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X-treme Wrestling Federation » Warfare Boards » Warfare RP Board
Tiger Woods Won The Masters So Old People Are Cool Now
Author Message
Centurion Offline
Active in XWF



XWF FanBase:
Traditionalists

(has an old school wrestling mentality; no nonsense; less appealing to some younger fans)


#1
04-16-2019, 08:00 AM



(We begin with Centurion staring directly into the camera. The high budget production normally seen in your typical wrestling promo has been replaced with Centurion awkwardly trying to get his cell phone in the right position.)

Centurion: Are we live? Can you hear me?

(Centurion continues to adjust his phone so the viewers get a good look at him, as well as the backdrop. Centurion is standing on the rooftop terrace of the David L. Lawrence Convention Center in Pittsburgh, PA. Rain is falling at a pretty steady rate, but Centurion, who is wearing a green “Achievement Hunter” hoodie and a pair of kackis, seems to be unphased by it.)

Centurion: Hello CircleTV viewers, thanks for tuning into my livestream. I’m here in Pittsburgh – just finished another autograph session at Tekko. I’ve been all over this city the past four days – thank you very much to everyone I have met and spoken to this weekend. Pittsburgh was always a second home to me, especially when I was in college in Erie, so to come back and to see so much enthusiasm here is amazing. I’m about to hit the road, but there’s some things I wanted to get off my chest…namely, a number I wanted to share with you all.

21.

That’s the amount of times Noah Jackson and his friends said the word “cunt” in their most recent production.

Now, I get it. He’s from another land where that word is more acceptable, but seriously? 21 times? I can’t think of any word that can be said 21 times in the course of five minutes that wouldn’t become instantly annoying at the end. Say I called someone a “fish”. There’s nothing offensive about the word “fish”, and at first you might be like “heh, that’s new and funny.” Then say, over the next 5 minutes, I use the word “fish” TWENTY ONE FUCKING TIMES! Eventually you’ll hate me, you’ll hate fish, and you’ll hate all sea life in general.

I’m going to be honest – I don’t even think Noah Jackson is Australian at all. I think he pretends to be Australian so he can call people “cunts”, and when someone yells at him for using that word, he can scream “you’re a racist!” at them. No self-respecting Australian actually sounds like that. Noah Jackson sounds like an Outback Steakhouse commercial – giving America all the “greatest hits” of Australian stereotypes while glancing over the horrible treatment of indigenous tribes and the awful bugs that will kill you in seconds. I believe a lot of things about the XWF. I believe there is a zombie, a time traveler, a woman trapped in a little boy’s body, a vampire, and whatever the fuck EDWARD is, but I do not believe for a second that Noah Jackson is Australian. That’s expecting me to suspend my disbelief just a little too much.

I don’t have much hope for Noah Jackson and his prospects within the XWF. He seems to be going for the “be so offensive that no one can notice that you have no substance” route that many of the wrestlers over the past five years seem to have taken. Give Noah six months, and he’ll be looking for employment elsewhere. Once he realizes he’s not championship material, he will blame ownership, blame the fans, probably blame me and some other old guys, and go somewhere else where he has friends…IF he has friends. That might be the other most unbelievable part of Noah Jackson’s promo – the idea that people actually want to hang out with him.

Let the trash be trash. I can’t be disappointed in someone whom I had no expectations for in the first place. I can, however, be disappointed in Ned Kaye, whom I have had high hopes for, but the way he reacted to my words makes me a big skeptical now.

Let me first let Ned Kaye, and any young wrestler, in on a little secret – you don’t have to respond to EVERYTHING your opponent says. I know it’s a strange concept, but just because your opponent comes out and says something, doesn’t mean you have to drop everything and respond to it. You could just, I don’t know…live your life. Say what you wanted to say in the first place.

See, Ned Kaye basically let it slip that I’m already in his head. He took one throw away line – me mentioning that the front office is rooting for me to win – and turned that into a 5 minute promo about him whining that everyone is against him. Not only that, but he has taken to Twitter, arguing that his stuff won’t be “promoted” because he’s seen as “mid-tier”.

Dude…you’re getting a Universal Title shot because Robert Main likes you. You’re fighting for a shot at the Hart Title in your third match with the company. Clearly management does like you – in fact, they REALLY like you. The only reason they’re rooting for me to win is because narrative drives ratings. Professional golf got their comeback story with Tiger Woods winning the Masters at the age of 43 with several back surgeries. Do you think the PGA Tour was rooting for Tiger, knowing the money he would draw with ratings and ticket sales? Or do you think they were sitting back, going “meh, I don’t care if Tiger wins or if Patrick Cantlay wins, it means all the same to me.” That doesn’t mean the commissioner of the PGA Tour is going to run onto the 15th tee and shatter Patrick Cantlay’s knee caps, but we still live in a capitalistic society, and those that keep money are going to want to prop up those that MAKE money.

Could Ned Kaye be a big draw at some point? Sure, if he stopped letting things get to his head and he became less whiney. No one is saying Ned doesn’t, or hasn’t, worked hard to get to where he is, but he seems to have this chip on his shoulder that he’s going to need to get rid of real fast if he wants any shot at moving forward. He’s putting pressure on himself so early into his career – talking about being an “idea” and a “movement” and how he’s fighting for all the hard working people – dude, give it a rest.

You’re good, but you’re not yet great, and until you become great, you need to stop putting the world on your back. You can’t fight for other people until you fight for yourself. Prove you’re something before you become an icon. And yes, I know, you “fought on the indies”. No knock on that – I have no problem with indie guys, but wrestling in the indies is a lot different than wrestling here, and I’m sure you know that already.

I say all this stuff as someone who genuinely likes Ned Kaye. I want to see him succeed. He has a good head on his shoulder, he is in this business for all the right reasons, and he isn’t some foul mouthed Australian Bill Burr wannabe. This business needs new names and faces in order to grow. So when I see Ned Kaye, or Thaddeus Duke, or Dolly Waters, or Vita Valenteen, or…as much as I hate to admit it, Sarah Lacklan, I know the business is moving in the right direction, and everything will be in good shape when old folks like me finally walk away…or die, whichever comes first.

But we’re talking about the future. We’re talking about what happens when I’m gone, not what’s going to happen now that I’m back. I’m not planning on “putting anyone over”. I’m not going to be “passing the torch”. I did that a few times, and I’m done with it. That’s why it makes sense that Ned Kaye and Noah Jackson have turned their attention towards each other – they’re going to need something to do when they’re both taken out of Hart Title contention. Maybe, whoever wins – and it’s likely to be Ned Kaye – will receive a shot after I take down Dolly Waters and win my first ever Hart Title…but only if they’re good.

I’ll leave you with this – some people find a way to reinvent themselves to stay alive and relevant, and some people fall under the crushing vibrancy of their own intensity. I used to think I was one of the people who was crushed. Now, I’m starting to feel like someone who has reinvented themselves. So if Ned Kaye and Noah Jackson think they’re going to get some broken old man in that ring, they’re sadly mistaken. I still have dreams, and I still have goals, and I’m going to work harder than I ever have before to achieve those goals. Thank you all for tuning in. See you at Warfare!


-This Livesteam Has Ended-

[Image: UdLSPlv.png]
XWF Record - 212-95-9
XWF All Time Wins Record Holder
Official XWF Legend
3x XWF Anarchy Champion
3x XWF World Champion
8x XWF Canadian Champion (Record for most Canadian Title reigns)
1x XWF Hart Champion
6x XWF X-Treme Champion
5x XWF Tag Team Champion
2x XWF United States Champion
Inaugural XWF IDL Champion 
1x XWF King of Anarchy
1x XWF King of Massacre
1x XWF Stable Champion
XWF Star Of The Month - May 2007
XWF Star Of The Month - July 2009
XWF Star Of The Month - December 2019
XWF Star Of The Month - December 2021
XWF Holiday Battle Royal Winner - 2007

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"Loverboy" Vinnie Lane (04-16-2019), B.O.B. D (04-16-2019), Corey Smith (04-16-2019), Darius Xavier (04-23-2019), James Raven (04-16-2019), Peter Fn Gilmour (04-17-2019), Rain (04-16-2019), Robert "The Omega" Main (04-16-2019)




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