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B.O.B. D · (06-05-2019)

There I was, minding my own business watching some TV. Rather than watching one of my 50 different streaming apps, I was going the old fashioned route and enjoying some cable. I had been doing quite a bit of channel surfing, a prehistoric past time most people these days only hear stories about. As I sat back in my recliner, I mindlessly kept pressing the up button on my remote every few seconds in an attempt to find an entertaining program.

There was some show about these girls who apparently we're only famous because of their family. I watched for a short time, gathering something about how their dad made a bunch of money and they spend it. They made it sound like when they're not blowing their money, they're blowing athletes. And we're not talking about going into separate rooms to do it, oh no, these sluts just fuck guys WITH each other. Sisters and mom, it doesn't matter as long as they're getting their nut. NEXT.

WWE programming. Interesting. There were two wrestlers on the screen I had NEVER heard of. I watched their match, some snooze fest with no story going on. Neither men seemed to have the look OR talent to be there, but were anyway. It kind of made it that much sadder my Warfare opponent, Mr. Kennedy, couldn't make it there. NEXT.

Wait, what? I thought I was watching an episode of Keeping Up With the Trashians again, but I KNOW I had gone up in channels. It took me a few minutes of watching to realize I was watching a BASKETBALL game, it just so happened one of these teams had been the family's play things on that night's episode. My mistake, but NEXT, nonetheless.

This was a rather interesting program, apparently it was some kind of infomercial for selling rabbits. I may be a douchebag, but that doesn't mean I'm not a fan of cuddly animals. With a smile, I put my remote down and indulged in the show.

"My rabbit knows exactly what I like," one woman stated in an almost sexual way. Interesting.

"My rabbit is there for me when I need some TLC," another woman said with a wink to the camera.

I was a little confused and wondered if my cable provider had picked up some kind of animal fetish channel. As I went to grab the remote, I was introduced to the 'rabbits' these woman were raving about: a dildo! My mouth dropped, as I was completely stupefied by this advertisement. This wasn't just an ordinary dildo, oh no, this one had a vibrating rabbit ear clit tickler at its base.

"Oh my God!" I gasped, confused as to why it HAD to be rabbit ears. Seemed a little creepy to me. As hot as it may have been to listen to these lonely women describe how much this thing made them squirm............. NEXT!!!!!

This channel had much more respectable content, as it was a documentary on former President John F. Kennedy. They talked about the usual facts we all know, like how he was destroying Marilyn Monroe behind his wife's back. As much as I enjoyed history, there was something about this show that was rubbing me the wrong way.

Kennedy did this.
Kennedy did that.

Every few seconds I'd hear another person mention the name Kennedy and it reminded me of my match coming up. Though he could never live up to his namesake, my opponent was also a Kennedy(but not one of them, obviously).

I pulled out my phone, wanting to check up on my opponent. Being the loudmouth he is, I expected him to blabber on about how awesome or glorious or whatever he thinks he is. I scrolled through the XWF's website, sure enough coming across a recorded promo of his. With a deep breath and a hit of my pipe, I pressed play and began to watch.

I couldn't believe the things that spewed out of Mr. Kennedy and Paul Heyman's mouths. I could believe they'd be dumb enough to SAY them, but much like before it was all a bunch of bullshit. They still are convinced I lost at War Games and that I'm some sort of nobody.

After finishing his promo, if you could even call it that, I locked my phone and stared at the Kennedy documentary on my television. They were showing the famous Zapruder film of Kennedy's assassination. I watched as Kennedy's brains blew out onto the motorcade, as his terrified wife reached out screaming. As bad as it was, the scene reminded me I had my own killshot to pull on a certain Kennedy.

I walked over to my computer and booted it up. Once it was all up and running, I turned my webcam on and began recording a response to my Warfare opponent.

"Well, well, well," I began. "Mr. Kennedy, you and your manager are clearly men who love to use the word clearly to make sure everyone understands you clearly. But that's all that word is for you, JUST a word. You speak about all these things and yet what's REALLY clear is that you don't have a clue. Clearly. You're still going on about how I 'lost' at War Games......"

I made sure to emphasize the word 'lost' with finger quotes, so even him and his buddy's stupid asses could understand.

"I would once again state that even though I was eliminated, my TEAM which I was apart of, won. But you clearly don't seem to understand that, so I'm gonna spell it out for you in a way even your pea sized brain can understand: what happens during an elimination Tag Team Match, let's say for the Tag Team Titles? If one partner gets eliminated, but the other one fights through the odds and wins, is it just that ONE wrestler who walks away with the belts? NO. You can make whatever argument you want, tell me I'm presenting you with fakes news, whatever excuse you wanna come up with; the fact of the matter is the whole TEAM gets credit for the victory. Idiot."

"I knew that when I tapped out. What you apparently DON'T know was the stakes to that match. You see, all I had to do was have ANYONE on my team be the final person standing and I get a Universal Title shot. So you can criticize me for tapping out all you want. I did it on purpose. Had I been an idiot, like you THINK I am, I would've held on and tried to fight it and probably gotten myself injured. Then I wouldn't be able to face Robert Main, and I wouldn't be wrestling your talentless ass tomorrow! I didn't lose anything at War Games, Ken, I played my cards right. I folded one hand so I could afford to play the next one. I'm sure even you can understand that logic."

"Speaking of logic, it makes me very happy to know it was YOU who wanted the K in your stable's name. While I get the K stands for your name, I have another question for you: why Kennedy? It's no secret when you had your run in TNA you went by your REAL last name of Anderson. Most people believed it to be because WWE owned the rights to the Kennedy brand, so you had to go with something else. But here you are, back to Kennedy, no WWE lawsuit. Do you know what that says to me, Mr. Anderson? It tells me you were so ashamed of your time in TNA that you didn't want people to remember your run there. But we do, Anderson. I also know the name Kennedy brings even MORE embarrassment for you. The first Money in the Bank winner to NOT be able to cash in his briefcase, the man who went from WWE golden boy to WWE future endeavored. Which I'll give you credit, isn't as bad as being released from TNA but OOOPPPPS, you were that too!"

I let out a little chuckle, shaking my head at the mess that is my opponent. He was right about one thing, I DIDN'T take him very seriously at all. Truth is I wasn't the only one, the jokes backstage ran quite rampant about this AGK stable. Just a bunch of hasbeens trying to cash in on whatever glimmer of fame they once had. Luckily for me, my opponent wasn't someone who was good at cashing in. Despite all of this, it was time for me to actually BE serious for a moment.

"You guys criticized me for playing games and not taking you seriously. Ken, here's something you're gonna learn come Warfare: I let my in-ring work do the talking. I don't need a gimmick to make myself stand out, I don't need to yell my name so the world can hear me.......my wrestling ability speaks for itself. While things may be all fun and games right now, once that belt rings, you're gonna see just how seriously I take what I do. Watch some tape and you'll feel like a bigger dumbass than you already are. You seem so oblivious to the fact you're gonna step into the ring with the Number 1 Contender, that I really don't think you did your homework. And it's fine, Ken, you'll learn tomorrow night, just like I did when I first arrived here."

"While you might believe I'm just messing around, you'll soon figure out I have meaning to the things I do. Like playing a video game against a character based off of you. It might look like I'm just goofing off, but I learned some of your moveset by getting my virtual ass kicked for a while. I scouted holds you know, slams you'll attempt, and it's gonna put me that much closer to victory. It's definitely alot more relevant than reliving how you and your gay-wad friends came together. You think anyone in XWF cares how AGK became a thing? We don't. The only thing I'd like to know is how you had cameras back then chronicling your adventure. I would accuse you and your buddies of reenacting it, but you're such a vain person, it wouldn't surprise me to know you just have a camera following you everywhere. Well, at Warfare, you're gonna be wishing the cameras were all off after the beating I put you through. When I pick you up for the Dan Slam, you're gonna be rethinking ever joining AGK and coming into MY yard! And that ain't no story, it's the COOOOOOLD, BIIIIIIIIG D TRUUUUUUUUTH!!!!!!"

I mocked him once again. Before I turned off my webcam, I held up a finger for a sec and leaned out of camera view. I then came back in, a piece of gum now in my mouth. I furiously chewed on it for a good ten seconds, before going to spit it out. Instead of doing that, though, I grinned and took the wad out of my mouth, placing it on the webcam so the screen would go black.

"Things aren't that clear anymore, Huh?" I asked before posting the video to the website.

I felt good about Warfare. Kennedy was gonna be a warm up for my Universal Title shot. After I run through him, it's on to Robert Main and Donovan Blackwater

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