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X-treme Wrestling Federation » Warfare Boards » Warfare RP Board
Sick Cunt
Author Message
Noah Jackson Offline
Very Serious Wrestler



XWF FanBase:
Hardly anyone to be honest

(booed by most fans; hurts people even when not supposed to; often angry and shitty)


#1
04-16-2019, 03:34 PM

SICK CUNT





At an old skatepark we used to hang out, I have my farewell party with friends as the sun sets.

“It says a lot about the supposed number one Uni contender is the last to speak up, it says a whole fucking lot that the same cunt complains about me enjoying the company of my friends before I hop on a plane to the states while last week he hung out with a washed up bitch in a rubber suit; as he watched Rogan matches to look for that hunk of shits weak spot?”

“Cunt, wasn’t you in a match with him already? If you’re so observant as you think you are, could you not get a good idea of the prick as you guided him over the ropes? Snuck up behind him and clubbed his knee? Is hands-on experience not good enough to measure an opponent? No, I suppose not. Why not sit on your ass as you let some prick take advantage of your wallet and teach you how to wrestle instead. Get cucked, kid."

“The reason why I ‘bark’ about how much better I am is because I know I am. I don’t have to prance around with my Indie Darling sash draped proudly over my delicate shoulders. Ned, you dense little goblin of a man, this may come as a shock to you.”


I come uncomfortably close to the camera and whisper.

“Everyone started in the indies, cunt.”

I back up, feigning awe with my amazing acting skills.

“Fuck me right!? Mind-blowing to think that not just you, but every single cunt in the XWF had to earn their stripes at some point! The fact is Ned, most people understand that but none of them uses it to justify themselves. Centurion here with his past accomplishments doesn’t mean shit, mate. Oh, I was this when I was great then. Shit don’t matter, mate. What matters is right fucking now and right fucking now Ned you’re looking like a right sack. Trying to prove that this opportunity you’ve been handed to you was actually deserved from years of hard work on the indies? Mate, I’ve been on the fucking indies for six years; I worked my ass off for twenty dollars a night for six years and when I came here, I made a single mention about that in my first promo for Anarchy and right fucking now. I didn’t base my life of it. Stop being so entitled you moronic little jizz rag; get your fucking head out from that widened asshole of yours due to many years of fingering yourself over Meltzer giving you 4 stars for your performance against Jarvis Cottonbelly in a high school gym, get the thought of taking a body slam from Main out of your thick skull and wake the fuck up.”

“Also, I exercise daily but who the fuck wants to watch that shit? You want a taste, cunt?”


I begin to do star jumps, without spilling a drop of beer. Impressive much?

“Fucking stamina of a stallion here, cunt.”

I then switch it up to lunges, not even remotely out of breath.

“Only exercise you do in typing on twitter, shame this match isn’t a thumb war or else you’d have a shot.”

I finish my exercises.

“Here’s the big thing though Ned, for all your master plan bullshit, with how figured out you think you’ve got me. You’ve fucked up immensely. I say jump.”

[Image: 4QTey3M.png]

“You jump.”

“When I say roll over.”

'Good boy!'


“You fucking roll over.”

“When I give you the last word, you jump on that like it’s the tastiest bone you’ve ever fucking seen. Ned, I have you wrapped around my fucking finger mate. For me, a guy who apparently amounts to fuck all and isn't worth your time, a bloke who doesn't deserve to be in this match, I sure command a lot of attention from you. Bet you didn’t plan for that, cunt.”

“Next is Cunturion telling the ankle biters to get off his lawn.”

“The thing that perplexes me here is you said it yourself when a word is said so much it loses all meaning. It’s lost all meaning to you and I think everyone watching at home, so how am I try so hard to be offensive? You can’t be offensive with a word that means nothing, yeah? You senile old bitch, make your mind up. Look up you, making basic blanket statements while grasping at straws. I’m not Australian? Are you fucking kidding me, mate? You’re meant to be a veteran, a dude who has seen it all and you go for such a pussy, newcomer stab like that?”

“I expect that shit from Ned, but you? Where’s this class you hoped to bring back to the XWF? No, you’ve backed the fuck up on that and now you’ve come down to the level of pond scum, no fuck that pond scum is too good for you, you’re the bacteria that suck up fish shit and whale bones from the bottom of the ocean, that level you despise, you’ve come down to it. What the actual fuck are you? You wander around aimlessly looking to people like Raven for direction and when they don’t guide you, you become just another useless, old cunt. The same kinda cunt XWF and so many places always see.”

“The returning veteran who has a handful of matches, loses more than he would like and throws a tantrum and spits his dummy, fucking off calling us the assholes for calling him out on his bullshit. The same prick who says I’ll last six months when he’s the fuckwit who dipped for what, six plus years? The same cunt who talks shit about me hanging around with the ‘paid actors’”


I really hope it was very obvious that was a joke, can never tell with these yanks.

“But thinks watching TV and bothering a poor, helpless woman for nudes is entertaining. Fuck, you and Ned are more alike than I thought. Cent you’re kidding yourself if you think this is the renaissance of your career. This is just a rubber band snapping back; there’s a good reason why me and Ned are playing such close attention to each other now and it’s because no one cares about a fading star. Just do everyone a favour and turn off your life support, you just keep dragging this weird smell with you when you send in a promo. Smells like failure and adult nappies.”

“Get your cataracts sorted, mate because they’re fucking up your foresight pretty bad. You complain about modern XWF, yet you go for the good, old hit em’ low style that shit-heels called a staple here. You complain about how management let these changes happen when you say I’m the type of cunt to blame management. You say I’m trash? Well, looks like this trash got you to drop that Final Fantasy shit this time around? Look at you, I have you so wrapped around my finger you might as well be blushing because I’m basically fingering that grey little pussy between your varicose vein ridden thighs. Face it cunt, you try to brush me off because you can’t match my level. Talking shit is not your strong point, stick to things you’re good at like letting over people do the real work for you and staying irrelevant.”

“Also, why the fuck are you disappointed in Ned Kaye? Why the fuck does everyone have high hopes for him? Do you lot need a reminder of his career so far? Lost in the fucking pre-show on a pay-per-view where Centurion, a cunt who nobody remembered, managed to get on the card. Beat Rogan, a cunt anyone who could curl a fist could knock out and that’s fucking it. Apart from that, he tweets about how gnarly XWF is. How fucking dumb can you cunts be? You see me, a cunt who can cause a scene, can get attention on himself so fucking easily, can beat the shit out of a little bitch who is greener than goose shit and some wrinkled-up has-been who has to use his past accomplishments as a walker because he doesn’t have a leg to stand on otherwise. Noah fucking Jackson who is flying to America tomorrow morning, going into Connecticut on Thursday, walking into Anarchy and throwing some spak in spandex out the ring. With my promos out the way, I’m going to eat my Wheaties, take my vitamins and train at a regular pace because neither of you fucks deserve more and walk out of Warfare, the number one contender to the Hart title.”

“Now, before I go back to enjoying my going away party, I’ll leave you with some parting words. Thank you, you absolute should-have-been abortions for wasting my time, boring the fans at home and most importantly thank you for helping…”


I turn around to my groups of friends, acquaintances and paid actors on the benches and throw my arms to get them to shout in unison.

“PUSH NOAH!”

I down my grog and turn back to the camera with a smile.

“Now, like the gentleman I am, I'll let Ned have the last words."

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FORMER:
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W | L | D
226 | 11 | 81

Star of the Month (August 2019)
1/3 Star of the Month (January 2020) with Fuzz and our Subaru
RP of the Month (November 2019) with Big Disappointment
Holder of the most wins in the XWF (Mostly house shows)
Holder of the most draws in XWF (All on Anarchy)
Winner of Sickest Cunt of the Year 2020
Winner of Greatest Wrestler who ever lived 2022
Holder of the world's rarest pog collection (Valued at $200)
Owner of Ned Kaye's cat that Ned named Deepthroat for some weird reason
Voted most feared man by Centurion (Twice!)
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