You get a strange alert on your phone...? It says the number sending is 7. The message opens itself in your native message app, behaving like the craziest virus ever. In awe and wonder and a little terror, you read.

Congratulations! You've done the smartest thing ever in the world on the internet and left your phone number somewhere, sometime, and we somehow got it for probably like a fraction of a cent!

Welcome to the Robbie Bourbon Incorporated Valued Customers Catalogue!

As you realize Robbie Bourbon is somehow sending you text messages while you were doing whatever, wherever, you decide, do you ignore the messages? You get another message.

Don't ignore these messages! We will bring to you the greatest products and services on the planet, or your money back. For starters, I would like to discuss something that I am very excited about, the Bourbonique line of fashion. Available in such great places as T.J. Maxx, Target, Wal-Mart, and 7/11 in really remote areas, the Bourbonique line is comfortable, affordable, and stylish. Take my word for it, as a man of pure style, wearing the finest sequined masks, jackets, spandex onesies, and boots on the planet. If it's not Bourbonique, what is it then?

We see a series of pics below, first of Robbie Bourbon.



Then of a series of women in similar one strapped shirts, blouses, and dresses, doing the bared shoulder thing almost as a rule. They're, well, definitely some shirts, blouses, and dresses, maybe you see one that you like. You realise the light has turned green in front of you, or you're next to pay at the grocery store check out and someone asked what kind of bag for your bananas, or that there was definitely something way more important than hearing about some dumb one strapped fashion line, and close the message.