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X-treme Wrestling Federation »   » Archives » "Savage Saturday Night" RP Board
KILL YOUR DARLINGS
Author Message
Lacklan Offline
World's best at making murderhobos cry



XWF FanBase:
The 'cool' kliq fans

(booed by casual fans; opportunistic; often plays dirty while setting the trends)


#1
06-05-2019, 09:11 PM


~~Saturday, June 8th~~

Dr. Andrew Reznik sighs as he once again looks at his watch. A simple, if expensive, wind-up watch, purchased many years ago, did the job just fine in seeing that his patient was ten minutes late. None of this digital or smart nonsense, no sir. Many of his colleagues, while espousing the benefits of doing everything though computers and tablets and other such modern “miracles” of technology, had found themselves bound, their hands tied, as some problem or another arose with their “miracles.” They couldn’t remember schedules, case loads, or even tell the time when their systems went down. But not THIS psychiatrist, thank you. He could tell very easily, through his analog watch, that his customarily punctual patient was running-

SCHREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEECH!!!!!!

The doctor raises an eyebrow, about as much of shock as the man ever shows on his face, and looks out his window. A few floors down to the street, a black car speeds through his parking lot, the tires screaming into the air, and suddenly turns on his side, drifting into a hard stop, several of the spaces taken up. He faintly recognizes the car...something about it’s body tickling the back of his mind, and then a door opens up and a woman steps out, her hair a white so bright that it might as well have been snow. The doctor sighs as Mrs. Grey-Lacklan hurriedly grabs her purse from the car and goes running toward his building, her heels clacking on the pavement loud enough to be heard up the two flights.

He settles himself back in front of his desk and makes sure that his notepad is on a clean page. He did that ten minutes ago, of course, and it still sat at the ready when his door to the lobby burst open.

“I’M HERE! I’M HERE!”

The girl’s voice, an affected Londoner accent he had failed to rid her of well over a decade ago, was filled with a mixture of agitation and pleasure. She plopped down into the chair across from him, the pale skin below her hair being covered in a light sheen of sweat, and breathed hard.

“OH EM GEE…”

Several breaths.

“I am SO SORRY, Doctor! It has been a CRAXY week! You have, like, literally, NO idea! See, like, FIRST-”

Dr. Reznik began taking notes, as he always did, with his tight script on his legal pad. Many people tried to cut Sarah off, or perhaps to try out-talk her, but only fools did that. He had learned, as had, to his surprise, the young woman’s spouse, to just let the girl talk until she eventually ran out of words.

She occasionally did that.

Occasionally.

The doctor did his duty in noting down Sarah’s experiences, looking for nuance to help guide her, searching for insight to help her make decisions about herself. Much of the first day of the week included items which continually surprised him, that of the true affection she held for her spouse. At one point, the doctor had hypothesized that the Lacklan heiress only categorized people in two ways, that of hate and lust, and her successful marriage, and the handful of legitimate friendships she had cultivated, was showing an astonishing growth from the child he knew.

“And then AFTER our third sexytimes of the day...which, unfortunately, included some of her wounds getting roughed up a bit...we had this KILLER pre-show lunch with the girls. And, since I am totes the heart and spiritual leader of the #CoolKids, the girls listened to EVERYTHING I had to say with RAPT attention. Like, did you know about how much the Massachusetts Pissbaby fears me? Like, legit, he-”

Much the same as always. Quick to remind others of her accomplishments while missing the social cues of how that came across. The evening with Kenzi and her friends, for a large event for a company she used to work for, ended with hurt feelings and bodies for all four of them, but as per the usual, she was on to Tuesday without pausing for breath.

“OH EM GEE! Kenzi go SOOOOO butthurt and all ‘Who DAT bitch?!’ when Ax posted this pic I took with Liz Olsen...I call her Liz...but THEN! Oh, and THENNNNNN! SHE put up a pic that SHE took with freakin’ CAPTAIN MARVEL and get all kinds of mad at ME when I went all ‘Who DAT bitch?!’ back at her. But we made up, obvs, with some mile high lovin’ and-”

The doctor allowed himself a small shake of his head at the austentatious lifestyle the two led. He continued to write when, finally, she got to something which actually mattered to him. Wednesday looked to yield some fruits for the future.

~~Wednesday, June 5th~~



Sarah is the Best, Sarah Number One
Aaaaaannnnnnnngieeeeeeeee

5'10" World Champ BAY-BAY!
Sarrrrrrrrr-Sarrrrrrrrrr


Sarah is the Best, Sarah Number One
Going for my license again, today!?

5'10" of World Champ BAY-BAY!
That's craxballz awesomesauce!


Sarah is the Best, Sarah Number One
But I need a car to do the test with. For SOME reason, to which I have NO idea WHY, Roxy isn't allowed to lend me any more of Vinnie's cars.

5'10" World Champ BAY-BAY!
um


Sarah is the Best, Sarah Number One
Which makes, like, NO sense, since I'm, like, the BEST driver, ya know?

5'10" World Champ BAY-BAY!
um


Sarah is the Best, Sarah Number One
Soooooo, I was WOOOOOONderIIIIIIIIng

5'10" World Champ BAY-BAY!
um


Sarah is the Best, Sarah Number One
Can I borrow your truck for the test?! It would be SOOOOO helpful!

5'10" World Champ BAY-BAY!
um


Sarah is the Best, Sarah Number One
I'd, like, TOTES think about replacing any gas I used, obvs.

5'10" World Champ BAY-BAY!
um


Sarah is the Best, Sarah Number One
And driving a stick is exactly like driving a manual, right? I'm sure I'll figure it out supes quick.

5'10" World Champ BAY-BAY!
um


Sarah is the Best, Sarah Number One
That's a yes, right? You are the BESTEST (non-spouse) friend, EVA

5'10" World Champ BAY-BAY!
Well

um

you see


Sarah is the Best, Sarah Number One
....sup?.

5'10" World Champ BAY-BAY!
I know that it's, like, craxy bad timing, but I totes have to take my kitties to the vet

By myself

In my truck

To...um...Vancouver?


Sarah is the Best, Sarah Number One
Really? Ah, man!.

5'10" World Champ BAY-BAY!
I am SO sorry that I can't help you rn. Good luck on the test, though!
“Grrrrrrr!”

Sarah puts her SWEET Windows phone back in her purse, agitation clear in deep lines on the albino’s face.

“What is WITH everyone, Has?! Why can NO ONE let me borrow their car? I won’t get a SINGLE scratch on it!”

“Lil’ Has” Hasenpfeffer Grey-Lacklan, an albino dwarf bunny who just so happens to have eyeliner wings which match her mama’s, simply sits on the lap of said mama, unable to answer the question. If she could, of course, she would excitedly tell her mama that her driving was insanely dangerous, on the point of homicidal, but it is likely that Sarah wouldn’t even hear the words from the bunny, just as she never seemed to notice the concerned looks her friends gave one another whenever the subject came up.

“How am I EVER going to get my license, Beloved? I have to drive SOMETHING for the test! I am literally the BEST driver in the history of driving, ya know?”

Kenzi Grey-Lacklan’s face is a study of serenity as she looks over potential scripts for the return of Vexx, the fantasy adventure television show she starred in a couple of years ago. There were zero lies between the couple...but each had learned to simply stay silent sometimes.

This was one of those times.

“Ugh. Vinnie said ‘Dude’ six times, Roxy said ‘Sorry, bb,’ and now Ang is driving to her hometown or something. Why is life so hard sometimes?!”

Kenzi silently nods in approval over her wife’s impeccable voice acting skills. When the actress and director had first learned of her best friend’s uncanny ability of mimicry, long before they become romantically involved, they had spent a good week making prank phone calls, much to the annoyance of the entire wrestling business.

“I even hit up Amira, since she owns, like, a car dealership, or something, but she hasn’t gotten back to me...freakin’ Euros and their time zones...and it’s the DAY OF! What am I supposed to do? Why don’t WE own a car already?!”

Kenzi turns a page of the script.

“Because we didn’t have licenses, babe. Hell, I didn’t even TAKE my test when I got mine renewed. Still not exactly sure how that even happened...but...what did we need a car for?”

Sarah sighs heavily, as if the entire weight of the world were atop her surprisingly broad shoulders. She slumps in her chair in front of Kenzi’s desk and lifts up her glasses, using her fingers to rub at either side of the bridge of her nose. After letting her glasses settle back into place, she looks around the room, her fingers still lightly stroking the head of her “baby girl” Lil’ Has. Dark Goddess Productions had been a massive gamble for the Grey-Lacklans, as they leveraged much of their future earnings potential on the building and equipment, and they were shockingly cash poor. But it was something they did together, which allowed them to spend nearly every moment together as it was the glue of their various ventures, and thus it was vitally important to them.

“Ugh. You’d think that, in ALL of this, we’d have a car, or something. Like, outside the house, we used to have TONS of shit we never should have had in the first place, ya know? The Red Queen. The solid gold helicopter. Hell, even our old apartment was WAY expensive. Shame I can’t just drive a car made out of my shoes.”

“...or sell your fucking shoes and buy a car...you have enough…”

“Hmmm? What was that, Beloved?”

“What? Oh! Nothing. Just looking at stuff for Vexx.”

“Oh...okay…”

Sarah chews the inside of her lips in thought when her eyes suddenly go as wide as the lenses on her glasses.

“OH EM GEE!”

Kenzi freezes as she looks over the script. The tone in Sarah’s voice, that of the supreme confidence and conspiratory aire which typically lead to their dumbest and most insane adventures...and often bouts of public nudity that Kenzi had to spend a fortune to erase without footage getting to TMZ...created a fear in her which was sunk deep into her bones.

“Wh-”

“WE OWN A CAR!”

Kenzi’s hand began to tremble in a way which was reminiscent of Sarah’s on a bad day of stress.

“Wh-”

“WE HAVE NO TIME TO LOSE!”

*****One Hour Later*****

The Grey-Lacklans stand before a storage unit. The Kenzi’s caramel skin is filled with the goosebumps of fear whereas Sarah’s pale is slightly flushed with excitement. The famed storage unit was filled with items which had been marked as “Dumb shit I and/or we bought while high and/or drunk,” and while they had not added to it in well over a year, it was still full of items from their six or seven months of courtship, as well as numerous items which Kenzi had blown all of her money on before they met.

One of those items was why the two were there.

They coughed as dust flew up into the air as they raised the door of the shed, the loud clank of the aluminum slamming hard at the top filling the complex, and each pressed veils to their mouths to fight off the dust. Twin points of lights flare to life as they turn on their phones, the light moving before them to guide their way. The storage unit was mostly full of oddball items, things purchased or otherwise acquired, mostly by Kenzi, which would someday find a home in their West Hollywood house. There was a nude portrait of REDD THUNDER, an autographed cardboard cut-out of Liz Smalls, Vinnie Lane’s self-respect in a jar (purchased for pennies on the dollar, tbh), an entire box of “The Best of ‘The Siren’ Kate Steele” dvds (all 50 produced unsold), and more. But the item which dominated the unit was in the center, covered in a large cloth. The girls take hold of it on opposite sides and, with a nod, pull off the cloth to reveal a car.

But not just ANY car.

Because Kenzi was REALLY high and/or drunk at the time.

A replica Knight Industries 2000.

“Oh...oh god…”

Sarah shudders as she reaches up and lays a hand on the hood of the car, causing Kenzi to growl at the near “Sargasm.” Sarah suddenly spins on her heels and holds her hands out expectantly. Kenzi wavers, her hands shaking, but ultimately gives in. As has been well documented for the last couple of years, she has “zero ‘d’” when it comes to the potentially psychotic albino. Sarah claps her hands in joy as she takes the keys, unlocks and opens the door, and jumps in. Kenzi can only sigh as she joins her in the passenger seat.

*****Three hours later*****

Ronaldo Espinosa had been a DMV working for fifteen years, and in all his time, he had grown as fat and complacent as any other. Disgruntled, tired, overworked. Everyone hated coming in. Everyone hated waiting in line. Everyone HATED the DMV. Thus it was with utter shock that he experienced the strangest driving test in his life.

For one, the person taking the test looked odd. She was an albino, one of those people with no color in their skin, or something, and was extremely beautiful. He was accostomed to young women wearing far too much makeup for their driver’s license picture, like they were going to a club or something, but this was just ridiculous.

I spent all DAY working on my makeup! But, even if I DIDN’T, I would STILL look totes adorbs because of my dimples, ya know? Honestly, its almost UNFAIR what an advantage I have over “normal” looking girls, tbh. Just another example of how God loves me more than anyone else!”

For second, she was EXTREMELY enthusiastic about driving. Most people were depressed at the DMV, though the youths were full of hope and promise and other things he had forgotten about a long time ago, but this was extraordinary. She wouldn’t SHUT UP about how great her life was and how happy she was to be herself.

So, like, everyone at work loves and idolizes me, right? Sers legit, everyone reads my diary blog thing...which I’m really not even sure how that works, tbh...and obsess over everything I do and say. And my boss’ #ForeverFiance? She axly, like, models herself after me. Even doing my workouts now! I am SO popular! AND! Holy crap, AND! The best...driver...ever.

And for third, she was the WORST driving test he’d had in his fifteen years. She sped off at high speeds, didn’t use her turn signal, flipped off other drivers, “drifted” around most turns. It was HORRIBLE. She even recorded a vlog...or something...in the middle of it.


* * * * * * * * * *


~~Presenting the PrincessTwilightSexyFang podcast, as viewed on CoolTube...and with a VERY scared-as-FLAME random dude next to the Blood Princess!!!!!~~

HIIIIIII-iiiiiiiii!


This is your reason for being, the person doing all the stunt driving for that loser Tom Cruise in all of his movies, Sarah Lacklan here to show some of my craxballz skills! As you ALL know, I am an ELITE driver...or l33t, for you haxxors out there...and TODAY is the day when the U.S. Government OFFICIALLY recognizes me as the BEST DRIVER EVER! I FULLY expect a phone call from the BEST President ever, DEAR Donald, congratulating and thanking me for this achievement!

Now, SPEAKING of congratulating and thanking me for stuff that only I can do, this badass piece of PAWG right here is now the WINNER of her very FIRST cage match! Now, it wasn’t the first time I’ve ever been in a cage EVER or anything, as you all just literally saw me beat the everloving PISS out of Mastermind and Negligible Ned at War Games, but skipping out the cage and STICKING the landing in my first axl cage match was pretty sweet! But as I told Double V, all I proved on Thursday was that my killer tumbling/cheer/gymnastics skills were better than hers, and I would LOVE another go with her! I might be annoyed as FLAME with her “OMG! The sun is SO BRIGHT and AMAZING and NOTICE ME SENPAI” bullshit with Corey and all that, but kid’s got skills, yo!

Now, while EVERYONE knows that I am the QUEEN of Anarchy...which here means that I am using my “free” title shot at ANY title for the inaugural Anarchy Championship at Cliched Name PPV Event ‘19...sometimes I just get BORED. Like, when I FIRST went after the Federweight Championship, then held by Big D, I did so because I was bored and wanted something to do! And going back and forth...if you can call debating with an emotional toddler “going back and forth”...LOVE YA D...totes cured my boredom for a bit. And fast forward a couple of months and I have found myself BORED as FLAME again, so I did Vinniefred EVELYN Lane a HUUUUUUGE favor...it’s totes HUGE...by opting in for some Saturday action! I’m usually TOTES busy with OTHER post-LFL Saturday “action,” if you catch my meaning, but NOTHING gets my MUCH better half all hot and bothered QUITE like seeing me beat up some losers in a match beforehand. Trust me, the post-Anarchy lovin’ was NUTS while it lasted, let me tell you!

And! HOOOOOO…BOY am I facing a couple of losers on Saturday! Now, I know, I know:

“BUT SAR, OH AMAZING PRINCESS WHO SHOULD HAVE BEEN CAST AS AURORA AND NOT THAT THIMBLE-SIZED FLAT CHESTED BUTTERFACE ELLE, THEY HAVE 18405830293 CHAMPIONSHIPS BETWEEN THEM”

They ain’t shit.

Now, allow me a moment to go back and explain that. Infinitesimal Ned knows the drill.

I’m worried about NOW. I’m worried about TODAY. I’m worried about RELEVANCE. And I am WELL aware, because I AM a fan of the history of wrestling, just how much someone like Barry has meant to this business. Like, EVERYONE loves Barry, ya know? He’s so...so...so….BARRY, amIright?! They love him! Just like how they loves dudes named Sharpe! And Horowitz! And Mr. X! And ConQUIstadors! And the Gambler! Dude, remember THAT guy?! Had a jacket with cards on the back...I think...and did some tricks with a card deck? Or maybe just shuffled them? Something like that.

You get the point yet, baby birds?

Barry is EVERYONE’S favorite----------jobber. Fall guy. Jabroni. Enhancement talent. Bitch getting off when I step on his nards with my heeled boot. Whatever you want to call them...that’s what Barney is. If he was in Boston? He’d be hanging out with Bruiser. If he was into incest? He’d be hanging out with Rain. If he was into 4-hour sex marathons? He’d be in the Raab family. He’s a natural-born loser who fails at literally everything in his life. If he got married? He’d get divorced. If he had kids? They’d legally separate from him. If he had a pet dog? It would leap at an oncoming car for the sweet freedom of death.

But! Oh, BUT! That’s okay! Because we NEED jobbers in our life! We NEED complete and total losers in the world! After all, if it were not for plain Cheerios, how would we know just how great Honey Nut Cheerios are? If it were not for Bizet, how would we know just how great Beethoven is? If it were not for Blackwaters, how would we know just how great #CoolKids are? Okay, I kid on that last one. A little. Like, Donovan’s kinda cool, in that droll/angsty/Daria way.

N-E-Ways, the POINT here is that we NEED Barney. The crowd LOVES Barney. Because HE’S the guy who, in all those “ERMAHGERD SICK WRESTLING MOVES NUMBER 3 WILL BLOW YOUR MIND” compilation videos, who gets SPIKED on his head. HE’S the one who gets abused and nearly murdered by vastly superior athletes. And you NEED that guy, ya know? Its like when you’re playing the XWF Warfare video game with one of my 27 different alts and you just want to load up the finishers, choose a jobber, and do nothing but special moves. That’s what Barney is FOR.

And we LOVE him for it!

Sers legit, we all love a good and dependable fall guy, ya know? Like, when you’re watching (Official Obscure Reference Alert) Conan the Destroyer and the thief dude is around? You LOVE that guy because you KNOW that he’s there to get his ASS kicked to make Arnie look better! Just like how EVERY Disney Princess has their good-hearted-but-otherwise-wasteful-companion (lookin’ at YOU Flounder!), we NEED and APPRECIATE pathetic losers like Bariferous. Hell, we even BOOK people in the Pathetic Club (See: Centy) on EVERY show so that the real stars (See: Tony) can look awesome! And THAT is what Barnicious’ inclusion into this match is for.

Now, I FULLY understand that some craxballz stuff can happen in this sport. WEIRD SHIT like Jobber Two and Tre WINNING a tag match earlier in the year HAS HAPPENED. So, in the spirit of “Every Dog Has Its Day,” I am going to offer up something. Lets say that, though some SUPER weird chain of events, I find myself on the outside of the ring, unable to intervene, and Barn Door does some complicated rollup and pins Bourbon. SOMEHOW he finds himself the winner of this match, right? I will GIVE something of myself to Barney the Dinosaur is a reward:

I’ll work SummerFest.

Yes, baby birds, my dear Fang Gang, the event that Barney is throwing which, after being announced three fucking months ago, STILL has less participants that even that new 30 Second Promo joint. I will HEADLINE the damned thing for him.

Now, while I WILL honor that pledge, I highly doubt I’ll need to. But! That at least SOMEWHAT depends on the OTHER person in the match, the FAR more capable Bourbon.

Hold on, I forgot the milquotes.gif for that. Lemme fix that real quick…

-the FAR more “capable” Bourbon.

MUCH better. See, while Bourbon has a FAR superior background that the Barnacle, the REALITY of the situation is that he, if you’ll rewind/scroll back to the top, ain’t shit. And the REASON for that is a LITTLE obscure, but when I say this, there will be someone VERY specific who is going to laugh VERY hard:

He’s the Todd of the XWF.

Do me a fave and go into the WAY BACK machine with me real quick. In the LONG AGO time of 2017, I was in this now defunct fed called Ladies’ All Star, right? And there was this stable called Todd, okay? Now, I know that the name Todd is masculine and we’re talking about an all women’s fed, but just go with me on this, okay? If you can deal with Corey’s shit, you can handle a stable of chicks calling themselves Todd. N-E-Ways, this group of people just about all sounded the same, moved the same, and fought one another CONSTANTLY while still all being best friends, or something, right? But the MOST identifiable aspect about them is that you NEVER knew which version of Todd you were getting. Were you getting the one who was going to drop a pretty badass 15-minute promo? Or the one who was going to not bother even showing up to work? Or...my personal favorite...the one who showed up, clocked in for three seconds, clocked out, and then argued that “I was here! I wasn’t a no-call/no-show!”

Todd REALLY sucked.

ANNNNNNNNND Bourbon is OUR Todd.

Is he going to be a badass that kills everything in front of him, like when he was the World Champ a couple of years ago? Or is he going to be Mr. Short and Sweet and lays on his back like a chump for a 15-year-old girl before whistling “Happy Trails” and being forgotten for months?

“BUT SARAH HE HAS SOME NEW PROMOTIONAL PHOTOS AND HIS TEAM WON AT WAR GAMES”

Oh please. Those photos of himself in that dumb catalogue of his does NOTHING for his form. Instead of HIDING his gargantuan, bulbous stomach, it just draws the eye to it. And just because he was fortunate enough to be on the War Games team which had the arguably BEST teamwork doesn’t mean much. I mean, he got lead through the Forest of MEH where he resides by the duo of Corey and Donovan, and I doubt much would have been able to stop them from finding victory at the event. Bourbon was a pretty good cog, I’ll give him that, but nothing he did was axly, ya know, remarkable, or anything. And I’m pretty sure THAT is the Bourbon that I am going to get. Less than remarkable and a fair distance away from the excellence I displayed at that same event.

“OH GOD PLEASE NOT AGAIN”

Whereas HE did OKAY on a team with a TON of quality included, I was the SOLE REASON (...outside of SOMEONE who got LUCKY to be a substitute…) why my team won! Whereas Bourbon played the meat shield for his superiors, I WAS the superior person not only on MY team, but superior to Ned’s ENTIRE team, and as EVERY now understands, the MVP of ALL of the teams!

“BUT BOURBON-”

Give me a sec to check out my “Survivors” pic again real quick:



Well, would you look at that! NO Bourbon! Because BOURBON did what he is probs BEST at these days: “Barely there!” to paraphrase the new tagline of someone who worships me. The dude can’t even get his priorities right, ya know?

“Fact is, I hope I entertain the shit out of the people at War Games.”

What a dipshit. “IMMA ENTERTAIN BY LAYING ON THE MAT FOR THREE” is more like it. Dude mocking Rain for being the legitimate weirdo he is yet ending up with the exact SAME result that the freak did: A loser cog on a winning team. And you see, as I mentioned in the beginning, that is what is truly important here. Because as he’s all “ERMAHGERD REINVENTING MYSELF” the TRUTH is that all he’s done is reinvented himself as a loser! Dude has probably “reinvented” himself as many times as Eli James has had “rebirths,” so I wonder how long before Todd her puts his hair in a ponytail and hosts a kid show while expecting us to NOT call him out for his dumb shit, too. And for all you historians out there, I took THAT dipshit to the cleaners, too. All Todd here is doing is “reinventing” in a desperate bid to stop taking Ls for Gilly and find some sort of foothold in a wrestling world which has passed him buy.

Now, I DO appreciate that he DID eliminate a couple of people at War Games. Like, he was SO CLOSE. He was SO CLOSE to mattering. He was SO CLOSE to finding that relevance at the teat of Corey and Donovan. He was SO CLOSE to finding a reinvention into something which is palatable to a business dominated by someone as dynamic and successful as myself. But all he did was end up on his back, staring up at those damning lights, wondering what the hell happened, which is exactly what is going to happen on Saturday, if he’s not careful. Like, I FULLY expect to toss Todd’s lard butt over the top rope and the blast Barney the Jobbersaur with a Shining Wizard for the 3, or something similar, but it IS possible that he’ll try to put on his Big Boy Brand small clothes and mix it up with me. And in THAT case, the same thing which happens to EVERY overbearing moron who thinks he can post up on the Blood Princess will happen to him:

He’ll end up on the mat, his arm being pulled from his socket, while he can’t even find the room to breath. The Pigeonwing is fuckin’ DEADLY when I’m in the zone, guys. Just ask Corey about THAT one, let me tell you!

And that’s something which I find interesting, if you guys will allow me this small tangent. Like, I NEVER digress or anything like that, so this will be a first, ya know? I don’t expect either one of my opponents to do any REAL research, ya know, since that would be something that axly made sense. Oh, I expect them to read a bio or two, maybe watch a couple of vlogs, and overall be distracted by my brand, or perhaps that of Kenzi, or maybe even the #CoolKids as a whole. But REAL research? I’m not holding my breath. Because if they DID, they would realize that THIS ball of red and black hawtness has finished off opponents in a shocking variety of ways. I have made people tap out to the Pigeonwing (LOVE surprising people when they think they are pinning me!), laid them out for three after driving them into the Abyss, busted out a Shining Wizard or two, AND displayed my ability to stick a landing. I mentioned early on when I first got here that I have a LOT of weapons at my disposal, and I have PROVEN that.

What was Barney proven? That his greatest ability in this business is making others look better.

What has Bourbon proven? That he’s famously inconsistent and generically MEH.

And me?

What have I proven with my 8-0-1 record?

That there is a reason why #MainFearsSar

Welp, that’s it, baby birds! Its time for me to finish CRUSHING this test and FINALLY getting a (legal) license for the 5’2” Mafia! See ya at Savage!



* * * * * * * * * *


Still, in the end, Ronaldo did what he needed to do. After checking his bank account, and seeing that a large sum of money had been deposited from some phantom source...just as the man in the black trench coat who met him before his shift started said would happen...he did as he was instructed.

He passed the girl and gave her a license.

May God forgive him.

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[-] The following 3 users Like Lacklan's post:
"Loverboy" Vinnie Lane (06-06-2019), Barney Green (06-05-2019), red-x (01-25-2020)
Lacklan Offline
World's best at making murderhobos cry



XWF FanBase:
The 'cool' kliq fans

(booed by casual fans; opportunistic; often plays dirty while setting the trends)


#2
06-05-2019, 09:32 PM

Just a OOC note here to mention that after posting and reading, realized that I fucked up some HTML coding and it hid the text exchange. Fixed it so that it appears correctly this time! My bad!

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