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Robert "The Omega" Main · (03-19-2019)

Bob, you seem irritated?

Robert runs his fingers through his dirty blond hair then tugs at his beard for a moment eyeballing a school bus parked in the Hilton Hotel parking lot. The bus is the standard yellow with a twist only Drew could have come up with. It added a certain flavor.

So, you decided to take multiple colors of spray paint and paint APEX on every square inch of the school bus?

I did people needed to know it was us, Bob. You like?

Robert nods in agreement

I do.. It’s us for sure. Why in the hell did you park the bus long ways in I don’t know?

Robert takes a few footsteps back his snakeskin cowboy boots clicking on the blacktop with each step backwards. Robert then begins counting all the parking spaces.

At least five parking spaces. Oh, and look they are all handicapped to top it off.

Drew raises his hands aggerated

Excuse me, Robert! I’m sorry I made your walk to the APEX touring bus more convenient. Heaven forbid I try to do something nice. I looked around for two seconds trying to find a parking space. That’s two seconds of my life I’ll never get back. Two Robert (Drew waves two fingers in Robert’s face before moving on) They always have more handicapped parking spots than needed. Look around not one single handicapped or disabled person in sight. It’s not like they are hosting the handicapped Olympics or anything.

Well, of course, you don’t see any.. You’re parked in all the spots. I don’t understand how this thing hasn’t been towed, or there aren’t any tickets. What made you think of doing something like this?

So you remember when you posted that tweet about the APEX bus is going to keep rolling into March Madness?

Yeah, but I didn’t mean it literally man.

Robert I take everything literally. Anyway, I took your AMEX card and bought this bus.

That seems about right.

Bob, it’s got all the bells and whistles a normal school bus has. Heat, air, safety, two captain’s chairs up front, plus Bobby. You’ll love this. I had the inside updated to our liking. All the seats were removed, and two queen bunk beds were installed just in case we meet some chicks and want to go to pound town. It’s got a kitchen sink with running water a microwave, refrigerator, counter space for making cocktails, that’s for you especially. There is ample room for food prep and long couch and table for us to eat at. There is 5 G internet and a Roku TV for all our viewing pleasures. The fridge is packed with food. The cabinets are stocked with food and bourbon just for you. This thing is high-class Bob. Top of the line. There is nothing like it on the streets. Oh, and one last added touch. There are hangers for all our championship gold as we thunder down the road.

Robert starts leisurely strolling around the bus.

I don’t doubt that at all. So, was this thing dropped off or what?

About that.. I…. I uh…. I picked it up and drove it back here.

Drew you don’t even have a license to drive a regular vehicle. So you decide to drive a bus?

Bob, it’s only a big deal if you get caught. Oh, one last thing come around to the back.

Robert & Drew trudge to the back of the bus as Drew points with a massive smile at what used to read School Bus. Robert grins from ear to ear shaking his head. Drew took black spray paint covering up the “S” and “H”.

COOL BUS BOB! COOL BUS!!!!

I’ve got to say, I like it.

Instantaneously a vehicle pulls up alongside Robert and Drew as a man leans out the window furiously screaming at our heroes.

Are you two sons of bitch’s serious right now? The two of you are ass holes! You are parked in every single handicapped spot!

Woah guy why don't you cool those jets.I didn’t do this.

Robert points at Drew

Hey hombre first off, all there is no need for that kind of terrible talk. Secondly, we're not ass holes, you’re the one screaming like a lunatic. Thirdly this is a COOL BUS we can park where ever the hell we’d like. COOL BUS jack. COOL BUS.

Hey dick head I’m handicapped. I use a wheelchair!

(shouting)That sounds like a personal problem!

That’s it I’m calling the cops!

Shit the fuzz, Bob, we’ve got to go.

Yeah, let's bounce.

Drew & Robert get on the bus greeted by the APEX mascot Harley. Drew pats Harley on the head sitting in the driver’s seat. Robert grabs Drew by the shoulder motioning for him to get his ass up. Drew rolls his eyes sitting in the passenger’s captain’s chair folding his arms with a grimace as Robert takes his seat turning the key starting the mammoth bus. Robert then pats Harley on the head as she lays down in her doggie bed in between the two front seats. Robert leers over at Drew.

Are you really going to pout about not driving?

No! Let’s go before 5-0 gets here.

What’s all those papers wadded up on the floor?

Oh, I don’t know.. Some ass hole kept putting them under our windshield wipers. I just wadded them up and tossed them in here.

Did you read them to see what they were?

Reading is for losers Bobby.

Robert reaches down un-wadding one then tosses it at Drew hitting him in the side of the head

They are tickets ass hole. $250 dollar fine for each of them. Can you guess why?

Drew shrugs

Being parked in a handicapped parking spot you dick head. So what’s $250 times 5 parking spots times 4 freaking days Drew?

How in the hell am I supposed to know Bob? I’m no math wiz..

It’s common match jackass.. Your good idea cost me $5,000 dollars. You’re paying it..

Well I took common core math. Put it on my tab, Bob.

Yeah the tab you’ll never pay.

Bob, let me get back on my feet first huh?

You’ve been out for well over a year.

Might I remind you I laid in a coma for a good 9 months?

Oh you don’t have to remind me. I was there daily paying the bills.

How about some music Bob.

Drew hits the radio

Oh my god I love this song and were on the highway..

Robert rolls his eyes

Out of all the things that could be on.. Kenny fucking Loggins?

Don’t you ever say his name in vein Robert. He is an ICON!

No way. He’s a pussy..

Anyway…. I tossed my burner phone as I said on Savage, Raven been in contact?

Why in the hell do you need a burner phone anyway?

The government is tracking us man.

You honestly might be right about that. I say something and all of a sudden it pops up on one of my feeds or I get an email about it.

See Bob you can never be too careful. Burner phone all the way.

So, Raven. We’ve spoken a few times. He’s flying out today. We’re lucky he’s doing us a favor. Jim really put us in a bad spot this time around. We owe James for this.

Jim has always placed us behind the eight ball Bob. James and I go way back. I’m sure you and I will return the favor in some way shape or forum.. Miami here we come. I’m going to hit the beach hard Bob. Lay out, not too much skin cancer is a real thing. Any way you want to talk about the whole Jim thing we’ve got a long ride ahead of us.

Robert shakes his head no

What’s there to talk about man. He ditched us. End of story. I’m just glad he beat Chaos’s ass.

We should have just let him finish that rat bastard off.

Robert reaches over smacking Drew on the arm

Drew, that’s not who we are. We are the good guys remember. Plus, now I get the opportunity to play the white knight riding in on my steed slaying the man who thinks he’s a dragon.

I know that’s not who we are Bob. But what if the cry baby leaves you no other choice? What if he makes you pull the trigger? You are the nice guy here. What happens if you lose your patients? What happens then? In those moments evil thrives.

The way Robert’s eyes squinted as Chaos’s name was mentioned it reminded Drew of a pit of viper's. Drew then gulped nervously. He could see a burning animosity was developing in Robert's eyes, and he could tell Chaos was the likely the root. Robert continues leering out the windshield. His hand's white knuckle on the huge steering wheel. His eyes flashed with aggravation, much like lightning on a pitch-black night. At that moment Drew couldn't recognize Robert anymore, the man he used to know was gone for a few moments.

Drew, that’s not going to happen.

Robert felt something deep down in the pit of his stomach, something that he hasn’t felt for a very long time. Something dark, evil something he couldn’t put a finger on. All he knew was a burning rage hissed through his body like a deadly poison, howling clamoring for a release from its cage in the form of unwanted brutality. It was like a volcano was about to explode. Violence sweeping through Robert blood like barbaric waves at sea. The wrath was consuming, engulfing his moral fiber, destroying all of Robert’s boundaries.

Bob, you okay?

Robert snaps back.

Yeah man. I’m…. I’m fine.. Just that piece of shit ya know?

Robert listen we all despise Chris Chaos. We always have. Want a road beer?

Robert looks at Drew bewildered as they continued rolling down the highway

I’m driving Drew. We are literally rolling down the highway in a mobile billboard saying pulls us over.

Bobby, come on. Only if you get caught. Plus it will settle you down.

Fuck it. Sure.

There’s my man. Be right back

Drew disappears to the back of the bus for a few moments then reemerges with one ice cold Miller High Life (because it’s the Champaign of beers) and a container of chocolate almond milk with a huge bag of pork rinds. Drew wasted no time in opening Robert’s beer.

PSSSSTTTTTTTTTTT…………………..

Here Bob.

Drew hands, Robert, his beer. As Robert stares at the chocolate almond milk. Robert & Drew cheers both taking drinks of each of their beverages.

Who in the hell drinks chocolate almond milk?

I do Bobby. You want to try some. It’s good for you. I get me going. Pep in my step. Ya know what I mean Bob-o? It will put lead in your pencil.

I hate all mike. How’s that shit even made? They smash the things and get the juice out of them or what?

Drew laughs out loud

What’s so funny?

Smash the juice out of them? Really, Robert, that’s just stupid.

Okay dick lick how is it made then?

The guy that knows everything…. The same way cows make milk Robert..

Robert looks at Drew perplexed

What do……. You…. Mean?

Bob it’s no different than chocolate milk. They find a brown cow. Same with chocolate almond milk.

I’m not sure that’s how that works man.

Bob.. Stop. They find pregnant chocolate almonds and milk them just like cows.

Drew next time you see an almond look to see if it has a set of tits. I promise you it won’t have them.

You’re on Bob. Get prepared to eat crow.

I bet every cent I have in the bank on this one.

I accept checks or money orders, Bob.

Okay!

Ah, nothing like road beer and ice-cold chocolate almond milk in Florida on a super-hot ass day. Hell, you go outside you immediately have swamp ass with a side of ball soup. That’s why I don’t shower when it’s this hot and humid.

What do you mean you don’t shower? That’s disgusting.. Is that what I’m smelling? It’s ripe.

Drew smiles wrestling with the bag of pork rinds opening the bag sending them flying all over the front of the bus. Harley quickly eats everything within her vicinity as Drew pops a few into his mouth.

That smell is me. But it’s because I farted.

Come on man.. There is no need to crop dust.

Bob when you have to let loose you have to let loose.

Robert takes another drink of his beer placing it between his legs for the time being.

Let’s get back to the Chaos thing for a second. Robert you’ve even said it yourself you are willing to take this someplace there might not be no coming back from. Are you sure you want to do that? You could be one bad day away from becoming Chris Chaos. I cannot let that happen to you.

Robert keeps his eyes on the road taking another sip of his beer before speaking.

Drew, I’m going to do whatever I have to. I must be the one to ride the XWF from this nightmare, this monster lurking in the dark. Before I walk down the ramp at March Madness I’ll look in the merroir and go down to the ring and confront the demon in the flesh. I can either live as the villain or die the hero. Drew there is something lurking inside of me and I don’t know what it is. You and I both know I do very bad things and I do them very well. Revenge is like a ghost man. It takes over every soul it touches. It has an unyielding thirst that just cannot be quenched until the last man standing has been destroyed.

Bob, I get it. I really do.

Drew the world is filled with haters, doubters and non-believers. Then there are people like you and me.

Oh, look a convertible full of women with the top down. Oh, and they just all happen to be smoking ass hot. Beep the horn and watch this.

BEEP……………BEEP…………..BEEP………….

The convertible full of women all glare over at the APEX bus waving. Drew turns his chair getting up opening the bus doors. He walks down to the bottom step not holding on to anything but his chocolate almond milk and a busted bag of pork rinds.

Drew are you freaking serious right now? Why in the hell are your pants off? And when did you take them off I didn’t even notice.

Drew takes a look over his shoulder at Robert.

(SHOUTING) I took them off Bob when I got our drinks. Nothing like having your wiener blowing in the wind. I know what I’m doing okay. Stop being a total cock block right now..

A cock block are you fucking kidding me right now. Tell me how you are going to pick up chicks going 80 miles an hour going down the highway?

I know what I’m doing Bob. They see my pork sword.

You fall out I’m not stopping the bus to get you. I’ll just assume you’re dead.

Fair enough.

Drew chugs his chocolate almond milk as the wind whips by at 80 miles an hour. He smirks crushing the container on his head tossing it onto the highway just inches below his feet. He then motions for the four women to lift their shirts and show some skin. All four women shake their heads no. Drew mouths “COME ON” with a sad puppy dog face. “PLEASE”. Drew mouths. The women in the convertible all have a conversation for a few seconds as the two in the back stand up pulling their tops off.

Holy shit..

(SHOUTING)See I know what I’m doing.

The woman in the passenger’s seat stands up pulling her top off as well. Robert & Drew barrel down the highway staring at six tits three sets in total. All while Drew’s wiener blows in the wind.

HOOTERS! WOOOOOOO YEAH! SEE BOBBY! JACKPOT! HONKERS, BOOBIES, KNOCKERS, TITS, MELLONS..

I honestly was not expecting all of that!

The two women in the back of the convertible smile keeping their tops off blowing Robert & Drew kisses as they speed away. Drew climbs back into his seat shutting the door of the bus with a huge shit eating grin on his face.

Spring break.. Gotta love it. Oh, and I told ya.

Do me a huge favor and put some pants on..

_-_-_-_-_PROMO_-_-_-_-

Chris Chaos I’ve watched you ascend the ladder here in the XWF by way of manipulation, backstabbing, undermining and even sabotaging. You did whatever you had to do to get to the top, stepping on any and everybody in your path. Some would argue the things that you have done is necessary. If you want to be the finest athlete in the business and grab that brass ring you’re going to have to crack a few eggs, am I right? Wrong. I’m living breathing proof that isn’t the truth. I did this the right way. I earned it. One match at a time. I never cut the line or begged management for a thing. I kept my mouth shut and did what I had to do. I put men and women down systematically match after match. I kept my eye on the prize, now look where I am today. If you have a problem with the way I became Champion, why didn’t you stop me at Leap Of Faith? I’ll tell you why Chris, it was destiny. There is no excuse or crutch. I went out and did it all on my own. APEX didn’t help me get that case. I did it. It’s one thing to bitch and moan about something. It’s another when you had a chance to circumvent me from winning.

You flatlined Chris. You are always a day late and a dollar short. So close yet so far. When it comes down to Chris Chaos - vs - Robert Main you just can’t seem to get the job done. Whether its Lethal Lottery, Leap Of Faith, foosball, basketball, the pool hall, town hall or in the ring. You fall each time to “The Omega”. That’s just how it is and that’s how it will continue to be. I find it quite ironic that you have an issue with the way I cashed in on Engy. I didn’t conceal myself in the bushes like you would have done Chris. I told him it was coming. My plan was right out in the open. I was an open book test. I wanted him to know on that night come hell or high water I was walking out as Champion. What did I do? I wrestled the son of a bitch first, and when I fell flat what did I do. I didn’t go on a bitching tour about how I was screwed. I swallowed that pill and said one word. NO! I refused the outcome. I cashed in after a brutal match. I still had gas in the tank and I used it. Chris if the shoe was on the other foot and you cashed in, you’d be the unsung hero of the XWF. Am I right? The catch-22 for you though is, you can’t seem to get those hands on a briefcase to cash in. You are a God damn walking contradiction. Pot meet the kettle.

I didn’t cut throats or use everyone around me to get to the holy grail, Chris. I knuckled down and kept plugging away working my ass off. Something you refuse to do to this day. You think because you wore the crown once you deserve to be in every match where the crown is up for grabs. You are the definition of a pompous ass. You want things handed to you like an entitled punk. This match… This Championship opportunity is the last hand out XWF will give you. No more crumbs from the table. Chris, you seem to buy into that you are this unstoppable force. That tale was told a long time ago. You were champion simply because Robert Main wasn’t in XWF to take it from you. Chris, you were the flavor of the month, a flash in the pan. Look at what you have done since then.. Chase after titles that were supposedly below you. You knew what everyone else didn’t, you knew you could never get back to the top. For so long now there has been no consequences for any of your actions. Day one when I stepped into this company I took one glance at you and I found my purpose. From that moment forward, I knew I was the one who would send Chris Chaos packing. I’m the man that is going to take you down permanently. I am the only man in this company willing to take it as far as I must. It’s me, Chris, it’s always been me. I am the only one who can bury the legacy of Chris Chaos for good. Time to pay up.

Chris, what separates the good from the great? I’ll tell you what, it’s the ability to play mind games. I can see that faraway look in those eyes of yours. That look is terror, panic, dread. I called your bluff now I’ve got you trapped in a corner. Chris when you take a long look at me you see the truth. You can see your abysmal future. Chaos I’ll first kill you physically, I’ll then torture you mentally. And soon enough I’ll end you permanently. You might call me egoistical. I call it confidence. All you’ve got to do Chris is step up and prove me wrong? Prove you're of higher quality.

Robert holds the Universal Championship up to the camera

You are the one with everything to prove. Your greediness will be the sharp steel blade in your bowels. Chris the hand who twists that knife will be your own. Chris, you are not on my level, hell you’re not even on the level below me.

_-_-_-_-_ END PROMO_-_-_-_-

Bobby I’m starting to get hungry. How about we stop and get some Taco Bell?

Robert nods in agreement

Taco Bell is amazing. Tell you what. We’ve been driving for a while now. Let’s stop eat and rest up. I could use some shut eye.

*****To Be Continued****

_-_-_-_-_OUTRO_-_-_-_-

Chris since you have been gone no one has cared not the roster, not management and damn sure not the fans. Chris, you’ve always had a laundry list of justifications, from “I was cheated” to “I was screwed by management” or some dick in the front row had you pre-occupied because he had a Chris Chaos sucks sign. You have used every single excuse in the book my question is what’s left? Wait there is one thing you haven’t used as a scape goat..

It’s you, Chris. You are the final reason. You have never once taken a long hard look at the man who blames everyone and everything around him. Not once have you ever questioned yourself. Why? Because you know you are a sorry ass excuse for a wrestler. S.E.E. Chris, I have fought for every single inch here in the XWF. At March Madness I refuse to settle for an inch. I’ll be taking a foot, and I’m going to use that foot to kick your ass.

Threaded Mode \| Linear Mode COOL BUS, Road Beer & Chocolate Almond Milk = APEX
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