant. No, not a goat like James Raven or Drezdin, an actual four-legged goat. It was wearing a pointed paper party hat on its head and draped around its neck was...the Xtreme Championship! Steve slowly and carefully approached the animal. As he drew near, the goat let out a neigh and took three steps away from him. He carefully tried to approach the goat again only for it to leap away from him at the last second. Getting more annoyed, Steve approached the goat and leapt onto its back. He hung on desperately as the goat bucked, kicked and bellowed all over the lobby. Finally, after an epic struggle, he managed to unclasp the belt from the goat’s neck and wrestle it away from him. He stood triumphantly once more with the title on his shoulder as the desk clerk dialled animal control and yelled at him to leave.
Steve crawled into a taxi cab outside the hotel with his suitcase and directed the driver to Heathrow airport. He took out his phone as the cab began to wind through the streets of London and set his camera to record. He was wearing a white Toronto Maple Leafs jersey; dark blue jeans; a pair of Rayban Wayfarers and his oxblood Doc Marten boots.
“Leap of Faith 2019 will probably go down as one of the greatest shows in wrestling history. As much as it pains me to admit, I have to tip my hat to Tommy Wish. I knew he was brutal, sick and twisted but I didn’t realize just how violent he actually was. Thanks to him I look like a mummy under this shirt I have so many bandages. I became the new Xtreme champion through bloodshed and pain but despite everything that was literally and figuratively thrown at me, I still persevered. And that’s what separates me from the rest of the XWF roster: my ability to take a hit and keep on coming. To dig a little deeper than my opponent and push myself beyond what I think I’m capable of.
He adjusts the Xtreme title on his shoulder and slaps it.
“Some people would be happy with just one championship. They’d kick back and rest on their laurels for a while. But not me. I want to build a legacy and a legend for myself that cements me as one of the greatest in XWF history. And that’s why I entered into the Tag Team Invitational. Because I’m not only going to be one of the greatest Xtreme champions in history, I’m going to be one of the greatest tag team champions in history too!”
“Now, I know what you all are thinking. I’m not what you call a team player usually. But when I met Hanari Carnes and we began to talk business, I realized we were cut from the same cloth. We were two great athletes who enjoyed breaking people’s arms and collecting cash and titles. And this Saturday in Florida, that’s exactly what we’re going to do. “Dangerous” Dave? “Twisted” Steele? You just aren’t going to be able to compete against two hungry fighters like us. You’ve never seen someone the size of Hanari who can take to the sky and fly like he can. You’ve never faced someone who’s as technical and smoothe on the mat like I am. Separately, we would probably be enough to cause you big problems. Together though? There’s just no stopping the skills that we bring to the table.
You two on the other hand? You’re nothing but a bad hangover from the 80’s. You’re out here trying to get one last hurrah; one last moment in the sun. But that’s not going to be the case. You’re going to get hit with a serious dose of reality when you step in the ring with us. You’re not going to be an inspirational story about two underdogs, you’re going to be a warning to the other teams in this tournament. You see, after we beat you down and run a clinic on you both, everyone is going to have to sit up and take notice of two of the greatest wrestlers ever to grace this company. There will be no more talk about whatever nostalgia act has shown up this week because everybody is going to find out just why we’re called The Arm Collectors. The Disintegrators will be our first victims but they won’t be our last. We aren’t going to stop until we are the only team left standing and the XWF tag team titles are around our waists. In the great state of Florida, a long-time wrestling mecca, Hanari and I are going to make tag-team wrestling great again!”
The cab hit a pothole causing Steve’s stomach to do a backflip, turning him green. He took a moment to recompose himself before continuing.
To tell you the truth, I’m looking forward to slipping on down to Tampa for a little while. After London, it’ll be nice to get some sun and work on my tan on the beach. Maybe chase a few ladies in bikinis and see what happens. I suggest that you do the same Dave Mustang and Johnny Steele. Because, unfortunately, you aren’t going to be winning this match. So kick back, relax and enjoy all the things that the Sunshine State has to offer. Eat an orange or two. Because on June 10th in Tampa, Justice will be served!
Steve cut the video and uploaded it to the XWF website. He slumped in the cab’s seat and cradled his aching head. It was going to be a long plane ride.
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