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X-treme Wrestling Federation BOARDS » Warfare Boards » "Wednesday Warfare" RP Board
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Career Day
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Dolly Waters Offline
Registered but either hasn't added self to a roster yet or doesn't RP

XWF FanBase:

(gets varying reactions in the arenas, but will be worshiped like a god and defended until the end by internet fans; literally has thousands of online dorks logging on to complain anytime they lose a match or don't get pushed right)

Post: #1
03-12-2019 11:54 PM

With a shuddering jolt, I flex my neck back towards the locker room door that Sarah Lacklan and quite possibly the coolest looking entourage in the world had just exited through. But only soon enough to witness the door slamming shut. My jaw a bit agape at our interaction, I was left astonished. Slightly shaken and amazed. Perplexed. Shoot I's downright befuddled!


Quickly I peeled the sticker up off from the shoulder of my shirt. A tingly sense of excitement and wonder -enough to raise the little hairs on my arms- coursed through my battle-worn body as I gazed down upon its teen-spirited majesty. This sticker, and shoot, everything about everything I had just witnessed was beyond en vogue.

"Offical Fang Ganger?"

I said aloud with an added gasp of curiosity to my Dixieland sound while reading the sticker's content,

Little fireworks began exploding inside of my iris. I had seen Lacklan on television before, but I dunno, I suppose it didn't really dawn on me until just then how completely awesome this woman was. Was I, Dolly Waters, somewhat of a star in my own right, suddenly starstruck? I can't say for sure.

Maybe it was this oozing aurora of a patronizing pop trend to which I had yet been acclimated. Ya' know? This Cardi B-esque 'clapping back' with long, done up fingernails. 'Okurrring' from a lectern to the plebs. Just this, permeating chic aroma that bled from Lacklan's presence. My goodness. Maybe it had stirred up a long-suppressed adolescent 'mean-girl-clique' state of mind that I hadn't quite ever experienced.

Fuck if I know!

But I did know this; whatever it was this woman was a part of, I too had to be there.

I began inattentively moving across the locker room, blindly looking for a seat to plop into as my face was buried in my cellphone- Googling to no end. After knocking into a bevy of various items that I wasn’t looking at…


...and for a moment feeling I’d gnashed the freaking skin from my shin, which by the way, briefly hurt worse than any “bump” I’d ever took in the ring. It’s the worst.

But anywho, it was back to the Googling. And with a simple series of flicks with my nimble thumbs, I had discovered a cache of awesome, so awesome that it left me so awesomely lost for way to describe all of this awesomeness I was witnessing.

It was everything Sarah Lacklan: The Legion, The CTN, Circle TV, Cool Tube, a freaking women’s lingerie football league! An entertainment empire so extensive and chic it filled me with a sudden yearning to go burn down a library. Who needs books? We have online streaming and social media!

But enough of this for now. I needed in, I needed to draft up a resume. But I hadn’t ever even applied for a job let alone written a resume. How was I supposed to know how to do that? Oh. Right. Google.

Add a heading statement it says?


Dolly Waters
A Teenage Wrestling Prodigy.


Next, stick to a chronological resume format. What in the heck did that mean? Skip it for now.

Highlight your accomplishments and achievements. Easy. Two-time and current XWF Hart Champion, former two-time XWF Xtreme Champion and former XWF Television Champion. Not much, but applicable while also intentionally leaving some items out that could be used to ‘wow’ during an interview. Just wait until they hear about me wrestling on stilts for weeks in all black and a mask while reaching the Lethal Lottery Four Finals!

Underline education and relevant skills? Well, I have a ninth grade education per state standard curriculum, and I use Twitter. That should fit the mold, right?

Extracurricular endeavors and volunteer work? Well, I did testify before Congress once, but I figure it best not to delve too deeply back into that mess as it were.

Well that does it! My very first resume, and done online too boot! We IGeners rock this shit! Now, time to figure out how to turn this thing in...

[Image: 0alnjjb.png]


[Image: rAiWDXn.png]

Aw shit! There was an online application too? It could wait, plus I was pretty sure I had this thing bagged up. But I could at least knock out this cover letter before calling it a night.

Dear Sarah Lacklan,

How's it going, girl? Let me start out by saying I ain't got too much experience in this type of thing. The boring formalities of life and such. But I hope you'll appreciate knowing that the inspiring my writing this cover letter to my resume came just a matter of moments after we first met backstage at Madison Square Garden.

Putting it ever so mildly; you've inspired me in way that I ain't never felt before! I watched a couple of your promos from this past week, and jeez, they were a level of fresh that the XWF has been begging for!

The way you brilliantly deconstructed the absolute 'BLEH' Blackwater demi-god gobbledygook. I must say, at a time when I was looking for every reason to walk right back out of the XWF due to it's current state of snore-worthy predictability, you have left me feeling rather reinvigorated.

This is exactly why I think I would be a perfect fit for joining your ranks. I too have long seen through the prototypical slop of how playing the pretentious "I'm an all knowing, conveniently handsome alien god guy with powers who wrestles." is so tremendously lame and done-to-fucking-death. Just watching guys like the Blackwaters in their poorly produced, timeworn episodes, makes me want to hurt people. Even when they try to spin their dry satire, they can't help but looking like a cast from any of the dozens of vomit inducing Teen-emo Netflix series. Vampire Diaries Season who-gives-a-fuck, right?

See, I'm facing off against Donnie's little brother on Warfare. He's getting a shot at my Hart Title. Why? Beats the hell outta me. He won a match against some guy who really didn't even show up, a guy whos name is literally Job-ber. But what difference does it make?

These guys can't even be bothered to make separate profiles on the website, that's how generic each one of them are, no individuality. No. For fucks sake they even all sound exactly alike when they speak, and use the same type of sentence structuring. It's really, odd.

That's what makes it even more fun though. Because Blackwater Brother number three started making fun of Drezdin, another guy I'm facing off against, oh that's right- it's a fatal four way. But anyway, he started blathering on about Drezdin being a failure, which had to have been the least thought out line of attack I'd ever heard.

Until of course he pointed out that he knew nothing about the mysterious masked man wrestler, El Principe, also involved in this shit show. Like DUH! No shit genius! No one in the XWF knows about El Principe. He's a masked fucking wrestler for crying out loud! And to think, this guy parades around like he's supposed to be, wait, what was that fitting and feebly self-imposed stigma again? Oh yeah. All knowing, all powerful alien blah, blah, blah. Give me a break! If these guys were really what they TRY portraying, you would think they wouldn't bore everyone to death with their garbage.

But just when I thought it couldn't get more embarrassing for the poor fucker. Just when I thought he couldn't possibly be more generic than cutting a promo in wrestling ring post work-out, Baby Blackwater thought out his most genius and cunning line of attack against yours truly to wrap up his banal bullshit. He's going to beat me because I'm a young female. OH! But he couldn't offer up any way as to how or why, just that he's fast and I'm a teenaged girl. It turned into platitude city. It didn't matter what I said. He's giving it everything he's got... wow.

Well, Mrs. Lacklan, I'll have you know that I fully plan on retaining my title at Warfare. And again, it's you who has inspired me to continue trudging through the dull crap that's been littered all over the XWF. People think that just because we're females that we can't kick ass. You damn near define entertainment and that's what this place has been lacking for a long time.

That's what I'm ready to work to inspire in others as well. Entertainment. Lord knows we're not getting anything resembling it from the Boring Brothers, and they're being booked to death.

So anyway, I know I rambled there for a bit, but all of the above and what I'm about to do at Wednesday Warfare is why you should bring me into The Legion.

I would greatly appreciate your consideration.

With Warm Regards,
Dolly Waters

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Peter Fn Gilmour (03-12-2019)
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