"EDWARD..."

"Edward, inside voice please."

Edward huffs in frustration as he concentrates really hard to speak in a normal tone.

"Edward have match against Big D again. This time, it just Edward and Big D in the ring. No little man, no black man, just us. That mean that this match be true test of warrior spirit. Big D may be strong warrior once, but Big D fat and sloppy like woman after child birth. Edward know this as truth because Edward already seen what Big D can do first hand. Edward strong warrior. Edward train and hunt every day. That because Edward know he must keep skills sharp or other warrior come along and take Edward title as strongest warrior."

"Poor Hamilton..."

"Kitty was cunning prey, but Edward kill mercifully and use all of kitty. Nothing go to waste."

Lord Thurston begins to get teary eyed at the thought of Edward killing and eating his pet cat the other day.

"Edward even make necklace for manager."

Edward presents Lord Thurston with a crudely made necklace crafted with Hamilton's bones and some twine. Lord Thurston lets out a wail and leaves the room.

"Hmm, Edward thought it was nice necklace."

Edward shrugs and pulls the necklace over his head.

"Big D think he strong enough to beat Edward, but what Big D do to prove that? All Big D do since he come here is take Edward shinny. Big D not even can do that like true warrior. Big D know he must attack Edward from behind to get shinny because he no match for Edward in a battle. Big D not have that option this time. Big D must stand face to face with Edward and fight Edward like true warrior. That where Big D find out he should have stayed... Um..."

Suddenly Lord Thurston's broken sobbing voice echos from the other room.

"RETIRED!"

"Big D find out he should have stayed returd!"

"NO, RETIRED EDWARD, RETIRED!"

"RE-TIE-ERD! EDWARD LEARNING MANY NEW WORDS SINCE COMING TO..."

"Inside voice!" He says with a touch of frustration.

"Main land." Edward says in a lowered tone, without skipping a beat. "Edward manager show Edward Big D matches from magic mirror. Edward see lots of fancy moves, but Edward not need fancy moves to win fight. Edward win fight because Edward strong and Edward... um... Blurgan?"

"Bludgeon!"

"Blugon Big D to death!"

A teary eyed Lord Thurston reenters the room. He pats his eyes with a handkerchief and then stands beside of Edward.

"Why don't you let me take over from here Edward?"

"Okay, Edward go hunt for food then!"

"Sure sure."

Edward grabs his spear and leaves the room before a thought enters Lord Thurston's head.

"EDWARD, PLEASE DON'T KILL THE DOGS!"

Lord Thurston waits, but doesn't receive a response. He sighs as he tries to refocus on the task at hand.

"Dear... Big D...." You can tell it pains him just to utter that ridiculous name. "I'm quite sure that you deem yourself most ready for the challenge before you. After all, you are a veteran of ten plus years, and I'm sure that you've seen all sorts in your various travels. Of course, if you haven't wrestled a match in the last ten years, and you're only at the age of 32, then perhaps you aren't as experienced as you would lead people to believe? Could it be? A wrestler that lies? One that stretches the truth in an effort to raise the public perception of himself higher than it ever deserves to be? Well of course my dear boy, that's what they all do! All of them except for Edward that is. Edward is ignorant to the ways of our world. He doesn't fully comprehend the idea of recording these vignettes to further sell both yourself and the company that employees you. Oddly enough, even if he did understand, I doubt he would have very much interest in the idea. Edward is something that is so very rare in our world today, he's honest and innocent. If Edward tells you something, it doesn't necessarily make it true, but it does mean that he believes it with all of his heart. So when Edward says that you're no match for him, you must know it to be true? You're a pudgy out of practice wrestler who has resurfaced from a past that nobody but you seems to recall. Either you're entire story is a fabrication, or the career that you walked away from was less stellar than that of Kid Kool, whom everyone will remember as one of the most obnoxious creatures to ever grace a television screen. Edwards entire life up to this moment has been a fight for survival. He has shared many great tales from his former life, and I must say, nobody in the XWF could possibly survive the conditions that he once called home. Freezing colds, roasting summers, dangerous hunts, and invading tribes. Edward is a true warrior just as he says, and he was forged from the fires of necessity. What have you ever done in your life to compare to that, lift some weights and drink a protein shake? You, Big D, are not ready for the mauling that comes at Savage, but I'm more than ready to watch Edward send you out of this business for another decade or two!"

ARFFF!!!

Lord Thurston's eyes shift to the window as he peers outside to see Edward retreiving a spear from one of his rottweilers.

"EDWARD, NOOO!!!"